Hawk: The Boys of Summer #4

by Heidi McLaughlin

He shakes his head. “I forgot my lucky pen.” Everyone in the car laughs. Leave it to Travis Kidd to have a lucky pen.

  “Does this mean you can’t sign balls today?” As soon as I say it, I know I’m in for it.

  Travis turns, slides his sunglasses to the top of his head and looks me up and down. “The only balls I plan to sign . . .” His head jolts forward, and my eyes catch a hand connecting with the back of his skull.

  “Saylor asked me to whack you every time you said something inappropriate,” Cooper says, and we all laugh.

  “I hadn’t even said it yet.” Travis rubs the back of his head and mutters a string of cuss words.

  As soon as the guys landed, they filled me in on everything, which only made me miss my team more than ever. I’m excited to go back but dreading the day I leave Richfield. Each day is getting harder and harder when it comes to Bellamy and Chase. I want to tell her I love her and ask her to move to Boston but am afraid of what she might say. My ma says the only way to know, is if I put myself out there. I countered with, “Sometimes it’s best not to know.” It isn’t, of course, but that’s what I keep telling myself.

  The group of us get out of the car. I’m sure to outsiders, the SUV resembles one of those clown cars in the circus. Big guys keep exiting, one by one. All I can say is, thank god for third row seating. And for the BoRe organization. When Ethan and Travis said they were going to come visit for a few days, it was Bellamy who suggested we hold an autograph session. She called it giving back to the community and said it would be fun. Not that I wasn’t already doing so with the Sinclair Fields, but this was a chance to do something fun for the kids. I asked the guys if they were interested, which I knew they would be, but when Travis told me that the others were coming as well, I got a little teary. Then I realized the PR nightmare it could create and called the boss. Mr. Stone assured me the organization was fully behind me. Shock doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt when posters, hats, baseballs, and mini bats showed up at my parents’ place. My father wasn’t impressed but Nolan was. He and Chase got first dibs on whatever they wanted.

  As soon as we’re spotted, the line erupts in cheers and chants. Our names are yelled, and it feels like spring training all over again. We walk together toward the entrance of the complex where one of the Boston Renegades security details stands, decked out in BoRe gear. He’s a big dude, buff and looks menacing. He’s not familiar to me, but I pat him on the shoulder as I walk by and he acknowledges me and the other guys. He and a few of his co-workers are here to keep the lines in order and to make sure nothing bad happens.

  Inside, Bellamy, her friend Karter, Owen and Javier are putting the finishing touches on the long tables we will sit at. Black tablecloths with the BoRe logo cover the folding tables. There are boxes of felt tipped pens in front of each seat and a security guard standing behind each chair, but it’s the display before the tables that really grabs my attention. The merchandise the BoRe’s sent is set-up and ready for purchase with the money earned today going back into the fields for maintenance and equipment.

  “Hey, can I borrow you for a second?” I rest my hand on Bellamy’s hip to get her attention. She turns, smiles and nods. I motion toward the guys who have gathered together not far from where I’m standing. “Where’s Chase?”

  “Right there.” She points toward her son, who is sitting on the bleachers with Nolan and Matty.

  “Why’s she here?” I ask and quickly realize how my question sounds.

  Bellamy shakes her head back and forth slowly. Over the past few weeks, Matty has shown up at Bellamy’s after practice or one of our games. She stays for dinner and Bellamy drives her home at night. Matty doesn’t talk much about what’s going on at home, but I can imagine it isn’t pretty. “You need to do something,” she whispers.

  Doing something means asking the question that’s been plaguing me for a while. It’s right up there with telling Bellamy I love her and want her and Chase to come to Boston. All three issues weigh heavily on my mind, and all three need to be resolved.

  I whistle and beckon all three of the kids over. I crouch down when they’re in front of us, looking each of them in the eye. Side-by-side, Nolan and Matty have similar features which increases the ache I feel when it comes to her. What if I ask if she’s my daughter and I’m wrong? What does that do to her already fractured home life, which I seem to be contributing to? What if I ask and I’m told she is? I can’t leave her behind, knowing how volatile and unhinged Brett is. Matty looks at me expectantly and I break eye contact with her.

