A Christmas to Dismember

by Addison Moore

  Quinn Bennet might be dead, but I’ll make sure he gets one last gift for Christmas, too.

  Justice.

  Chapter 4

  “You had them cuff me!”

  Georgie shouts as she barges into the Country Cottage Café where Emmie and I sit at the counter noshing on her creamy dreamy peppermint bark.

  Georgie’s hair is wild and frizzy, and she’s wearing a forest green kaftan, a much more comfortable look than that cumbersome wonky quilt she tried to pass off as a dress last night.

  Outside the wide-set windows the sky is dark, the Atlantic is churning, and snow is on order at some point in the day. But the magic of December outweighs any gloom the weather can bring as garland covered with twinkle lights outlines every nook and cranny in the brightly lit café.

  The café has a black and white theme with wrought iron tables and chairs, which are all filled at the moment with guests from the inn. Both guests and townies alike are welcome to dine at the café and, of course, they’re welcome to bring their pets. There’s a huge enclosed patio off the back that affords expansive views of the sandy cove. And no matter what time of year, how bitter cold it may be, people can often be found walking the cobbled path that leads to the beach.

  “Georgie.” I rock Rudolph like a baby while he sits snug in a baby sling hanging from my chest. It’s something I use to tote Fish around in, so I thought I’d try it with Rudolph and he really seems to love it. Last night when we got home, he ran laps around my tiny cottage until he was spent and passed out by the fireplace. Seeing that he can’t be more than seven or eight weeks old, I thought cradling him might be a good way to start the morning. “I did not have you cuffed,” I tell her, taking another bite out of Emmie’s melt in your mouth peppermint bark. “Okay, so I may have had you cuffed, but you were naked. What was I supposed to do?”

  “I had undergarments on. I was wearing a G-string.”

  Emmie giggles. “A G-string, Georgie? Really?”

  “What’s the matter with that? It has my name on it. The G stands for Georgie. It was practically made for me.”

  “The G stands for groin,” I say, petting Fish with my foot as she curls up next to Sherlock Bones at the base of my stool. “But never mind that. What do you have on the agenda today?”

  Georgie narrows her left eye as she studies me. “What do you got going on, kid? Any plans to rough up the bad guys? Heading to a dive bar to shake up a perp? If you’re in, I’m in. I’m your ride or die, and don’t you forget that.”

  My lips pinch tightly. “Okay, so I might be headed off to speak to someone later, but first, I’ve got to take this little fuzzy bear to the vet and get him checked out.”

  I omit the tiny detail about meeting both Leo and Huxley at Preston Jewelers. I didn’t exactly tell Leo or Huxley that I was working them both just yet. But they’re smart boys. They’ll figure it out as soon as they see one another sorting through rings.

  I still can’t believe they’re both plotting their matrimonial moves at the very same time, in December no less when my free time has been cut down to nil—not to mention the fact Quinn Bennet was slaughtered right here on the grounds of his most treasured piece of real estate. And how I hate the irony. But nevertheless, I’ll move heaven and this inn to help both Leo and Hux give their prospective brides the proposals of their dreams.

  Emmie nods. “She’s investigating. Where are you off to, Biz?”

  I shrug. “I thought I’d start with that woman who sang ‘Silent Night.’”

  “She was good,” Emmie muses. “Is she staying at the inn?”

  “Pfft.” Georgie takes a seat next to me. “What fun would that be? Here’s hoping we find her in some seedy nightclub in Edison where they make women like me dance in cages while men with hairy chests, wearing thick gold chains, throw nickels at us.” She looks my way. “I’ve got a pair of go-go boots that haven’t go-goed in a long time. My waist may have expanded, but my feet remain the same. I’ll go-go dust ’em off.”

  Juni enters the café and slogs on over. Her hair is mussed, her mascara is smeared, and she’s wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe.

  “Coffee, pancakes, bacon,” she mutters to no one in particular.

  Sherlock sits up at attention, and Juni gives him a quick scratch.

  “Yeah, yeah,” she gravels out the words. “Make it extra bacon.”

  Sherlock gives a cheery bark. We’ll need bacon for Rudolph, too. He’s got a long flight ahead of him, and Christmas Eve will be here before we know it.

