A Christmas to Dismember

by Addison Moore

  Up above the entry a sheet is draped over the wooden sign, leaving the people to wonder what the name of this shop might be as well. It’s not a marketing concept I would have gone with for opening day, but nonetheless they have plenty of prospective customers here ready to storm the castle, so it seems to be working.

  “Mom”—I laugh while bouncing Rudolph in my arms—“where did all these people come from?”

  She gives me a look. “You know, Georgie. I told her to spread the news, and she shot it across the four corners of Cider Cove like a cannon filled with rainbow glitter. She’s got every senior center, senior club, and any organization that had anything to do with Christmas out here today. Let’s hope they like what they see inside.” And that they brought lots of cold, hard cash to throw at the register.

  Georgie and Juni step our way, right along with Mackenzie Woods. Georgie has Fish tucked on the inside of her coat, and I can see one of her wonky quilt dresses peeking from underneath.

  Juni, too, is wearing a wonky quilt dress along with a wonky jacket thrown over that. It looks as if she’s doubling down her wonky sense of fashion in a show of solidarity for her mother.

  Mayor Mackenzie Woods, however, is clad in somber black from head to toe, and has chosen to accessorize the cheery look with a sourpuss on her face. I still find it hard to believe she and Hux are determined to get hitched to one another.

  Mackenzie nods to my mother. “I’ll say a few words first. And Hux has a bottle of champagne, if you want to smash it over something and christen the place once the sign is revealed.” Bizzy’s head would be my pick.

  I avert my eyes at that one.

  Mom scoffs. “And have a mess of broken glass all over the sidewalk? Please, I could just see the lawsuits now. No thank you. I’ll take that bottle home. Something tells me I’m going to need it.”

  Juni moans at the thought. “I’ll split it with you, sister. I’ve got a full-time job here, too, you know.”

  “Yeah,” Mom says. “And coincidentally as our one official employee, you’re the only one pulling a paycheck at this point.”

  Mackenzie shrugs. “No champagne. Have it your way. We can throw a donut at the wall to christen it for all I care.” She stalks off to the front where Hux is speaking to a few of the customers in line, and they all seem to be laughing and having a good time.

  “All right, Toots.” Georgie elbows my mother before pointing up at the sign. “Whatever Macy decided is what it’s going to be. Full disclosure, I’ve been picking up her lunch for the past two weeks.”

  “Full disclosure”—Mom huffs a laugh—“I gave birth to her almost thirty years ago. You’ll just have to read it and weep.”

  “What’s Macy deciding?” I ask with a note of caution. Macy has made many decisions in her life, most of them dicey.

  Georgie gives a dark chuckle. “The fate of the world, kiddo. The fate of the world.”

  Fish mewls, Anyone with half a brain knows you don’t leave decisions of any magnitude in Macy’s hands. These two must have been very desperate. But Macy does have a way of being brutally honest. In fact, that day Macy found me behind her shop, she looked right at me and said, ‘I’m not keeping you no matter how cute you look. Let’s see if my sister is a sucker.’ I’m so glad you were a sucker, Bizzy.

  “Me too,” I whisper as I wrinkle my nose her way. She knows it’s my favorite story. And true as gospel, I’ve never been happier to be a sucker.

  Rudolph lets out a yip of a bark as he wiggles in my arms. Macy says my puppy dog eyes can make her do things that aren’t rational—like try to adopt me.

  I shake my head him. “And I would never let that happen.”

  Mom grunts, “Bizzy is right. We should have never let Macy have the final say in what we should call the store.” She frowns my way. “We would have asked you, but we needed someone ruthless. We narrowed it down to two options, but we couldn’t decide. Of course, I said we should flip a coin.”

  Juni raises her hand. “I flipped it myself.”

  Georgie smacks her lips. “That coin was rigged, and you both know it.”

  Mom tosses up her hands. “I won three out of three—fair and square.”

  “What were the choices?” I cock an ear their way. “I could be ruthless. I’ll tell you right now what I would have chosen and we can see if Macy and I are truly like-minded.”

  Georgie twitches her brows at my mother before looking to me. “Ree and Georgie—or Georgie and Ree. Now which one would you have picked?”

