by Jackie Lau
“What do you mean I have a terrible diet?”
She opens a cupboard and pulls out a box of Lucky Charms. “You’re thirty-three years old and you eat this? It was a treat on Sundays when you were a kid, but why is a grown man eating multi-colored marshmallows for breakfast?”
I recall the first morning I spent with Sarah. I told her that CEOs always eat Lucky Charms for breakfast.
Ha. I smile.
I don’t have to keep missing Sarah. I can go to her right now. I hope she’ll forgive me. I hope she’ll say we can be together, no matter how much I screwed up in the past week.
I still have some lingering fears, but they’re overwhelmed by my love for her, and as she said, we can learn how to do this together. She told me about her own fears, how she felt vulnerable, but she didn’t run away because of them.
I’m determined to be the man she deserves.
Mom pours herself a bowl of Lucky Charms and soy milk.
“You scolded me for having Lucky Charms,” I say, “and now you’re eating some?”
“That’s the main reason I let you eat them as a kid. An excuse to buy them, so I could have some, too.”
I chuckle as I stare at my mother’s bowl of cereal. Something is very wrong with these Lucky Charms. Where are the colors? Is this a defective box that didn’t get the marshmallows?
I am outraged, I tell you. Outraged!
Then I realize that there actually are marshmallows, but they’re similar in color to the cereal, and they’re shaped like...penises?
My mom jerks away from the box as though it’s a giant spider. “This isn’t Lucky Charms. Did you buy some cheap knock-off at the Chinese mall?” She squints. “It’s X-rated cereal!”
I laugh. I can’t help it. I laugh and laugh.
I know Sarah did this, probably when she was here for Pi Day—I haven’t had Lucky Charms since then. I’m sure she never envisioned me discovering the penis marshmallows like this.
I love that woman.
“Mom, I’m sorry, but I’ve got something important to do. I have to leave and—”
Just then, there’s a pounding on the door, followed by five rings of the doorbell. I hurry to the door, convinced it’s Sarah, convinced she must have somehow known exactly when I was going to change my mind.
But that’s not who greets me.
“Where is your mother?” Dad stomps in, not even bothering to remove his boots. “She’s here, isn’t she?”
I’m not surprised to see him. One thing I know about my dad is that even though he’s a giant jackass to me, he loves my mother.
“Answer me!” he says.
“So many years of refusing to speak to me, and now you’re demanding I answer your questions?” I can’t help it.
He glares at me. “Stop being such a smart-mouth.”
“You know, Mom left because she’s angry with how you treat me, so maybe you want to start by changing that.”
“I’m talking to you now, like she wanted.”
“Aiyah!” Mom comes into the front hall. “This is not what I meant by talking. You apologize!”
“You had no right to leave and make me drive halfway across the province,” Dad says. “You know how worried I was? You wouldn’t even pick up your phone.”
“You have to stop treating me like I’m a fragile, sick child.”
“Anything could have happened to you.”
I stand there for a minute as their argument switches to Cantonese. My father wants my mother to come home, but he also seems uninterested in having a proper conversation with me.
I take a deep breath. His rejection still affects me, but not nearly as much as before.
My self-worth shouldn’t depend on a man whose actions have hurt me so much over the years. Yes, he’s my father, but I don’t need his approval. I am a good person even without it, and I won’t let him have so much power over me.
I’m free.
I hurry to the kitchen to gather a few things, then come back and put on my shoes and jacket. “Sorry, I have somewhere else to be.”
My parents ignore me and continue to argue.
I slip out the door, jump in my car, and start driving.
Chapter 26
Sarah
“I’m going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.”
I repeat the words to myself as I putter around the kitchen at Happy As Pie on Wednesday evening. A few more minutes of cleaning up and then I’ll head home. I usually would have left by now, but I was experimenting with a few things.
I’m starting to feel at home in the kitchen again. I couldn’t lose myself in my work right after Josh broke up with me, and he’s still on my mind nearly all the time. But somehow, I make it through each day.
Next month, I have a small catering gig with a tech company that heard about us from one of Josh’s employees. Slowly, I’m building the business I dreamed of.
I’m taking off my apron when someone knocks on the back door. Cautiously, I open it, and my heart hammers when I see who it is.
“Josh,” I whisper.
He doesn’t have the kind and friendly expression that he wore the day I met him.
Instead, he looks serious and determined.
He sets something aside on the counter and takes my hands in his, and then he says something completely unexpected.
“I found the marshmallow dicks.”
It takes me a moment to figure out what he’s talking about.
The Lucky Charms.
“Unfortunately,” he says, “my mother was there at the time.”
My cheeks heat. God, I keep screwing things up with his parents. “I’m sorry, I—”
“It’s okay.” He raises one hand and caresses my cheek. “I love that you painstakingly removed the colorful marshmallows. I love that you make the best pie in the world and are committed to your business. I love the way you savor good food. I love the way you kiss. I love the way you told me you love me...even though that was scary for you, just like it’s scary for me, but I’m still going to say it.” He pauses. “I love you.”
I pinch myself to make sure this is real.