  Fish mewls, Oh, for Pete’s sake, Sherlock. Jasper was just teasing. Rudolph isn’t a reindeer and he’s not flying with Santa on the big night. If you don’t stop believing in silly things, you’ll end up on the naughty list. Naughty dogs don’t find bacon in their stocking. They find something called coal. I hear it’s not nearly as delicious.

  Sherlock whimpers my way. Bizzy, please tell me coal tastes like bacon. I can’t stand the suspense.

  I shake my head over at him.

  “But don’t worry. You’re a good little doggie,” I say, giving his head a scratch. “Once Rudolph leads that flight, you might even find a dinosaur bone under the tree.”

  Fish groans. Et tu, Bizzy? You’re not making my job any easier.

  Rudolph begins to bark and squirm. I’d like to try this bacon for myself. And I can’t wait to fly through the sky just like I did last night. He licks my face with a marked enthusiasm. Who knows? Bacon just might be the key to get me to remember something else from that horrible scene.

  “Right.” I laugh as I tilt my head from side to side while he offers up his kisses. “Someone is feeling frisky and he’s willing to do and say anything for bacon.”

  “I’m on it. I’d do anything for that face,” Emmie says, quickly disappearing to the back.

  “Me too,” Georgie howls, giving Rudolph’s forehead a quick scratch.

  “Me three.” Juni dots a kiss to his nose.

  “Good,” I say as I pull the baby sling off of me and hold Rudolph out toward Georgie and Juni. “Which one of you wants to drop Rudolph off at the vet for me this morning? I’m running late. I told Leo and Hux I’d help them pick out rings because their lucky plus ones are getting a proposal for Christmas.”

  Georgie’s jaw roots to the floor. “Lucky Emmie. Unlucky Hux.” She shrugs. “Eh. He never was the brightest bulb of the Baker bunch.”

  I wrinkle my nose. “If Mackenzie says yes, she’ll be wife number four.”

  Juni’s chest bucks. “How about that? He’s turning out to be a wife collector just like your daddy.” She takes Rudolph from me.

  “Mmm.” I moan through another quick bite of peppermint bark. “That could be the best news I’ve heard all day. That would mean Mackenzie Woods was just a passing phase.”

  Someone from behind clears their throat in an obnoxious manner and my shoulders hike as I squeeze my eyes shut.

  “Tell me it’s not her,” I mutter.

  “It’s her,” Mackenzie crows from behind.

  Juni snorts out a laugh as she kisses the feisty puppy in her arms. “I’ll take the wee one to the vet. I’ve got to take Sprinkles, too.” Sprinkles is Juni’s peppy little fur baby she adopted a few months back.

  Sherlock barks. I’m coming, too! Don’t worry, Rudolph. If they try to put the cone of shame on you, I’ll bite their toes off.

  Sherlock has yet to forgive me for that.

  Rudolph yelps in a panic as Juni and Sherlock head off to find a table.

  I turn and smile at the stony-faced brunette before me.

  “Mayor Woods.” An elastic smile stretches across my face. Mackenzie Woods is the exact reason why I have this little supernatural talent of mine. We were at a Halloween party in our teens and near ground zero for bobbing for apples when Mack decided to shove me into a whiskey barrel filled with water.

  Four things happened to me that day. I developed an irrational fear of confined spaces, I’m terrified of immersing myself in a body of water, it k
icked off a lifetime distrust of Mackenzie Woods, and last, but never least, I walked away with the ability to pry into other people’s minds. I’m transmundane, further classified as telesensual, meaning I have the ability to listen in on other people’s private musings. I suppose I’ve always been transmundane, but Mack’s desire to plunge me to the bottom of that barrel and hold me under was the event that awakened those abilities in me. Anyway, she recently revealed that she did it on a dare initiated from my brother. Go figure. Turns out, they’ve been an evil team from the very beginning.

  I lift my chin her way. “What can I do for you?”

  “Stop stumbling upon dead bodies, for one.” She folds her arms tightly across her cranberry-colored suit. “Really, Bizzy? It’s Christmastime.”

  Georgie scuttles up. “Speaking of which, what’s on order for Cider Cove for the big day?”

  Mackenzie takes a moment to scowl over at the kaftan lover by my side.

