The Single Lady Spy Series Boxset

by Tara Brown

  I turned back once to see the flames and the panic on the terrace and steps above us. I didn't believe he was gone. I wouldn't believe it. Never. Nothing could kill something like him. “Simone, did the satellites pick up any heat signals from the rubble? Is there anyone alive in there?” I asked.

  “No, Evie. There’s nothing. Not a single survivor, just the people rushing in now. I’m so sorry.” She sounded genuinely upset for me, for us all.

  “Come on, Evie.” Coop pulled me to the dock where the boat was. My mom was waiting, dressed in sweats and a tee shirt.

  The moment I saw her, I became a fourteen-year-old girl with a crushed soul, a broken spirit, and a shattered heart. I rushed her, letting her wrap herself around me.

  “Mom,” I sobbed as the boat backed away. “Mom, he’s gone.”

  “I’ve got you,” she whispered into my hair, kissing the side of my head. “My darling girl.”

  Everything fell apart there.

  I lost the badly patched hold I’d had on myself.

  The screams of agonizing pain and anguish were lost in the sea and the darkness.

  Nothing would be the same again.

  In all the best and worst ways, nothing would be the same again.

  26

  Butterflies and nightingales

  September 2013

  The explosion still rang in my head, even when the news had moved on to stories of the crashing markets and hundreds dead. Hundreds of vastly important people, casualties that would affect the economy. How would we recover as a world from such losses? Not to mention, the Japanese explosion in a sacred temple. It had been a bad night for a large part of the world. Losses felt everywhere.

  They didn't mention the one name that should’ve been on the list of dead.

  A name they wouldn't know.

  A name I would never forget.

  The rest of the people who died in the explosion could all burn.

  I didn't care.

  I was stuck on the one name they didn't say, reliving fractions of memories melding together to create a love story, possibly one that hadn’t happened.

  Every single image flashed behind my eyes, creating reminiscences I wasn't sure were accurate. I couldn't trust my brain. Not where he was concerned. I’d sainted him in death. I’d made our love story epic. I’d become Scarlett to his Rhett.

  Reliving an entire lifetime, which in reality was only months long, was excruciating. My mind found ways to twist and turn the tiniest of seconds, the quickest of looks, the softest of whispers. It found a way to make him more than he was.

  One thing was certain though, he haunted me. He was there when I slept, leaving his scent behind for me when I woke.

  I knew he’d find a way to stay behind, no doubt dodging his date with destiny and the hellfire he’d totally earned.

  I’d seen him multiple times, passing a doorway or staring from a window. But like the ghostly vision he was, he’d vanished by the time I got there or faded to mist if I stared too long.

  A teary smile cracked across my face at the thought of him running hell, because of course, that was the only way he would endure the heat.

  But no, he wasn't there.

  He was here.

  Haunting me.

  Dead and not.

  Dead.

  Thinking that word felt wrong.

  How could something so strong and colossal die?

  But he had.

  Two weeks had passed and nothing.

  No real sightings or resurfacing.

  And even worse, he had died by our hand.

  Our bomb.

  Our plan.

  His and ours.

  There was no recovering from this. There was just moving on. Accepting my fate and his.

  The ice in my veins no longer chilled me. The cold was a welcome reprieve to the fiery pain I’d endured.

  Amazing that one day, one second, one breath could take so much.

  There was no recovering from this.

  Even if Jack had managed to save the Burrow and my family members with it.

  When he said the words I would never forget, “Butterflies and nightingales,” he’d looked me in the eyes, smug and uncaring about the pain in my soul. He was too proud of his accomplishment to see my agony.

  Apparently, the code words Mom had used did have meaning. Butterflies and nightingales had one thing in common: a place. Dorset. It was a place where a man lived. He had been part of the Burrow once, a scientist they believed could help the world with sustainable energy. My father had faked the man’s death and allowed him to move to Dorset, fleeing the Burrow to live near the conservatory for the butterflies and nightingales. He had built a small commune where the Burrow people could flee one day if the Burrow ever fell. They could start over there. The ones willing to work under the strict guidelines of reentry into the real world.

