No Forgiveness

by Helen Nickolson

  Her critics felt on safe ground when the Church and God were mentioned. Firmly and officiously they said, “Whatever happened, she should not shun God. She should not be dealing with the devil and putting curses on people! What if she takes a dislike to any one of us? Will she place a curse?”

  “Come now,” reasonable voices would chide. “Father Kosta has cautioned all of us to be kind to her. She is no threat to any of us and is going through great mental agony. She will find her way and return to the Church. We’re talking about Katerina after all, a girl we’ve known all her life. A girl who has changed because of circumstances beyond her control. Let’s not be so judgmental that we turn away from her. May God help her, protect, and guide her!”

  Katerina knew of the conversations. Often, people would lower their voices if they saw her approaching or they would simply stop talking. She had made up her mind to not pay any attention to them, but somewhere deep inside she felt a sting every time this happened. Now, seeing the women by the well and knowing she was being discussed, she felt glad to be in the safe cocoon of the foliage. She could block them out from this space and distance.

  She was in deep contemplation when Michael detected her through the leaves. He was thirsty but lost all thoughts of water when he beheld her. She was sitting so restfully with her feet in the water and her eyes dreamily looking up at the clear sky. She looked like an angel to him with her lovely and tempting body that was made to be caressed, with smooth clear skin that was meant be touched, with lips intended to be kissed.

  Catching his breath, he whispered, “Katerina, I’m here and I’m already wondering if this is a mistake. I desire you too much to keep a clear head.”

  “Hello Michael,” she responded. “That’s not what I expected you to say. The more I thought of this, the more I realized we need to talk and resolve what has happened between us. I, for one, am glad to have this encounter. I’d like to move on with my life, however pitiful it may be. Come, drink some water, and sit down so we can talk.”

  He did as she instructed, slowly sipping his water so as to delay being too near to her. She became a little impatient at his dawdling and sharply commented that she would leave if he didn’t want to talk to her.

  He immediately sat and said, “Katerina, I’ve made so many mistakes and I can’t undo them now. I don’t know how I turned you away when you came to me. What a fool I was and how miserable I’ve made myself! You were the love of my life and I turned you away for my paltry ambition. I find nothing significant in my previous ambitions. I may still become involved in politics because I have to do something with my life, but the zest for such things is no longer there. I need you in my life.”

  “We decided to meet and talk to put things behind us,” she countered. “What you’re saying doesn’t seem to lead to that. Are you trying to seduce me?”

  “No, I was being truthful in suggesting this meeting. It’s only that, now that you are here, I can’t help but state what I feel. I can’t deny my love for you and only you. I don’t know what to do and how I will live the rest of my life without you. Am I trying to seduce you? Yes, I probably am. I need to touch you, to at least kiss you. Katerina, won’t you allow me that small indulgence?”

  “That indulgence is not small.”

  “No, it’s not. In fact, it would be a great indulgence for me. Let me just touch your ivory cheeks and taste your lips. I have dreamt of this so many years and so many nights. I think of you throughout my days and dream of you in my sleep.”

  He leaned forward and placed one arm around her back. She held her breath when she felt his fingers caress her cheek and she moaned when his lips touched hers. His touch was gentle as their lips met, almost like a light breeze stroking her. She melted and wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him to her.

  He unbound the hair she had carefully wrapped earlier and let it fall around her face. He ran his fingers through the loose, black strands and hoarsely murmured, “Even the full moon in all her beauty can’t outshine you, my love.”

  Slowly, he unbuttoned her dress and kissed her shoulders and neck. He stroked her breasts smoothly and then more forcefully as she sighed with pleasure. Slowly, slowly he took the dress off her and she lay there in her underwear under his adoring eyes. His senses feasted on the sight of her, the smell of her, and the touch of her.

