Arcane Survivalist: Apocalyptic Fantasy LitRPG

by Deck Davis

  It took thirty minutes to get to the mountain pass proper. The road was muddy and it was a stretch to even describe it as a road. The Lantern Mountains were rocky and seemed to be made mostly of dark grey-colored jagged stone. It stretched monolith-like into the sky, so high that Ash felt dizzy just looking for its peak. It was a place that many animals called home, with common reports of rabbits, deer, and even the occasional mountain lion roaming it.

  It started on a steep incline and didn’t let up for almost an hour. The pickup was made for terrain like this, but it still seemed to struggle a little. As the slope began to level off they found themselves in the middle of the mountain. The road that cut through it was decades overdue maintenance work.

  Thick forests lined either side of them, but these sure as hell weren’t regular ones. The trees seemed impossibly knobby, like the craggy skin of a troll. They gave off spectral glows of yellow, red and purple light. Rapto had spread much further into the world than Ash realized.

  While Ash and Tony took turns driving, Ellie and Chad stayed on the back seat and chatted with each other. Chad had popped open a whisky bottle that Marg had given them to keep them warm when the chill hit. Despite Tony telling him not to get wasted, the young recruit soon had a buzz on. Let him have it, thought Ash. We all need our comforts these days.

  After an hour of driving Ash realized what a tough ride this was going to be. He was limited to going ten miles an hour because the road would twist without warning, and in some places the forest thinned and there was a drop at the side of them. Further along the road, the forest would thicken again. They heard strange noises coming from it; not the usual chirps of birds but something else, growling sounds that sent a chill up Ash’s spine.

  As he guided the truck along a relatively-straight stretch, the vehicle jolted and Ash saw something fly across his windscreen. He killed the engine.

  “What the hell was that?” said Ellie. “It looked like a bird flew across.”

  Ash wound down his window and saw a coil of rope on the ground next to the wheel. His chest tightened as he realized what had happened.

  “It’s a fucking trap. Get your guns out.” he said.

  Ellie looked at him in surprise, but she followed his order and picked up her pistol and put it in her pocket.

  Two men stepped out from the trees to the right side of them. They were dressed up to the nines with mud-stained brown leather armor, and they held shiny-looking crossbows in front of them. Their faces were lined with a few days’ worth of beard growth.

  Ellie got out of the car, faced the men and held up her police badge.

  “What the fuck is that?” said one of the men, peering at the shining piece of metal with the Pasture PD symbol on it.

  These lovely folks are from Rapto, said FF. Brigands by the looks of it. Those tosspots have less morals than a dark mage high on a mana rush.

  “Looks like you strange-looking pissflaps have stayed into our territory,” said the tall brigand.

  “Didn’t see a sign,” said Ash, when he got out of the pickup. “All I see are a couple of ragged-looking bitches flapping their mouths.”

  “No? You sure you didn’t notice it? Did the old guy here spunk in your face and glue your eyes shut?”

  “That’s unnecessarily vulgar,” said Chad.

  Tony raised his rifle. The two brigands pointed their crossbows at him.

  “Drop the fancy fire stick,” said one of the brigands.

  “There are two ways I see this going,” said Ash. “One is that I burn you both to a crisp, and then I’ll piss on you to put it out and we’ll throw your smoldering carcasses to the mountain lions.”

  “You got a big mouth,” said a brigand, “And I’ve got something to put in it.”

  “Another idea,” said Ash, “Is that you think about this very carefully.”

  The taller brigand on the left seemed to be the conversationalist of the two. The other one had lips like a puckered butthole, and Ash wondered if that was why he wasn’t talking. Maybe some monstrous accident of DNA had left him with a butt hole on his face.

  “Interesting choices,” said the talker. “I got a counter offer. Pay us the toll.”

  “You want gold? Go fuck yourself,” said Tony. He raised his rifle.

  The brigand smirked. “Not gold. We don’t have any quarrel with you gentlemen. It’s the woman we want. Nothing to fuck in these woods, and we’ve already been here too long. Give us the woman; that’s our toll.”

  Without a word, Ellie reached into her pocket, pulled out her pistol and pointed it at the taller man’s head. Tony aimed down the sights of his own rifle, while Ash let an Ignis flame burn in his palm.

  Sensing that their odds weren’t as good as they’d thought, the brigands stepped back. The taller one still held the crossbow, but his grip was less certain than it had been before. Ellie’s eyes became black balls as she stared down the sights of her gun.

  “Drop it, shitpouch” she told the taller man.

  A drip of common sense must have mixed with the dung that counted for his brain, because he dropped his crossbow so quickly that Ash was surprised. He was almost a little disappointed; he had expected more of a fight than that. Ash bent over and picked up the bow from the ground beside the man’s feet. It was heavier than he thought.

  Ellie nodded at the smaller one. He still held his crossbow, and his grip was surer than his friend’s.

