Hawk: The Boys of Summer #4

by Heidi McLaughlin

  One by one, children file into the kitchen. After the game and subsequent pizza party, where we all ended up back at the Depot after saying goodbye to Hawk’s teammates, Chase asked if he could have a sleepover. I thought he meant one or two of the boys and because he had never asked before, I told him he could. When the endless string of kids showed up, I stood there holding the door and assuring each parent that everything would be fine; I was able to care for twelve ten-year-olds. What a lie that was. Hawk ran out to the store to grab drinks, snacks and something to make for breakfast, while I wrangled the team into the living room for a movie. About half-way through the show, they were bored, and Hawk had the great idea for flashlight tag, except we only had two flashlights so back out he went. By the time he came back, the movie was over, the kids were anxious, and I was beginning to doubt my parenting abilities. Hawk saved the day. He wore his team out, and while they raided the snack cabinet, he and I set up the living room for the sleepover. By the time Hawk and I went to bed, I was exhausted.

  “There’s pancakes, French toast, eggs and bacon on the counter for breakfast,” I tell them, which is set up like a buffet or assembly line. “Grab a plate, pick your food and juice — choice of apple or orange — don’t forget your silverware and napkin, and find a seat.” Normally, I don’t let anyone eat in the living room but this morning is an exception.

  Hawk comes into the kitchen freshly showered and smelling like Old Spice, which is my new favorite. I can’t even tell you what Greg wore while we were married, but distinctly remember a change when he started cheating. It’s odd what your brain remembers, or your heart becomes fond of. He leans down and gives me a kiss before going into the kitchen. He’s talking to his players, but I’m focused on him and his demeanor. Yesterday was earth shattering for him. His suspicions have almost come to fruition when it comes to Matty. More troubling is the fact that she came to Hawk on her own with the feeling that he’s her father. It bothers me so much that her parents have been so flippant about hiding their feelings since Hawk’s return. Their petty behavior and childish antics have scarred this little girl.

  Last night, she came to me while I was in the kitchen preparing snack bags and worked along the side of me. For the longest time she was quiet. I’d ask her questions about school, like what her favorite subject was and whether she liked her teacher. She gave me mostly one-word answers and the only question she asked was when Hawk would be back. Minutes before he returned, she told me Chase was lucky to have me as a mom. I smiled and bit my tongue from asking adult related questions about her parents. Hawk had already told me everything she said earlier about how her parents fight, the things Brett says, and the yelling. Even when Greg and I were at our worst, we never fought in front of Chase. I had the mindset that suffering in silence was best until Chase went to school. Once Hawk returned and the flashlight game concluded, I found the two of them on the patio talking. He later told me she asked him to stay.

  When Annie comes to pick Matty up, Hawk is going to demand answers. He tried yesterday after the game but Annie left the park. Avoidance. It’s a clear sign that Hawk’s feelings are being validated. If he is Matty’s father, that would definitely explain Brett’s hatred of Hawk. From everything Hawk has said, they were close through high school, the best of friends. And while he admits to sleeping with Annie, he insists she was single, and they had been seeing each other all summer. Besides, according to Hawk, Brett had moved on. In his opinion, he didn’t violate a bro code or anything like that. As far as he knew, they were finished. It was only after Brett tried to punch him that he realized Annie spilled the beans.

  Hawk stands in the kitchen and eats his breakfast. From where I sit, I can see his eyes are focusing on the floor. He’s thinking, he’s in his own head, likely playing out how the conversation is going to go. I startle when his phone rings, he answers and seems excited to speak to the other person. Still, I watch him closely, looking for any sign that may alert me to how he’s feeling. When he hangs up, he sighs.

  “That was Wes.”

  “Your coach, right?”

  He nods. “I’m clear.”

  A lump forms in my throat and I swallow it down. He’s leaving. I knew this day was coming but to hear him say he’s clear . . . I honestly never wanted it to happen. It’s selfish of me to think this way, I know. Still, I smile and try to convey how happy I am. He’s returning to work. His job just also happens to be his biggest passion and I would never begrudge him that.

  He walks to the table and pulls the chair out next to me. He places one hand on my back and the other pulls my chin toward him. “I know I just asked you the other night about moving and figure you haven’t given it much thought,” he pauses and inhales.

  I place my hand on his cheek. “I’ve thought about it. It’s all I’ve been doing. I haven’t made a decision yet, but I will. I promise.” If I only had myself to consider, I’d pack up and follow him, but there’s Chase to think about and his opinion is the only one that matters. I want to think he’ll be on board, but I don’t know.

  Before we can dig deeper, the doorbell chimes. None of the kids yell that they’ll get it, but they all groan, thinking it’s their parents coming to get them. I stand and head toward the front room when I hear Matty’s voice ask, “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here to see Hawk.” Her mother’s response is stiff and cold.

  My heart drops. There’s such a disconnect between Annie and Matty, my heart breaks for them. I don’t even want to imagine what’s going on in the Larsen house as of late, especially considering that on top of all of this, Brett’s having an affair. I take a deep breath and paste a smile on my face as I round the corner and come face-to-face with Annie.

