Reappearance of Summmer

by D J Small

Summer watched as Val got up from the couch and headed for one of the windows. “I know it is,” she said with a small sigh. “I know it won’t make things right between us, but I at least owe you that much.” She leaned forward to place her glass on the coffee table, then got her crutches situated. “I’m going to go,” she announced as she stood.

  Summer had just turned to leave when Val asked, “Are you ever going to seek treatment?”

  Summer stopped in her tracks, and her body tensed up as a cold sweat broke out on her back. It wouldn’t take too many guesses for her to figure out what Val was talking about, but she decided to feign stupidity. Summer angled her body to where she could see Val out the corner of her eye. “For what?”

  “For what?” Val repeated, her voice rising. “For everything, Summer. For your depression, your anxiety, to help you work through the shit the crash has caused you, your nightmares. Everything.”

  Summer couldn’t move from the spot she stood in. The sudden onslaught of Val listing everything wrong with her was too much, too soon. “And you know what? I only have myself to blame for this,” Val continued. “I let you treat me like shit after your crash, but what the hell was I supposed to do, Summer? I wanted to give you space so you could process the traumatic experience you’d gone through, but to be truly honest, I did it because I felt guilty.” Summer turned to face Val fully. “My guilt consumed me, and I should have done more, but I didn’t. I was lost, Summer. So fucking lost.”

  Val’s confession and hearing about the guilt she felt after her crash pulled Summer out of the stupor she’d gone into, and she realized the conversation was going to force her to have a discussion she wasn’t stable enough for, but continuing to let Val believe what had happened between them was her fault was not right.

  “Stop it, Val,” Summer ordered. Val looked at her, and Summer sighed before moving closer to her. “None of this is your fault. If there is someone to blame, it’s me and me alone.” She paused, taking a second to collect her thoughts and push through the mental blocks preventing her from speaking. “I didn’t tell you what was going on with me, and instead of talking about it I verbally abused you and humiliated you. You were an easy target, Val. That’s on me.”

  “But you left me,” Val stated softly, and the smallness of her voice hurt Summer.

  “I know,” Summer said with a quiet sigh. “But I didn’t like who I was becoming, and I definitely didn’t like the way I was treating you and I saw what it was doing to you. I saw you, Val, and I wanted to be the person you fell in love with, but I couldn’t get there for you. I turned into this monster neither of us recognized, and you didn’t deserve that.” Summer released a derisive snort. “You didn’t deserve to be with a psychologically unstable cripple who took their shit out on you.”

  Val wiped her face to get rid of the tears staining her cheeks. “It doesn’t matter what I deserved, Summer. I had you, and you were alive. That’s all that mattered to me.”

  Summer studied Val’s face, and she knew she meant the words, but she wouldn’t have allowed her go through such hell. She closed the gap between them, and when she came to a stop in front of Val, Summer freed her right arm to place her hand on Val’s cheek. “To you it may have been all that mattered, but I want what’s best for you, Valarie.” She brushed Val’s cheekbone with her thumb. “Unfortunately, I’m not that.”

  Tears began to form in Summer’s eyes as more slipped down Val’s face. Val brought her hand up to cover the one Summer had on her cheek. Val’s bottom lip trembled, and she swallowed hard. “I love you,” she whispered.

  Summer pulled Val’s head forward until their foreheads met. A wayward tear slid down her cheek as she closed her eyes, losing herself in the moment with Val. It would lead them nowhere, but they needed some sort of closure; something that went beyond divorce papers. Summer drew in an unsteady breath then slowly released it. “I know you love me, and I am madly in love with you, but I’m no good for you.”

  Summer drew in another deep breath then pressed her lips firmly onto Val’s. The bittersweet kiss hurt as much as it comforted her, and she was almost reluctant to pull away, but she did. As she pulled back, Summer ran her thumb over Val’s cheek once more and whispered, “I will never stop loving you.”

