Stay With Me

by Grayson, Alivia

Bryan taught me that no matter what I do in this life, God will always love me. God does not judge the way these people do, and God would never ask his children to persecute the child they gave birth to.

  Bryan. Lord, I miss him now more than I ever have.

  “You may not want me in your house, and that’s fine, I’ll go. However, I am here for my grandfather, and I won’t have any of you raking up things that don’t need to be raked up. Moreover, I’ll be damned if I let any of you make things difficult for me while I’m here.”

  “GET OUT!”

  Whatever, mother.

  If I should even call her that, I don’t say another word, I just turn my heel and walk away.

  Chapter 2

  Bryan

  I’m so glad to be home. I’ve only been gone a week, and it feels like ten. Spending time with my daughter is what I live for, and I hate that she lives so fucking far away. However, if I want to see her, I have to travel to do so.

  Of course, I get to have her once every month for the weekend; it’s the best time of the month for me. It’s also the only chance my family gets to see her.

  Faye is my world, and I would travel to the ends of it to spend time with her. I may regret that one night with her nightmare of a mother, but I will never regret what I got out of it. However, it kills me each time I have to leave Faye with her mom. She sobs, and holds onto me for dear life and begs me not to leave her. It kills me, and I do nothing but worry about her until the next time I see her.

  Not that I think for one second, Faye’s mother hurts her, she doesn’t. It’s the fact, Faye is just three years old and can’t see her daddy every day. It’s hard for her not having both parents in the same place. I’ve thought about moving closer to my daughter, but her mother has stated more than once that even if I was to live nearer, it doesn’t mean I’ll get any more time with Faye than I have now.

  Yes, Kristin is that much of a bitch.

  After a shower and a takeaway pizza – because I can’t be bothered to make anything – I sink into my overly large couch with a beer and let my mind wander. Thoughts of the girl I once knew flood my mind.

  I close my eyes and let the images of her dancing in my bedroom to the sound of Outcast’s Hey Ya like she had not a care in the world take over me. Her beautiful smile as she looked at me, her laughter as I mocked her awful dance moves. The way she climbed into my bedroom window almost every night so that she could crawl into my bed and sleep safely in my arms.

  Those are the moments that stick in my mind, and the snowball fights in the middle of the night. The fun we’d have with my father, brother, mother, sister. The times she came over for dinner, the singing out loud with my family just for fun. My family loved her as much as I did. More than her own did.

  Ricky was my best friend, the girl I thought of as a little sister until the day I fell in love with her. When she told me that she felt the same way, that she was just as in love with me as I was her, was everything. Aside from the day my daughter was born, hearing Ricky say those words, ‘I’m so in love with you, Bryan. I want to be with you so much,’ everything inside of me changed that day. She was mine, and I was hers for a few hours, at least.

  What happened that night still haunts me. I lost my heart that night. I may have regained a lot of it back when Faye was born, but I’ll never be whole again.

  How can anyone ever really be whole when they’ve lost half of themselves?

  Ricky was, is, and always will be, the other half of my heart and soul. It’s been nine years since I last saw her, nine years since she left in the middle of the night without so much as one word to me.

  There was no, ‘Goodbye.’

  No, ‘I’ll keep in touch.’

  No, ‘I’ll see you again soon.’

  There was nothing, and no matter how hard I tried to find her, there was no trace of her. For a while, I thought Ricky’s parents had killed her. I honestly thought they’d done something to hurt her, that something had gone wrong, and they’d hidden her body.

  It wasn’t until Grandpa Bob took me to one side and told me that Ricky was alive and that she’d been in touch with him, that I finally had to face the fact she was gone from my life, gone never to return.

  Trying to move on, even at the age of eighteen, was just not as easy as it should have been at that age. If I’m honest, I’ve never moved on. Sure, I’ve had relationships. They never lasted any longer than a few months, however. I’ve had my fair share of hookups, one night stands. However, I compare every fucking woman to Ricky.

