The Near & Far Series

by Serena Clarke

  “I didn’t know she had an apartment in town.”

  “In Bayswater. She inherited it, apparently. Anyway, you can guess what happened.”

  Cady looked at her sister. “Lawson Holt.”

  She nodded. “The American.”

  “And then?”

  “I don’t know any more. Only that Aunt Netta said she was sure the money must have come from him. Apparently Mum didn’t tell him she was pregnant until he’d gone back to the States.”

  “So he knew about us all along.”

  “Yes.”

  “And Aunt Netta knew, but she kept the secret too.”

  “Yes.”

  “Wow.”

  There was silence as they both pondered this. Their mother had an affair. They’d already had to wrangle with that concept—but how could they be angry about it, when it was the only reason they were here at all? Cady wondered if her mother had fallen in love with him, or if it was strictly business in her mind—baby business. How had she felt, knowing her deception as she told her husband she was pregnant after all, and saw the joy in his face? And now, there was something new. Their birth father had sent money, but never come to see them. Had he wanted to? Had their mother wanted him to? Was the money his way of paying her off, or an arrangement they’d come to? Cady’s head spun with questions, including how the private investigator convinced Aunt Netta to talk about something she’d kept secret all this time.

  “How did the private investigator get Aunt Netta to reveal all that?”

  Shelby shook her head. “I don’t know—Pimm’s?”

  They both had to laugh. Aunt Netta’s Pimm’s had been their first, secret introduction to alcohol. Their mother never knew that while she and her aunt were sitting in the drawing room chatting in front of the fire, and her husband was in bed snoring, her daughters were sipping Pimm’s and lemonade in their attic bedroom, giggling and shushing each other.

  “I haven’t had a Pimm’s for ages,” Cady said wistfully. “But Shel, I’ve been thinking. Why didn’t they have IVF?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it was too expensive for them then. Or maybe it was something to do with the Wodarski-Ebner.”

  “But that didn’t appear until much later.” The ever-present shadow of that illness was something they’d learned to live with, but they never, never stopped to dwell on it. “Anyway, back to Sheriff Lawson Holt, of Santa Almendra.” She moved the conversation on.

  “So…we’re going then?” Shelby’s voice was uncharacteristically tentative, and Cady realized that, for once, her sister needed her along. And this was definitely something they should do together.

  “Yes,” she replied. “But listen, don’t go with high expectations. We don’t know what his circumstances are.”

  “I know. I have thought of that. But I need to find out some things. Like, if he knew about us, why did he never come and see us? He sent all that money—but money doesn’t count for everything. How could he have stayed away all this time?”

  Those were things Cady wanted to know too. “I suppose he had his reasons. Just don’t go in guns blazing, okay? And whatever happens, don’t take it too personally.”

  “Personally?” Shelby retorted. “It is personal. How much more personal can you get?”

  “I know, I know. Just…look after yourself. We might be in for a disappointment.”

  “I can handle disappointment. It’s the not knowing I can’t live with.”

  Cady nodded. “It looks like we’re going to know soon enough.”

  Seventeen

  This time Cady did a bit better with the rental car, choosing a Chrysler for their trip to Santa Almendra. It still wasn’t the movie-worthy vehicle Shelby longed for, but it was American at least. She nodded her grudging approval as they loaded their bags the next day. They’d agreed to go straight away—once they knew where their father was, it seemed impossible to put off going to see him. The pull of curiosity, and family, was too strong.

  It felt strange to be leaving the bus, though. They’d only been official Flashpointers for about a week, but the intensity of the experience made it seem longer. Living at close quarters and working on a huge project brought them all closer together, whether they liked it or not. Some of it, she’d liked very much. (A bit too much.) Some of it, not so much…although even the evil California twins weren’t all bad, in the end.

