Kristin huffs but nods. “Fine. Faye, come say bye to Mommy.” I put my daughter on her feet, and she runs to her mother, hugging her and telling her goodbye. “Remember, you can call me anytime. Mommy will call you every Sunday, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.” Kristin kisses Faye’s cheek and gets to her feet. With a quick wave, she leaves, but not before handing me a list of numbers to call should I need her.
I breathe deeply; the second she drives away. This is it, three whole months with my daughter. What could be better than that?
“Daddy, I’m hungwy.”
I smile down at Faye and take her hand. “Come on, princess, let’s feed you.”
“Is Wicky coming?” Both Ricky and I laugh at the way she said Ricky’s name. Faye sometimes gets her letters mixed up, but then, she is only three.
“I’m coming.” Faye smiles at Ricky and takes her hand.
Having the two of them here like this is a dream come true for me. I’ve dreamed about it since the day Faye was born. I wish Ryan could be here with us. It would make this scene picture perfect. I’ll see him one day; I know I will.
I watch with a contented smile on my face as Ricky listens to Faye, talking away about the pony she’ll own one day. Ricky would be a fantastic mother. I hope one day I can give her what she believes she doesn’t want. She may think that, but I can see in her eyes that she wishes she could be a mother.
It was wrong of me to fuck her without protection, especially when I don’t even know if she’s on birth control. It was presumptuous of me to plan out our future when I still don’t even know if she’s willing to stay here with me and make a go of things. However, I’ll not stop until she says yes.
“I want it to be blue.”
“A blue pony?” Faye nods at Ricky while taking another bite of her ham sandwich. “That sounds amazing, Faye. I bet it will be the most beautiful pony in the world.”
“Yes,” My daughter replies.
Ricky’s eyes catch mine, and I wink. She has nothing to fear; she’s a natural at this — my perfect Lyric.
“Do you love my daddy, Wicky?”
Without a hint of hesitation, Ricky tells her, “With all my heart.”
“I love my daddy, too, viv all my heart. Daddy loves me viv all his heart and sowl.”
“That’s right, baby girl.” I wink at her, making her giggle.
“You are a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful daddy, Faye.” My daughter nods and giggles. She’s smitten with Ricky already, and I can tell Ricky loves my little girl just from the way she looks at her. What could be more perfect than this?
* * *
The first week with Faye went well. She settled in well, but then, she always does. I did think it would take a little more time, what with Ricky being here, but Faye idolizes Ricky, and Ricky idolizes Faye twice as much. They’ve become quite good friends. I love that.
Of course, Faye wants to spend time with her grandma every day. Especially as grandma has a huge Christmas tree covered in more decorations than any tree needs, but my mother loves Christmas, and she’s passed that love on to Faye. Ass this is her first Christmas with us, my mother wants to make it extra special, and Faye is loving it even more.
I only usually get her the second weekend in December. Never enough time for her to really know what Christmas is like here.
Christmas is just two days away, and right now, my girls are out shopping while I help grandpa Bob out. He needed his lights hanging outside. Even with his wife gone, he wants to keep the Christmas spirit alive.
Bob has always been good to my little girl, and Faye loves him. She was so amazed to find out Bob was Ricky’s grandfather. It made her so happy to know Ricky had some family. Ricky didn’t want Faye to know anything about her parents and the fact they’d rather she didn’t exist. I can’t blame her for that.
When Faye asked why Ricky didn’t have a mommy and daddy, Ricky told her that she did have them, but she didn’t see them often, and then changed the subject to unicorns. Little girls love unicorns!
“All done,” I tell Bob as I put the ladder back in his shed outback.
“Thank you, son.” I tip my head. “Not just for the lights, but for loving Ricky enough to give her a second chance, and for showing her what a real family looks like. I know how hurt you must have been to find out about Ryan,” I fold my arms around myself. “But, I hope you know that I didn’t keep it from you to hurt you, and nor did Ricky.”
“I know that,” I do know that. I also know that this old man feels guilty for doing so. However, I don’t blame him; he was protecting his granddaughter.