  It was where my sister and father were, along with the scientists, working to create new identities and lives.

  Jack had used the bots to take out all the people in charge—Servario’s plan of course—and arranged for my dad to plan the escape. Jack used the bots to blow the temple, ‘killing everyone’ at the same moment the Organization went silent.

  The doctors were free.

  The Burrow was gone.

  The Organization was dead.

  I was free.

  My children were safe.

  The world was a better place, if only marginally.

  And yet, I’d never felt less excited about anything so incredible.

  I was struggling and faking being alive.

  “Mom!” Jules came running down the hall of the English manor home we hadn’t left yet with Hedgie on her heels. “Mom.” She hopped onto the bed and smiled wide showing me the hole where her front tooth had been as the small dog whined to get on the bed.

  “Oh my God!” I sat up and hugged her, switching on in the way I’d been doing for months. “If you keep this up, you’ll be able to sing that song, All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.”

  “I know. And this one’s kinda wiggly.” She wiggled a perfectly stiff tooth.

  I kissed the side of her face before she struggled away and picked up the dog, letting him run around the bed sniffing everything like this was his first time up here. “Speaking of Christmas, you ready to get going back home? We have some serious unpacking to do.” I smiled wide, trying to make it sound amazing. “School starts on Tuesday.” Our old town, old school, old neighborhood, and old sports teams were waiting. I’d enrolled them to start a week later than everyone else, but they would be back with their friends. Stability.

  I’d bought a new house. It was huge. Enough room for the family I was getting back.

  I would be a new version of old me.

  Mom. Daughter. Friend. Employee. Sister.

  I had plans.

  I was going to do yoga and be the single mom who looked like she did it all and was put together. The truth was, my mom and Fitz were coming with me, my secret weapons who doubled as a security squad. And assassins, in case I ever needed that. And then my father and sister would join us.

  “Do we hafta go home?” Jules scowled.

  “Yes, it's time. Time for normal life again. And Penny is being delivered to the new stable where she’ll be kept so you can go visit and ride her on weekends.”

  “I'm excited to see Penny, but what if the bad guys come and we have to run again?” She asked the one question I’d been dreading. It meant she understood far too much of what had been said around her, regardless of our efforts to protect her.

  “You are too smart for your own good.” I kissed her cheek once more. “Look, there are no bad guys left. But if there are, Grandma and Uncle Fitz are coming with us. And Aunty Sissy is coming to stay with us for like the whole month of December while she does some house hunting. And I think even Grandpa is coming home to stay.”

  “Even Grandpa?” She gasped, making me laugh at her dramatics. She had the flair for it.r />
  “Yes, ma’am. I think we will be one big happy family for a while, at least until everyone finds houses close by.” I was already worried about the fact Dad was coming home, eventually. He hadn’t been home in a long time. I wasn't sure what that looked like, especially him and Mom. They had been apart for far too long.

  “What about Luce and Jack and Coop?”

  “Well, everyone has lives they have to go back to. We had a job to do and now we have different jobs.” The words stung. It had been a year since it all started. It felt like a lifetime, but it was almost exactly one year since this began.

  My cheeks flushed as I thought about the beginning of it all. Coop and me and Servario. What a triangle of hot sex and crazy messes.

  “I’m gonna go show Grandma my tooth.” Jules leapt off the bed with the dog following her, as Mitch came in and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Are you all packed?”

  “Yeah.” He slumped. “I’m gonna miss this place. Having servants is sort of awesome.”

  “Right, well, we won’t have those. But I did buy a house almost as big as this back home. And it has a pool and a hot tub and a small basketball court. I bet you could flood it in the winter, make a backyard rink.” I shrugged, offering some positives.

  “For real? You bought a house that big?”