  Kyle had told them to come back whenever they wanted. After the triumph of the ‘Home’ flash mob he felt confident that the movement was back on track, and they were going ahead with planning the next event. But the twins’ bus beds were there for as long as they were in the country, he promised. This open invitation made Cady feel a bit better as they did the rounds of saying goodbye, everyone wishing them luck. Gavin, Tino, Jennifer, and even Alison received hugs. Kyle too, who tipped Shelby back and gave her a resounding kiss on the mouth, making her blush scarlet. It was overdone enough to look like a joke in front of everyone, but Cady knew the effect it would have on her sister. While Cady had seen enough to shatter any illusions (not that she’d had any to start with), Shelby was still crushing hard on their chaotic, charismatic leader.

  When Cady came to Reid, who was standing next to Jennifer, she hesitated. Self-conscious, she had a ridiculous should-I-shouldn’t-I moment. After all the heat between them, would a hug be loaded with implications? But to not hug him was just silly—everyone else was, after all. Her thoughts swirled in her head and her feelings in her chest, in barely the time it took to draw a deep breath in front of him. And once she went in for the hug, oh, she so badly wanted him to hold her tighter, show that he was reluctant to let her go, and let her leave. But she wasn’t going to be the one to cling on in front of everyone else, and he was giving nothing away. Of course, maybe there was nothing to give away. With that thought, she abruptly let go and stepped back, feeling like her cheeks must be as hot as every square inch of the rest of her. He released her all too easily, seeming unbothered at their parting. No grand kiss for her, nothing to take away, no encouragement to think that all the teasing had been based in anything real.

  “Goodbye everyone,” she said, her voice on the squeaky side of unsteady. “Thanks again.”

  Then she hightailed it to the car before she could make a fool of herself, the sound of their goodbyes in her ears. Shelby followed, dragging her feet. Although she was desperate to meet their father, it was clearly a wrench to leave the object of her affection. She leaned out the open window, waving, probably planning how soon she could come back for another of those kisses.

  As Cady pulled out of the parking space, she tried not to look back. Maybe just one peek in the rear mirror… She saw that Alison had tucked her arm into Kyle’s, and Jennifer into Reid’s. With the others, they turned and started to walk back to the bus. Everything was slotting smoothly back into the shape it had been before. The way, of course, it was supposed to be.

  Shelby saw it too. “Shit.” That seemed to say it all. She turned and slumped in her seat, then started crankily fiddling with the stereo. “Screw this stupid country music.”

  Cady sighed. Well, onwards. New start, phase two, was underway. And who knew what lay ahead, for good or bad. So far, this new start had been way more adventurous than she could have imagined.

  They’d had a long debate about whether to phone their father first, to say who they were and that they wanted to come and see him. Cady thought they should ring so they didn’t spring it on him—landing him with a shock might not be the best start. Maybe they should give him time to get used to the idea before they met in person. But Shelby wanted to go in cold. If they gave him time to get used to the idea, she said, he might decide he didn’t want to meet them at all. And she was determined to meet him, come hell or high water. In the end, Cady agreed. He was going to get a surprise either way. Might as well get it over with in one hit.

  But before they left the bus, she’d phoned the Santa Almendra head office to check that he wasn’t away. She introduced hersel
f as a reporter from a fictional British farming newspaper, planning to write a series of articles on California’s biggest crops. When his secretary confirmed that he was in the office for the next two weeks, Cady promised to call back to schedule an interview time. She only felt slightly guilty. There would be an interview of sorts, after all…just not about almond production.

  It was a picture perfect August day as they drove through the Sacramento Valley toward Santa Almendra. The radio had reported forest fires in other parts of the state, but here the land lay peaceful in a summery haze. It was drier and dustier than Cady had imagined in her California dreaming, in the days when the big wide world was no bigger than the thirteen or so inches of her laptop screen. Reality had come with a few jolts, but being out in it made her feel like she was really breathing for the first time in forever. She rolled down the window, intending to symbolically breathe in the warm California air. But at interstate speed the roar of the wind was way too powerful, so she closed the window, sealing them back in their air-conditioned cocoon, feeling silly. So much for symbolism…but anyway, she definitely wasn’t sealing herself in anywhere, any more. Her mum would approve of that.