  “I’m going to take you over and introduce you to my teammates.” Chase and Matty light up while Nolan remains reserved. He’s been down this road before and isn’t as excited. “They’ll be having dinner with us later, so you don’t need to wait in line for autographs. Same goes for you, Matty. Okay?” All three nod. I stand and place one hand on Chase’s shoulder and the other reaches for his mother’s hand. When we get to the guys, Travis is cracking some obscene joke.

  “Kidd, do you ever stop?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “Nope, just ask Saylor.”

  “Congratulations, by the way,” I tell him. I wish I had been there when he announced to the team that Saylor’s pregnant. I remember when he told us he was adopting Lucy. After it was said and done, we threw him our own version of a baby shower. “I’d like for you to meet Bellamy.” I look at her when I say her name and when she glances at me, my heart stops for a minute. “This is her son Chase, my ace pitcher, Matty, and you guys know Nolan.”

  Everyone shakes hands, animatedly, and the kids gush about the players before them until someone yells, “Hey, what do we have to do to get some attention around here?”

  We all turn and look. Saylor and Lucy, Ainsley and the twins, and Daisy with her growing mid-section are coming toward us with a chorus of “Daddy!” being yelled.

  “You fucking dog,” I say to Ethan.

  “Only our parents and the wives know, and now whoever sees it on social media after this event.”

  “Why the secret?” I ask.

  “Just want to enjoy her being pregnant before the media starts hounding her.”

  “I can understand that.” I can’t, personally, but it makes sense. Ethan made a lot of social media mistakes early in his career, and the press has never let up on him. They’re always waiting for him to screw up again.

  Hugs are given and introductions are made. Saylor tells us that Ryan asked that she come and make sure there weren’t any PR issues, plus Lucy wanted to be with Travis. Cooper holds both his children in his arms. I say hi to them. Janie, who they refer to as JC, is shy and buries her face into her dad’s shoulder. Cal, on the other hand, wants to be let down and as soon as Cooper obliges his son, the boy is off and running. I tell the kids that we’ll pay them to keep Cal out of trouble.

  Saylor tugs my arm, pulling me over to the side, away from our group. “The girl,” she says, and I pretend to think she’s talking about Bellamy.

  “As soon as I saw her, I was smitten. Found her at the top of a ridgeline one morning, trekking through the snow with a skirt on. Best part is, she had no idea who I was. She doesn’t watch baseball and was long gone by the time I got to high school, so she missed all the fanfare of me playing.”

  “I’m not talking about your lady friend,” she says pointedly.

  “Oh.”

  “You see it right?”

  I nod slowly. “It’s complicated.”

  “Do you need my help ‘uncomplicating’ it?”

  I shrug, not knowing what I need. “I don’t want to ruin her life.”

  “Hawk, if it gets out that you spent time with her and she is your child, it could ruin yours.”

  “I know.”

  “What do you need me to do? Is there a story the BoRe’s should get in front of?”

  I nod. If Matty is mine, I can’t imagine Brett is going to welcome the news. I fill Saylor in on everything, from the conflicts with Brett, to Annie asking m
e to leave town, and how Matty left her dad’s team to come play for mine. “I have a feeling Brett is going to explode soon. I know I would if I were in his spot.”

  “Well, maybe he knows and that’s why he hasn’t said anything.”

  “He doesn’t seem like the type to keep things to himself.”

  Saylor sets her hand on my upper arm and smiles. “I’m here for whatever you need.”

  “Thank you, and congratulations.”

  She rubs her hand over her growing mid-section. “I never thought I’d travel down this path again but am so thankful for Travis. I’m the luckiest woman in the world.”

  “Actually,” I tell her. “If it weren’t for you, Travis would probably be in jail.” Saylor looks over at her husband who is carrying their daughter on his shoulders.

  “Me too,” she says, sighing. She walks toward Travis, leaving me with those lingering words. I follow behind and reach for Bellamy’s hand when I get to her side. I lean down and kiss her.