  Summer put her arm through the cuff of her crutch and turned to make a quick exit from Val’s suite. She had to leave, or she and Val would have done something that would have only caused more hurt and damage between them. The door to Val’s room closed behind her, and Summer didn’t bother to fight the silent tears rolling down her cheeks as she made her way down the quiet corridor.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Barely registering the passing scenery as the car drove her and Addison back to the hotel, Val gazed out the window, lost in an ocean of deep thoughts. They had spent the day meeting with earthquake victims as well as local officials to find out which areas needed federal aid the most. At the last town they had stopped in, Val had run into Cassandra and Matt, and the three of them briefly spoke about the condition of the town and the other ones they had visited.

  Cassandra had mentioned how diligently Summer was working to make sure enough funding, help, and supplies got to the state, which turned the conversation into one about Summer’s involvement in the foundation and how the change had surprised Val. The conversation hadn’t gone too far, and Cassandra had given her a vague statement that made Val’s best placating political remark look like child’s play.

  After the conversation with the Armstrongs, Val had gotten swept up in thoughts about Summer for the rest of the tour, and she continued to withdraw from the world around her. Last night had been hard for her, and she almost regretted asking Summer to have dinner with her. After Summer had left her suite, Val had almost been suffocated by her pain. Their conversation had told her a lot, yet nothing at all, while causing them both a tremendous amount of pain. Val exhaled a deep breath through her nose. She had gotten good at compartmentalizing her feelings over the last two years, but last night had provoked emotions she couldn’t separate herself from, and the weight of them made breathing a difficult task to do.

  Val felt a gentle hand on her arm, causing her to turn away from the window. The concern etched on Addison’s face meant her chief of staff knew something was bothering her. She forced a weak smile to appear on her face. “I’m fine, Addison.”

  Addison shook her head. “No, you’re not. I’ve been talking for the last fifteen minutes about the budget and you haven’t reacted or responded to me.” She paused and held Val’s gaze. “What’s wrong?”

  The fake smile disappeared, and Val dropped her head back against the headrest, releasing a deep breath as she rolled it to stare out the window again. There were a number of things bothering her, but finding out she and Summer were still in love with each other and finding out why she had left were at the top of the list. They also hadn’t seen each other today, and it created the perfect state of mind for Val to wallow in her feelings and think about her ex-wife, who was close enough to touch, but thousands upon thousands of emotional and mental miles separated them. Val sighed again.

  She raised her head and looked at Addison. “I had dinner with Summer last night.”

  When Addison’s eyes widened in surprise, the right corner of Val’s mouth turned up. “How and why did this happen?”

  Val took her hair out of the ponytail she had put it into and ran her fingers through it. “I don’t how it happened. I mean, I asked her, but the why basically boils down to me missing her. I honestly didn’t expect her to say yes, but she did, and dammit do I wish she had said no.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  Val focused on the scenery outside the window as she tried to get her thoughts together. Something in her refused to share anything with Addison, wanting to keep the conversation between her and Summer to herself like she did with special memories from their past, but she also wanted to decipher their conversation from last night and figure out what it could possibly
mean. “Dinner itself was amazing,” she started, still facing the window. “It felt like there were no abandonment and mental health issues between us, and no volatile emotions flying all over the place. It was just me and Summer, but as we were winding down for the night things took a turn; I asked when she would be getting some help.”

  Addison covered her mouth with her hand. “You didn’t?”

  “I did,” Val replied with a nod as she looked at her.

  “And she didn’t go off on you?” Addison asked. “If you say she didn’t, I’m going to call you a liar.”

  Val wanted to smile, but she couldn’t. What she would say next was going to suck the levity right out of the conversation. “She didn’t. In fact, I was the one who went off. I told her how I felt, and about my guilt. She told me I was wrong and how I shouldn’t feel guilty because it was all her fault.” Val stopped to swallow down the lump of emotion forming in her throat. She and Summer had their fair share of guilt regarding their actions and reactions after her crash. After drawing in a deep breath to prevent tears from forming in her eyes, Val continued, but the tears formed anyway. “She told me why she left.”