  Juni balks, “My vote was for Juniper Moonbeam’s Delights. Who wouldn’t want to go in there and drop every dollar they own?”

  Mom chuckles. “Anyone not on psychedelic drugs, that’s who.”

  “Already being mistreated by the management.” Juni shoots her a look. “The only thing to keep me from quitting is a steady stream of donuts.” She takes off for the refreshment table, and I’m half-tempted to join her.

  Rudolph barks. Don’t pick, Bizzy. Sherlock says Christmas is coming and we need to be on our best behavior if we want to find bacon in our stockings.

  “I plead the fifth,” I tell them. “I’d like to find bacon in my stocking.” I glance to my right and spot Jasper coming this way along with my father and his mother.

  “Bizzy Bizzy!” Dad envelops me in a warm hug before I can smile his way. Nathan Baker has jet-black hair, light eyes, and a smile that never leaves his face. My father has always greeted me that way, doubling up my name and singing it out loud. That’s my father in a nutshell, the forever jovial boy who never grew up. Sure, he’s had a string of failed marriages, but I think he rather appreciated the short-lived nature of those matrimonial stints. He worked as a finance manager before retiring. And just last year he tried to recruit Jasper’s mother, Gwyneth, as his next wife, but she wisely opted to have a long engagement instead. Shockingly, they’re still together.

  Gwyneth is tall, thin, tight-lipped, has a halo of black hair, and the same pale eyes as Jasper. I’m not her favorite person, but she seems to tolerate me well enough. And honestly? The feeling is mutual.

  We exchange niceties, and soon my mother and Gwyneth are embroiled in a conversation about how chaotic the holidays can be. Kudos to my mother for actually forging a friendship with almost all of Dad’s wives and girlfriends. If that were me, I’d shoot them on sight. Okay, so that’s a little harsh. But I’d shun them on sight, for sure.

  And speaking of sights, the best one yet is headed this way. Within a minute Jasper wraps his arms around me as Sherlock barks and jumps by his side.

  I knew he’d show up, Bizzy. I knew he would. I just finished marking the doors. This store is as good as mine.

  Georgie takes Sherlock’s leash and quickly parades him around with pride.

  “Glad I didn’t miss it.” Jasper lands a heated kiss to my lips that warms me down to my bones. He pulls back with a loose grin on his face. Let’s just say the things that happened behind locked doors last night were enough to leave a silly grin on both of our faces for the next ten years. Who knew Jasper has always had a hankering for the Mistletoettes?

  “You didn’t miss a thing,” I say, dusting the snow off his shoulders. “I just found out Macy was the deciding factor on what they named this place.” I quickly relay the choices and he laughs. “That’s actually tougher than it seems.”

  Emmie hops this way with a platter of her peppermint bark, and both Jasper and I indulge.

  “Jasper”—Emmie glances over her shoulder—“Leo was just looking for you. It sounded important.”

  “I see him there across the street.” Jasper gives him a wave. “I’ll be right back.”

  He takes off, and Georgie comes over with Sherlock and Fish.

  Sherlock barks up at Rudolph and does his best to nip the puppy’s tail. Get down here in the white stuff! It’s cold, makes you run twice as fast, and you can eat it, too!

  Fish yowls and swipes her paw in Rudolph’s direction. Don’t eat the yellow snow!


  Emmie laughs. “I don’t need to be a mind reader to know he wants down.”

  “You would be right,” I say, doing just that and lengthening his leash in the process. “Sherlock wants to share his love of the frozen white stuff.”

  Georgie rubs her hands together and looks my way. “Speaking of white stuff, how’s the proposal planning coming?”

  Emmie takes in a sharp breath. “Oh my God! Is Leo going to propose?” Her eyes bug out at the thought, and she’s clutching onto my arm with a death grip.

  “Sorry, Toots.” Georgie is quick to shoot Emmie off the proverbial altar. “But Hux is set to propose to Mayor Woods,” she whispers that last part, and thankfully so, seeing that they’re standing ten feet away. “Get this—Mack is going to propose to Hux. And the kicker is—they’ve both enlisted Bizzy to help get the job done.”

