by Tara Brown
My stomach tightened but I waited for his words. Words I knew were coming.
“It’s you and me and those kids against the world. And yes, we have some weird baggage and I’m younger, which makes you older. But I love you more every day, which I didn’t believe was possible. I love you in ways I can’t explain to you because I don’t understand them or have the emotional capacity to explain them. But my wish is that you give us a chance again, because I’m pretty sure we can make it through anything together.” His words slugged me in the chest. They were more than I’d expected.
“Anything?” I asked, pretending to keep it light, but the feel of him on top of me, pinning me to the grass and declaring his love for me was too much.
“Yeah, I mean, we have a real advantage over other couples. We have already experienced the weird awkward stages that normally kill relationships. What can the world honestly do to us that we haven’t already done to ourselves?”
“That’s true. So you’re giving me your notice?” I teased as butterflies had a Cirque du Soleil in my stomach.
“You have two months until the wedding, which is our deadline to finish the list. Which means, I am asking you out. Be my date. Go with me to the wedding.”
“A date. Don't you think we’re sort of past the point of a date?”
“Oh, we’re way past dating. I meant that as a polite way of saying we’re just back together on that date.” His eyes twinkled with passion and delight.
“Oh, like ‘make the kids sleep in my mom’s room and we share a room’ kind of date?” I lifted an eyebrow, still keeping this a joke, but my whole body was doing invisible cartwheels while possibly having a seizure.
“Yes. Absolutely. If I’m shelling out for a tux and getting you a corsage, the least you can do is provide the in-room entertainment.” He bit his lip and my heart did a flip-flop with my stomach.
“I’ll think about it. I mean, it’s two months away. Surely, you can’t expect me to answer this now.”
“I do.” He lowered his face to mine, his lips so close I smelled the pool water on him. “But since I’m springing this notice on you, I’ll give you a week. But I want my answer.”
“Fine,” I shot back.
“Fine.” He stared into my eyes, burning me with the heat and passion he radiated. But he didn’t kiss me. He swallowed hard and got up, holding a hand out for me. I took it, grimacing at the state of my sundress and knees as I stood.
He pulled me into his arms and brushed my hair from my face, cupping my chin and tilting my head so I was forced to stare into his eyes. He lowered his mouth, brushing his lips lightly against mine, kissing softly. It was a tease of a kiss, making me lean in, trying to get more, but he pulled back and whispered against my parted lips, “One week.” He stepped back and strode up the lawn to the deck.
My heart raced. My hands were balled. My mouth still sort of moved like it expected to have a real kiss any second.
My body felt as if a key had been placed in the hole in my heart and it had started again. I buzzed with want and desire.
He glanced back, licking his lips and grinning, enjoying that he was leaving me with the fading feeling of him pressed against me on purpose. He delighted in the place I was stuck, the place he’d left me.
I desperately wanted sex.
And not just any sex with anyone.
I wanted him.
And I wasn't waiting a week.
I waited until after dinner when everyone began to disperse. Mitch had gone to his friend Connor’s house down the road. Mom sat in the office, searching for a pattern for some knitting she wanted to do, Luce and Jack left for their apartment, and Jules was watching a movie, with Fitz and the dog, about dogs that could talk. I’d cleaned the kitchen and got the coffee ready for morning while Coop tidied the backyard. He would be leaving for his apartment soon, and I realized for the first time in a long time, I didn't want that. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him.
From my bedroom, which was on the main floor and had a set of French doors that opened onto the back deck, I watched Coop put the cover back on the pool. He picked up noodles and other pool toys and cleaned up.
I hid behind the silky sheers that were always closed, noticing the way his back flexed under his charcoal-colored Batman tee shirt. His arms were thicker, which I assumed was because of the desk job. He had more time for working out and fitness this year.
As he turned around and scanned the deck and yard, checking for anything he’d missed, I opened one of the doors a crack and called softly, “Coop.”
He spun, frowning when he saw me mixed in with the sheers. “Evie?”
“I have your answer. If you want it.”
“Do you?” He folded his thick arms but didn't move. I’d assumed he’d be rushing me and it would be a frenzy of fucking and desperation.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” He still didn't budge.
“It’s clearly a yes, Coop.” Did I have to spell it out for him?
“Great.” His lips lifted into that cheeky grin.
“Starting now.” I nodded at the bed to my right.
“No, let’s keep that date.” His smiled widened. “The Me Too movement, Evie. I’m your boss for a few more weeks. I don't want to mess things up.” He winked but I didn't know what he was talking about.
What Me Too movement? "Whatever."
“I’ll see ya tomorrow. Thanks for dinner.” He waved and turned away, stalking back into the house through the kitchen.
My jaw dropped and my heart clenched. “That fucker,” I whispered.
He wanted to play games, I could play too.
32
Wedding bells
“Stranger sex might not kill you at this point. It’s been over a year. Your vagina is probably a dried husk,” Luce said as she admired her wedding dress once more in the mirror while lecturing me like I wasn't a thirty-eight-year-old woman.
