Keep Her (Texas Hearts Series Book 3)

by Flora Burgos

  “Baby, this is what I do. What I did. I’ll get on a sleep schedule in a couple days, and then, when I get back

  to you, my sleep schedule is going to be crazy again, so you’re going to have to stay up with me and fill me in on everything I missed. I guess the nightmares are back, huh?”

  On a sigh, she replied, “Looks like it.”

  “Well, I can’t promise I will be able to do it every night, but every night that I am able, I will be calling you from this sat phone and keeping the nightmares at bay for you. When I get home, I will hold you forever, and they won’t ever have a chance to get to you again.”

  “Uh, forever?” Every part of Claire had frozen.

  “Baby. Do you see either of us out on the prowl? Every single night since you came down, we’ve been together, you asleep in my arms. Me asleep in yours. I didn’t think I needed to clarify, but since we first met, we’ve had a connection, yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “We’ve been in some intense situations together, and I don’t think it will surprise you to hear that I’m fallin’ in love with you.”

  “You are?”

  “Fuck, yeah, Claire. What’s not to love? You have a fine-as-hell body, you make me smile, you keep the nightmares at bay, and when I’m with you, I feel whole and not like I’m lost at sea. So, yeah, baby, I’m falling in love with you. Fuck me sideways, I’m already fucking there.”

  “You want to know something?”

  He responded softly, “You know I do. I want to know every single thing about you.”

  “It scares me to death to say this, but I think I’m in love with you, too.”

  “Good, baby. That’s what I wanted to hear. Now, lie down and picture me in bed behind you and tell me about your day.”

  “OK, but can you answer a question that has been bugging me all day today?”

  “I can try. What’s on your mind?”

  “It’s on your butt, isn’t it?”

  “Baby, I’m not following. What?”

  “The unicorn!”

  That was when laughter erupted from him.

  “Let me put some clarification on this. I’ll answer anything but that. When we get to that point, you can see it yourself.”

  “Oh my God,” she gasped. “It’s on your penis?” The last part she squealed.

  His laughter was the only answer she got.

  Before long, his quiet conversation lulled her off to sleep as she held the phone close to her cheek, taking comfort from Devon even though he could literally be anywhere in the world, and she couldn’t even ask where.

  Chapter Eight:

  Devon was able to chase those nightmares away for another three nights before he warned her that she might not hear from him for a day or two.

  The first night, she slept with no nightmare, and the second night, she somehow was able to pull herself from its clutches. But then the third night passed with no call; she had pulled an all-nighter desperate for the phone to ring, yet that third night stretched into a week before it would have seemed possible. A week where she had only gotten an hour of sleep each night before she was jerked back to consciousness, waking covered in a sheen of cold sweat from the terror she lived through every time she closed her eyes.

  There had been no word from Dev, but everyone else seemed to take that as normal. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad had happened and that she wouldn’t get to see him again. Wouldn’t get to fall asleep in his arms again. Wouldn’t get to live the life she had started to build for them in her mind. Suddenly, it all felt hopeless.

  Depression, she knew, could come on fast. One minute, you were living a perfectly normal life, and then bam! the next you were certain things would never be better.

  Sitting up against the headboard of her bed, she held the phone in a death grip, willing it to ring already,

  but no matter how hard she prayed, how often she wished, nothing happened.

  It was the dead of night, and she had just drifted off but hadn’t gotten to the nightmare yet, when the phone rang in her hand and the vibrating rumbled her cheek.

  Instantly, she jerked awake and answered it before another ring could start. “Dev?” she asked desperately.

  “Claire, who on earth is Dev? It sounds like the garbage man’s name or something.”

  This was the last caller she’d ever expected to hear from. One of the people who often had a starring role in her nightmares. Her mother.

  “Claire, for God’s sake, girl, are you there?”

  “Mother,” she started, clear disbelief ringing in her tone, “why are you calling me so late at night?”

  “Look, I really don’t want to talk to you any more than you want to talk to me, OK? But I need some money. The money I was getting from your stipend stopped, and I’m in Mexico, staying at a resort that is going to kick me out by the end of the week if I don’t pay up.”

  “I don’t have any money to give you. And even if I did, that would lead the cops right to you, did you think about that?”

  “Claire, honestly, haven’t you ever watched television? They aren’t going to come after me in Mexico, and besides, I didn’t do anything wrong. It was all your father. All I ever did was be a good mother and wife, and look how that turned out for me.”

  “What?” Claire asked incredulously.

  “For Pete’s sake, Claire. Are you going to leave your mother all alone? Destitute in a foreign country with no money? I’ll end up raped or murdered.”

  “I have a solution for you. Call the cops! They will come scoop you up and provide you with room and board and all the food you can eat.”

  “You little bitch. You aren’t going to help me?”

  “No, Mother, I am not.”

  “Fine! I don’t need your help anyway. Everything you and that trashy cousin of yours have should be mine. I dedicated my life to this family.”

