Without her.
Chapter 7
Ricky
He walked away from me without one word to me. I guess I deserved that. However, it hurt like hell. I’d been watching him for a couple of minutes as he spoke to an old friend of ours. I’d never seen him in a suit before, but I must say he looked handsome in a male model kind of way.
“Don’t take it to heart. Seeing you again has thrown Bryan for a loop.”
“It’s fine. It was nice to see you again, Pete, but I have to go now.”
“Maybe we could go for a drink before you leave?” He asks, hopefully.
However, that’s not going to happen. Pete was always nice enough in school, but he was no Bryan. He may have grown to be a fit guy with what I imagine to be subtle muscles under his clothes, and his sandy blond hair and blue eyes make him look so much more handsome than I remember. However, he’s still not Bryan. No one is Bryan.
“A few of the old gang asked me to meet them for a drink tonight. Maybe you can join us?” I see his face falter for a moment, but he masks it well and nods. “Great. We’ll be at Doyle’s around ten. See you there.” I walk away from him as quickly as I can. I need to find my grandfather and get out of here.
I find him in the kitchen. He’s standing by the back door, staring out at the garden my grandmother loved so much. She would forever be planting something, sitting next to her swimming pool, or throwing sticks to her black lab, Molly.
“Grandpa, are you okay?”
What a stupid question, Ricky, of course, he’s not okay.
He turns to look at me with a slight smile on his face. He looks so much older than he did the last time I saw him, which was only a year ago when he came to visit me in Charlotte, NC. He’s the only person who knows where I’ve been all this time.
Why did I choose to move so far away?
I didn’t intend to go that far, but that’s where life took me, and at the time, it seemed like the best idea.
“I’m fine, bumblebee. Thank you for being here. I know it can’t have been easy with your mother and father in there.”
“It’s their choice not to love me, Grandpa.”
“They do love you, sweetheart.”
“No,” I shake my head. “They don’t. However, that’s okay because I still have you.”
“And you will always have me.” He says while folding his arms around me. I let him. His hugs don’t make me want to vomit. “You’ll come to see me before you leave, won’t you?”
“Of course, I will.” I cup his face and smile.
I’m going to worry about him being here alone. His son is hardly any help to him. He’s so wrapped up in his faith that he forgets his father needs him.
My grandfather is a religious man, but he’s not an extremist like Ray. I’ve never met anyone that takes religion as seriously as Ray and Mariella.
Maybe I can convince my grandfather to come back to Charlotte with me for a while.
However, for now, I have to meet with some old friends.
Chapter 8
Bryan
I thought coming for a drink would help clear mind, but six beers later and my mind is filled with thoughts of Ricky Vaughn.
Doyle’s bar is packed, and the blonde next to me is looking more appealing as the seconds tick away. I’m not sure who she is, a cousin of an old friend, or so she said. She’s here visiting with family. She’s from L.A, and she’s twenty-five. She’s been banging on about...?
I’ve hardly heard a word she’s been saying. She’s good looking, tall, graceful, clad in a dress so short and tight it leaves nothing to the imagination. I could take her home and fuck her stupid and leave her so sore she couldn’t sit down tomorrow.
So then why don’t I even feel a twinge when she touches my arm?
This shit sucks. Ricky has been in town for two days, and I’m a mess. Every time I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to push her out of my head, she seems to plant herself firmly there. So nothing I fucking down erases her beautiful face.
“We could get out of here.” The blonde next to me, stroking her finger down my arm, says with a seductive smile on her face.
What the fuck is her name?
“Let’s have another drink.” I flag down the bartender and order a large whiskey for me and a vodka and coke for blondie.
Why am I over here at the bar with blondie, when I should be at the table with my friends?
Because they invited Ricky and she’s over there, dressed in the tightest little black dress I’ve ever seen, drinking and laughing with everyone like nothing ever happened.
How can she act like that?
It’s like she doesn’t even care what she did to me!
“Who is she?”
“Huh?”
“The girl, you haven’t taken your eyes off all night.”
I realize I’m looking at Ricky again. I don’t want to stare at her, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
“A girl I once knew.”
“She broke your heart.” It wasn’t a question. I wouldn’t answer if it were. “Why don’t you go over there and talk to her?”
“No,” I force my eyes away from Ricky. I grab my drink, knock it back, and order another.
“How did she break your heart? Did she cheat on you?”
“She left me and never contacted me again. Nine years later, she turns up and acts as if nothing happened, and I’m expected to be okay with that?”
“Nine years, and you’re still this cut up about it?” I can sense her shaking her head at me. Judgmental bitch! “Have you never thought that she had her reasons for staying away? Maybe she was going through something so tough she didn’t know how to tell you about it, or that she wanted to protect you from it. Maybe by the time things got sorted out in her mind, she felt you would have moved on from her. Maybe, just maybe, she’s not as over you as you think she is. All of this laughing with her friends might be her way of trying not to show her true feelings. It can’t be easy for her to see you after all this time, either.”
“She will have moved on. She’s too beautiful to be still single.”
“Have you given her the chance to tell you that?”