  “It’s huge. Over in the swanky part of the hood, where your friend Connor lives.”

  “Oh shit, those are big houses.”

  “Excuse you?” I lifted my eyebrows. “Did just you say ‘shit’?”

  “Mom, you’re not exactly keeping it PG around me anymore. And Coop cusses. And so does Grandma. Don't even get me started on Luce. Uncle Fitz is the only one who’s even close to trying.”

  “Okay, that’s fair.” I nodded, not really in the mood to fight.

  “Can I ask you a question?” Mitch grew serious.

  “Of course, ask away.” His tone made me uncomfortable.

  “Are you okay? It’s just, you seem different and the school counselor said that we should always watch to see if someone’s personality changes or if they get really sad suddenly. Because then we should ask them if they’re okay. In case they aren’t. And you seem sort of—sad, sadder.”

  My heart broke but I kept the tears at bay.

  “I’m okay. It’s been a hard year, with Dad and everything with this job, and I’m just tired.” I hadn't been hiding it well. I needed to be better and do better.

  “What about you and Coop? Is that why you’re sad?”

  “No, honey. Coop and I are just friends. We always were just friends. He’s like a best friend, but he’s a boy and I sort of mistook that as something else. I don't know if you know what I mean.” I wasn't sure I was saying this right.

  But he nodded. “I do. I think that Simone chick is doing the same thing. Coop’s pretty awesome, so I guess that's why ladies do that. Although, Simone is kinda hot—” He grinned.

  “Gross. Shut it down.” I hit him with a pillow. “She’s old enough to be your mom.”

  “No, she’s only like eleven years older than me. You’re like that much older than Coop.”

  “Okay, wow.” I attacked him and started ruffling his hair. He hit me back with the pillow. We were laughing and giggling and whacking each other with pillows when Coop came into the room.

  “What’s going on?” He leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

  I sighed and shoved Mitch. “Someone was being a little shit.”

  “It was her.” Mitch pointed at me.

  I swung the pillow at him again, but he jumped out of the way and ran down the hall. “Pack your bags!” I shouted, certain he wasn't ready.

  “You all right?” Coop lifted an eyebrow. “You’re winded.”

  “I am winded.” I heaved a big breath and sat back. “This whole year has kinda sucked it out of me.”

  “And now it’s over. And even better, Jack has some numbers for you.” He walked over and lifted his cell phone, revealing Jack’s smiling face on the screen.

  “Hey, Jack.” I smiled.

  “Hey, Evie. I just wanted to let you know, we haven’t picked up any chatter. The Russians are silent. I honestly think they lost so many major players, they don't know how to rebuild. Also, the number of victims freed from the Saransk situation is four thousand and eighty-two. Mostly teenagers and young women. There were ships, brothels, prisons, all sorts of places popping up on the radar after the raids. We’ve arrested over seven hundred people. It’s actually been insane here at the office. I think the commander is ready to kill us.” His focus darted to Coop. “And Simone says thanks for all the extra work.” He rolled his eyes as a balled-up piece of paper hit him in the face, I assumed from Simone.

  “That’s awesome, Jack. I’ve never been prouder of us all,” I forced out, making myself enjoy the brighter side of things. And this was a definite brighter side.

  “Yeah, I have to say, it felt good seeing that number. I didn't see the whole thing as worth it before, but I do now. You were right, Evie.”

  “Yeah, she was,” Coop admitted and turned to me, giving me a grin. “She knew better than anyone that those victims needed to be saved.” For the first time in a long time, I saw pride in his stare.

  “Anyway, I just wanted to be sure you guys are on schedule. We have a lot of debriefing here. A lot of meetings and information sharing.” Jack grimaced. “It’s going to be a horrid couple of months before reassignment.”

  “I don't know, Jack. A couple of months at a desk doing some nine-to-five might be a nice change.”

  “We’ll see how you feel when you get here. See you guys at Evie’s in two days.” He smiled and waved as the call was disconnected, leaving Jack’s frozen face there for a second.

