I watch her running her fingertips over the gray enamel of the bath as she walks around it. I made sure to situate it in the middle of the bathroom, just where she’d envisioned it — the washbasin to the left of the room, shower against the back wall, cubicle of glass.
“Oh my god, Bry!” She stands in front of me, taking my hand excitedly. I don’t even think she realizes we haven’t been this close for a very long time. She’s just that comfortable with me right now. “You did it. You really did it!”
Her excitement is infectious. “I did it.” I smile while cupping her face. I haven’t looked this closely into her eyes for a very long time. I’ve seen pain there, many times, but there’s something more there now. There are pain and sadness, regret, and... Pain.
She leans into my touch with her eyes closed. She’s even more beautiful now than she ever was.
How is that possible?
Her chest heaves as I slide my thumb over her perfect full lips. I don’t want to, but I need her. I have always needed her. There is no me without Ricky. I exist without her, but I don’t live. I love her so damn much that it’s killing me. I won’t let her leave here without knowing how much I still love her. Correction, I won’t let her go period.
She opens her eyes, and they are full of lust and desire. She still wants me as much as I want her. It took me a long time to realize what she felt for me all those years ago. However, I won’t let the chance pass me by now.
“Bryan,” Her voice is low, a warning maybe. Bryan Spencer doesn’t heed warnings where Lyric Vaughn is concerned.
I slide my hand around the back of her neck and pull her to me. Ricky’s hands slide over my chest slowly, and around my neck. Her fingers toy with the hair at the nape of my neck.
“What are we doing?”
“Rediscovering.” Is all I say before bringing my lips down on hers. There is so much passion and fever in our kissing that I’m on fire for her. My tongue seeks out Ricky’s, and they entwine in an erotic dance in our mouths. This is what I want; this is like being eighteen all over again.
Chapter 13
Ricky
How did this happen?
One minute Bryan was showing me his house, the next, we’re naked on his bed, and his lips are all over me as his hands explore my body. We shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t stop him. I need him to erase the pain of the past nine years. I need him to show me that a man can want me because he desires me and not just because I’m the wrong person at the right time.
I haven’t been a nun since I left, but I haven’t been a whore either. The couple of guys that I’ve been with haven’t lived up to Bryan in any way. The didn’t care about my pleasure, not at all.
Maybe this is crazy because Bryan won’t want me when this is all over. When the passion of the moment and the veil of lust clears, he’ll realize what a mistake this was. However, I can’t think of a better mistake to make.
Maybe that makes me selfish, but then I’m selfish. I think I’ve earned the right to a little selfish. So shoot me.
I slide my hands down Bryan’s back. Jesus, the muscles! When did he get so big?
I yell out in pleasure as he takes my right breast in his mouth, sucking hard, then letting it pop from his mouth before repeating with my left.
“You’re just as beautiful as I remember. You’ve only gotten better with age.” My eyes roll at his words. He always did know how to make me feel special.
His roaming hands and mouth, bringing me to the edge and then backing off before I peak, is driving me crazy.
How much is a woman supposed to take before she explodes?
“Bryan, oh, please!” Yes, it’s a beg, a plea, but I’m not used to this kind of attention. The lovers I’ve had over the years didn’t play with my body like this, they touched me a little but then just took what they wanted.
That’s all I wanted from them, a quick fuck to end the natural urges of a woman. However, with Bryan, I know it won’t be like that. It will be perfect.
“You want this, Ricky? You want me?” Bryan mumbles in my ear.
“Yes. Yes, more than anything, Bryan. Please take me.” I feel him smirk against the tender skin of my neck while taking my right thigh and pushing my legs further apart. He’s right at the tip of my opening, his thick cock ready to take me, bringing to life all of those memories he gave me when we first made love all those years ago — the only time we ever made love.
I sink my nails into his ass cheeks, pulling him deep inside of me in one push, making us both gasp out loud, and it’s like I’ve come home. Everything inside of me feels right, so right, I know it could never be wrong.
The feeling of him inside of me after all these years, the way his thick cock has stretched me to capacity, the way his cock-head nudges my womb, is like nothing I have ever experienced in my life.
My grandmother was right in what she always told me. Everything feels perfect when you’re with the man you love. Loving him is never wrong. No one can ever come close to him nor replace him.
I’ve never even come close to trying to replace Bryan.
What he and I had could never be replaced.
Some things in this life are just meant to be. In my heart, I have always known that Bryan and I were meant to be. My grandfather told me years ago that Bryan and I would find our way back to each other because love like ours will never fade.
I don’t know where tonight will lead us, but I do know that I love Bryan, and I won’t cut him out of my life again.
His thrusts increase in speed, harder, faster, and I can’t get him deep enough inside of me. “Mine!” The way he hissed that down my ear should have scared me, but it didn’t, it just made me hotter. “Mine, Ricky. Mine!”
“Yes! Yes!” My body is shaking, thudding in ecstasy. How did he do that? I haven’t had an orgasm through sex since the last time we were together. However, as he lets go and comes deep inside of me, I smile at this new memory he’s given me. For the first time since the night I left, I feel a strange sense of peace inside of me.