  “What’s that for?” she asks with a smile. Before I can answer, Karter yells that it’s time to get things moving. The guys all take a seat along the table. Cooper holds onto Janie, while Lucy half stands, half sits, on Travis’s lap. I glance behind me at the field to find Nolan, Chase and Matty corralling Cal. The wives have all found something to do, with Daisy working the merchandise booth, Saylor standing behind the table babysitting us, and Ainsley and Bellamy are in the concession stand.

  “I like her,” Travis says.

  “I like her too,” Lucy adds.

  “Thanks, Luce. Do you want to go play with the other kids?”

  She shakes her head. “Nope, staying with my Daddy.” Travis kisses her on the cheek. I remember how when he first came into her life, she had a little possessive streak. Travis and Saylor had hoped she’d grow out of it, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

  The people who waited in line file in. Some stop at the merchandise stand, while others get in line to have us sign their items. After a few minutes, my clan returns. Chase is by my side and Nolan is with my parents who have showed up in support. But it’s the hand resting on my shoulder that gets my attention the most. I look and find Matty standing next to me. We look at each other deeply and for the first time, I see her as my daughter, and I think she sees me as her dad. I vow to myself — this is the day I find out. I can’t wait any longer.

  Twenty-Eight

  Bellamy

  Hawk stands and holds up his glass. “I want to thank everyone who came out today and supported us. We raised a nice bit of change for the fields, which will go to buying new equipment and helping the youth who need a little extra. A special thanks to my teammates. You went above and beyond today, especially Kayden and Branch, who took to the field and played with the kids. I can say with absolute certainty that they’ll never forget today.”

  “Here, here,” Branch says as he lifts his glass.

  “You inspire me to do the same in my hometown,” Kayden adds.

  “Me too,” Travis says.

  The whole group of us is at The Depot enjoying the finer things in life . . . pizza and arcade games to keep the kids occupied. We’re sitting in the back corner, away from everyone else, and for anyone who thinks they can come talk to us, the BoRe’s security guards are at a table in front of us, ready to turn people away.

  Aside from Hawk’s teammates — along with their wives and children — Hawk’s family is here, as is my mother, Karter, and Owen. As I look around the table, I marvel at the people here who all love Hawk in one way or the other. His mother beams with pride each time her son speaks, his father is a bit harder to read. His sisters and brothers-in-law seem to be enjoying themselves, but they’re at the end of the table, sort of in their own world. Hawk has mentioned a few times there some animosity between them, and more so now that Nolan wants to play baseball. But for the most part, he brushes it under the rug and will nonchalantly say, “Everything will return to normal when I leave.”

  What he doesn’t understand is that I don’t want everything to return to normal because normal for me isn’t good. Normal means Chase is sad and doesn’t have friends, whereas now, he’s surrounded and he’s happy. Normal means lonely nights and an empty bed. As much as I told myself not to get attached, I am. It means Brett is back to making my life difficult, not that he’s ever really stopped. He’s doing everything he can to prevent Hawk and his family from buying the land next to his building. I fear, once Hawk leaves, it will become Brett’s because I’m guessing Hawk’s brothers-in-law might be friends with Brett. I can’t prove it, but Brett always seems to be one step ahead of me. Of course, it could come from the seller’s family as well, but they’ve assured me they want nothing to do with Larsen. Normal also means Greg is back to harassing me about the way I parent and how I need to give into Brett to makes things easier for Chase. I don’t want normal, not one bit.

  Greg was here for about ten or fifteen days, off and on, until Priscilla gave him an ultimatum. I realized then that no matter what goes on in our son’s life, he will always choose her and that’s fine. He’s made his choice and Chase has been very clear that even at the young age of ten, he doesn’t want his father around. I worry this all changes when Hawk leaves.

  Hawk’s hand squeezes my thigh, bringing my attention back to the table. “Are you okay?” he whispers in my ear. I look into his eyes and tell myself tonight’s the night. I’m going to tell him how I feel. I’m putting all my cards on the table because if I don’t, I may not get another chance.

