by Shelly Crane
I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to go. If it wasn’t for Beck’s begging... I wasn’t sure why exactly but we were underway so there was no point in stopping now. Caleb seemed to be excited about the idea of seeing the people I went to school with, besides Kyle and Chad. Excited to see pictures of me during school functions. I’d been so out of the loop this year, out of touch with friends, out of focus. I had no idea what they were going to do tonight, but I was pretty sure it wouldn’t involve me since I’d barely been involved myself all year.
We pulled into the parking lot and he helped me take my helmet off, smoothing my hair back. I was nervous for some reason. I felt like everyone there would be able to tell that I was different somehow. We started walking towards the school and my heart beat faster and faster the closer we got.
“Hey.” He stopped in front of me. “We don’t have to go in there.”
I swallowed and looked around the school parking lot. There weren’t a whole lot of cars because this was only for the senior class but still...a gym full of my peers who I abandoned for the past ten months.
He read my anxiety and started pulling me back to the bike. I halted my steps.
“No it’s ok. Let’s go in.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. It’s stupid to be nervous anyway. It’s not like anyone is gonna care that I’m here.”
I had visions of prom, streamers and flashing lights with glittery signs when we entered. But what I got was flashbacks that made me want to simultaneously smile and run.
The decorations were our school pictures, prom pics, candid’s at lunch. Big, blown up pictures lined the walls and the centerpieces on the tables were a school pom-pom and yearbook opened to the page of the people who were assigned to sit there alphabetically. I looked around at the photos as we made our way down the wall towards the tables and laughed at one of Beck and I sitting in art last year with paint on our faces, laughing.
Caleb smiled at it and let me tug and pull him as I got more enthusiastic about the photos and memories splayed out everywhere I looked. Then I heard my name across the room and turned to see Beck and Nicolette skipping across the gym, arm and arm towards us.
“Mags!” Nicolette cried and squeezed me. They both squealed and bounced around me, drawing attention to us and I cringed. “Oh. My. Goodness. You look so fab. Where have you been, girl?”
“Uhum,” Beck said grinning and pointed to Caleb. “That’s where she’s been.”
Nicolette perused him openly and gave a cocked little grin before coming up to him and holding her hand out.
“Nicolette.”
“Caleb,” he said politely and shook her hand quickly before releasing her and coming to put an arm around my waist. Her eyes bugged a little but she grinned all the same. “You girls ran track with Maggie?”
“And Cheerleading and Volleyball and just about everything else.”
He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow, his lips parted.
Cheerleading? That totally just blew your little work outfit out of the water.
I pressed my lips together to keep from giggling.
It was only ninth and tenth grade. I did it because my mom wanted me to. I dropped out, it wasn’t for me.
And yet my fantasy lives.
I smiled and tried not to laugh, to look normal and casual though an extremely hot guy was speaking into my mind about his fantasies.
Then an enraptured mass squeal erupted as Beck and Nicolette waved. The group of girls who I used to know all swarmed around us like they hadn’t seen us in years, though it had been days. Technically, I guess it had been longer for me.
“Magsie! Where have you been?”
“Oh, we missed you at the meet last month. We could’ve used you when Brayers came up-”
“Dang, girl. You look so cute tonight!”
“Ok! Ok! I got it! Let’s do a cheer! For old time sake!”
Meghan was the instigator but everyone seemed to be on board and clapped and squealed as they made their way to the front of the room.
“Mags. You too!”
I turned to the traitorous voice and was shocked to find it was Beck.
“I haven’t cheered in two years,” I protested and clung to Caleb’s arm.
“Oh come on. We’re doing the spirit cheer. It stays the same every year, its tradition. Come on.”
“No, no way.” She had to know why I didn’t want to do it. For the spirit cheer you paired with a football player. We danced and slid around them and at the end they lifted us in their arms. Chad was always my partner and there was no way in hell or high water she was getting me on that stage.
“Go ahead, Beck. Really. I’m not going.”
Beck pouted but straightened up, glancing behind me warily. She bit her lip and bee lined for the stage. I didn’t even need to turn to know Chad was behind me. Caleb also must have known and I felt his grip tighten on my hand. I remembered what he said about seeing Chad again, after I’d slipped and said that Chad had kinda sorta forced me to kiss him, and I felt really stupid for coming here now.
“Maggie, come on. We’re an uneven number without you,” he coaxed and smiled that smile that used to make me smile too.
“No thanks. You go ahead.”
He had the gall to reach for my unoccupied hand.
“I don’t think so,” Caleb said softly with clear inflection and pulled me a little closer to him.
I felt protectiveness, even some possessiveness, and a flare of anger burst towards me from Caleb. He was angry at Chad for what he’d done and even angrier that he had the gumption to reach for me and pull me from Caleb like he had the right to. I put my other hand on his arm, hoping to draw even more of his anger away. I visibly saw him take a deep breath and was proud that he kept himself in check at least, though his anger was practically crackling in the air between them.
Chad seemed to debate whether this was a fight he wanted or not. Apparently ‘not’ won out and he shrugged though I could see his eyes latched hurtfully to mine.