  “Annie, come in. Hawk’s in the kitchen.” As soon as she steps by me, I close the door and watch Matty retreat into the living room. She sits down next to Alexis and starts talking to her in hushed tones. Alexis puts her arm around her friend and holds her. Life at ten shouldn’t be this hard.

  When I come back into the kitchen, Hawk is ushering Annie outside. He makes eye contact with me and beckons me forward. “Are you coming?” he asks.

  “Shouldn’t this be a private conversation between you two?”

  He shakes his head. “Not if you’re planning to be a part of my life.”

  I take a small step back and let his words wash over me. Hawk could come away from today with a daughter, one that would become part of our lives if we stay together. I look over my shoulder at Matty, Chase, and the room full of kids and move forward. As soon as I step outside, Hawk slides the patio door closed.

  “Mind if I smoke?” Annie asks, showing us a pack of cigarettes.

  I shake my head slightly.

  She pulls out a cigarette and lights it. She inhales deeply, exhales, and repeats the process a couple of times before turning toward us. “My kid is nosey.”

  “She’s inquisitive,” Hawk corrects her.

  Annie flicks her ashes onto my concrete patio and chuckles. “You’re a lot alike, the two of you. I ask you to leave, you don’t listen. I tell her to mind her own business, she doesn’t listen.”

  “I had no reason to leave, Annie. My family is here. My home is here.”

  “Except you left for years and never came back. Then all these years later you show up here, acting like your shit doesn’t stink. Mr. Machoman throwing around his money around and questioning my husband about how he runs his baseball team, making him feel inferior once again.”

  Hawk says nothing.

  “All you had to do was leave, Hawk. But you couldn’t. You just had to stay and keep jabbing the knife in Brett’s heart.”

  “Annie, I’ve done no such thing. I may disagree with him on how he runs the program, but let me remind you, those kids have a place to play because of me. I built those fields. Yeah, I’ve been absent, but that’ll change. What Brett’s been doing in town, bullying people — parents and children — that’s not okay.”

  “
You’re trying to ruin him.”

  “All I did was create a team to give twelve kids who had been cut by Brett an opportunity to play baseball. Nothing more.”

  “You stole Matty.”

  He shakes his head. “She came to me asking if I’d take her on my team.”

  “You don’t get it,” she says, pointing with her cigarette between her fingers as him as she walks toward us. “You stole her from the get-go.”

  Hawk takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Are you saying she’s mine?”

  Annie scoffs but says nothing.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Would you have come back? Married me?”

  I look at Hawk instantly, waiting for his answer. “No, but I would’ve taken care of my daughter.”

  Annie shrugs. “Brett was there. He took care of us. And all I had to do was never bring your name up again.”

  “All while keeping my daughter from me.”

  “It was better for her, a full-time dad who loved her, nurtured her. I didn’t want her growing up and seeing you on TV, wondering when you were going to come visit her.”

  “You know that’s not how things would’ve been, Annie. She has family here. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I would’ve been here for her.”

  “But not for me?” she asks.

  Hawk sighs and I reach for his hand. He’s hurt, angry, frustrated and barely hanging on at the seams. This whole thing with Matty has been weighing heavily on him since he started putting the pieces together.

  “Annie, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been in love with Brett. The two of you have the worst kind of relationship. He’s verbally abusive, a cheater, and yet you stay. For what, I have no idea. It can’t be for Matty because you’ve had years to pick up the phone and tell me, my parents, or my sisters. Had you knocked on their door, they would’ve opened it and welcomed you in.”

  “You say that now.”

  He shakes his head. “You know it’s the truth. My father tried to help your grandfather get out of trouble. You know this. My parents are good people, they wouldn’t turn their backs on anyone, especially their own flesh and blood.”

  “Why’s she here?” Annie nods toward me.

  Hawk’s grip on my hand tightens. “Because she’s part of my life and that means she will be part of Matty’s as well.”

  The thought is terrifying and welcoming all in one.

  Annie scoffs again. “She slept with my husband! You think I’m going to let her raise my daughter?”

  Hawks jaw clenches. “First off, she didn’t sleep with Brett and you know this. Second, she’s our daughter.”

  “You’re not on her birth certificate, Hawk. You have no say.”

  I see red. I want to ask this woman what her problem is, but before I can find the words, Hawk steps closer to her. I try to hang onto his hand, but it’s extremely awkward so I let it go and cross my arms over my chest.

  “I know all about the fights, Annie. Matty has told me everything. And if you think I’m going to allow for her to live in fear, or that I’m not going to fight for my rights as her father, you have another think coming.”

  “Brett will bury you.”

  This time, it’s Hawk who scoffs.

  Thirty-One

  Hawk

  The term, “get your affairs in order” is so broad, I’ve never really considered what it meant until now. My “affairs” currently consist of saying goodbye to my family and securing travel arrangements for Bellamy, Chase and Matty to come to the All-Star game. Even though I’m not playing, I think the experience will be fun for the kids. I also need to upload my work-out schedule for the BoRe’s to my calendar, highlight my projected return with my business manager . . . oh . . . and sue the shit out of Annie and Brett Larsen for custody of my daughter.