  Emmie groans as she looks my way. “Talk about being forced to drink a cup of vinegar. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this. It’s kind of hysterical. I mean, we both love Hux and we want the best for him. But Mack?” She glances skyward. “I guess we’ll have to live with what fate has given us, at least for as long as they can hold their breath as one. I give it a year.”

  “I’m with you on that.” I nod. “Although, my worst nightmares have been known to come true, and having Mack strapped to my family like a bomb for the next fifty years might just be one of them.”

  Georgie clucks her tongue. “You never know. She could end up finding her way into the inner sanctum again. Weren’t the three of you besties once upon a time? It could happen again.” She takes Rudolph’s leash from me and takes off with a couple of happy puppies.

  Emmie makes a face. “Did she just put a hex on us?”

  “The very worst kind.”

  Mackenzie gets the show on the road by way of ringing a bell, obnoxiously loud and quick.

  “Hear ye, hear ye!” Mackenzie bellows the words out in a bullhorn. “As the Mayor of Cider Cove, I’d like to welcome another female-owned business to the family of respectable establishments right here on Main Street. Without further ado, let’s reveal the name of this place so we can get inside and knock out the rest of the names on our shopping lists!”

  A cheer breaks out as Hux climbs a ladder and gives the sheet that covers the sign a hard yank.

  It takes a moment for the crowd to let the name of the shop sink in before a raucous laugh breaks out all up and down Main Street.

  “Two Old Broads?” Mom barks it out like a threat as she looks past me.

  Emmie and I turn to find Macy wrapped in a forest green coat while giggling herself into a conniption.

  “My work here is done.” She beams a smile of satisfaction as the doors to the new establishment are opened and the crowd drains inside.

  Mom gags and chokes her way over. “Macy Ree Baker! How dare you humiliate me like this!”

  Hux comes over with a laugh caught in his throat. “You did good, sis.”

  “Two Old Broads!” Georgie shouts with glee as she runs from inside the shop. “I knew you wouldn’t let me down, Macy Baker! Now get in there and show ’em how it’s done.”

  Macy gives a long blink. “You mean shopping?”

  “No, the register is malfunctioning again. I keep yelling at it, and it’s still keeping its moneymaking mouth shut.”

  Macy gives a hard groan. “I told you this is not a voice command unit—they don’t exist. You need to input your password each time you want to use it. I’ve got a solution. Why don’t we just send all these nice folks to my shop instead?”

  I take the leashes from Georgie as my sister pulls her into the store with marked exasperation.

  Mom shakes her head. “I’d better get in there before Georgie decides to give everything away for free so she doesn’t haven’t to deal with technology.”

  Georgie pokes her head out the door. “Everything is free for the next few hours! Tell a friend!”

  “She’s kidding!” Mom shouts so loud her voice nearly breaks the sound barrier. “Nothing is free! Nothing is ever free, Georgie.”

  Hux grunts, “They’re going to kill each other, and then we’ll have to change the sign to read two dead old broads.”

  “Speaking of killing.” Emmie leans his way. “Bizzy just told me the news. Hope you don’t mind. So you’re really popping the question? Have you narrowed down the proposal possibilities? I mean, this is huge, Hux. You can’t mess this up.”

  His cheek cinches as he looks my way. “That’s why I’ve got Bizzy on it.” He squints over at Emmie. “If Leo were to propose, how would you want it done?” I’m shocked Bizzy hasn’t already gone this route with her.

  I’m shocked, too.

  Emmie takes a breath. “Oh, I’d want it done on a night that has meaning, you know, a birthday, an anniversary, a holiday, Christmas!” She snaps her fingers. “Christmas Eve would be perfect. I’d want it semi-private but with lots of family nearby, so that when I said yes we could all celebrate together.” She taps her chin as she considers this. “I always thought it’d be cute if he staged a fight. You know, if he gave me the impression he was going to break up with me, and then when I panicked he dropped to one knee.”

  “Stage a fight…” Hux glances to the side, and you can practically see his wheels churning. His phone buzzes, and he gives it a quick once-over. “Duty calls. Glad I could be a part of this mess.” He kisses me on the cheek. “We’ll talk about the big day. I’ll see you girls later. And remember, it’s a secret.”

