Throwback

by Zeia Jameson

  I kiss Joe on the forehead. “I’m gonna step out and give you two a minute.”

  I walk down the hallway and back to the nurse’s station. I thank her a hundred times and then ask her if she knew where I could use a phone to call a cab. In the panic of it all, I didn’t grab my phone out of my room before we left.

  “Sure,” she says. “There’s a phone in the waiting room where you were before.”

  “Thank you.” I hadn’t even noticed. I turn the corner to make my way to the waiting room and I stop so suddenly that my tennis shoes squeaked against the linoleum of the floor.

  “I thought you left.”

  Jeremy smiles and walks toward me, giving me his amazingly comforting bowling alley hug.

  “Nope,” he says with his chin on my head. “I wanted to make sure you two got home ok.”

  I squeeze my arms around him so tight. I’m falling for him. Hard. And I know that there is nothing I can do about it. I still want to rip his clothes off at some point. But right now I’m not thinking about that. I’m thinking about his kindness and altruism. I’m thinking about everything he likes about me and how I like those same things about him.

  I told him my stupid rant about me going all feral after he said he liked my personality. He saw me go into full on rage mode when I couldn’t find my car keys and he watched me pace this very floor beneath our feet for hours worrying about Joe.

  He has witnessed a little of my crazy.

  I told him to leave.

  But he stayed.

  “Thank you,” I say to him and clutch my arms around him as tight as I can.

  I can’t let him go.

  Ever.

  He’s amazing and I’m smitten.

  ***

  9

  Jeremy

  One month later

  Joe was in the hospital for a week. He had a cracked rib and a dislocated shoulder. The doctors also recommended that once he recovered from the injuries he sustained in the fall, for him to have surgery on his back to fix the pain that caused him to fall in the first place.

  Joe appeased the doctors by saying he would follow up. However, Livy told me that she had a feeling he never would. She said he’s very stubborn and would die before he set foot inside an operating room.

  Since Joe’s accident, Livy has been going nonstop. For the week Joe was in the hospital, she stayed with him every free moment she had. She went to school, worked, studied and did the books for Joe. She barely slept or ate. I tried to remind her to do both, but she was very quick to tell me it wasn’t my place to tell her what to do. She was wearing herself thin but never stopped. She had the focus of one of those guys at the town market who paint flowers on rice with a tiny toothpick of a paint brush. She made sure everything and everyone else was taken care of before she took care of herself, which was very seldom.

  After Joe was released, she spent most of her time taking care of him, making sure he ate, got his meds right and even bathed properly. I went over there with her once. He was tired of being coddled and he called her a wretched woman. She didn’t care. She called him a grumpy, ungrateful fuck and carried on about her business of giving him the best care possible. She forced him to eat soup and bread. Then she told him that he smelled like a dead fish and threatened him with a sponge bath if he didn’t get in there and shower himself.

  At a distance, the words exchanged were harsh and cruel. But under the surface, if you examined their behavior well enough, you could tell she was trying to do what was best for him and he really did appreciate it.

  Livy and I haven’t spent any time together. I mean, there has been plenty of time spent in the same vicinity of each other. I still come by the bar after work, but instead of us talking, I clean the bar while she does close out paperwork in an effort to crunch time so she can check on Joe before she goes home to study. Twice, I’ve convinced her to let me come home with her just so I made sure she slept.

  Tonight, we are at Joes to make sure he’s good for the night. Joe seems to be recovered nicely but Livy is continuing her over protective role.

  “Livy,” Joe says “I’m fine. Look.” He twists his torso and raises his arms over his head.

  “Joe,” Livy replies “Don’t be an ass. I can see you wince every time you move.”

  “Livy, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I really do. But if you come to my house one more time to check on me, I will fire you.”

  “Yeah, right. “

  “No joke.”

  “Joe...” Livy huffs, and is ramping up for one of her epic protests. I’ve witnessed many over the weeks, having spent so much time with her and Joe.