It’s real, alright.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t accept your feelings for me. God, Sarah, I’m so sorry. It freaked me out, and I was afraid you’d snatch it away at any moment. I couldn’t look beyond what had happened with my father—I couldn’t see that all the other relationships in my life are nothing like that one. But now I know that your love isn’t conditional on me being perfect. If you’ll give me another chance, I want to spend every hour of every day proving that I love you. And I know how much Happy As Pie means to you, and I promise I won’t get in the way of that—I want to support you in every way I can. I want to wake up early so I can make coffee for you before you go to the bakery and maybe even convince you to eat Lucky Charms. I want to bring you soup and a hot water bottle when you need it and rub your feet after a long day of work. I want so much with you, and I can’t promise I’ll do it all perfectly, but I promise to do my best and love you as you deserve.”
I blink back tears and smile at him.
He’s here, and he wants to be with me again, and he’s willing to give me so much.
A month ago, I never could have imagined this happening. I was determined to focus on my pie shop and nothing else, but now I see that with Josh, my life can be even better. I can hear the sincerity in every word he says, and there’s no way I’d turn him down.
“Yes,” I say, softly at first. Then I repeat it. Louder. “Yes.”
He smiles at me, even more radiant than his usual smiles—and those are pretty freaking awesome. But now, he’s smiling as though he’s just been given everything he ever desired.
He takes a box out of his pocket, identical to the jewelry box that contained the pi necklace. “I got this one first, but I chickened out. I couldn’t give it to you even though it represented the feelings I felt for you, the ones that scared me and that I refused to articulate. So, I bought
the other necklace, too.”
I grasp the pi pendant, which had slipped behind my T-shirt, and hold it up. Yes, I’m wearing it today, even though he’d broken up with me. I couldn’t help it; I wanted some part of him near me, despite fearing he was gone from my life forever.
But now he’s back.
He opens up the jewelry box to reveal a white gold necklace with a double heart pendant, one of the hearts lined with tiny crystals.
“I love it,” I whisper.
“May I?” He takes it out of the box and undoes the clasp.
“Of course.”
He places the necklace around my neck, and a frisson of energy runs through me when he touches the back of my neck and fastens the clasp. He moves to take the other necklace off, but I stop him.
“I want to keep them both on for now. I love the pi one, too. A symbol of how we got to where we are now.”
And then, at long last, he kisses me. His lips descend to mine, and at first, it’s a tender, loving kiss, but as he wraps his arms around me, it becomes more frantic. Passionate. He cups his hands under my ass and scoops me up. He walks over to the nearest counter, and I know he has every intention of making love to me in the kitchen. I run my hands up under his Henley, and he groans as I scrape my nails over his bare skin.
“I...can’t.” It’s a struggle to get out that word, as he’s grabbing my breast and circling his thumb over my nipple. “There’s no way I’m having sex in my kitchen. It’s unsanitary.”
He barks out a laugh that reverberates in my chest. “Your office, then.”
“No, I want to do this properly.”
“I’m having decidedly improper thoughts about you right now.”
“My apartment isn’t all that far...”
The next thing I know, he’s bundling me into my winter coat and leading me out the door, and we hold hands as we hurry home.
We strip each other bare in record time, and finally, there’s nothing between us. When he enters me, I hiss out a breath of pleasure and feel as though everything, everything is just right.
* * *
After we make love—twice—we cuddle up in bed. I touch the necklaces around my neck, the only things I’m still wearing.
“I’ll be right back,” Josh says.
I miss his body heat, but he isn’t gone long. When he returns, he presents me with a plastic container containing two butter tarts.
I give him a mock glare. “These were made by someone other than me. How dare you!”
“My mother baked them.”
“Well, in that case...” I take one out of the container. It is, indeed, a delicious butter tart.
“She showed up at my house yesterday, saying she wouldn’t go home until my father started talking to me again and treating me with respect. He showed up today, and that’s when I left, but...” Josh blows out a breath. “I’m not sure he has any intention of having a real relationship with me, one that won’t disappear the instant I do something he doesn’t approve of, but I guess I can accept that.”
My heart aches for Josh. He doesn’t deserve this.
“But I won’t let him cast a shadow over the rest of my life anymore, including my relationships with everyone else in my family.”
As we nibble on our butter tarts, we catch up on everything that has happened since Pi Day. I tell him about my trip to Ingleford and my conversation with my mother.
We’re just finishing our tarts when Josh’s phone buzzes from inside his discarded pants. He ignores it, but then it buzzes again.
“Go ahead and check it,” I say. “There’s something I want to get from the kitchen.”
I head out of my bedroom in the nude and grab the bag of Lucky Charms marshmallows from the top cupboard. When I climb back into bed, Josh is still looking at his phone. Wordlessly, he shows me a text message.
Dear Josh, it’s your father. I have stolen (I mean, borrowed) your mother’s phone so I can send my first text message. I’m sorry. I really am sorry for everything, and I’m not just saying that so your mother will come home. Please come back tonight so we can talk for real, and I promise I won’t judge you for all the things I judged you for before. We will start again. I miss my son. Love, Dad.