  She wondered if Anne would also approve of today’s expedition. Well, whether she’d approve or not, once they had the information about Lawson Holt, they had to do something. And anyway, Anne’s disapproval was usually reason enough for Shelby to specifically go ahead and do something.

  It was strange to imagine meeting this man, the man their mother had chosen to be their biological father. Again, she wondered if Anne had had feelings for him, or if she’d been utterly pragmatic about the whole thing. On the face of it, her choice was sensible: a young, healthy guy, who’d be leaving the country. If it had gotten complicated—if feelings had crept into her carefully measured calculation—it didn’t seem like she’d let that change things.

  Cady thought of their father, loving and constant through it all. She hoped, more than anything, that none of this would touch him. Her mother loved him, she knew that much. By keeping the secret to the very end, she must have felt she was protecting him from a painful truth. Was it right for the girls to continue keeping the secret? Cady was still wrestling with that particular question. For now, this trip would bring them the answers to some others.

  Now, her sister was unusually quiet in the passenger seat. “Are you okay?” Cady asked.

  She fiddled with her phone, zooming in and out of the map on screen. “Yeah…I’m nervous,” she admitted.

  “Me too. But we’ll be okay. We’re not doing this alone.” She smiled. “There are some advantages to having an annoying twin, you know.”

  “Pfft. This must be the only one,” Shelby replied. Cady poked her tongue out, and Shelby grinned and sat up straighter, regaining a little of her zing. She pushed her sunglasses up her nose and pointed ahead. “Take the next right.”

  Cady made the turn, onto a road lined with oak trees. “You know, this is the most time we’ve spent together in years,” she said to Shelby.

  “Yeah, I know. Apparently we couldn’t keep avoiding each other.”

  Her voice was deadly serious, but when Cady glanced sideways she could see the hint of a smile hovering on her lips. Shelby caught her eye and they smiled at each other.

  “Sisters,” Cady said, shaking her head. “Can’t live with ’em…”

  “Can’t stand their taste in music,” Shelby finished for her, pointing at the stereo.

  “How can you not like Ryan Adams? Just wait for once. I love this song.” It was plaintive and languorous and sexy…and today it made her desperately want to turn the car around and drive straight back to Reid.

  Shelby sighed but gave in, muttering about harmonicas, and they drove on until the song was finished. Then Cady hit the CD button, and Kings of Leon replaced Ryan Adams’ dreamy voice.

  “Better,” Shelby said, satisfied.

  “Anything to keep you happy.”

  “Damn right.”

  They laughed. At least it was nice to have this time together, Cady thought. They should have made more effort before now, instead of letting old resentments and disagreements keep them apart. It was painful to realize that it took their mother’s death to finally bring them back together. The thought of her mum brought on a pang deep in Cady’s chest, but she squashed the feeling down. There hadn’t been a time she’d wanted to let it out before now. And this wasn’t the time either. With Shelby less prickly, Cady took the chance to distract herself from serious thoughts.

  “So,” she said. “Still Kyle, huh?”

  Shelby blushed. “Shit, is it so obvious?”

  “Maybe just to me. I know you too well.” She’d thought Shelby might be put off by Kyle’s increasingly unsociable habits, but his reclusiveness had only whetted her appetite, it seemed. And she hadn’t mentioned the feral den that was his upstairs suite, thinking Shelby would probably talk her way up there eventually. But even he must have realized that disaster area wouldn’t impress a girl. In any case, he seemed happy to string Shelby willingly along…not unlike Cady herself and another Flashpointer, come to think of it.

  Now Shelby made the obvious comeback. “You know me too well? What about Reid, then?”

  Cady adjusted her sunglasses. She’d been trying not to think about him, for a while at least. But the image of Jennifer slipping her arm through his, claiming him back as they walked away, kept popping into her head. She shrugged. “What about him?”

  “I think he got the better of you. Miss Sensible had her head turned. I’ve never seen you so fluttery.”