  He massaged her breasts, held each one and sucked deliberately and fully. Oh, how she loved that. She told him and he promised there would be more. As he rolled her on top of him, she could feel how hard he had become and knew he would be inside her before they finished the afternoon. She wanted him inside her, but he told her to wait—that they needed to enjoy each other first. Michael stroked her thighs, took off her panties, and stroked her buttocks, alternately kneading gently. He stroked her inner thighs and felt her wetness. He had to taste her and placed his head between her thighs so that he could lick and taste and feel her tremble in desire. Knowing she was wet for him only made him want her more and he felt the passion building in himself.

  She wasn’t sure how much more she could take of the sweet torture he was putting her through. Katerina had not had this experience and was awed by the craving she felt. She tried to pull off his pants and shirt and heard a mild chuckle from him. “I can see you’re not very experienced at undressing a man. Let me do that.”

  He stood and swiftly took off his shirt and then his pants and underwear. He was a sight any woman would have appreciated: tall with broad shoulders, flat belly and muscular legs. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on the lean, athletic body. She had always thought of him as handsome but had not expected this sensual—no, straight out sexual—form of a man. She wanted him and knew she would have him fully.

  “Let me love you,” she beckoned with a smile. “Let’s see if I can make you feel as good as you’ve made me.”

  Katerina started with his lips and worked her way to his penis. She kissed and licked and massaged him as he had done to her. She bit his nipples lightly as she took his penis in her fingers and stroked. It almost undid him but he only groaned and held on. He didn’t want it over yet. She took him in her mouth and felt him shudder. When he could take it no longer, he pushed her away and lowered her to her back.

  Michael looked at her with a glazed look full of desire and entered her. He thrust and she responded, wanting to keep him inside her forever. Their bodies became one and she wrapped her legs around him holding on tightly and straining against him. He came first but managed to stay in her until he felt her orgasm envelope her entire body; shuddering and moaning, she bit her tongue and tasted blood. She didn’t care and screamed with pleasure as her body released itself violently.

  They were both spent and lay on their backs on the soft grass. Neither could believe the intensity of what had just happened.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Katerina and Michael met in the north field regularly. She was happy and had a glow about her that spoke of love fulfilled. Her mother wasn’t blind and immediately recognized the spark that had suddenly appeared in Katerina eyes and movements.

  “You seem different somehow,” she said to Katerina just the day after the fortune-telling. “You appear excited as if you’re anticipating something. Are you perhaps planning on starting the weaving and crocheting business we talked about? Or, is something happening in your personal life that you haven’t told me about? I hope this is not about Giorgo! Don’t let him fool you again! No matter how changed he may seem, I don’t believe in him any longer. I don’t buy into his new, religious front; he is evil to the core and will never change.”

  “No, Mama, don’t worry about Giorgo. I will never trust him again and have no intention of letting him near me. I couldn’t possibly bear to have him touch me again.”

  “Well, I’m glad to hear that, but I can tell that something is going on with you.”

  “Perhaps it is the thought of starting my own business that has me excited. The more I thought about your idea, the more it appealed to
me. I plan to go into Kymi soon and talk to a couple of shopkeepers there. I’ll take various pieces as samples of what I have crocheted or woven and see how they respond. Since you don’t weave any longer, would you mind if I take the loom to my house? I am truly interested in continuing a tradition we’ve had from the beginning of our history as Greeks. I remember Homer’s legend of the Odyssey and get chills when I think of the love Penelope had for Odysseus. She weaved a shroud by day to only unravel it every night so that she could fend off suitors while she waited for him. What love and fidelity she had to wait for Odysseus twenty years. I think I would do the same for a man I truly loved.”

  “That you are interested in the business pleases me greatly, but I’m wondering if you are getting too many romantic notions in your head. I’m sorry sweetheart, but as long as Giorgo is on this earth and you are married to him, you can’t afford to think romantically of anyone—even mythical heroes. You haven’t been lucky in love, and the sooner you accept that love is not part of your destiny, the better off you will be. I hate to say these harsh words to you, but I must protect you from yourself somehow!”