  “No, Mother, you didn’t. You used my grandparents for everything you could get from them, and then you were completely OK with letting your husband kill an innocent woman because of something that wasn’t her fault to begin with.”

  Her mother started to snarl like a wounded animal and spat at her daughter through the phone, “Do you know that I saved your life? Your father wanted to get rid of you, but I told him to see the bigger picture. To wait because you would be worth it in the end. What did I know, though? Hmm? I should have let him kill you, or I should have gone one better and taken a coat hanger and dealt with you myself before you were even born.”

  The ire and evil in her mother’s voice shocked a “What?” from her before she could stop it.

  “You are a waste of oxygen. I cannot believe that I gave birth to such a horrible human, such a useless freak. I wish you would go kill yourself already. You should have been the one killed that day, not my husband. You would

  do the whole world a favor by going and swallowing a bottle of pills right now and ending it all. I should have never even tried. I’ll just wait until you die and collect my ‘inheritance.’”

  The woman who had given her life and been a fixture in it, if a distant and negative one, hung up the phone.

  This was when the nausea hit her full force and she gulped and covered her mouth while running to the restroom.

  When she couldn’t heave anymore, she flushed the toilet and went to the sink. She splashed water to her face and reached to the medicine cabinet to pull out the mouthwash. Still blurry-eyed from tears and water, she bumped a pill bottle that she hadn’t realized wasn’t fully closed.

  Before she could react, the pills spilled out and started to roll toward the drain, she yanked up the plunger and swiped at her eyes, so she could see clearly again.

  Chest heaving, she picked up the pill bottle and read the label.

  “Use caution when operating a motor vehicle” and “Take only prescribed amount. Death can occur when taking more than the prescribed dose” and “Take one tablet at nighttime prior to bed. Only take the recommended d
ose. No refills.”

  Claire looked down at the pills and started to snatch them up as quickly as she could, but rather than dump them into the pill bottle, she instead poured the remainder into her palm and let her mother’s words wash

  over her. Horrible human. Useless freak. It should have been you. Go kill yourself, go kill yourself, go kill yourself.

  In an emotional storm, she gripped the pills tightly and turned the knob on the faucet, preparing to dip her head and drink straight from the tap, when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and Devon’s words overpowered her mother’s. I’m fallin’ in love with you.

  Immediately, her body jumped into overdrive, and she shut the tap off and dumped the pills back into the bottle. It was shocking and eye opening that she had been considering something that she found morally abhorrent. Something that she would never have even considered in her right mind. A lack of sleep and being so scared for Devon’s safety had made her feel backed into a corner with nowhere to go and all the feelings rushing through her.

  When she snapped the cap to the pill bottle back into place and returned it to the counter, Cole scared a yelp out of her when he broke the silence, “You know, I considered it once, too. Thinking Court was lost to me for good and that my life would never be good again. Hearing the screams of the wounded and the rapid fire of a gun battle when I closed my eyes to sleep at night. I didn’t think I had a thing in this world to live for, so I did almost the same thing you did. Except my avenue was a loaded pistol in the heat of the desert, fighting another man’s war.”

  Claire was frozen, trying to grasp the reality that someone saw her waver and consider such a scenario. Her mind raced for something to say but no words would

  come. She didn’t say anything, so Cole continued, “I’m not judging you, darlin’. I’m telling you that you aren’t alone. I would have tackled you to the floor if I had to, in order to stop you from doin’ something stupid. I would have done it for you as much as I would have done it for Katy and Devon and all the rest of us. I don’t think you see it yet, but you’re a part of something here. Clint and I? We’ve been on our own for a pretty long time, and so has Sean. You’re a part of Sean’s family, and you’re down here making my girl smile and my brother try for the first time to get better, and you take care of Devon, who is my brother in a different kind of way. You share that with all of us? Become an integral part of our lives? No, I wouldn’t have let you take those pills, but I also wanted you to have the chance to stop yourself, and I had to know how big of a monster we’re dealing with here. Every single one of us is your family now, and it’s time you stopped giving away every last breath and learned to keep some of that for yourself. Take what your family is trying to give you. A little help with your burden.”

  “I… Honestly, I’ve never really considered suicide, but my mother called and told me that she wished I were dead, that she should have dealt with me using a coat hanger when she was pregnant, and all of this other stuff because I wouldn’t give her money while she’s in Mexico hoping to avoid extradition. It was all too much. I swear it won’t happen again.”

  “I already know that, Claire. Have you tried talking to anyone about this? My counselor was a huge help with

  getting my PTSD under control and teaching me ways to cope so that I can live a normal life.”

  “I talk to Katy sometimes, but that’s it.”

  “OK, then, tomorrow morning, we are getting into town and seeing about a counselor for you, so you can have someone to talk to who can give you the tools you need to beat this monster once and for all.”

  “OK,” Claire responded.

  Cole watched her for a few moments longer and then nodded and said, “OK.”