  I remember everything about her body, the curve of her breasts, her curvy hips, her flat stomach, and her... Don’t think about her hot, wet pussy, Bryan!

  I need to get out of here for a while. I can’t let myself think about Ricky like this, and she’s only on my mind this much because her grandmother passed away a few days ago. I’ve wondered a couple of times if Ricky will return for the funeral. Then I remember that Ricky hasn’t been home in nine years. I doubt even her grandmother’s passing could bring her back.

  Pulling on a hoodie, my gloves, and flicking my iPod to the sound of Metallica, I take off for a run.

  Running in the snow might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s most definitely mine. The bite of the cold against my face as I run, the burn of my muscles as I push myself a little more with each step, all help to clear my mind of thoughts of Ricky. Not to mention removing the thoughts of Kristin and her constant bitch-like attitude. Whatever that woman can do to make my life a misery, she’ll do it.

  I put up with it for my daughter’s sake. I won’t risk upsetting her mother so much she try keeping my daughter from me. I’d take her to court in a heartbeat if she tried. There is nothing I won’t do to be in my daughter’s life. However, arguing with her mother is not fair to Faye. I want my daughter’s life to be happy. It’s hard enough growing up with a mother and father who aren’t together as it is.

  I notice a woman jogging toward me. I can’t make her out from this distance, but I can tell that she’s physically fit from the tight lycra pants she’s wearing, they show off just how toned her thighs are. She’s got long legs, a slim waist but with a slight curve to her hips. I can tell her hair is dark, it’s also tied up in a high ponytail. I can see it swinging from side to side as she jogs. She looks like the kind of woman to have an incredible ass. If only she’d turn around so I could check her out properly.

  Yeah, I’m an ass man. A nice big ass for me to spank is just what I need right now. Not that I’m any kind of dominant or sadist, I just like a woman with a natural fat ass that jiggles when I spank it lightly.

  God, I wish I could see her face, but there’s not enough light cast in her direction. I could do with a distraction right now, and this hot piece of ass might just be it.

  She’s getting closer. Maybe if I bump into her accidentally on purpose, I’ll get her number. I turn off my iPod, lower my head, looking at my feet, pretending I haven’t noticed her. She most certainly hasn’t seen me.

  I take a side step to the right just as she passes me, bumping my shoulder with hers, almost knocking her off her feet. Okay, maybe I misjudged the step, I didn’t mean to knock into her so hard.

  “What the fuck, you stupid dick!” I wince. Great another bigmouthed bitch. Trust me; I sure know how to pick them. “You almost sent me flying through the goddamned window! Jesus, Jackass, much?” She mumbles, and something clicks inside my head, a memory of a girl I once knew.

  I snap my head around to the girl beside me, rubbing her arm. It looks like her... It can’t be... “Ricky?”

  Chapter 3

  Ricky

  Bryan?” It can’t be. What the fuck are the odds of me bumping into my best friend? “Is that you?”

  He lowers his hood, and his green eyes lock with mine. Ho-ly-fu-ck-balls! He’s huge!

  Bryan was always gorgeous. The most handsome boy I’d ever seen. However, now that he’s a man, he’s even more beautiful, and his body is rock solid, I felt it w
hen his arm hit me.

  Oh god, if I didn’t have enough going on right now being here without bumping into Bryan and finding out he’s even hotter than when I left!

  “It’s me.” He says while pulling the buds from his ears. Both his voice and his expression tells me that he’s not happy to see me, putting pay to my urge to wrap my arms around his neck and scream in excitement. What did I expect? No one is happy to see me. Like literally, no one. “What are you doing here?”

  “My grandfather called.”

  “Oh yeah, your grandmother died. Didn’t think you’d come back even for her.”

  That stung.

  “I came back for my grandfather, no one else.”

  “Hm.” Bryan tips his head a little. I bite my lower lip while averting my eyes. It’s so good to see him, but I can see that he’s just as angry with me as my sister was. “How long are you staying for?”

  “Um... Just ’til the funeral. I have to get back for work.”