  “Mama, I have accepted my fate and am living with it. Do not worry so. I know of few women or men who have been lucky in love. Really, I have to say that I know of none. I hope that you and my father were the exception, but I doubt it. What is it about us that makes us accept fate so easily? Is it truly fate when we don’t fight for what we want? Maybe fate doesn’t exist other than through our acceptance. What happened to the concept of free will?”

  “You know from your religious teachings that the Church believes in free will in relation to a person accepting or rejecting God. Free will does not apply to minor things such as when and what you will eat. I’m not sure exactly what we’re talking about here, but I need to say that free will does not apply to choosing which of God’s commandments you can accept or reject. If you reject the grace of God, you know that you are committing blasphemy. My Katerina, you are not happy with the Church right now. I know that and will not try to sway you, but I am concerned about your eternal soul. I want you in heaven with your father and me when the time comes. Please be careful in whatever you do. I am your mother and will love you forever regardless of what you think or do. You know that,” Kyria Maria spoke decisively as she wistfully allowed her mind to drift back to her marriage with Vasili, her dear husband who had died too young. How they had loved and cherished each other!

  Vasili had seen her in Church one Sunday when they were both eighteen and was amazed that he hadn’t really noticed her before. They had lived a few houses apart all their lives and he knew her well. They had played together as children and she had once punched him in the stomach—not that he thought he deserved it. They had chased each other and climbed trees together and had done a lot with all of the other neighborhood kids until they were around twelve. Then, suddenly, they had stopped playing together. He didn’t know why that had happened but just accepted that something had changed. He realized that it probably had something to do with her being a girl and him being a boy.

  But when he saw her in Church that Sunday morning, he couldn’t believe she was the same young woman as the girl he had known so well. When had she become so beautiful he wondered. She was such a lovely creature with a lean, softly rounded body and a clear complexioned face. She had dark hair that set off the creamy pale skin and the large green eyes. His eyes stayed on her throughout the liturgy and he made sure to talk to her after the service.

  “Maria, are you really the little girl I played with when we were children? The one who, by the way, punched me in the stomach for no reason.”

  “There was plenty of reason to punch you, you moron,” she retorted huffily. “You ate most of the pears we stole from Kyriou Thanasis’ field without giving me even one. I begged you for one stupid pear and you held the bag high so I couldn’t reach it. And you also told me to jump. How insulting was that? I was supposed to jump when I had equal rights to those pears. And you laughed. I had no choice but to punch you, and I know I landed a great blow. I hope you got sick and had to throw up!”

  “Hey, I was only teasing you. I would have eventually given you a pear. Okay, I’ll apologize now for being impolite to you. I hope it’s not too late for an apology.”

  “All right Vasili. I accept your apology. After all, we were only kids, but don’t forget my ability to land a great punch!”

  “I’ve been away the last few years and don’t know what’s been going on in the village. I’ve been in Thessaloniki studying leather and shoe-making under my uncle Maki. I returned only a few days ago and will be living in the village but working in Kymi at the leather processing factory there. Could I stop by your house to catch up on the local news?” he asked hopefully although he was well aware of the local news. He had written back and forth regularly with his parents and was thoroughly up-to-date, but he needed an excuse to see more of her.

  She doubted what he said about not being up-to-date on the local news and gossip but was also glad for an excuse to see him. He had grown up from the gangly kid she remembered into a fine-looking man. He was no longer gangly, but he was slim and tall with a nice amount of muscle showing through his shirt. He had light, curly hair that was cut short around his ears, dark skin from being outdoors, and deep blue eyes that twinkled even when his face was serious. It was hard not to be drawn to that twinkle, and she fell under his charm instantly.

  “Of course, you can stop by my house. We’re not strangers after all, and I’d like to hear about your adventures in Thessaloniki. I’ve been to Athens a couple of times, but I haven’t often gone far from our village. You know how difficult it is to travel far.”