“Ok. Whatever. Just thought we’d have one last hoorah. You know.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to, ok? It’s been too long, I’d make a fool of myself. You go ahead. Have fun,” I soothed, feeling torn and wanting to end the squabble.
He smiled sadly and nodded as he walked away.
I turned to look around and saw we had quite the audience, people almost begging, eyes glistening with excitement, for there to be a fight. I flushed and turned back to Caleb just as they started to do their cheer. I barely saw it as my own memories flooded me. In no time they were done and making their way back to us in a titter of cheers and giggles.
“It’s starting. They sat us alphabetically so, we’re over here,” Beck said reluctantly and pulled Nicolette away. “See you tomorrow night, right?”
“Yeah. Absolutely.”
“Tomorrow night?” Caleb asked and I felt him push into my mind for the answer. “Oh. Yeah, sounds fun.”
I just shook my head at him as we made our way to the table. Luck would have it alphabetically, that Kyle was at the next table, in the chair right next to ours.
“Hey!” he said grinning and pulled me into a very intimate hug. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
“I came, with Caleb.”
“Oh.” He put me down and regarded Caleb with a terse nod. “Caleb.”
“Kyle,” Caleb answered and pulled my chair out for me turning his back on his cousin.
I felt guilty about that but didn’t feel it was my place to interfere, just yet anyway. Caleb pulled the yearbook on the center of our table closer to him and I realized it was tenth grade year. My hair was really curly that day and I’d pulled it to the side of my neck and smiled shyly.
He smiled at it and looked back at me. I rolled my eyes and took it from him. I glanced through it and laughed when Ben, sitting next to me, leaned over and pointed at a picture of him and me at a school assembly wearing face paint and chanting. I groaned and Cale
b leaned closer to see. Ben began to tell him all about it. The way we used to paint our faces on school assembly day and wear wigs and all kinds of crazy things to make the school mad. It was a whole student body effort and we always pulled it off.
Caleb laughed and gave me a sidelong grin.
You were a bad girl. A rebel. I’ve been so misled.
I rolled my eyes laughing as the lights went down and the principal, Mr. Gurney, made his way across the stage.
“Welcome, seniors. Or should I say, adults, for you are no longer our pupils. You are the fresh new minds of our country. I am pleased to introduce this years Farewell video. This video was put together by the yearbook staff and is quite lengthy, containing not just your senior year but your entire school years collectively in a memoir that you can purchased at the end for a $10 donation. Now, let’s begin.”
The huge pull down projection screen flickered and there I was, first picture. I groaned out loud. It was me in the sandbox on the playground, kindergarten. I was pouring a fistful of white sand onto Kyle’s head. Kyle turned to grin at me in his seat and burst out laughing and clapped as did lots of others. Each picture or video clip they showed had our names and the school year printed at the bottom. They played cheesy graduation music in the background, Vitamin C or something.
The photos kept coming, so many years summed up. I found myself laughing sometimes quite loudly, but you couldn’t hear me over everyone else. They were so many pictures and I was in lots of them. We saw third grade field day when I ran against the principal, and won. We saw fifth grade D.A.R.E program, us with our red t-shirts while we all stood beside the police officers, grinning. Steven holding Gretchen up to tack a Sadie Hawkins eighth grade dance banner to the ceiling, though if the school had paid attention to where he was looking- up her skirt- they wouldn’t have put that one in there.
There was one of Beck and I in tenth grade, back to back, wearing wigs and making guns with our hands like Charlie’s Angels, making everyone laugh. I buried my face in Caleb’s neck and groaned as he chuckled. I thought hard and could remember doing that but not what it was for.
Then, the school mascot, in full body paint, midair before he tripped face first over a pom-pom left on the basketball court. Then later, another one of Chad and I working in science lab together, grinning over a beaker of green something, his arm slung over my shoulders.
There was prom, dancing couples, homecoming, finals, last days, first days, Halloween, Spirit week, so much more.
Then they showed cheerleading and I felt Caleb snap more to alert, looking for me more intently among the faces. But there were plenty of pics of me there too, among the skirted girls. Some by myself, and too my chagrin, a lot with Chad and I. He was on the football team after all. The last cheerleading one, in slow motion only adding to my agony, was Chad on the football field after a winning game, ripping off his helmet and holding his arms open to something off camera. Then I barreling towards him in my cheerleading outfit, jumping into his sweaty arms and kissing him, albeit closed mouthed, as he held me off the ground.
For some reason my eyes automatically snapped to Chad’s and he was already looking at me, longingly and sadly.
I felt horribly guilty about it all and glanced at Caleb. He glanced at me too and smiled knowingly, shrugging like ‘what are ya gonna do’?
I’m sorry.
It’s in the past, Maggie.
Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to watch it.
It’s ok. I got the girl, right?
He grinned at me and squeezed my hand in between us making me smile.
You definitely got the girl.
He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my temple.
They showed Football games, Basketball, Volleyball and Track plus all the sports and clubs and activities, dances, lunches. There was some of me running on the track and some warming up. Some of me playing Volleyball in the gym. I felt Caleb’s interest in these pics was just as noticeable as the cheerleading ones had been.