  “Right. Well,” Bryan pushes the buds back in his ears and lifts the hood of his hoodie over his head. “Don’t let me keep you.” I don’t get the chance to reply; he turns and jogs away from me.

  Wow. I thought Bryan of all people would have been pleased to see me.

  Think a lot of myself, don’t I?

  Why in the hell would Bryan be pleased to see me, we confessed our love for each other then I left. Only I didn’t just go; I was forced to leave. However, how is Bryan supposed to know that?

  There hasn’t a day gone by in nine years where I haven’t thought about Bryan Spencer. Not one day. I spent the first few years too scared to get in contact with Bryan, scared because of my father’s threats. By the time I realized there was nothing my father could do to hurt Bryan anymore, too much time had passed me by. I was too scared to call him up in case he told me to go to hell. Not only that, I was afraid he could have been married with children by that point.

  I always imagined him falling in love with someone else, marrying her, becoming the father of her children. I imagined him with a house on the hill, a job in teaching, a beautiful wife who loved him more than anything in this world. Two small children, a boy, and a girl, playing in the garden while Bryan and his wife stood arm in arm with smiles on their faces as they watch their children.

  I wanted that for him. I wanted him to love and be loved. I never asked my grandfather if Bryan was married or in love. It hurt too much to bring him up. However, I looked at his left hand when he pulled those buds from his ears. I didn’t see any ring.

  I watch him jog away from me, and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders once again. I’ve spent all this time missing him, wondering if I could come back here one day, and we could still be friends.

  If he had, have been married or with someone, no matter how much I still love him, I would never have tried to come between them. I would have been friendly with her, my whole heart in it, because I love Bryan enough to see him happy with a good woman.

  I should have realized it wouldn’t be that easy. Nine years Bryan has been here wondering where the hell I am and if I’m okay. Bob told me enough times that Bryan had asked about me. Each time, I told Bob to tell Bryan not to worry about me, to forget about me.

  Maybe it’s a good thing that he’s mad at me. I won’t have to see him again while I’m here, then I can slip away and get back to my own life.

  Ugh. Who am I trying to kid? I was fine until I saw him, now I’m a whole heap of messed up again. Messed up because I need him, I have always needed him. However, he no longer needs me.

  I have to push away this feeling like I’ve pushed everything else away over these past nine years. It’s easier that way.

  Chapter 4

  Bryan

  Nine Years Ago

  Ricky, calm down.’ She climbed in through my window again tonight. Only this time, she woke me pacing my floor, sniffing back tears and biting her thumbnail.

  I climb out of bed and take her by the shoulders, turning her to look at me. ‘What happened, sweetheart?’ I hate to see her crying. Ricky doesn’t do crying. For all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never really known her to cry. Maybe a handful of times. Ricky is the strongest woman I know.

  ‘He hit me.’ She swallows back a sob.

  ‘Your dad?’ She nods slowly. The anger gushes through me so fast my spine is tingling with cold sweats. Her father is an overbearing son of a bitch most of the time, but I’ve never known him to hit her.

  ‘I don’t know what I did, Bry. One minute I was getting into bed, the next he was dragging me out of it by my hair.’ I stroke the hair back from her cheek and tuck it behind her ear. ‘He dragged me downstairs and hit me. Then he made me kneel before Jesus and pray for forgiveness.’

  ‘For what?’

  ‘Because of you,’ She practically whispers.

  ‘Me?’ She nods. ‘What have I done?’

  ‘Do you not know?’ Our eyes are locked on each other, and her hands flex on my biceps. She can’t mean what I think she does. She’s beautiful, smart, my best friend. I’ve been in love with Ricky for so long now that I don’t know who the hell I am without her.

  I want to kiss her so badly, but I’m scared that if I do, it will change everything between us. I can’t risk our friendship changing. I’m nothing without her.

  I’ve spent too long dreaming about her, hating every guy that’s asked her out, not that many have. However, once they do, I sit, wondering why she always turned them down. Apart from Bobbie, of course. She dated him for a good few months. I hated every second they were together. I never showed it. I seethed inside instead.