  “Thanks for getting Jack to pinpoint those numbers.” I glanced up at Coop. “Knowing we made that huge of a difference is amazing. I mean, over four thousand slaves freed.”

  “Yeah. I have a bad feeling it’ll taint our next assignments. You’ve made it seem like we have a bit of a knack for a certain genre of terrorism.”

  “Which means reassignment to a whole new unit, doesn’t it? Human trafficking isn’t Counter Intelligence.”

  “Nope.” Coop exhaled slowly. “Jack and I both think we will be reassigned to the UN.”

  “That’s good for Jack. He can stop lying to his family.”

  “If he comes with us.” Coop lifted his brow. “We could all be separated. I mean you’re exposed. There’s no way you’re going deep cover CI again. But Luce could easily. She’s maintained her anonymity.” He said it teasingly, but I knew he didn't want to be broken up as a team any more than the rest of us did.

  “I hope they see how well we all work together and leave it at that.”

  He sat on the bed next to me, holding the phone and staring at the floor. “Simone won’t be with us.” He bit his lip and gave me a side-glance but didn't add anything to it.

  “She requested to leave the crew?”

  “She did. She's asked for somewhere else to start a bit more agent training."

  "What about you guys?"

  "Oh, Evie, there's no us. She just wants to be friends.” He scoffed as if I should have seen that coming.

  “What happened?” I asked, certain of his answer, but pretending I was unaware.

  “We happened, Evie?” He shook his head as a hint of a bitter grin toyed with his lips.

  “But we didn't do anyth—”

  “The eye cams.” He sighed. “She could see the way we looked at each other. She probably suspected for a long time that we were more than just teammates.”

  “We are more than teammates, Coop. We always will be.” I offered him my hand, letting him wrap his around mine. “I will always love you in some weird fucked-up way.”

  “Just not the right way.” He revealed the part I had kept back. I couldn't make promises about that right now.

  “I don't know. I do know I need to do the thing Luce said, be
single for four seasons and get reacquainted with myself again. I need to clear my head and get back into my routine and not make decisions about anything serious until I am calm inside. This last year has swept me up and carried me with the current, and I haven’t been in control of anything.” I squeezed his warm hand. “And if anything I have felt for the last year—that we have felt—is real, we’ll still have it in a year.”

  “What if one of us feels something and the other doesn't?” he asked, losing some of his confidence as he exposed his fears.

  “I don't think that’s how it works. People who love each other find their way to one another. You know the whole ‘if you love something, set it free.’ We can’t make this decision based on sadness and the adrenaline we’ve been stuck in. We have to make it because we love each other and we add something good to each other’s lives. And until we are both happy with ourselves, we can’t depend on the other person to make us happy.” The words burned but they were my truth. My real truth.

  “And if he was here?” He narrowed his eyes, challenging me.

  “I told him the same thing.” It was also true. “I chose my kids. And then he chose them too.” The words stung to say but they had to be said, not just for Coop but for me too. “Servario sacrificed everything to make my kids safe.”

  “Four seasons?” He sounded beaten by the idea.

  “Four seasons.”

  “All right.” He squeezed my hand once and got up, letting go and walking to the door. He paused and turned his head back around. “But I’m playing dirty. Tight jeans and tee shirts every day. And I’m not giving up my visitation of the kids.” He cracked that grin and stalked out of the room, leaving me laughing. It was the one thing I had to give him—he left me laughing where Servario almost always left me crying.

  I wasn't sure what that said about me, that I would have chosen the man who made me cry.

  But I knew it meant one thing for sure. I needed fucking help.

  27

  Season One

  October 2013

  “And done! I am officially finished with my paperwork and never want to see the words ‘Burrow’ or ‘Organization’ ever again.” Luce slapped the last of the paperwork on the desk and flopped into the chair next to me. It had been brutal, debriefing or naming and explaining everything that had gone on, without actually telling the truth on the whole matter.