It was long but felt oddly satisfying to watch. Like maybe I had accomplished something after all. I felt like tearing up but dammed them back.
Then as the music started to die down they showed our procession as we marched to graduation. Some were cutting up in line and some seemed nervous. The camera passed me but I wasn’t looking at it. Then the last frame, the money shot, the tear jerker, was a large group walking out to the parking lot afterwards, half were still wearing their robes, some still had on their caps, some had their diplomas in hands. A couple had their arms around the other’s shoulder as they walked into the sun, making them appear nothing but a dark silhouette against the backdrop of parking lot and football field. The caption read ‘And then we walked boldly out of the sunset of our pasts and into our futures. The End’
The lights came up and I saw several people wiping their eyes and laughing. Mr. Gurney made a small speech about that concluding the presentation and wishing us luck in our future, then left the stage.
I was quite ready to leave and Caleb seemed ready as well. I waved to Beck across the room, but of course she was standing with my old group. Kyle and Chad included. They both watched us go with wistful looks that I hated to have put there but held on tight to Caleb as we made our way out.
A few people and teachers said goodbye to me on the way out but for the most part, I didn’t stop. I felt good about graduating and was ready to be gone.
That night at my house, I fell asleep quickly. The next day was all a fast blur as Caleb sat in the back again and tried to study. We didn’t talk about the party except him making jokes about pictures he remembered and several funny comments about cheerleading. He didn’t mention Chad or the fact that Chad seemed to be everywhere I was back in school. We were pretty much attached and that was the truth, but no more.
I was grateful and hoped he understood that that part of my life was behind me and I was right where I wanted to be.
In no time at all, the work day was over and I found myself climbing on the back of his bike again and heading home. He dropped me off and released me with his words. I ran in to get ready for our double date while he went to his uncle’s to do the same.
After my shower I chose my clothes, a pair of jeans and a yellow tank with my brown cardigan and light brown wedge sandals. My charm bracelet hung just under the hem of my sleeve. I left my hair down and pulled my bangs back to help tame it after the bike ride but then I wondered what we’d drive tonight. Beck’s little two door Neon is small and uncomfortable but we can take it if we have to.
I heard the knock on the door and made my way to answer it. For once I beat dad. Caleb was wearing something similar to me, jeans and a brown leather jacket. His brown shaggy hair was curling very cutely around his ears.
And he had a single flower in his hand. A yellow rose.
I gaped at him.
“Are you trying to score points Mister?” He just grinned as I took it and smelled the petals. “How did you know these are my favorite?”
He leaned close and kissed my cheek, speaking his words against my skin.
“When you left your mind open to me, I did some digging around.”
I leaned back to look at him and he was serious.
“Really? I wish I’d thought to do that,” I muttered.
“They’ll be plenty of time for that. Once we ascend we can pretty much go all in the other’s mind anytime we want.”
“Hmm,” I hummed nervously, smelling my flower again.
“Don’t worry.” He wrapped his arms around my lower back. “I won’t go poking in your head unless you want me to. And you will want me to,” he said low and foreboding.
Before I could ask him what that meant, he took my lips gently, kissing the top then the bottom and sucking as he did so. I felt the temperature in the room go to uncomfortable levels. He pulled back a little to murmur against my lips.
“You look amazing.” Then he moved to skim his nose over my chin and under my ear. “And you
smell so good. What is that?”
“Ch-cherry blossom,” I stuttered breathlessly, my breaths were practically nonexistent.
He came back to my lips and continued what he had started. His hands moved lower to my hips right as I heard my dad clear his throat behind us.
I pulled back and looked over at dad with a guilty smile. I didn’t look at Caleb at all.
“Sorry, dad.” I bit my lip. “Alright, I’m gonna go put this in water. We’re just waiting on Beck and then we’ll be out of here.”
I went to the kitchen and dad followed me.
“Maggie. You better be careful with him.”
“I am, dad. It was just kissing. Wouldn’t you rather us do that here, at the house?” I asked as I pulled the vase from under the sink.
“Yes, I would actually but I think you guys are a little serious after only a week of dating.”
I blew a steadying breath to stall, to give me thinking time.
“Dad, he’s different. He’s not going to take advantage of me.”
“I hope not, cause I’d hate to go to prison for murder.”
I laughed and went to hug him but he wasn’t amused.
“Dad. I’ll be ok. Caleb is a nice guy and very responsible. I promise you I won’t do anything stupid and neither will he. I’m sure he wants to stay alive and keep all his limbs intact. Ok?”
“Ok,” he conceded with a sigh.
“Ok,” I agreed. “Well, let me go call Beck. She’s late.”
When I came back to the door I heard yelling outside. Caleb was standing in the doorway with his head cocked to the side.
“What’s going on?”
“Well,” he said slowly. “It looks like Beck and her date are here.” He looked back at me and grinned. “And it looks like love to me.”
Twenty One
I peeked over his shoulder and saw that they were fighting and yelling by the curb, right by the trash cans. I groaned.
“Leave it to Beck to start trouble before we’ve even started the date. Bye, dad!”
“Bye. Be safe,” he said as he came around the corner.
“We will Mr. Masters, thanks,” Caleb assured him politely.