Fuck, no, I haven’t. I haven’t given Ricky the chance to tell me anything. We’ve hardly said two words to each other because I’ve done nothing but avoid her as much as I can. However, it’s killing me being in the same room as her for the second time in one day.
“Talk to her.” She says in my ear before kissing my cheek and walking away. I don’t even have the energy to stop her. However, I do know that I have some things to say to Ricky, and she’s going to hear them right now!
Chapter 9
Ricky
I watch Bryan stalking toward our table. Pete, Helen, Jade, and I have been drinking for the past couple of hours. It’s been nice catching up with them all. However, I was hurt when Bryan walked away from the table as soon as I arrived.
Then he sat at the bar with some slut of a blonde with his arm around her. For all I knew, she was his girlfriend. However, the guys told me that wasn’t the case. Bryan hasn’t had a serious relationship in a very, very long time.
Did I mess him up so much that he can’t even have a decent relationship?
Nice one, Ricky.
“It’s so fucking great to see you!” I chuckle at Jade; she always was an airhead.
I feel underdressed compared to these women. Before I came out, I changed into an LBD and matching three-inch heels. I walked into this bar to find three of my old girlfriends all dressed in the most beautiful dresses, skirts. However, I automatically thought that at the ages of twenty-six and twenty-seven, they’d at least be wearing more age-appropriate clothing.
Maybe I’m a little bit of prude, but I don’t see the need to wear skirts that barely cover my ass. Nor do I feel the need to have my tits hanging out like my friends. I think Helen’s top is only covering her nipples because her shirt is so low cut! Of course, Pete loves the view.
Wh
at man wouldn’t?
“What’s it like being a doctor?”
“It’s amazing,” I say in answer to Pete’s question. “It was hard work, really hard. Lots of sleepless nights and eating crappy food while in Med school. However, I made it, and I enjoy taking care of people, I never have to see again.” I chuckle.
“You’re good at that.”
I swallow hard and sigh as Bryan takes a seat at our table. He’s drunk and throwing me daggers.
“She’s good at what?” Helen asks.
“Taking care of people and then walking away, so she never has to see them again.”
“Bry,” Pete’s tone is a warning, but I can tell Bryan is in the mood to let it all out. Moreover, even though this isn’t the place for it, I know he’s not going to stop.
“Don’t “Bry” me! Why the fuck are you still here?”
“I’m here for my grandfather. I told you that already.”
“Leave her alone, Bryan. It’s been nine years, don’t you think you need to let this go?”
He throws Jade daggers. However, she rolls her green eyes.
“Jade is right, Bry.”
“Fuck off, Pete!” Bryan is too loud; people are beginning to stare. “When are you leaving?” He snaps at me. I’m not doing this here. I won’t let him embarrass me like this. “Answer me!”
He’s drawing too much attention to us, and even with the others telling him to calm down, I know that he won’t. When Bryan has a bee in his bonnet, there is nothing and no one but me who can calm him, or at least, I could once upon a time. However, he’s really angry with me, something I have never experienced before.
“Are you deaf all of a sudden?!”
“Oh, fuck off, Bryan!” I snap while getting out of my seat, apologizing to my friends, and walking away. I don’t give a damn how angry he is with me for walking away; he has no right to speak to me like that.
After reaching my hotel, I climb into a hot bath and let the water burn my skin. I could just cry. Really, I could. I know that I hurt Bryan by leaving the way I did, but I had no choice but to go. I was messed up. My father messed me up. I was trying to save the man I loved from being arrested and sentenced for statutory rape. My father threatened it, and he would have seen it through.
‘Stay here and let your boyfriend go to prison for what he did, or leave. Leave and don’t come back. If you do, that boy will pay in ways you’ve never imagined.’
That’s what he said to me. I was young, and I believed him. I believed him so much that what happened next left me not only sick for months but so detached that I’ve been by myself ever since.
It took quite some time and a lot of convincing from my grandfather to make me realize my father was all hot air, that there was nothing he could do to hurt Bryan. That Bryan wouldn’t go to prison for statutory rape because I was seventeen, old enough to make my own mind up whether or not I wanted to sleep with a boy just a year older than myself.
It was no fun being raised by a man who knew just how to keep me under the thumb and have me frightened over things that I should have thought logically about. If I had maybe things would have been different. Perhaps I could have just left my father’s help and gone to Bryan. He would have protected me. However, I thought I was protecting him.
Once my grandfather had gotten through to me, he tried to get me to come home and speak with Bryan. However, by then, I was in Med school and working really hard to get to my end goal. I made it while pushing Bryan out of my head because it was the only way for me to go forward with my life. Forward without him, my rock, my best friend, the love of my life.
I’m so fucking frustrated!
It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this.
It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much seeing him again.
If I’m honest, I didn’t think he’d still be here. I thought he would have gotten his teaching degree and moved far away from this place.
Why did he have to be single?
Why couldn’t he be happily married?
I don’t know if that would hurt worse, but I can’t imagine anything hurting as much as this right now.
Okay, what happened a few months after leaving here was the worst pain I have ever felt, and I know in my heart nothing could hurt as much as that. However, this sucks.