Chapter 14
Bryan
I can’t believe we fell into bed. I had no intention of sleeping with Ricky. Okay, maybe someday, but not this night.
What is she going to think when she wakes up?
Is she going to think that we’ll pick up where we left off?
I can’t deny that I want that, but we can’t until she tells me why she stayed away so long. I get why she left. Really, I do get it, but staying away is what I can’t get my head around.
After we made love, she fell asleep in my arms, just like old times. If I’m honest, for a few moments, I forgot everything. It felt like we were kids again, and she was safe in my arms, where nothing could hurt her. Until she rolled away from me, that is.
However, as I watch her sleeping now, I notice something on her right shoulder. I turn on the lamp on my side of the bed. The bulb isn’t too bright, and thankfully, the light hasn’t woken her. I gently move her long hair away from her shoulder. She stirs a little but doesn’t wake. I see a tattoo of two tiny footprints, baby blue in color, outline, everything. The name Ryan is tattooed underneath in black.
Who the hell is Ryan?
Wait. Does Ricky have a kid? She doesn’t have stretch marks. None that I’ve seen anyway. The thought just hit me like a ton of bricks to the chest. Not that I can be mad about her having a child, I have one. I can’t be angry about her not telling me because I still haven’t told her about Faye, which makes me feel shitty because that little girl is my life.
However, I guess I always thought I’d be the father of Ricky’s children. Hurts that I’m not, but I know it will hurt Ricky to know that I have a daughter with someone else.
Wait, where is her son?
Did she leave him at home with his father?
I know they’re not together, she told my father she was single. However, I can’t imagine having to leave your child... No, wait, I can imagine having to leave your child with another p
arent during Christmastime. It sucks, and it hurts. I can’t see Ricky doing that, so is the kid coming to her for Christmas? Unless it’s the father’s turn to have the child this year for Christmas.
It’s 5:30 a.m., I’m not going to get any sleep now, I may as well get up and make some coffee before my run. I shouldn’t do it, drink coffee, that is, before a run, but I need something to keep me awake.
I make my way downstairs to my large kitchen to make my coffee. This place has never seemed so big until this moment. It’s too big because Faye should be here with me where she’s safe and happy. God knows I worry about her being with Kirstin and her array of boyfriends.
Ricky should be living here with me. Ricky, Ryan, and Faye, my own little family. Yes, I love her little boy already. I love him like my own, and I know he’d be happy here with us.
God, listen to me. I’m already making them my family and giving them a home. However, I have plenty of space here for Ryan. Faye has her own room, and there’s a perfectly good room next to hers for Ryan. I could make it fit for a little boy.
Wait, how old is he?
I don’t know, but I’ll ask.
There’s also a room for the little one we’ll have together.
I chuckle to myself. Ricky hasn’t even told me that she wants to try again yet, and I’m already planning our life out in my head. However, I’ve had many years of practice.
Small hands slide around my waist from behind, a kiss to my cheek, and my heart widens. I close my eyes for a second and smile because this feels so right. “Good morning, handsome.”
“Mornin’, beautiful. Coffee?”
“Mmm, please.” She kisses my cheek again and pulls away from me.
I turn my head and watch her walk toward the table and take a seat. She’s wearing my robe, and it’s wrapped so tightly around her slim body that I can see every curve, and my cock is already getting hard. Her dark hair is tied in a bun on top of her head, and without makeup, fresh-faced and clean, she’s even more beautiful than I’ve ever seen her.
How is that possible?
I pour a little cream into her coffee, one sugar, just the way she likes it before placing it on the dining table in front of her. “There you go, sweetheart.”
“Thank you.” God, that smile. It still melts me inside, even after the pain I’ve felt for so long over her, she still has the power to melt me. I return her smile and take a seat. “Um, Bry,” She looks up from her coffee cup nervously. “Last night,”
“Are you regretting it?”
“No, of course not.”
With a deep breath, I reply, “Good.”
“I thought maybe you might be.”
“Why would you think that?” I ask while taking her hand in mine across the table and giving it a light squeeze.
“I just thought maybe because... you know... because you’ve spent the past nine years hating me.”
“I have never hated you, Ricky.” I realize now that I have never hated her. I hated that she left me without one word as to why. I hated that she stayed away so long, but I have never hated her. “I won’t lie; you hurt me beyond anything in this world when you left me. However, my father explained why you left. I understand now.”
“You do?” She asks, hopefully.
“Yes, and I think I understand now why you stayed away.” She narrows her eyes. “Were you afraid of what people would think?”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
“Why didn’t you just come home, Ricky? I would have taken care of you, of both of you.”
“Bryan, I don’t understand.” She pulls her hand away from me, placing both in her lap.
“Ryan.” She sucks in a deep breath, tears in her eyes, mouth agape. “Where is he right now? With his father?” She shakes her head slowly. “With a friend? I know you wouldn’t have left your son alone while you came here. I don’t even know how old he is.” I chuckle to myself. “Tell me about him?”
“I can’t.” She practically whispers.
“Why not?” Why would she not want to tell me about her son?