  “Livy, I’m fine. You have finals coming up and if you fuck those up because you refuse to listen to me, not only will I fire you but I will put my foot in your ass, young lady.”

  “Who told you I had finals?” She glares at me and I raise my hands in innocence.

  “Sara. She’s worried about you. So am I. So is Jeremy.” He points to me, “I can see it in your face, boy.” Joe looks back at Livy and then at me again. “Jeremy, take this pretty little tired thing home, threaten her with a sponge bath if she doesn’t shower on her own, and put her stubborn butt to bed.”

  “Yes, sir.” I reach for Livy’s arm and she extends it in my direction.

  Joe looks back at Livy. “Come here, girl, before you go.” He holds his arms out and she lunges to him for a hug.

  “Thank you so much, Livy, for everything. Even though you are annoying as shit. It would have been really tough getting through this without you.” He squeezes her and she squeezes back. Joe lets out a hmmf noise. His eyes squint a little as if he’s in pain.

  “See, old man. You aren’t fine, but I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

  Joe places his hand on her shoulder. “Yes, you get back to being you. You’ve done so much for me but it’s come at a cost to you. You’ve lost weight, your eyes are so dark and you smile even less than you did when I first met you. I want the old Livy back.” He pauses and looks up at me. “Not even the old Livy. I want the Livy that showed up when this guy started coming around.” Joe points his thumb in my direction.

  “Now go. Sleep. Get those finals done. And let Jeremy spend some time with you.”