  He waited for her to exit the bathroom, to which she had left the door open during her whole episode, and walked her to her room. Before he turned to go back to his and Courtney’s room, he said gently, “I know you’re worried about Dev, but honestly, this is a part of the job. Being unable to call home happens all the time. His phone could have taken a shit, the satellite could be out, he may be out on duty, he could be undercover. The point is that just because he isn’t calling doesn’t mean something is wrong. In this life, no news is good news. You are dead center to the place that would be notified first if something happened. I know you guys have something going, so I want you to quit worrying. Take a breath and trust your man.”

  ***

  When Cole got to their room, he found Courtney leaving a message for someone on her cell. “It’s bad, so if you get this, I need you to call me ASAP.”

  After she hit the end button, Cole collapsed into the bed next to her and asked, “Katy or Devon?”

  “Dev. I don’t want to put this on Katy right now when the baby will be due in the next several weeks. If things aren’t better by the time they’re coming down for the Fourth of July, we can talk to them, but for now, I want to help her myself.”

  Cole reached out and pulled her into his arms, desperately gripping her as close as he could without causing her pain. “You know I love you, right?” he asked into her hair.

  “Well, I’m marrying you, so I should certainly hope so.”

  He gave her another slight squeeze to get her attention before continuing, “I’ve been where she’s at. It’s going to get worse before it gets better because she has to face her demons, but I’m better. I have everything I have ever wanted, and we will make sure she gets through it, too. I held on to my dreams for a future with you, and when I took a long, hard look at myself when I was literally at rock bottom, I knew that I would get better. I had faced the demons, and they weren’t going to ever win.

  “That isn’t to say that there aren’t still things that can get under my skin and start to gnaw away at those foundations, but all I have to do is find you, in a crowded room, in the bed next to me when nightmares are breaking through and I’m weak from the battle. All I do is find you, and you give me solace. I want you to know that. Never doubt that you keep me going every single day, Baby Girl.”

  Teary eyed with emotion, Courtney burrowed her head into his chest for a moment to compose herself, and then she said, “I really love you. Really, really love you.”

  Smiling, Cole simply replied, “I know.”

  Courtney waited until he had drifted off to sleep to quietly pull out of his arms, but she wasn’t going far, especially after his revelation that he searched her out at night while she was fast asleep. Dialing her brother’s cell once more, she heard the four rings and then his voicemail recording, “You have reached…”

  On a sigh, she tossed the phone to the nightstand and laying back down curled into the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with, offering up a prayer that her brother was safe and sound.

  Chapter Nine:

  Claire met with a therapist who suggested daily appointments for their first part of therapy with the option to spread them out a little further as she progressed. During their first session, she went for the jugular, making Claire relive her earliest memories.

  On edge and emotionally spent, having relived some of both her best and worst memories, with still no word from Devon, she expected the nightmare. Her therapist had warned her that it was going to be hard in the beginning, but if she kept up with her counseling, she was certain they could conquer her demons together.

  She was sound asleep when the nightmare started up again, and she was lost in it, but Cole and Courtney were up and alert, waiting for it to start so they could release her from its clutches. When the first wail came, Courtney said, “I’ve got it,” and leaped from the bed to rush to wake Claire.

  “Claire, honey, come on. Wake up now. It’s only a dream. There you go. Let me see those eyes,” she cooed to her.

  Once Claire was up and aware, she threw her arms around Courtney and said, “Thank you so much! You stopped it before he started to burn.”

  That sent a tremor through Courtney, and she asked cautiously, “Have you told your ther
apist about these nightmares and what happens in them?”

  Sniffling, Claire pulled back and said, “Not really. We’re going to discuss that tomorrow.”

  Courtney relaxed slightly and murmured, “Good deal, Claire-Bear.”

  Claire met her gaze and asked, “Is it really? Look at me. I’m waking everyone up in the middle of the night. I don’t see how it’s possible for me to get any better. I’m not going to kill myself. I learned the hard way that I don’t have that weapon in my arsenal, but I don’t have hope. I’m so screwed up that there probably isn’t any therapy in this world capable of helping me. There is no way out of this dark and deep pit. The harder I try to dig my way out, the harder the dirt piles on top of me.”

  “Honey, do you know that at least once a month, that I know of, Cole wakes up in the middle of a flashback? There is honestly no telling how frequently it really happens; those are only the ones that wake me up. And Clint and my brother? They are just as haunted. Dev hides it behind his humor, and Clint acts all gruff and tries to play it off, but he’s as haunted as the others. I don’t have those kind of demons in me, and I have the man back who’s haunted me for years, but Claire, you aren’t alone. Ever.”

  “Do you know that the only time I have felt safe since I lost my grandparents was around Devon? From the first time he slipped me that earbud, so I could listen in while they rescued Katy. Being near him brings me peace and beats the darkness back.”

  Courtney sagged. “Honey, he’ll be back soon, and then we are chaining him to your side and never letting him take off again.”

  Claire gave a startled chuff and said, “Court, I am not forcing him to stay with me to make me feel better. That’s dysfunctional and kinda scary. Plus, he has a job, one that he clearly believes in, and I refuse to get in the way of that.”