“After what Ray did to separate the two of you,” He shakes his head. For a man in his eighties, he’s quite fit, but I’ve seen him age some since his wife passed. “I never agreed with it, Bryan. I knew how in love the two of you were. I tried to fight for the two of you, but my son,” He shakes his head again and sighs.
“It’s all right, Bob, you don’t have to do this. I know you were always on our side.”
“I always will be. Call me a selfish old man, but I don’t want my beautiful granddaughter to leave. She has no one in Charlotte. I want her home. I want her to be loved, happy, safe. I know she’s all of those things with you.” She is, and she always will be.
I’ve trying to work out how to ask her to marry me. Lyric is mine. She has always been mine. What we once had should never have been taken from us. She would be my wife by now, Ryan would be here with us, happy, safe, alive. However, if I look at it that way, then I wouldn’t have Faye. No matter what I wish I could change in this life, I cannot bring myself to regret my daughter.
Everything happens for a reason, all part of God’s plan. If it was God’s plan to take the woman I love and our son in order for Faye to be here, then how am I supposed to feel?
I shake off the feeling and thought because they will do nothing but drive me insane, and look at the elderly gentleman in front of me. “There’s something I want to ask you.”
“What’s that, son?”
I notice him shudder a little. It’s freezing out here with all this snow, which seems to stop and start every couple of hours. We’ll be knee-deep in it tomorrow at this rate.
“Can we go inside and talk?”
He nods and leads the way.
He has a fire going, and the house is toasty. However, I can’t help but notice how lonely Bob is without his wife. It can’t be easy living alone. It also can’t be easy knowing your insane son is still out there somewhere and could come back to ruin everything any moment without a thought for anyone else.
He still hasn’t come home. God knows where he is. All I know is that Kenny and her mother haven’t had anything to do with Bob since the funeral. They seem to have disappeared too. Ray probably sent for them. Cops have been around asking about them. Of course, Ricky and I know nothing. Nor does my mother, but everyone in this town knows they’re with Ray, wherever he is.
Hopefully, they won’t be back anytime soon.
The trouble is, that leaves this amazing old man all alone at Christmas. I know Ricky would give anything to have him with us over the next week. If I’m honest, I’d like that too.
After handing me a cup of coffee, we sit in opposite armchairs, facing each other. “What is it you need to ask me, Bryan?”
“For your granddaughter’s hand in marriage.” His mouth opens in shock, a smirk turning up the corners of his mouth. “You have always been more of a father to her than anyone in this world. Ricky loves you so much, and I have so much respect for you, so it only seems right that it’s you that I ask.”
His eyes close for a moment, and the tear that escapes does not go unnoticed. He’s touched and probably relieved that Ricky will no longer be alone. He opens his eyes and smiles at me widely. “I would be honored to have you marry my little Ricky. I can’t think of a better man to be her husband.” He reaches over, shaking my hand so hard he almost yanks it out of the socket!
“I do have
a request,” I tell him as he sits back in his seat. “It’s more for Ricky. She’s worried about you being here alone over the holidays.”
“Oh, pish. I’m good.”
“The thing is, you’d really be doing me a favor. Ricky and Faye adore you, Bob.”
“I more than adore them.” He smiles. “What is it you’re asking of me, son?”
“Come stay with us at the house for the holidays. You have no idea what it would mean to Ricky to have you there with us. We’re all going to Mom and Dad’s for Christmas Day anyway.”
This is true. My mother invited Bob for the day because she didn’t want him to be alone for the first time in his life.
“I can’t deny that spending the holidays alone without my Annabelle wasn’t as appealing as what you just offered.” He scratches his jaw with his thumb.
“Is that a yes?” I ask, hopefully.
“It is a very grateful, yes.”
Chapter 20
Ricky
You’re amazing with her,” Jade tells me, her eyes on Faye as she colors the little picture in her coloring book I bought her.