  “Not a nude granny,” she snips. “You’re just as bad as she is.”

  Georgie scoffs. “I’m an upstanding citizen and soon-to-be business owner in this community. I won’t stand by while my own mayor berates me.”

  “An upstanding citizen?” Mackenzie’s brows hike with amusement. “Then act like it.” She turns to me. “I was going to ask the Country Cottage Café to cater the appetizers and desserts for the Cider Cove Christmas Spectacular at the end of this month, but seeing that you breed bodies wherever you go, I’m not so sure. You’d think now that you were hitched to that heartthrob, you’d be far more concerned with bringing forth life into this world as opposed to death, but I can see you’re still willing to propagate your little deadly hobby.”

  She’s not entirely wrong. In fact, right about now, I’d like to propagate the urge I have to wrap my hands around her skinny little neck. Just for kicks, of course. But I’m not all that interested in having to deal with yet another corpse at the inn.

  Instead, I flex a dry smile. “The café will happily provide whatever you need. Just tell us when and where.”

  “The night before Christmas Eve.” Her cheeks flicker as she looks to Georgie. “Be ready for a retail onslaught. The event takes place on Main Street. There will be sleigh rides, Santa, an entire gaggle of annoying little kids, and with Bizzy around, there will most likely be a body.” She takes a moment to glower my way. “Try not to make it anyone I know.”

  “How about you?” Georgie winks. “Care to throw your hat in the ring?”

  Mackenzie all but growls at the two of us. “I have to go. I have an early lunch date coming up with a member of the Baker family—one who I happen to find much more tolerable.” She stalks off and I turn to Georgie.

  “Hey? Maybe Hux has decided to nix the proposal? He can’t possibly shop for a ring then speed off to meet Mackenzie.”

  Georgie smacks me on the arm. “I bet that’s it. Boy, you really dodged a sister-in-law bullet. Give me a second to get a Danish to go, and I’ll join you at the jewelers.”

  “Are you sure? Things could get boring fast.”

  “Are you kidding? The jewelry shop is on the top five list of where to pick up single men.”

  “Oh, I don’t think so.”

  “Watch and learn, kiddo.”

  Preston Jewelers is a posh jewelry shop in the downtown district of Seaview and hung right outside their door is a countdown calendar to Christmas to remind all of their customers time is quickly running out.

  Georgie, Fish, and I arrive right on time as we enter the glitzy spacious establishment with its sparkling chandeliers up above, deep navy carpeting, matching navy walls, and rows and rows of glass cases filled with shiny baubles that cost more than my cottage and car combined. Not that I own my cottage, but if I did, I’m betting it would still be undervalued compared to the bling they’ve got under lock and key here.

  Fish mewls as she warms my chest. I traded Juni a leash for the kitty sling and decided to bring Fish along for the ride. I’ve cleared my schedule for the rest of the day, leaving the inn with my trusty employees, but it’s not Christmas gifts I’ll be hunting down once things wrap up at the jewelers—I’ll be hunting down a suspect.

  “Hey, good-looking”—Georgie drops her sunglasses a notch as she looks up at one of the security officers standing guard at the door—“whatcha got cookin’?” She bumps her hip to mine. “Did I tell you‚ or did I tell you? This place is a veritable feast of handsome hunks. And it looks to me, I’ve landed one right out the gate.” She winks up at the man clad in uniform. “So are you hitched, or are you single and ready to mingle?”

  The older man with a salt and pepper mustache, barrel chest, and sparkling eyes chuckles as he inspects her.

  “Mother Goose cut me loose two years ago,” he says. “And I’ve been a fox ready to trot ever since.”

  “Oh wow,” I muse out loud without meaning to. “You know what they say”—I pat her on the back—“every pot has a lid.” I glance to my right and spot a handsome homicide detective earnestly inspecting one of the glass shelves and my mouth falls open. “Speaking of lids, I just found mine.”

  I speed over, and not only do I find Jasper, but Leo and Hux are here, too, each one looking just as dapper as the next.

  Jasper wraps his arms around me and offers up a kiss, and the scent of his cologne and his rock-hard wall of a body make me want to pull him off to a dark corner and have my way with him.