“Because he...” Tears fall from her eyes. Sad, sad, lonely tears. Then it hits me square in the chest.
“Oh, baby,” I gather her up and pull her onto my lap. She buries her head in my neck and cries, hard. “Shh, I’m so sorry. I’m so-so sorry.” I stroke the back of her hair while trying to calm her. I can’t imagine how she must be feeling. I only know how much it would kill me if anything happened to Faye. However, I also know my heart just broke for her. The pain she must be in...
“What happened to him?” I ask as soon as her tears slow down. I’m still holding her. I think she needs it.
How long has my beautiful Lyric been alone?
Has anybody been there for her through the nine years she’s been gone?
“How did you know about Ryan? Only my grandparents knew about him.”
“I saw the tattoo on your shoulder.”
“Oh.” She sniffs. “Please don’t hate me, Bry.”
“I don’t hate you, Ricky. I just want to understand.”
“I wanted him so badly, but I was alone and scared. I wanted to come home to you, but I was afraid of what Ray would do to me if he knew about the baby.”
She still doesn’t refer to him as Dad when talking about him. However, he hasn’t earned that title, in my opinion.
“I called Bob, and he came to me. He told me that if I wanted to keep my baby, then he’d support me. I didn’t have any friends I could turn to; I was so alone, Bryan.”
I close my eyes for a second. I can’t bear to think of Ricky alone like that; it’s killing me.
“My grandfather rented me a place to live. He said he’d pay for whatever I needed, and he did. He promised he wouldn’t tell anybody about the baby, that settled something inside me. When I first saw Ryan on that ultrasound screen, I couldn’t believe he was mine.” I hear the pride in her voice beyond the tears. “Everything was going so well, he was healthy, and I loved listening to his little heartbeat.”
“What happened to him?”
She swallows hard. I know how hard this must be for Ricky, but I have a feeling she hasn’t once spoken to anyone about this. She needs to let it out, only then will she be able to heal.
“Ryan made it all the way to eight months inside of me.” She sobs a little, and it’s heartbreaking. “I’d gone to the store to get ice cream. Ice cream, can you believe that? I hate ice cream.” That is very true; she’s never liked it much. “But Ryan loved it. I craved it all the time.”
She sniffs hard then blows out a deep breath.
“The store wasn’t very big. There were four or five people there. This guy came in and started yelling. He wanted the money out of the register. I was scared, I wanted to leave, but he wouldn’t let any of us. He grabbed me.”
Oh my god, my heart just sank.
“There was this older man, and he said to the guy who had hold of me to let me go. He said that he didn’t need to hurt my baby or me. He was talking the guy down. He was just a frightened kid who needed money. He shouldn’t have been in that place trying to rob it. However, the cashier pulled a gun, and the kid got spooked. He pushed me so hard away from him that I fell into a shelf.”
“It’s okay,” I soothe. “You don’t have to tell me any more.”
“I do.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
“I was rushed to the hospital, but it was too late, I was in labor, and they couldn’t stop it. My doctor kept telling me not to stress and that everything would be okay. Just half an hour later, I gave birth to my tiny baby boy. The doctor placed him in my arms, and I felt so relieved that he was okay. I kissed his head and told him how much I loved him, how much his daddy loved him.” His daddy, I wonder if he was there for her. “Two minutes later... Oh, Bryan!” She’s sobbing again, and I can’t bear it. This is breaking my heart into a million pieces, and I can feel the tears for her burning my eyes. “He died in my arms, Bryan!”
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“I’m so sorry, God, I’m sorry. He knew you loved him, Ricky. He heard you.” She nods against me. “Where was his father?” She doesn’t answer me, which only tells me there was no father.
Oh, my Ricky, what on this earth did you do out there?
“How long ago did this happen?”
“Eight months after I left.” Her voice is almost too quiet, but I heard that loud and clear.
“You were with someone as soon as you left me?” I can’t keep the hurt out of my voice. Also, I can’t stop myself from pushing her away from me, either. I get to my feet, my hands in my hair. I’m in shock. “You loved me that much you were fucking someone else the moment you left me!”
“No,” She grabs my arm frantically. “Bryan, please. That’s not what happened. Oh, god, I’m so sorry.”
“Forget it! I was an idiot to think I could fix us.”
“Please, just listen to me.” I shake my head and walk away. I don’t want to hear it. No wonder she wouldn’t come home! “He was yours!” That stopped me in my tracks. “Ryan was your son, Bryan.”
I can feel the fire in my eyes burning through me. My stomach is churning. What the fuck is going on? Oh my god, she named him after me!
I turn to face her. She looks broken, but I’m too fucking angry right now to care how she’s feeling! She was pregnant with my child, and she still didn’t have the decency to call me! She didn’t have to come home if she was too afraid, but she could have called me, and I would have been there like a shot. I could have held her close to me and soothed her tears. I could have held my son and told him how much I loved him, said goodbye to him! She took that from me!
“I’m so sorry,”
“You had my child, and you didn’t think to call me?”
“I was scared, Bryan. I was alone and frightened. I wanted you there with me, but I was scared of what Ray would do.”
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