“She’s easy to take care of.” Faye is such a well-behaved little girl. As much as I said, I could never get close to a child after Ryan, I’ve found it so easy to fall in love with her. She might not be mine, but she’s Bryan’s, and he’s mine, so by extension, Faye is mine too.
I took her Christmas shopping because she wanted to get a present for her daddy. She told me last night in a sad little voice as I bathed her, ‘I don’t have enough money in my piggy bank.’
‘For what, darling?’ I asked as I washed the suds from her hair.
‘Daddy’s pwesent. I only got two dollaws.’ I love how she replaces her R’s with W’s. It’s beyond cute. However, she began to cry, and it tore at my heartstrings.
‘I have an idea,’ I told her as I lifted her out of the tub. ‘How about tomorrow, you and I go get Daddy a present? I’ll let you pick anything you want, and I’ll give you the money to pay for it.’ Her smile was so wide; it brought tears to my eyes. I’d made her happy, and it filled me up with pride.
Faye flung her arms around me so tightly it took me off guard. I’m not a hugger, but I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up like I usually would, I didn’t feel my skin crawl, I felt like a mini Bryan was hugging me. So, I pulled Faye to me and held her so close. I fell in love with her at that moment, my little Faye.
“I see she’s had you buying half the town.”
I look down at the bags by my feet and chuckle.
Faye certainly knows how to shop. She dragged me to every store in town, trying to find the perfect present for her daddy. I must say, for a three-year-old, Faye knows exactly what she wants. She’s brilliant. So Bryan’s daughter. It makes me wonder if Ryan would have been the same way. In fact, I know he would have been. The thought makes me smile.
“It took a while for us to find what she wanted. Plus, I got her a few things.” I shrug. I don’t know if Bryan will be happy that I bought his little girl so much. I don’t care; she deserves it.
“It’s good to see you smiling like this. Do you think you’ll stay here now? Or you still planning to leave after the holidays?”
“I don’t know, Jade,” I place my coffee cup on the table. “I guess it all depends on Bryan.”
“You mean you’ll stay if he asks?”
“In all honesty, yes,” And I would. If Bryan asked me to stay, I wouldn’t hesitate. I can’t see myself going back to Charlotte if I’m honest, it just won’t be the same after being here with Bryan. If Bryan and I are to give this thing between us a real go, then there’s no way I’m leaving him.
I can transfer to a hospital nearby. Everything I own in Charlotte is just stuff. Anything that means anything to me, like the only picture I have of Ryan, a locket Bryan gave me for my sixteenth birthday, and a few pictures of him and me, are all in my suitcase. I brought them with me because they are the only things I need.
“I’d do anything for him.”
“I know you would.” Jade smiles. She’s always been a good friend, and she was so happy to hear Bryan and I are giving things another go.
“Wicky, can I go home to Daddy now?”
“Of course,” I put Faye’s coat on and lift her in my arms. I say goodbye to Jade and tell her that I’ll see her at the New Years’ party next week and then take Faye home.
She’s quiet on the drive home. I keep looking back at her through the rearview mirror. She seems sad. I hope I haven’t upset her. I spent all day trying to make her happy.
“Are you okay, Faye?”
She nods without looking at me. Her sad eyes are turned to the window, watching the snowfall as she snuggles into her car seat.
By the time we reach home, I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I’ve upset Faye, and I don’t like how it feels inside. As soon as I’ve unstrapped her from her car seat and set her on her feet, she takes off running toward Bryan, who’s standing at the front door ready to greet us.
I collect the bags from the trunk of my car, all the time conscious of the fact Faye is in her father’s arms, clinging to him. She’s crying. I can hear Bryan asking her what’s wrong.
I slam the trunk shut and walk into the house. Bryan and Faye have disappeared.
God, what did I do wrong?
I take my bags to Bryan’s room, drop them in the closet, and then drop down on the bed. I feel like crying. I just wanted Faye to have a good day out with me. I wanted us to bond more. I wanted to show Bryan that I was trying with his little girl. However, somehow, I’ve messed it all up, and she hates me. Bryan trusted me with his little girl, and I’ve broken that trust by proving I’m no good for her.