  “You ever actually used that thing?” said Ellie.

  Ash pointed his new crossbow at the taller guy to keep him in check, but judging by the panicked look on his face, it wasn’t needed. He switched aim to the one with lips like a puckered arsehole.

  “You have three weapons drawn on you now,” said Ellie. “Even if you’re more than a novice with that bow of yours, you still ought to know it can only fire one bolt at a time. Whether you shoot me or one of my jackass friends, you’re still getting your head split open seconds later. After that, I’ll drink your god damned blood.”

  Ash felt a chill run through him. Damn, Ellie was mean when she wanted to be. He guessed that the brigands asking them to hand Ellie over like a piece of meat hadn’t put her in the best of moods.

  “Fine, you bastards can pass,” said the taller brigand.

  “Normally I’d arrest you and throw your dirty ass in a cell. But I can’t exactly do that here. So, I’m gonna teach you a lesson.”

  “You always let your bitch talk like that?” asked the brigand.

  Ellie whipped his face with the butt of her gun. The brigand’s nose exploded, and he put his hand to it and groaned in pain. Blood dribbled through his fingers.

  “Okay, Ellie, you made your point,” said Tony.

  There was a fierce look in the sheriff’s eyes, like a tiger zapped with a cattle prod and then turning on its warder.

  “Not quite,” she said. Then she looked at the brigand whose nose she’d just broken. “Walk over to the tree over there,” she said.

  He grunted through the pain. “Crazy god damn whore.”

  Ellie stepped forward, gun raised, and he flinched.

  “Go on, before I really lose my tempter.”

  Ash watched both brigands follow Ellie’s instructions. Given she was a police officer, she was used to speaking with authority. Added to the venom in her tone, it meant they didn’t dare disobey.

  Ellie made the taller brigand stand with his back to the tree, facing forward. She grabbed a crossbow and handed it to the shorter one. He looked amazed that Ellie was handing him his weapon.

  “Move an inch without me telling you, and I won’t just blow your brains out. I’ll rip your cock off first, get my friend here to incinerate it, and then make you eat the dust.”

  The shorter one gulped. “Whatever you say, lady. I’m your puppet. What do you need me to do?”

  “Chad?” said Ellie. “How much of that whisky you got left?”

  “Loads,” said the soldier, shaking the bottle. The amber liquid swished from side to s
ide.

  “Pass it here.”

  She took the bottle off Chad, and passed it to the brigand. Again, his eyes widened.

  “Drink up.”

  The brigand looked at Ellie, then at Ash. Ash shrugged his shoulders. “You made your bed, fella. Not my fault you took a crap in it.”

  Ellie forced the man to drain the rest of the whiskey bottle in one swig. After that, she made him turn around in circles, spinning again and again until even Ash felt dizzy. By the end of it, the brigand’s face looked green. He stumbled forwards and crashed face-first into the pickup. Ellie hauled him to his feet like he was a sack of potatoes.

  “Come on, Ellie,” said Tony. “We don’t have time for whatever this is.”

  “The bastard wanted you to hand me over to him like I was a cheese sandwich. What do you think they would have done with me? Not have a god damned tea party, that’s for sure.”

  The brigand moved away from the pickup. His steps were so shaky that he looked like he could fall at any moment.

  “Now,” said Ellie. “Pass me back the bottle.”

  She took the whiskey bottle from the small man, marched over to the tree and balanced it on the taller one’s head. With that done, she came back, slapped the smaller one on the back.

  “Time for target practice. Let’s see how you good you really are with that thing.”

  “Now hold on a second,” said the taller one near the tree.

  Ellie pointed her gun at his groin. “You either shut your mouth, or you lose your dick. That’s your choice.”

  They all stood in silence as the smaller brigand aimed the crossbow. Even though he was stood still, the whiskey buzzing in his head made him sway like the forest ground was a carpet being shaken by a giant.

  Taking quick, nervous breaths, he raised the crossbow. His face was completely white now.

  He squinted down the sights, and then fired.

  The arrow bolt whizzed through the air and made a sickening crack. Ash looked over and saw that it was lodged square in the taller brigand’s forehead.

  “Just as I thought; you can’t aim for shit.”

  Tony shook his head, walked to the pickup and got inside. He gritted his teeth. Chad perched against the bonnet of the vehicle, transfixed with Ellie. Ash didn’t know what the hell he’d just seen, but blood mage or not, he was never going to screw around with the sheriff.

  The smaller brigand fell to the floor on his knees and vomited.

  “What now?” said Chad.

  Ellie pointed her pistol at the brigand, pulled the trigger and blew his skull open.

  “Now we hit the road,” she said.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  More Damn Crows

  They kept the bandits’ crossbows and stored them, along with a set of bolts, on the back of the four by four. Ash looted the dead men and found two health potions, which he gave to Tony, and a leather purse full of gold coins. One of them had a dagger with an ivory hilt that offered more of an attack bonus than his current dagger, so Ash kept it on his belt.