I can’t leave this place with him hating me like this. I just can’t bear it. Bryan was the only person aside from Bob that I could ever turn to when I needed someone. Seeing him after all these years, I realize just how lonely I have been. Seeing him proves to me that I should have fought harder to reach out to him to tell him what happened to me.
I’ve lived for my job these past few years, and I have had no room for anything more. I work double, sometimes triple shifts just so that I don’t have to go home to my lonely one-bed apartment.
I have a handful of friends that I see once in a while on my days off if they’re not busy. I do volunteer work at the free clinic a mile away from my home between shifts because I have nothing else to occupy my mind. I can’t have time to myself because time to myself means time to think about Bryan and what we almost had.
After scrubbing my body until it hurts, I climb out of the tub and get myself ready for bed. I wish I could get out of this dinner with Bryan’s family tomorrow, but I guess I owe it to them to turn up.
I climb into the comfortable queen bed in this dingy little hotel room and pull the covers up to my neck. I brush away the stray tears and tell myself I don’t deserve his forgiveness. I was the one who left without even a word to him. Moreover, I know he doesn’t understand why. I was the one who kept him in the dark about our... I can’t even think about that.
How would I even begin to explain it all to him?
I miss the way he used to look at me.
I miss his perfect smile, his hand in mine, his words of love and comfort.
I miss him.
* * *
This was a bad idea. This was such a bad idea. It took me an hour to find something in my suitcase that would neither make me look like a prude or a slut. It’s two weeks until Christmas, and it’s freezing, so I opted for jeans and a red sweater. It’s not a Christmas sweater, but it’s red, red makes me think of Christmas. Not that Christmas has meant much to me these past nine years. I’ve been alone for each one. This year won’t be any different. However, I want to make sure that Marie doesn’t start worrying about me. Looking cheery will put her mind at ease.
I drive my car over to Bryan’s mother’s house. All the time, hoping my parents don’t notice me here. They haven’t seen my car, so they won’t know it’s mine unless they see me climb out of it.
I managed to grab a bunch of flowers from the local florist on the way over. Marie loves flowers. I also grabbed a bottle of white wine. I’m not sure what she’s making for dinner, but I know Shawn prefers white wine over red, or he did when I was a kid.
With my stomach in knots, I climb out of my car and make my way to the front door. It opens before I even knock. “Lyric! Oh, sweetheart, I am so glad you’re here.”
I kiss Marie’s cheek in welcome. She’s always had soft skin, and she’s always worn the same perfume, floral, and sunshine. It reminds me of happiness. “I’m happy to be here. These are for you.” I hand her the flowers and the wine, and she thanks me with a smile.
“Come inside. Tyler is dying to see you again.”
Tyler is three years older than Bryan, four years older than me, and now at the age of thirty, he’s stunning, tall, dark, and incredibly handsome. I almost didn’t recognize him when I walked into the living room, where he’s talking with his father.
Both men turn to look at me when Marie coughs as to interrupt them. Shawn is the first one to make his way over to me, pulling me into his arms and kissing my cheek while telling me how much I’ve grown and how beautiful I look.
“I can’t believe it,” Tyler says with a kiss to my cheek. He doesn’t hug me. It makes me smile because even after all this time, he remembered
that I don’t like to be touched. “Little Ricky,” I roll my eyes playfully. Jerk always called me that. “You look amazing.”
“Thank you,” He doesn’t look too bad himself, in a sexy businessman kind of way, even if he is wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt.
Just like Bryan, Tyler was a quarterback in school, fit, and full of muscles. Not the kind of muscles that would overshadow their bodies. Nice, subtle muscles, six-packed stomachs, and... Ugh. My mind always wanders off to Bryan’s body.
“So, no husband yet?”
“No,” I smile at Shawn.
“Fiancé?” I shake my head. “Boyfriend?” Again, I shake my head and laugh. “Why the hell not? You’re beautiful. I thought you would have been snapped up by now and made an honest woman out of.”
“She’d have to stick around long enough to find a guy willing to marry her, let alone date her for more than one night.” Nice. Real nice. I didn’t know Bryan was behind me, but I see his venom toward me hasn’t dissipated any.
“Bryan,” His mother scolds. “I did not raise you to speak about a lady in that manner.”
“Lady? You are kidding me, right?”
“I’m sorry this was a bad idea.” I will not stay here while he bashes me like this. I turn and run from the house. The quicker I can get away from this town, the better.
Chapter 10
Bryan
What the hell is wrong with you?” My brother snaps the second Ricky pushes past me and runs from the house.
I was cruel. I know that I was, but I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t even want to hurt Ricky like this. Yes, she hurt me in a way I’m finding hard, still after all these years, to deal with, but why can’t I let the past go?
I want to let go. I do because all I want is to hold Ricky close to me and to tell her how much I still love her. I need her to know how much I’ve missed her. I know that we can work through this. I know that if I can get Ricky to open up about why she left and stayed away, then we can be us again, her and me, Ricky and Bryan. God, I want that more than anything.
Stay With Me Page 4