I’m no good with kids, I never have been. I told Bryan I couldn’t do this, but I let him talk me round. It was his idea to begin with. He wanted me to spend time alone with Faye so we could bond, and I wanted that too. I wanted to prove to myself more than Bryan that I could be a good stepmom.
Not that I’m her stepmom, but if Bryan and I are going to be together forever, that’s what I’ll be to Faye.
Was it something I said?
Something I did?
She seemed happy enough when we were shopping, and she appeared fine in the cafe.
What could I have said or done during then, and now that upset her like this?
I strip my clothes and step into the hot shower. I just need to wash this day away. Once I have, I’ll go in search of Bryan and Faye. I need Bryan to know that I didn’t intentionally upset Faye, and I need Faye to know that I’m sorry for whatever it is that I did to make her cry.
By the time I’m showered, changed, and I’ve dried my hair, an hour has passed. I find it strange that Bryan still hasn’t come up to talk to me. I thought he would have a lot to say about Faye being upset.
I’ve yanked on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, and I’m now in the kitchen contemplating what to make for dinner when a voice startles me. “Hello, my darling girl.”
“Grandpa!” I rush around the kitchen island and into his arms. I am so happy to see him! “What are you doing here?”
“Bryan asked me to stay for the holidays. Is that okay?”
“Okay?” I hug him harder. “Of course, it’s okay!” God, this is all I wanted, to have Bob here with us for Christmas. I was so worried about him being all alone in that big house. Now he’s here everything is perfect! “You have no idea how much it means to me that you’re here.”
“Oh, you sweet girl.” I offer him a seat at the kitchen table and pour him a cup of coffee. “Why don’t you tell me what you have on your mind. You look like you’re upset. Did you find it difficult being alone with Faye?”
“No. I thought we had a good time. Faye was happy, helping me choose gifts. We met with Jade for coffee, Faye was fine. Then she asked if we could leave, she was upset the whole way home.” I sigh and drag my nail down my coffee cup. “I don’t know what I did wrong, Grandpa.”
> Bob reaches over and takes my hand, giving it a little squeeze. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Ricky.”
“Didn’t I? Then why did Bryan practically rush out of here with Faye without saying one word to me?”
“I can’t answer that for you, sweetheart. However, I do know that he hasn’t run anywhere, he’s in the den. Whatever happened while you were out wasn’t your fault. Faye is missing her mother and wanted to call her.”
“Oh.” How insensitive of me, of course, Faye will be missing her mother, she’s not used to being away from her for this long, and it must be so confusing for her. “I didn’t even think.”
“Don’t upset yourself, Ricky, you weren’t to know.”
“But I should have known, Grandpa. God,” I groan and scrub my hands over my face. “I’m no good at this. I’m no good for her.” I feel emotional. I have tried so hard, but I’m not good enough. I knew I wasn’t, but Bryan made me believe that I could do this.
When I was a kid, I used to dream about being a mother. You know, the usual, husband, kids, big house, perfect life. I used to practice my mothering skills on the only doll my mother ever bought me. That baby doll was everything to me. Ray didn’t believe in Kendal and me having toys. Children should be seen and not heard. That’s what he used to say.
I played with the doll for hours every day, dressing it, bathing it, telling it how much I loved it. Until the day Ray decided I was too old for such things. I was five years old. I was never allowed another toy again. However, I didn’t need one; I had Bryan. He was all the fun in the world I needed.
I hate that I’ve let him down like this. I wanted everything to be perfect. I was stupid to believe that it ever could be.
Chapter 21
Bryan
It’s days like this when I could gladly strangle Kristin. The way she speaks to Faye angers me like nothing ever has.
My girls spent the day shopping. When they arrived home, I was all psyched up for the reaction Ricky would have when she saw Bob had decided to stay for the holidays. I didn’t get to see any such thing. Faye ran to me in tears. I hadn’t meant to leave Ricky without saying something first, but I needed to calm my daughter.
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