“I don't need stranger sex.” I kept that I needed Coop sex to myself. His little game of cat and mouse, turning me into the horny cat, had been brilliantly played and even I had to admit he’d won. He played games better than I did. I’d worn cute outfits and stretched out in my yoga clothes and tried to kiss him multiple times, but he had resisted. I wasn't sure how because the bulge in his pants on multiple occasions suggested he wanted to react differently. But he never did. He had self-control in spades.
And even if I saw the game, a blind person would have seen the game, the awareness never saved me from falling for it. I’d landed in his trap and writhed in it for weeks.
He wanted me to want him more than anything else in the world. He wanted me to be obsessed with him the way he had been about me. He wanted me to suffer in desire the way he had. And I did. The last eight weeks had been miserable. And in even worse news, they’d brought on an awareness that this had gone on a lot longer than eight weeks. I realized I’d been wanting Coop for far longer than I was willing to admit.
Even worse, he wanted me to love him the way he loved me. And he’d denied me while being the greatest dad my kids could have asked for, as well as a partner like I’d never had before. It made my heart ache almost as painfully as my vagina did.
He was smarter than I gave him credit for.
He was more than anything I gave him credit for.
“Ready?” Luce asked, interrupting my thoughts.
“Let’s do this.” I smiled wide, pushing all my Coop angst behind the importance of my best friend’s wedding. And that was what she had grown to be. Luce had become the sister I didn't really have and the friend I had always wanted.
I fixed her veil and beamed a bright smile at her. “You are a picture of grace and beauty, my friend.”
“Thanks, Evie.” She sniffled.
“No crying until way later,” I scolded softly. “These rich types mean business when they want pictures. Your future mother-in-law has hired a team of photographers. So tuck that shit away.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She nodded a
nd sniffled once more. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I hugged her awkwardly, not wanting to really touch her. She was perfect.
I turned and forced her to walk, leading the way to the side door where she would wait for Jack to walk down the aisle with his mother, some French thing. When they were done that, I would leave and walk down the aisle alone. Luce would follow alone. Her father wasn't allowed to walk her down the aisle, and everyone who was anyone would be in the garden of the palace, watching her get married. A small wedding at Jack’s private estate had been boycotted, and his father and mother insisted they be married in true style at the Élysée Palace. It was a dream come true for Luce and a huge spectacle for Jack.
When we got to the side door she had the same expression I’d once seen on her face suggesting she was mid panic attack. Of course the other time we were pretending to be trafficked dancers and the threat of sex assault was ripe in the air. It made me want to laugh that she was in the same place now, about to get everything she wanted, but I didn't.
“Deep breaths,” I said calmly. I reached down and held her hand, suffering through the clammy feel of them.
I opened the door and listened for our cue, the moment the music changed.
As it hit, I turned to her. “See you down there.”
“Okay.” She nodded aggressively.
“Cinderella. You’re Cinderella.” I squeezed her hand again, fingering the red ring I’d slipped on as her something borrowed. “And Harry will bring you luck.” I let go and started my slow walk to the red carpet in the middle of the garden.
The crowd was huge, faces I didn't know. As I got closer to the front, I saw people I recognized and smiled at Mom, Fitz, Sissy, her husband, the commander, Mitch, and Jules. One face at the end of the line made me tear up. Jack stood patiently waiting with glossy eyes and a strained expression. He fidgeted with one finger, pushing his nail into his palm. Next to him was a face that made all my worries and anxiety vanish. Safety.
But Coop wasn't thinking about how safe I made him feel. He was thinking something else altogether and it made my heart race. There was passion in his eyes as they roamed my dress and body.
Blushing, I stood to the side and waited for the music to shift once more.
Mom winked at me as the symphony shifted and everyone stood.
It took several heartbeats before Luce came around the corner of the crowd. Jack started to breathe when he saw her. His eyes shone with emotion and made me lose the control I had on my tears. They slipped softly down my cheeks.
Fitz cried, trembling and wiping his cheeks as Mom rubbed his arm.
Everything was a blur of French, and a small offering of English when it came time for Luce to say her vows.
The minister said something with excitement and Jack lifted the veil and kissed his bride. She tried to lift her hands to grab him, but he pinned her arms, ensuring the kiss was respectable and proper.
I suspected this was symbolism for the rest of their marriage.
Everyone cheered and petals were thrown, though I didn't see a single face beyond his. Coop took my arm in his and led me behind Jack and Luce as flowers fell on us all.
“What a perfect ceremony,” I offered, realizing I no longer grimaced at the thought of marriage or weddings.
“You mean you enjoyed that?” Coop sounded shocked but I knew he was mocking me.
“I’m going to enjoy the carrot cake wedding cake Luce demanded more.” I winked. Luce had won that battle. She didn't want a cream puff tower cake, and she needed me there beside her, even though bridesmaids weren’t a thing here.
“No carrot cake for you.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “No one wants the night ruined by Evie’s food belly.” He leaned in and brushed his lips against my cheek. “I want you nimble,” he whispered in my ear.