  “My lips are sealed!” Emmie pretends to zip her mouth shut as he takes off, and a part of me wishes she had done just that a moment ago.

  “Are you insane, telling him to pick a fight with Mack? Have you met her? Arguments of any kind are the very thing that nourishes her wicked soul. She’ll chew my brother a new one before he ever gets on one knee. In fact, if he falls to the floor, she might just drive her stiletto through his heart.”

  Emmie bucks with a laugh. “You’re so right. I’m sure whatever you have planned is way better.”

  I wince. “Any other ideas? You know, something you might actually like?”

  “I don’t know.” Her gaze drifts across the street where Jasper and Leo are steeped in a conversation. “If Leo were to propose, I don’t think I’d want him to pick a fight with me. I’d want him to do something sweet, like bury my ring in a slice of chocolate cake. That way we can start our journey as a family in the sweetest way possible.” She cranes her neck toward the refreshment table. “Speaking of sweets, I’d better restock the donuts and the peppermint bark.”

  I snatch another piece of bark from the platter in her hands as she leaves, and Macy snatches one off it as she comes my way.

  “My evil work is done,” she says, snapping off a bite with her teeth.

  “Which evil work? Giving a rather appropriate name to Mom and Georgie’s shop? Or the fact you pretended to be an employee of the inn the night of the murder and lured a man by the name of Arthur Silver to a private suite so you could have your way with him?”

  Her brows hike. “Was that his name?”

  “Would you knock it off?” I swat her. “Yes, that was his name. How long have you been imitating an innkeeper just to satiate your insatiable appetite?”

  “Please.” She darts a glance to Heaven. “When you’re lucky enough to have a sister that practically owns an inn, you don’t look a gift horse or a free room in the mouth.”

  “I’ve never given you a free room.”

  “Not intentionally. And thank you, by the way.”

  “Don’t thank me. You’re lucky I don’t have you arrested.”

  Jasper comes up just as I say the words.

  “Are we arresting Macy?” He looks almost amused by the thought.

  She glares over at him. “You would take her side.”

  He shrugs. “I’m sleeping with her. What’s the offense?”

  I look up at him. “She was sleeping with Arthur Silver the night Quinn died. You’re lo
oking at the exact reason he wasn’t in the ballroom after the murder.”

  Macy gasps and clutches at her throat. “Please tell me I didn’t sleep with the killer.”

  “I had Leo look into the guy.” Jasper rocks back on his heels. His expression darkens a notch. “Let’s just say if he did kill Quinn, it wouldn’t be his first foray into murder.”

  My mouth falls open. “You mean he’s killed before?”

  Jasper nods. “And he just might have done it again.”

  Chapter 11

  As fate, good luck, or dumb luck would have it, the women of Cider Cove can’t get enough of a quaint new little shop called Two Old Broads. It turns out, not a customer walks into their shop that doesn’t bring up the colorful moniker.

  Who knew a feisty name would be all they needed to get hordes of people to part with their hard-earned dollars?

  My feisty sister, that’s who.

  The next day I spend all of my free time trying to nail down Warwick Tully. According to Arthur, no one was closer to Quinn than Warwick. And ironically, I’m hoping he’ll be able to shed some more light on Arthur Silver.

  Yesterday, Leo shared with us that Arthur was charged with killing a man on a hunting trip during his senior year in high school. On the outset it looked as if it should have been accidental, seeing that Arthur shot the man from a decent distance, but witnesses say they saw Arthur arguing with the man earlier that morning. It was a friend of his father’s, who was later discovered to have been having an affair with Arthur’s mother.

  The court ruled it as criminal negligence, and Arthur was held in a juvenile detention center during the proceedings and released for time served once the verdict was given. Arthur claimed he was aiming for a buck and never saw the man who took the bullet. Lucky for Arthur, there was another hunter with him who not only claimed to see the buck, but corroborated Arthur’s claim that the man he shot came out of nowhere. The hunter corroborating Arthur’s story was his brother. A part of me wonders if the brother wanted the cad that was seeing his mother dead just as much as Arthur did.