I know how much this means to Josh. He may have let go of his desperation for his father’s approval, of feeling unworthy because his dad wouldn’t talk to him. But he still wants a relationship with him.
“Do you want to go now?” I ask.
Josh wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek. “No, it’s late, and there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here with you. There will be plenty of time for that tomorrow. Just a minute.” He taps out a message, then puts his phone down. “Tonight, I’m all yours.” He kisses me again.
I never knew how much feeling a kiss could convey until I met Josh.
“I don’t know a lot about being anyone’s boyfriend,” he says. “I’m woefully out of practice, but like I said, I promise to do my very best with you.”
“You’re doing a great job so far. I’m not very familiar with what it’s like to be someone’s girlfriend, either, but I will be here whenever you need me, putting marshmallow dicks in your Lucky Charms.” I take out the bag of the real Lucky Charm marshmallows, which I’d hidden under the blankets. “Look what I have.”
He laughs. “Do these offend your fancy foodie tastes?”
“Maybe a little, but if you like them, I don’t care. And seriously, how could anyone hate a marshmallow unicorn?”
But instead of the unicorn, I pull out a little marshmallow heart and pop it in his mouth, and then I feed myself a green clover.
I feel very, very lucky right now.
Everything is coming together in my life, and I know the road ahead won’t be perfect, but Josh and I will be on it together.
Once upon a time, a handsome CEO walked into my pie shop and asked me to cater a Pi Day party, and I stabbed him in the arm with a fork, and somehow, we fell in love. We discovered we could be amazing together, like chocolate and hazelnuts. Even though neither of us thought we wanted romance and love, we found them with each other.
I clutch the pi and heart pendants in my hand and press a kiss to Josh’s lips.
I am, indeed, happy as pie.
Epilogue
Josh
It’s Easter Sunday and we’re having dim sum.
Although my family isn’t Christian, we always did something for Easter, and in recent years, my sisters would go to a restaurant in Ottawa with my parents. Not me, though.
But this year, they all came to Toronto, and there are twelve of us seated around the table. Mom and Dad, Nancy and Wendy and their families, and me and Sarah.
Sarah squeezes my leg under the table and rotates the lazy Susan to get herself some turnip cake, which, for mysterious reasons, she enjoys. I place my hand over hers and smile.
A few months ago, I never would have imagined this happening. Me and a girlfriend at a family meal. I have a girlfriend, and she makes my heart sing whenever I look at her. And while I might have imagined eating dim sum with my sisters and parents, a part of me feared I’d never have a real conversation with my father again, no matter how hard I tried.
Yet here we are.
Things with my father still aren’t perfect, but they’re better than before. I hope we’ll continue to get along, but regardless, I won’t let him get in my head and make me feel bad about myself.
My parents’ relationship is on slightly shaky ground. My mother has a lot of resentment over how my father treated me over the years, plus resentment over the things he’s done that have supposedly been for her health. They’ve started couples therapy. I was surprised Dad wasn’t too proud to go to therapy, but he doesn’t want to lose his wife, and he’s determined to change.
Mom loves Sarah and convinced her to share her recipe for chocolate hazelnut tarts, which, to be honest, I didn’t think Sarah would ever give to anyone, but she has.
“Number Nineteen,” Wendy says,
“please stop hogging the siu mai.”
I put the bamboo steamer back on the lazy Susan. “You have to stop calling me that.”
“Am confused,” Dad says. “Why do you call him Number Nineteen?”
I sigh. “Because I was number nineteen on a list of eligible bachelors in Toronto.” I turn to Wendy. “But you can’t call me that anymore, because even though I’m not married, I’m very much taken.”
I wink at Sarah, and she smiles back at me. It’s pretty wonderful, what we have.
When we’re almost done eating, my father gets up. It looks like he’s trying to be sneaky about it, but my father is a big man, and it’s not easy for him to sneak out of the back corner.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Nancy says, pushing back her chair so he can’t get through.
Dad looks at me. “What about you? Are you going to try to stop me?”
I cross my arms and lean back in my chair. “Nah, go ahead. You’re just going to the washroom, right?”
“For a CEO,” Nancy says, “you’re pretty stupid. He’s obviously trying to pay the bill.”
Wendy shrugs. “Whatever, the bill has already been paid. He’s too late.”
“What?” Nancy cries. “Is that what you were doing when you took Lindy to the washroom? Using your children to help you pay the bill—that’s low.”
“That’s when I tried to give them my credit card,” Wendy says. “But they refused, saying they already had one on file.”
Everyone turns to me. I shrug innocently.
“Wah, how could you?” Dad pulls some bills out of his wallet and tries to hand them across the table.
“You’re making a scene. The meal isn’t even over yet.” Mom pulls back his arm.
He returns the money to his wallet and frowns. “Where is my credit card? And the rest of my money? I only have forty bucks!”
Now it’s my mother’s turn to shrug innocently.
“You did this?” Dad asks. “You managed to steal my wallet when I wasn’t looking?”
Mom holds up a credit card and a wad of bills and shrugs again.
He grabs the money and card back. “So sneaky.”