  The latter, which is my focus, is a mountain I’m willing to climb. Is it the smartest thing to do, uprooting Matty from the only family she knows to move her across country and potentially have a nanny take care of her? Is growing up in a dugout the right thing for her? Maybe not, but it’s also not the safest situation for her to be living in that house with everything she’s told me.

  Since the Sunday morning revelation, Matty has been with me twenty-four-seven. Annie didn’t even try to take her home once she left here. Bellamy and I thought Annie would come back, because no mother would leave their child behind. Matty tried not to let the hurt show, but I saw her watching out the window, waiting for her mom to pull into the driveway. I called Annie, but each time it went right to voicemail. This woman wasn’t even concerned about her daughter’s well-being and when Bellamy handed me a journal, I looked at her oddly until she said, “Document everything.”

  All day, I paced with my phone to my ear, waiting for Annie to pick up. Bellamy gave me Brett’s number and it, too, went straight to voicemail. Maybe they were off trying to fix their marriage, which would be great, but not without some sort of notice or word to Matty. They’re her parents, they’re all she knows.

  By the time dinner rolled around, we had made plans with my parents. Bellamy and I spoke earlier, and I told her I need my parents to know about Matty now, because there’s a possibility she may need to stay with them if things go south with Annie and Brett. Plus, they’re her grandparents and the three of them deserve to know each other. Telling my parents was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My mom cried and my father, in his typical fashion, sat there in silence. I thought he was going to get up and head outside, but when I saw him shed a tear, I started crying too. My mom held me, assured me everything would be okay. Would it? Would everything be fine once I return to Boston? How am I supposed to build a relationship with my daughter when she’s here and I’m there? We’ve already lost so much time. Time we will never get back. I will never understand how Annie could keep Matty from me. To not even give me a chance to be her father. I would’ve been home in the off-season, had her with me in Boston during the summer, and would’ve been her biggest cheerleader for whatever she was doing in her life. But no, I was dismissed before I was even given a chance.

  After my parents, I went over to the Larsen’s. No one was home. No lights on. No cars in the driveway or in the garage. Nothing. I couldn’t believe it. When I returned to Bellamy’s, I found her and Matty wrapped in a blanket, watching what they referred to as “girly movies” and I was told to go hang out with Chase and play video games. He, too, said his mom and Matty were being girly, that they had even done each other’s nails earlier and he needed a man break. I was happy to oblige, but my focus was on my phone, waiting for someone . . . anyone . . . to call me back.

  That night, we had dinner for the first time as a family with my parents and Bellamy’s mom. My parents didn’t make a big scene but brought Matty gifts and made sure she knew she could call them for anything. I fully expected the night to be awkward, but Chase somehow knew we need some humor. Along with Matty, the two of them kept us laughing with tales from school, the baseball field and the previous night’s game of flashlight tag.

  As the night wore on, there was still no word from Annie or Brett. I couldn’t very well take her back to an empty house, so she stayed at Bellamy’s. I took the couch and laid there all night, wondering what my next move was going to be. I had no idea that I’d wake up to the next day, ready to fight for a girl who I barely knew, yet shared my DNA.

  The man behind the mahogany desk is a friend of Bellamy’s. His father handles a lot of the real estate transactions and this guy is fresh out of law school by about two years. He specializes in divorce cases and while he didn’t handle Bellamy’s, she’s had to consult him a few times when it comes to Gregory.

  “How do I file for custody?” I ask the second I sit down, forgetting my manners. Thankfully, he smiles and greets me, making me feel about two feet tall for my rudeness. We finally shake hands and make the necessary introductions.

  Peter Smith straightens his tie and pulls himself closer to his desk. “Our fi
rst step is a DNA test.”

  “And how do I get one of those?”

  “It’s a simple cheek swab, and we can have the results back in twenty-four to forty-eight hours. You and Matty can do it at the clinic.”

  “Okay, and then what?”

  “Then you’d file for visitation, custody and to have her birth certificate modified to show you as her father. We’d get a court date and go in front of a judge. I want to caution you though, with your salary, you’re looking at paying a fairly large sum of child support.”

  “I don’t care about the money. How long does it take for all of this to happen?”

  “Months. You live in Boston, right?”

  “I do. I maintain a full-time residence there. My off-season is dependent on a lot of factors but normally from November until the end of January, I can be here.”

  Smith jots something down on his yellow legal pad. “And your daughter’s biological mother lives in Richfield, right? If we can get her into court, we could have a simple agreement in place before you return to Boston. At least establish your paternity. I can represent you until there’s a hearing. Have you spoken to your ex about any of this?”

  My palms are sweaty, and I rub my hands down the front of my pants. I want to tell him she’s not my ex, but it seems so trivial right now. “I haven’t spoken to or seen her since Sunday, and she hasn’t come to pick Matty up either. She came to Bellamy’s, we talked about why she hid Matty from me. I told her that I was going to fight for my rights, and she told me her husband was going to bury me. I expected her to take Matty with her when she left, but she didn’t. She hasn’t answered any of my calls and every time I go by their house, no one is home.”