  Val turned her head away from Addison and wiped away an errant tear. “She did?” Addison asked. “After two years, you finally got an explanation?”

  Val nodded.

  “Was it because of your presidency like we thought?”

  Val shook her head, unable to say anything at the moment because if she did she knew she would start crying. The emotions from last night were still fresh, but she didn’t know if she wanted to tell Addison everything. Addison had seen how terrible Summer was to everyone after her crash, even had some of that terribleness directed at her, but what Summer had said and did to Val while they were in private wasn’t something she wanted to share, and she would have to if she told Addison everything. After another minute passed, and Val felt like she could speak and not cry, she said, “She kissed me and told me she still loves me.”

  “Oh, Val,” Addison said sympathetically.

  Val nodded. “Yeah, I know, but I’m completely at a loss of what to do. Nothing has changed, and she obviously doesn’t want to come back.”

  Addison sighed. “I don’t know what say. I mean, sure she says she still loves you, but her behavior over the last couple of years says otherwise.”

  Val didn’t disagree with her because Addison was right. There were so many conversations Val and Summer needed to have, but she knew they would never have them, so she decided to settle for the next best thing. “Can you get Nina on the phone?”

  “Possibly. Why?”

  Val managed to smile at the question. “Because I would like to see Summer.” An apprehensive look came to Addison’s face, and Val held up her hand. “I know you think it’s a bad idea, but I seem to be making a string of them lately, so what’s one more?”

  “As long as you know,” Addison said as she got her phone out of her handbag. “Is it just me, or does Nina seem a little more entitled these days?”

  Val chuckled. “I’m certain her crush on Summer has her believing she holds some special place with her, so she is a bit full of herself.” Her jealousy came alive, and Val grunted. “She’s going to be highly disappointed when Summer tells her it will never happen.”

  Addison laughed. “Why do you think that?”

  “Because not only is the colonel a professional, but she’s still in love with me,” Val explained. Addison opened her mouth to say something, but Val cut her off. “I know you’re going to bring up her screwing around for the last two years, but that’s different. She may have sex with other people, but she still loves me. I saw it in her eyes last night.” Val stopped talking then said, “I have never been okay with her sleeping around, and call it delusional thinking, but knowing she isn’t able to give her heart to someone is comforting. Is it a cold one? Yes, but damn does it make me feel a million times better.”

  Addison nodded. “Then I will leave you be.” She started to do something on her phone, and as she did she asked, “So how are we treating Ms. Ellsworth?”

  Val shrugged and replied, “With professional indifference at most, but if she gets on her high horse about Summer and says she’s not available, rear your ugly head.”

  Addison laughed. “Will do. Why am I calling Nina? Can’t you just call Summer?”

  If this were another time, and she didn’t have personal motivations, Val would have, but after last night and all they had revealed to each other it was better for her to contact Summer through the appropriate channels. “You’re calling her because you are my gatekeeper, and Nina is hers. The two of you can duke it out, but the end result better be me on the phone with Summer.” She sighed. “I would call her, but I just don’t know how she would take it after everything.”

  Addison gave a quick nod, but held up a finger and said, “My job is more important than Nina’s, just so you know.”

  Val laughed as Addison made the call to Nina. She paid close attention to the phone conversation while looking out the window. The exchange wasn’t as entertaining as Val had hoped it would have be, however, there was a moment were Addison had been short with Nina, but it fizzled into nothing. The two of them spoke for another minute, then Addison said, “Madam President, I have Colonel Hawkins on the phone for you.”

  “Thank you,” Val said, her voice failing a bit as her nerves got the best of her. After swallowing a few times, she brought the phone up to her ear. “Hey, how are you doing?”