  “I’m good,” I say, hoping to reassure him. I’m not sure I’ve done the job because he asks if I’m sure and all I can do his nod. From this point, he does his best to include me in the conversations floating around, but most of what is being talked about is his life in Boston, their hectic schedule and whether he knows his plans once he gets back.

  “Wilson said something about relief.”

  “No AAA?” Ethan asks.

  “Nope.” Hawk shakes his head. “I thought for sure I’d finish the season in Pawtucket.”

  “What’s Pawtucket?” I ask.

  “It’s where the BoRe’s have their AAA team,” Daisy interjects. “I’ll take you there when you come visit.”

  “Oh yes, we’ll go shopping. Providence has the best mall around,” Ainsley adds.

  “The one in Burlington is nice,” Saylor says. “Plus, less taxes.”

  I slink back into my chair. Hawk and I haven’t discussed me visiting him in Boston and here the wives are, talking about including me in their shopping trip, as if it’s a done deal. Hell, maybe he’s just assuming it’ll happen since we’ve practically been living together, with him already playing a parental role to Chase. Except, nothing is ever said about future plans, whether we have one together or not, other than what time Chase has practice or a game. Suddenly, I feel like an outsider even though I know that isn’t Hawk or anyone at this table’s intention. I don’t know what to say, so I smile and thank them for including me.

  When the little kids start to get fussy, we call it a night. Thankfully, the wives who surprised their husbands today rented a car, and Hawk happily hands the keys over to his borrowed SUV so everyone else could go back to their hotel. The plan is for everyone to meet at the field in the morning for the mini BoRe’s baseball game. Although, I don’t know how the kids will do, knowing there’s professional baseball players in the stands watching them.

  As soon as we’re home, I tell Chase it’s time for bed. As usual, he requests Hawk read to him and even though going over stats isn’t exactly education, I don’t try to stop them. They’ve bonded and I’m not about to come between them.

  Afterward, Hawk enters my bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. We don’t expect Chase to burst in but we’re still cautious. As upset as I am over the impending situation, I can’t help but smile at the man as he comes toward the bed. He’s stripping, taking off each article of clothing with each step he takes. Only, he’s fumbling and l
aughing his way to nakedness.

  “Are you naked under that comforter?”

  I shake my head and pull the blankets back to show him I have his t-shirt on.

  “Panties on?”

  “Yep.”

  “Ugh,” he groans as he crawls into bed. “You gonna make me work for it tonight?” he asks, placing his hand under the shirt. His touch is cold and I shiver.

  “I thought we could talk.”

  Normally, this would push a guy away but not Hawk. He keeps his hand where it is and props himself up with his other. “Yeah.”

  “You’re leaving soon, aren’t you?”

  He nods and moves his hand from my hip to my cheek, brushing his thumb back and forth. “I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, to bring it up, but there never seems to be an appropriate time to say the words.”

  “It’s okay, I understand.” I don’t but I also don’t want him to feel bad. I knew this day was coming.

  “How can you understand when I don’t?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask him.

  He adjusts slightly, pulling me closer. We lay on our respective pillows with our hands clasped in the middle. “For weeks I’ve been trying to come up with the words, things I need to say to you and Chase. In my head we have this amazing conversation, and everything goes the way I want it to, but then reality slaps me in the face and reminds me that not everything is about me. So, here we are and the things I’ve been wanting to say to you still need to be said. Earlier, I saw the way you were looking at everyone, and could see something in your eyes.”

  “For a guy, you’re pretty perceptive.”

  “I grew up between two sisters; my mother raised me to be sensitive to others and my father taught me to always listen to my gut. Sure, he was talking about animals and ranching, but the thought still applies now.”

  “If you say so.” I try not to laugh but a giggle still escapes.

  He leans forward and kisses me softly. “I’m in love with you, Bellamy. I asked you from the beginning if you believed in love at first sight because I hadn’t until I met you. That day, up on the top of that hill, as soon as I laid my eyes on you, I knew I had to know you. And now that I do, I don’t want to let you go.” He brings our conjoined hands to his mouth and kisses mine.