  “Easy, girl,” Leo says, raising a brow my way. He’s donned his tan deputy uniform, and I’m guessing he’s on a break—not to mention the fact he just read my dirty mind.

  I smile up at Jasper. “What are you doing here?”

  Fish mewls as if she wanted answers, too.

  Hux chuckles. “What do you think he’s doing here, Biz? Christmas is coming. He was just picking out something pricey to drop in your stocking.”

  Jasper glowers at him a moment. “You do realize I’m here to help Leo pick out a ring.”

  I wink up at him. “Good cover.” I give Hux and Leo a quick embrace. “Now let’s get down to business. I brought my best girl to help me get to the bottom of this diamond dilemma.” I give Fish a quick scratch behind her ears to annunciate my point.

  Hux shakes his head. “I’m not going with diamonds.”

  Fish mewls, Figures. Mackenzie requires a stone made of blood.

  Leo tips his head. “Should I ditch diamonds?”

  “You’re going with diamonds, for sure,” I tell him before reverting to my brother. “And for you, how about one of those twist tie wires you find on bread packages? I think it’s terribly romantic.”

  Hux frowns my way. “And I think you’re a terrible liar. You’re making me think I recruited the wrong sister.”

  I flick my wrist at him. “You got the right sister. If Macy were here, she’d be fighting Georgie to date the security guard. What are you thinking for Mack?” I refrain from suggesting fool’s gold.

  “White sapphire,” he says, nodding at a row of stunning rings set out on the counter.

  Jasper dots a finger to one of them. “And they only run a couple hundred bucks.”

  “Really?” I muse to my brother. “With the way you’re snapping up future ex-wives, I think it’s the only economical choice. I like this one.” I pick up a square cut stone with a halo of mini white sapphires all around it.

  Jasper shoots me a look. “You sure? That looks an awful lot like your ring.”

  I gasp as I look down at my bejeweled hand.

  Fish chortles. Oh goody. You and Mackenzie can be twinsies. I’d be careful not to touch rings, or the two of you are liable to open the portal to the underworld.

  Leo bucks with a laugh. “Fish, you are one smart cat.”

  I twitch my lips. “On second thought,” I say, picking up a silver ring with a teardrop shaped stone. “This is exactly what you should give Mackenzie.”

  Good thinking. Fish sniffs in the direction of the dainty ring. There will be tears involved. Let the ring serve as
a harbinger.

  I nod. Only too bad my brother won’t heed to its warning.

  “Great.” Hux snaps it up and holds it out to a blonde woman standing behind the counter. “I need this in a size seven. I’ll swing by in a week to pick it up.”

  “That’s it?” I balk. “No agonizing, no hemming and hawing? No vacillating and having nightmares over mortgaging your soul in an effort to afford it?”

  Hux shoots Leo with his finger. “That would be Granger’s job. I’m old hat at this. Besides, who are we kidding? The real prize Mack is getting in this marriage is me.” He flashes a cheesy smile. “Gotta run.” He pulls me in for another quick hug. “I’m meeting Mack for lunch.” In a hotel room with a bag of burgers. The burgers will be for dessert. Right about now, Mack’s my favorite meal.

  “Please get going,” I say, giving him a shove as he jets out the door. At least this way I won’t have to hear any more about his ravenous appetite.

  Leo groans. “TMI. And might I recommend telling your brother about your little talent? He’s got a one-track mind.”

  Jasper inches back as he looks at me. “I thought you said you hear white noise when things get freaky.”

  “I do,” I tell him. “But Hux was walking a fine freaky line.”

  Leo leans in and studies a couple dozen rings the blonde jeweler has set out on the counter. “I think Hux is right. I’m going to have to mortgage my soul.”

  “I said that,” I correct him as we peruse the glitzy selections. “Don’t think about the price. Think about how lovely these will look on Emmie’s finger—for the next fifty or seventy years. I know Emmie. She’s practical. She’ll want to wear it as a wedding ring, too.”

  Jasper picks up a rectangular emerald cut diamond that makes me drool on sight.

  “That would pair nicely with the ring I have now.” I hold my hand out flirtatiously. “You’re not a secret millionaire, are you?”

  Fish brays out an unmistakable laugh. The man wanted to cut out my Fancy Beast cat food, Bizzy. A millionaire? I think not.