  “I do know, and I’ll enjoy describing Thessaloniki to you. Generally, I enjoyed it but I also missed my family and the village here. I’m glad to be back among people I’ve known all my life. I’ll stop by tonight after dinner and we can visit.”

  Maria was delighted that she would see him so quickly and went home in light-hearted spirits, humming all the way. She told her parents about her conversation and that Vasili would be visiting them. Having known Vasili and his family for a long time, they were very pleased. They doubted that he was stopping by to casually visit, but they kept their thoughts to themselves. Of course, one or both of them would be home that evening since it would inappropriate to leave Maria alone with a young man.

  Vasili came that night and every night that week and the following. Both of Maria’s parents stayed home every night since it was obvious he was interested in more than conversation. Maria’s mother would make coffee for them and they would sip it leisurely, sometimes turning the cups over so they could read their fortunes. How they laughed when Vasili offered to read their cups. They didn’t really believe him when he said he had a special talent with the cups, but they went along out of curiosity and enjoyed all of the nonsense he made up—always with the twinkle in his eyes.

  On the fourteenth consecutive visit, he read Maria’s father’s cup first and solemnly looked up after carefully studying the design that had dried in the demitasse. “Sir,” he pronounced seriously, “There is something special here tonight that I see.”

  Not having seen him so somber before, they glanced at each other concerned that he was going to give them bad news. They didn’t believe in the cups but, still, bad news coming from anywhere would be upsetting. “Please tell us what you see,” they cried in unison.

  “What I see is that there is a young man in your daughter’s life who is in love with her and wants to marry her. That man is the one before you now and wants your permission to have Maria in marriage as soon as possible. Would you agree to that?”

  The mother, father, and daughter let out a huge sigh of relief. Maria’s father looked at her briefly and detected the look of happiness that had spread on her face. She flushed. Imperceptibly, she nodded her head at him to let him know how agreeable it would be to her to become Vasili’s wife. Maria’s mother’s face showed her a
pproval and the father had no problem saying yes to Vasili.

  “We are happy that you are asking for Maria in marriage. We know that she will be content and joyful with you, and we welcome you to our family.”

  “I have spoken with my parents about this and they also approve,” Vasili announced with his customary twinkle back in place. “They have known Maria all her life and will treat her like a daughter. My mother even joked that she predict-ed this marriage years ago when Maria punched me in the stomach. Maria said she has forgiven me for the pear incident, but deep down I don’t think she has. To truly ensure her mercy and prevent another punch, I’ve brought you a bucket full of pears that I left in the yard downstairs.”

  Kyria Maria put her musings about her dead husband away to better concentrate on Katerina. She reiterated, “My love for you will always be with you. Be careful with your life for I want no more harm to come to you. If only your father were still alive, I’m sure he would say the same things.”

  After a while and more conversation, Katerina left and Kyria Maria drifted back into day dreams about her beloved Vasili.

  He had been so loving and kind to her, their daughters and sons. He had cherished all of them and made them laugh so often. He regularly hugged them, picked them up and swung them around. He was such a romantic, arriving home with wild flowers that he had picked himself. When pears were in season, he would jokingly bring some home claiming that he had stolen them for Maria. Everyone in the village knew the story of the stolen pears and didn’t begrudge him taking a few. As generous as he was with his neighbors and friends, no one could begrudge him anything. They all thought of him as a spontaneous and witty man with the twinkle which rarely left his eyes.

  He had that twinkle until Sophia, their third daughter, was bitten by a rabid dog. She hadn’t bother to mention it since it hadn’t been a major bite, and they had no idea that something was wrong until several weeks later when she started showing strange flu-like symptoms. She complained of feeling warm and also sensing a prickle where the dog had gotten her. That’s when she finally told them about the bite. She lost consciousness a couple of times over the following week and scared them out of their wits.