  I’m feeling a little uncomfortable that he’s talking about me like I’m not in the room, but I don’t disagree with him. I miss Livy and I want her back so badly.

  ~~~

  I get Livy home. We didn’t speak in the car. I’m pretty sure she fell asleep but she would never admit it. She remains silent even now that we are in her apartment.

  “Livy, let’s get you to bed.”

  She turns to me and wraps her arms around me. “Thank you, Jeremy. I’m so sorry I haven’t said that sooner. We are practically strangers and you have been here every day. I really can’t describe how grateful I am for all that you’ve done.”

  “We aren’t strangers, Livy. “

  She nods into my chest but doesn’t say anything.

  “Come on, time to sleep,” I say. I still have my arm around her and we begin walking towards the bed when she speaks again, with a small, squeaky voice, “Jeremy?”

  We continue walking and make our way into the bedroom, “Yeah?”

  “If you don’t want to, please be honest.” She pauses and is looking at me with her beautiful, tired eyes. “But…would you stay with me tonight?”

  “Of course I will.”

  “Here, in the same bed with me, I mean.”

  “Sounds even better.”

  “I have an extra toothbrush.”

  “Bonus!” I firm my grip around her before I let her go. She heads to her dresser and pulls out a t-shirt and shorts, then heads to the bathroom. “I won’t be long.”

  After she closes the bathroom door behind her, I get lost in my own thoughts. I hate that she considers us still strangers. Maybe it’s just her exhaustion making her wear the literal hat. I mean I know we still don’t know a
lot about each other. Strike that. I don’t know a lot about her, but I’ve made sure to plug in bits and pieces about myself when I can. She never asks me but I have a hunch that it’s not because she doesn’t want to know but because she doesn’t want me to ask back. I don’t care. Everything I need to know about her I already know. When she accepted my plea to let me take her out, she affirmed that she wasn’t some sort of sociopath or criminal. And everything I’ve discovered about Livy through just spending time with her is good. Great, even.

  Sara snuck in some comments about Livy when Livy wasn’t looking. Once she told me that she thought Livy was the strongest woman she’d ever met—physically and emotionally. There are no games or drama with her. Sara had lived with her for a few years and from what she could tell—because even Sara hadn’t had the privilege of being told about Livy’s past—Livy was a no-bullshit kind of gal. All of her cards were on the table. She told you how she felt with not much regard to whether it hurt your feelings or pissed you off. For the most part, I already knew that. However, I’ve also seen how Livy’s words don’t match the expression on her face sometimes. She puts up a good front that most people can’t see. But I’ve seen it. I’ve seen her lips smile while her eyes are sad and I’ve heard her say she’s fine while everything on the exterior is screaming she’s not. But I know she’s strong, in both ways that Sara mentioned. And that’s what I love about Livy.

  Love?

  Well whatever it is, I don’t care what it’s called. If wanting to be around a woman who fascinates you on a daily basis, for every moment of the rest of your days is love, then fine. I love her. I’ve known her two months and our relationship has been anything but typical. However, Livy is also far from typical in what my pathetic stereotype of a woman should be.

  That’s why I need her. And why I am certain no one else will ever compare.

  Or maybe that’s why I am a massive tool and I don’t deserve her at all.

  Either way, I’m not going away unless she tells me to.

  Another thing that Sara said to me that has resonated loudly in my brain, and my heart, is that Livy is remarkable. She’s Wonder Woman for all intents and purposes. But, she’s like that because of whatever fucked up shit happened before Sara met her. Sara made it clear that Livy doesn’t let people in and I should consider myself very lucky that she’s let me see past her wall, even if it’s only a slight peek.

  I do feel fortunate. Extremely fortunate. And I am more than fully aware that Livy is unique. She’s not just the most unique woman I’ve ever met, but quite frankly the most unique person I’ve ever met.

  Sara also assured me that if I broke Livy’s heart she would severely kick my ass. She being Sara, and that beating would probably come second in line to Livy’s own tortuous thrashing.

  I told her not to worry because if I broke Livy’s heart I would lie down and take the beating and thrashing willingly.

  Livy comes out of the bathroom and I instantly smell peaches. I snap out of my trance and look up at her.

  Dear God.

  My heart just disconnected from my body and there’s a little commotion going on in my pants.

  I can’t sleep in here with her tonight.

  She’s wearing an oversized, baggy t-shirt. If she has on the shorts that she took in the bathroom with her I can’t tell because the shirt’s too big. All I can see are her long toned, tanned legs. Those legs look fantastic in jeans, but Jesus H. Christ they are even more incredible bare.

  I want to touch them and run my hands up and down them while she’s underneath me.

  I want to kiss them and watch goose bumps appear in response.

  I want to bite them and tease her until she screams my name in ecstasy.

  I want to...

  “Hey, lusty boy. Covet much?”

  Shit.

  I look her in the eye, somewhat embarrassed. She can tell that I’m thinking of her with desire on the brain.

  I shift my legs a little to adjust.

  “You gonna brush up or is that not your thing?” she asks. It’s just a simple question but I feel like her subtext reads something like, Go brush your goddamn teeth or you aren’t sleeping in my bed.

  I point to the bathroom in an effort to help my brain find words. “Uh. Yeah. Toothbrush in there?”

  Walk, legs! Dammit!

  She smiles and nods at me.

  She’s laughing at me.

  Awesome.

  I go into the bathroom and try to remember how to brush my teeth.

  Calm down, you idiot.

  How am I going to sleep in the same bed with her?

  In my boxers?

  Without physical evidence of what I really want to do instead of sleep?

  I’ll just lay with my back to her. Ok. Problem solved. She’s tired and she won’t give a shit how I’m sleeping.

  As I rinse, my head clears and my nerves and body parts chill out.

  I make my way into the bedroom. Livy is already lying in bed. Maybe she’s already asleep. I go to the other side of the bed and try to pull the covers back so not to disturb her. I ease into the bed and turn away from her.

  “Jeremy?”

  Crap.

  I clear my throat. “Yeah, Livy?”

  “Did I ever tell you that I think you give the most amazing hugs?”

  “No.”

  “Well, you do. When you hug me, everything goes away. It’s just you and me.”

  “I feel that way too.”

  She’s quiet for a moment. I begin to wonder if that was the extent of the final conversation of the evening.

  “Well…” she says finally. “I’m not much of a cuddler…but, I was wondering if you’d...”

  She pauses again as if she doesn’t want to finish the sentence. I raise my head and turn to her.

  “What is it, Livy? Anything. “

  “Would you snuggle up with me? I’m dead tired but I don’t think I can sleep. Although I might if you give me one of those awesome hugs...in cuddle form.”

  I hesitate. Of course I want to wrap my arms around her. But that would require physical contact.

  From head to toe.

  “Jeremy, I don’t care if you have a hard-on.”

  She said it so matter of fact like she was saying “Jeremy, tomorrow is Tuesday” or “Jeremy, pick up some apples from the market.”

  “I want you too, Jeremy,” she continues. “You know that. We’ll get there. Just not tonight. I’m too exhausted to make a decent effort. However, it would mean a lot to me if you came over here and hugged me.”

  I don’t know what to say. There’s nothing left to say. She just put it all out there. I remain silent. I roll over and nestle in as close to her as I can possibly get. I wrap my arm around her and secure our connection. I bury my face in her hair and inhale. Peaches. Best goddamned peaches on the planet.

  “Thank you, Jeremy. This is nice. Peaceful.”

  “It is. I’m glad you asked me to stay over to do this.” I give her a little bear hug squeeze. “I hope it helps you sleep.”

  “Thank you. I hope so too. Good night, Jeremy.”

  “Good night, Livy.” I close my eyes and try to think of anything that would make me go to sleep.

  Counting sheep.

  Reading classical literature.

  Listening to Coldplay.

  But all I can think of is her smell that is traveling through my nasal cavity. Or the fact there is nothing but a thin cotton shirt between my arm and her stomach. Or that her gorgeous ass is in full contact with my dick and it’s trying to do a happy dance.

  “Jeremy?”

  I clear my throat again. In the failed attempt at falling asleep my mouth has grown astoundingly dry. “Yeah?”

  Livy moves back towards me. There was no space between us before but now there’s even less. She wiggles her ass just a little and faintly giggles.

  “Nice package.”