  I cup her face with my hand. Her eyes close, and she leans into my touch. My heart is pounding like crazy. I’m so fucking nervous that I feel sick.

  ‘Bryan,’ My name leaves her lips in a rush-like whisper. She’s breathless, and her chest is heaving, a lot like mine.

  ‘I wish you knew what you do to me, Ricky.’

  ‘What do I do to you?’

  ‘You drive me crazy. You have no idea how much I love you.’ Shit! I hadn’t intended to say that I loved her - not in that way, at least. I tell this girl a million times a day that I love her, and she tells me the same thing. However, until now it’s always been in a friendship kind of way.

  Until now.

  ‘You love me?’ She asks quietly.

  I swallow hard, her eyes slide down to my neck and back to my eyes again. There’s no going back now the cats out of the bag.

  ‘Yes, I love you. I am so in love with you, Ricky, that it’s killing me. I would give anything to be with you.’

  There I’ve said it. It’s out there. What Ricky chooses to do with it is up to her.

  ‘I’m so in love with you, Bryan. I want to be with you so much.’

  ‘You do?’ She nods and giggles. My eyes close for a moment. I can’t even describe how this feels inside. ‘I want to kiss you so much.’

  ‘Kiss me.’ She breathes against my mouth, so I do.

  Our lips meet, and it’s literally like electricity shocking my whole system. We’ve both kissed others before. I’ve done plenty with girls I’ve dated to try and push Ricky out of my head. I don’t think Ricky has done much more than kiss and let a couple of guys cop a feel of her boobs before now. Being raised by overly religious parents means Ricky isn’t as outgoing as most seventeen-year-old girls.

  However, that’s not to say she lets anyone walk all over her; she’s so strong. I guess acting like one of the guys helps. Many people don’t see this beautiful girl the way I see her. Ricky is a tomboy through and through. Soccer playing, guitar strumming, fights like a guy, acts like a tomboy. She goes by the name of Ricky rather than her actual name for fuck’s sake.

  However, I’m the one who’s seen her at her most vulnerable. I’m the one who’s seen her wearing a little makeup, the skirts when her mother makes her wear them to church. I’m the one who’s seen Ricky in her PJ’s, and I’m the one who’s held her in his arms a
nd watched her sleeping. I’m the one who sees her true beauty.

  Shit, I’ve got it so fucking bad for her.

  How did we end up on my bed?

  Furthermore, how in the hell did our clothes end up on the floor?

  This is moving so fast. I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I’m so fucking hard for her, and Ricky’s soaked panties are teasing the hell out of my cock.

  ‘Ricky,’ I lean my forehead against hers. Her lips are swollen from my kisses. The swell of her breast is red from my licking and sucking at her skin frantically, marking her as my own. ‘We shouldn’t do this.’

  ‘I love you, Bryan.’ She lays her hand on my face, and it feels so good to hear her say that she loves me, that she’s in love with me. ‘You and I, making love, is so right. We were made for each other, Bryan, God made us for each other, and I know you love me. Right?’

  ‘Right.’ I smile against her mouth.

  ‘Then make love to me.’ She doesn’t need to tell me twice, although this won’t last long. I’m eighteen years old and way too horny for her. I don’t have any experience when it comes to actual sex, so I don’t know how to make it last. I have to take care of her before I take her.

  With her panties now on the floor and my mouth attacking her sweet, hot pussy, one hand over her mouth and the other holding her left thigh in my hand, she rocks like crazy into me. I can feel her throbbing on my tongue, moaning behind my hand. The taste of her is intoxicating. My head is cloudy with it.

  Before I know it, she’s coming hard and fast in my mouth. I lick her juices from her pussy, savoring her sweet flavor on my tongue.

  When I’m sure the tremors have subsided, I climb her body and kiss her with force. She moans as my tongue pushes its way into her mouth. I want her to taste herself, to taste how perfect she is.

  My cock is now so hard, and I’m so desperate for release that I can feel the pre-come dripping on her clit. ‘Are you sure you want this?’