  Summer released an annoyed breath. “I am about to go do my own damn thing without consulting anyone. All this fucking diplomacy is irritating. People need help, so let me help them. It’s really that fucking simple.” The irritation and frustration in Summer’s voice caused Val to re-think her decision to call her. “Are you checking up on me?”

  Val frowned and bit the inside of her lip as she rapidly went through all the things she could possibly say while trying to avoid what she wanted—no, needed—to say. Realizing no fabricated half-truth seemed adequate enough, Val sighed. “I missed you,” she said quietly.

  The line went silent. Val didn’t know if she had said the right thing, but it was what she felt. She missed Summer. Yes, they needed to have several long conversations, but not seeing her all day and running into Matt and Cassandra had caused the feeling to build in her.

  “Are you still there?”

  “I am.” The line went silent once again. Val wondered if she should end the conversation, but then Summer said, “Val, about last night…” She sighed. “It doesn’t change anything.”

  Val nodded while staring out of the tinted window. “I know it doesn’t.”

  “Mom called and told me she and dad ran into you.”

  Val smiled. “They did, and we had a decent conversation. They got me to agree to a video appearance for the fundraiser they’re throwing.” She chuckled. “One second we were talking about the wreckage, and next thing I know I’m making video appearances. Your parents put mine to shame in the ‘getting people to do things’ category.”

  “You have said this before,” Summer pointed out.

  “And it bears repeating,” Val countered. “I am the president, Summer, not a damn circus attraction.”

  Summer chuckled and remarked, “You would be a beautiful circus attraction.”

  Val rolled her eyes and waited a second before asking, “Would it be possible for us to have dinner again tonight?” Summer didn’t reply right away, and Val knew asking for a second dinner was a risk, but it was one she was willing to take.

  “We can’t,” Summer said softly. “I’ve already hurt you enough, Val, and I can’t hurt you anymore.” Val’s eyebrows scrunched together as she tried to figure out how them having dinner would hurt her. “If we have dinner tonight, it will only get your hopes up about something that doesn’t exist.”

  “What doesn’t exist, Summer?”

  Summer released a deep breath and said, “Us.”

  “We still ex
ist even if you’re trying to write us off,” Val argued. “If last night is anything to go by, we can still be something.”

  “Last night is not an accurate measure to go by.”

  The conversation started to upset Val and she retorted, “Why not?”

  Summer didn’t say anything, and Val’s scowl grew more intense the longer she waited. “Because what I told you last night was something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time, but it doesn’t mean anything.”

  Val shook her head, refusing to let Summer write off what she had seen last night. “You can lie to yourself, Summer, but I know what I saw, and I know it means something. What it is, I’m not sure, but it does.”

  Summer didn’t say anything, and for a second Val believed the call had disconnected, but then Summer sighed and said, “I have a meeting with the Red Cross. I need to go. Goodbye, Val.”

  The call ended, and Val shook her head. Having Summer push her away hurt, but his time around she knew why, and the pain was just as unbearable. Val handed Addison her phone and her chief of staff asked, “What happened?”

  Val swallowed and cleared her throat. “Nothing.” She didn’t want to talk about the phone call, because if she did she would start crying, and she couldn’t do that now. Instead she looked at Addison and asked, “You were talking about the budget earlier, what is going on with it?”

  Addison stared at her for a brief second, then said, “It seems there are some provisions being added to it, and your thoughts are needed on them.”

  Val released an annoyed sigh. The budget was becoming a nightmare, but she was thankful for the distraction. It would keep her from thinking about Summer. “What are the provisions?” Val asked, slipping back into her role as the leader of the country and pushing all thoughts of Summer from her mind.

  ~~~

  Summer’s body wanted her to stop and go lay down. She glanced down at the treadmill’s display, finding she had run seven miles already. Another three miles, then she would stop. Today had been draining, which was why her body wanted to give up on her, but she needed to work out. It focused her and organized the constant chaos in her mind. When she had been re-learning to do things with her prosthetic, working out had been at the top of the list.