  ~~~

  Bright light hits my face. I squint one eye open. Althoug
h I’m not facing a window, the sun is forcing me awake by reflecting itself in a dresser mirror and coming right back in my direction.

  I smell peaches.

  And then I realize where I am.

  I’m no longer spooning Livy, though. Now, I’m on my back and Livy is lying halfway on top of me with her head in the crook of my arm and her leg draped over my stomach. My fingers are tangled in her hair.

  Much of my body is numb and my boxers are tented.

  I don’t care. I never want to move.

  However, a yawn surfaces itself from my chest. I try extremely hard to suppress it because I don’t want to wake Livy.

  But I do anyway.

  She stirs and stretches her arm out and makes a tiny moan. Her eyes stay closed until she realizes her pillow is my chest and arm. Her head pops up and she looks at me and smiles.

  “Good morning.”

  “Good morning,” I reply. “How did you sleep?”

  “Amazingly well. That is the best sleep I’ve had in...well, forever. I don’t think I’ve ever slept that well.”

  I take my poor numb arm, hug her and lift up a little to kiss her on the side of her face. “I slept pretty great too.”

  She smiles bigger. “You’re a little odd,” she says. “Who kisses people on the side of the face like that?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve only ever done that with you.”

  “Well I do like it. It’s sweet. The first time you did it, you gave my stomach butterflies.”

  “That night I wanted to give you a real kiss. But I didn’t want to move too fast and scare you away. But I wanted to do something. I think that maybe I was aiming for the cheek, but then at the last moment, my brain forced me to go a little higher.” I bring her in closer and kiss her on the side of her face again. “It was impulsive and not well thought out.”

  She looks at me and a peculiar feeling overcomes my body. It’s a little bit of fear mixed with a touch of nervousness and large amount of lust. The way her eyes are boring into mine, I feel like we are about to begin a pretty hot and heavy make out session.