  With health potions being ineffective on a blood mage class, Ash decided he needed some way of carrying healing provisions. He and Chad spent a couple of hours hunting in the forests. Chad was a decent hunter, having spent some of his youth killing deer with his uncle when he was growing up. By the end of it, they had a several dead hares and a fox for their troubles, which Ash stored on the back of their vehicle.

  He wondered how long a creature could be dead for and still allow him to Life Drain it. They pushed on through the mountain for a few hours, and when they took a break, Ash Life Drained one of the hares. He was pleased to see that it still worked, although the drain wasn’t too effective. It seemed that the longer something was dead, the less HP he’d get from it.

  Further into the mountain the road became rougher, as though nature was angry at their progress through the pass and did its best to resist them. The wheels of the pick-up dipped into pot holes and rumbled over rocks without complaint, and Ash realized why Tony Shore seemed to have such a fondness for the vehicles.

  Ellie wound down a window, lit a cigarette and breathed out smoke as the greens of the trees and greys of the rocks passed them by. Ash turned his head slightly toward her, making sure his eyes were still on the road.

  “You went too far back there,” Chad said.

  Ash could still picture the smaller man’s wide eyes as he stood against the tree, and the suspicious looking dark patch that had spread on his crotch.

  “People pounce on weakness,” Ellie said. “You learn that the first day you get your badge. If you’re gonna teach someone a lesson, if you’re gonna make them feel pain, then you better do it without mercy. Give them a lesson they’ll remember for the rest of their lives.”

  Ash turned his full attention back to the road. It seemed like he and Ellie were fundamentally different people, or he liked to think so at least. Then again, was what Ellie had done any crueler than Ash’s past actions? Nope. Not when he really thought about it. He had spent the last few years travelling from town to town stealing life savings from gullible people.

  “Ash, look out,” said Chad at the back.

  Ash pressed the brake and brought the vehicle to a halt. The road ahead of them was rough and narrow and it would have been difficult to pass even in normal circumstances, but it was made all the more difficult today.

  Somehow, a giant ash tree had fallen over and it completely blocked the road ahead. Ash slammed his hand against the dashboard.

  “Damn it,” he said.

  “Can we get around it?” said Chad.

  “Impossible,” said Ellie. “The road’s here for a reason. It’s the only safe route through the mountains in a vehicle.”

  “And there’s no goddamn way I’m abandoning the pick-up,” said Ash.

  “What about going back?” said Chad.

  “Go back to the ranch? And then what? The tunnel to the city is blocked. This is the only way through.”

  Ash stared at the fallen tree. It was thick and large enough to cover the road, but it looked hollow. There was a hole in the middle of the trunk the size of a plate, and he could see the road ahead of them through it. If the tree was hollow then it would be lighter than it looked.

  “We can move the tree,” said Chad.

  Ellie turned in his direction. This time her stupid look was reserved for Ash.

  “Just when I think you can’t be more of a dumbass.”

  “Listen,” said Chad. “How do you think the pyramids were built? How do you move a large weight?”

  Ash leaned forward. “With thousands of slaves, if you’re talking about the pyramids.”

  Chad shook his head.

  “No. You don’t use brawn. You use brains.”

  “Unfortunately, you guys are lacking either,” said Ellie.

  “Okay,” Chad said. “I know how to clear the way. But you need to listen to me. First we need to snap as many branches off the tree as we can, get rid of some of the weight. Tony, that’s your job. Then we need something to use as a lever. Something long and durable. We need something else to use as a fulcrum. A smaller log or something like that.”

  “This ain’t going to work,” said Ellie.

  “Nothing works unless you try it,” said Chad. “And I don’t think your sarcastic put-downs are gonna clear the road.”

  “How do we move it then, Davy Crockett?”

  “The lever and fulcrum will multiply the force we apply when we push on them. If we do it right, it should be enough to move the tree.”

  “It makes us stronger than we are?” said Ellie.

  “This is starting to sound like an after-school special, but no. It makes the weight easier to lift. Just trust me on this.”

  “I don’t trust you an inch,” said Ellie, leaning against the bumper with her legs crossed.

  “When the tree lifts, you’ll change your mind”

  As they talked, Ash began to hear chirps coming from the trees above t
hem. He looked up to see a couple of crows perched on a branch.

  Chad grabbed a crossbow, took aim and hit one on the wing. It squawked and then plummeted to the ground, while the other bird took off into the sky.

  “We don’t have time to screw around with levers,” said Ash.

  He cast an Ignis bolt on the fallen tree. The flames licked over the wood and it began to burn, and plumes of smoke rose into the air. They backed up the truck to a safe distance and then waited for the log to burn enough that they could just drive over it.