I shivered with excitement and warmth from his breath.
And the excitement got me through the night.
We posed, I tried not to complain about how many pictures they took.
We ate, I picked.
We danced, I spent the evening in Coop’s arms letting him lead me around and swooned when he danced with my daughter.
We celebrated until the happy couple rode off in their carriage with flashes of cameras guiding the way.
His arm slipped into my waist as we followed Mom and Fitz and the kids to the gates to go to our hotel.
My anxiety started to build the moment we got into the car.
My hands trembled and my brow glistened as I contemplated the end of everything and the beginning of a new life, all fixed on tonight like it was New Year’s Eve.
Mom and Fitz nattered about the wedding. Jules yawned and Mitch played on his phone, occasionally adding a little something to conversation.
Coop lightly stroked the back of my hand with his thumb, making me tremble more.
When we got to the hotel, the valet got the door and Coop held my hand as we climbed out. Mitch’s eyes darted to us holding hands and a small smirk crested his lips.
Jules busted through our held hands by jumping on Coop and demanding to be carried like a princess.
Mom’s gaze narrowed as we walked inside. “I’ll tuck the kids in,” she said with a tone. I wasn't sure if it was disapproving or not but it was a tone.
“Okay.”
The elevator wasn't tense, my kids made sure of that.
“Coop, can we do the Eiffel Tour tomorrow?” Mitch asked.
“Sure can.” His gaze flickered to mine.
“Is Luce a princess now?” Jules, who’d never been a princess sort of girl before, seemed obsessed.
“No.” I laughed. “But she is married to someone who’s related to all the royal families, apparently on the Bonaparte line in France, and she is sort of like the second daughter to the president.”
Jules wrinkled her nose. “I still think she’s a princess. She looked like one.”
“Did she change your mind on dresses and shoes?” I poked Jules in the tummy, making her squirm in Coop’s arms.
“Maybe.” She giggled.
We dropped them off at the suite they shared with my mom, Coop placing Jules down on the bed. “Your Highness.” He bowed slightly.
“You’re dismissed.” She waved a hand, saying and doing it all a little too well.
We all laughed, even Mitch.
“Night guys.” I kissed them on the cheeks. “Be good for Grandma.”
“You don't have to keep saying that, Mom.” Mitch groaned. “No one in their right mind would be bad for Grandma. She’s got wicked good knife skills.” His sentence made us all stop and stare. Flashes of the barnyard skin peeling and blood bucket screamed through my mind until he said, “Have you ever seen her chop veg and fruits? It’s crazy.”
We all laughed again but with a little more nervousness.
Mom winked at me as I walked from the room giving her a look. “My knife skills are fairly good.”
Coop and I swallowed hard as she closed the door, leaving us in the hall.
“She’s terrifying.”
“Totally,” I agreed.
We paused for a moment, not touching or looking at each other. All the thoughts washed from my mind in the flood of hormones and desire.
My senses sharpened, tormenting me with the scent of him.
I parted my lips to say something stupid, something awkward, but he lifted his finger and placed it over them, shaking his head. “Don't.” He knew me too well.
He moved his hand to my chin, cupping my face. He said a thousand things with a stare before he took my hand and pulled me down the hall to our suite. The one he’d booked. The one I had lied to my kids about and said I would be sleeping in on my own, needing space for all my wedding crap.
He tapped the automatic door lock with the card and opened it, dragging me through to the room. The door closed on its own behind me, the only sound beyond my rapidly beating heart.
He let go of my hand, turning to face me with just the
light of the city coming in the large balcony windows to lead us through the dark room.
He pulled off his suit jacket, tossing it on the chair next to him.
I slid my arm from one sleeve and then the other, letting the dress slide down my body.
His eyes lowered and he cracked a grin.
Following his stare, I scowled until I saw it. “Oh my God.” I covered my eyes, blushing.
“There’s my girl.” He chuckled.
“I forgot I was wearing this. I had planned on slipping into something less awkward.” I giggled.
“No, this is perfect. You in your natural form. Weird push-up suction cups and the sucking-in underwear that isn’t even underwear. Sometimes I think about you in your outfits like this. I’ve missed them and their honesty.”
“Shut up, Coop. There were a lot of cameras. I wanted to make sure I was sucked in everywhere.” I slid a finger into the waistband of the Spanx, envisioning how this was going to go, trying to remove them in front of him, and decided to abort, quickly. I turned. “I’ll be right back.”
“Evie, stop.”
“No.” I rushed, hitting the corner of the bed and grunting my way into the bathroom. I closed the door and flicked on the light, drowning in shame.
I dragged the suction cups from my body and wrestled with the Spanx until I was finally free and panting.
“Evie,” he whispered at the door. “Come out or I’m coming in.”
“I’m just going to shower quick.” I felt sticky from the suction cups and sweaty from the wrestling and weird now that this was where we’d arrived. Disappointment smothered me as I started the shower.