  “Fluttery! I was not.”

  Shelby wagged a finger in her direction. “You can’t fool me.”

  She sighed. “Yeah, okay. I just couldn’t help it.”

  “You and me both.”

  “Men.” Cady shook her head.

  “Mmm, men,” Shelby said with exaggerated relish, making Cady laugh. Then she leaned forward. “Left up here. Look.”

  As the road sign announcing Santa Almendra loomed ahead, the atmosphere in the car suddenly veered into more serious territory. Cady felt her nerves come flooding back, and Shelby clutched her stomach.

  “Oh, man,” she muttered, and Cady nodded in sympathetic silence.

  The Holt farm shared its name with the local town, not much more than a village. Cady slowed the Chrysler, and they circled the pocket-handkerchief park in the center of town. There was neatly clipped grass, a band rotunda, and the Stars and Stripes flying proud on a tall flagpole. Along the main street was a little café, a barber shop, an ice cream parlor, a hardware store, and a beauty parlor, but none of the big-box retailers that seemed to be everywhere else they went. It reminded Cady of something, somewhere she must have been before…

  “Stars Hollow,” she said aloud, suddenly remembering.

  “What?” Shelby started to check her phone again. “No, we’re definitely in Santa Almendra.”

  Cady shook her head. “No, you know, the Gilmore Girls. Lorelai and Rory. This reminds me of their town, Stars Hollow.”

  “Oh, okay. I can see that. It’s pretty.”

  It was delightful. And in the blink of an eye it was finished, as they completed their circuit, passed out the other side of town, and headed up a two-lane road toward Santa Almendra farm.

  “This is it,” Shelby said after a few minutes. “There, on the left.”

  Cady turned the car up a long, straight driveway, flanked with trees on each side. Greenish fruit hung thickly amongst long, slim leaves, weighing down their elegant branches. Although the fruit looked like apricots, or small peaches, she guessed there must be almonds inside. As they drew closer to the end of the driveway, her heart was racing, and her stomach felt twisted with anxiety. Looking at Shelby, her face pale and set, she guessed she was feeling the same.

  They came to a wide turning circle, with a simple fountain in the middle of a grassy mound. A sign showed that the office was to their right. To the left, the driveway continued ar
ound the corner, behind more trees and buildings. Maybe the house was around there. She found a space in the parking area, and they sat for a moment. It was very quiet, which didn’t help her nerves.

  “Are you ready?” she asked her sister.

  “I don’t know.” She held her seatbelt as if for comfort, making no move to undo it.

  “Well, I am. Come on, let’s get this done.” She pushed her sunglasses up onto her head and started to open the car door, but Shelby lingered.

  “Wait. Are you still the newspaper reporter, or are you going to be you?”

  Good question. She paused to think for a moment, her hand on the door lever. “I’m me,” she answered. “We are who we are now. Even though it turned out we don’t really know who we are after all.”

  Shelby looked annoyed at these verbal gymnastics. “What?”

  “Come on,” Cady encouraged her. “We’ll ask at the office.”

  They were just starting to head in that direction when they heard footsteps on the fine white gravel behind them. They both turned to see a tall, upright man walking toward them. His long legs were encased in dark blue jeans, his shirt was startling white in the sun, and his face was shaded by a brown cowboy hat. Cady took in the large buckle on his belt, the well-made boots, and the beautiful cut of his unfussy clothes. He gave them a smile as he came nearer, his expression relaxed. The grey in his hair only made the vivid blue of his eyes seem even brighter. Here was a man who projected confidence in himself, and in his world.

  “Good afternoon,” he said. “Can I help you ladies?”

  They both knew it must be him. Wow, Cady thought, she chose well. She wouldn’t have blamed her mother if she’d fallen for him just a little bit. Glancing at Shelby, who’d taken off her sunglasses as if to see him better, she could tell she was thinking the same thing. The words ‘silver’ and ‘fox’ were surely in both their minds.