The Ones That Got Away

by Lou Mindar

  Chapter 60

  July 1988

  The front door opened, and Gabby came in singing Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” Scott walked out of the kitchen to greet her. She grabbed him and started dancing.

  Scott laughed. “You’re in a good mood.”

  “I had a great day.” She leaned in and kissed him. “We got in a bunch of new equipment today, and it’s already leased out for the next six months on two different shoots.”

  Scott followed Gabby into the living room. She plopped down on the couch. Scott sat next to her.

  “Life is so good,” she said. “Thank you for all of this.”

  “Thank me? What did I do?”

  “You did all of this. You brought me to LA. You paid me ridiculous amounts of money. You encouraged me to strike out on my own and follow my dreams. This all happened because of you.”

  “I wish I could take credit, but you did all this. I was just here to watch you do it.”

  Gabby gave Scott a long, lingering kiss. “There’s one thing I want to change.” She sat up straighter and took Scott’s hands into hers. “I don’t want you to pay me anymore.”

  Scott’s forehead wrinkled. “You don’t want to be my pretend girlfriend anymore?”

  Gabby shook her head. “I want to be your real girlfriend. No money. No pretending. I want us to be a real couple.”

  Scott let go of her hands and scooted further down the couch. “But that’s not what we agreed.”

  “I know what we agreed,” she said. “I want to change the agreement. I like being with you, and I know you like being with me. Why pretend anymore? I love you, Scott.”

  Gabby’s last few words hit him like a hammer. He felt his breath catch, and he thought of Melanie. How many times had he told her he loved her? How many times had she failed to respond?

  “You don’t need to answer right away,” Gabby said. “There’s no rush.”

  “Gabby, I don’t think…”

  Gabby put her index finger to his lips. “Give it some time. Think about it.”

  He was quiet the rest of the night. They watched TV in silence, and when they went to bed, he said “good night,” then rolled over.

  Despite where he found her, he knew Gabby to be a woman of intelligence and high moral character. She had a great sense of humor, a zest for adventure, and she obviously cared for him. So, what was the problem?

  If he was looking for a relationship, Gabby would be the type of person he would look for. But he didn’t want a repeat of Kathy or Melanie. He didn’t want the headaches or the heartaches of a relationship. Why couldn’t she just stick to their agreement?

  He barely slept that night. When he fell asleep, the last thing he thought about was Gabby telling him that she loved him. That was also the first thing he thought about when he woke up. When he felt her get out of bed and go take a shower, he got out of bed and got dressed. He went into the living room and waited for her to get ready for work.

  She walked out of the bedroom putting on her earrings. When she did, he was waiting for her with a cup of coffee.

  “Oh, thank you.” She took the cup of coffee. “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “I’ve made a decision, Gabby.”

  They made it into the kitchen before Gabby stopped. “Can we talk about it tonight? I’m running late.”

  Scott tried to look her in the eyes but couldn’t. He looked down at the floor. “I’m leaving. I’m going to pack my things up today. I’ll be gone when you get home.”

  “No, Scott. Please don’t leave. Let’s talk this through.” She put her hand on his arm.

  Her touch made his heart jump. He steeled himself, then looked her in the eyes. “You’re welcome to stay until the lease expires. The rent’s already paid.”

  “Where will you go? How can I contact you?” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Scott moved around the kitchen and looked away from her. He was afraid he’d change his mind seeing her crying. “I don’t know yet. I’m sorry, Gabby.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but then stopped. With her hand over her mouth, she stared at Scott. “Your mind is made up, isn’t it?”

  Scott nodded. He wiped tears away from his eyes with the back of his hands.

  Gabby threw her head back and sighed. She stood up straighter. “I’ll never understand why you are so afraid to be in a normal adult relationship. It could have been really good, Scott. We could have been really good.”

  He wanted to explain to her why he didn’t want to be in a relationship. She deserved to know. But he couldn’t make it make sense to her. He shook his head. “I don’t understand either.”

  Gabby grabbed her purse and walked to the front door. “I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.” Before he could respond, she left, closing the door behind her.

  Chapter 61

  November 1989

  Finding someone to carry out the act wasn’t nearly as difficult as he thought it might be. All he had to do was find two teenagers who looked bored and offer them fifty bucks to puncture the tires. He pointed out Kathy’s car and then waited.

  The kids weren’t exactly world class criminals, but they were competent enough to sneak into an unguarded parking lot and slice Kathy’s two driver’s side tires without getting caught. Scott waited across the street and watched it all take place. When they had completed the act, the teenagers walked around the corner, never to be seen again.

  When Kathy came out to her car, she was naturally upset. She went back into her office, and a few minutes later, a co-worker came back out with her to survey the damage. They talked by Kathy’s car for a short time, then both went back into the United Way office. About twenty minutes later, a flatbed tow truck came and towed Kathy’s car away. Once the car was gone, Kathy and her co-worker got into the co-worker’s car and drove off.

  That night, Scott called Kathy’s house. Her mother answered the phone. When he asked to speak to Kathy, there was a pause on the other end of the line and Scott held his breath.

  “Are you still there?” he asked.

  “I was just checking to see if she’s still awake. Hang on.”

  A moment later, Kathy came to the phone. “Hello?”

  Scott relished the sound of her voice, and he fought the urge to speak to her. He gently hung up the phone and smiled.

  Chapter 62

  January 1997

  Scott stood on his balcony and looked out over acre upon acre of rocks and trees to the Smoky Mountains beyond. This was his land. He bought it when he left Gabby and LA. This is where he had decided to make his stand. If he couldn’t avoid a relationship in LA, he’d have to find a place to hide away from other people.

  He wasn’t a complete recluse. He still needed to go into Gatlinburg for groceries and other essentials. He occasionally ran over to Knoxville for the day to catch a concert or be in a bigger city. But mostly, he stayed on his two hundred and forty acres of privacy, in the log cabin he’d had built, overlooking the majesty and solitude of Mount LeConte.

  The crisp winter air was bracing, and felt good in small doses, but if he stayed outside for too long, it became unbearable. When he started to shiver, he went back in the house to finish his coffee.

  In the kitchen, he turned on the NOAA weather radio. A winter weather advisory had been issued for the area. Six-to-eight inches of snow was expected starting later that afternoon and into the next morning. It had been a mild winter up until that point, but snow was on the way. He decided to go out for a hike before the snow fell.

  During his life with Kathy, he had allowed himself to get out of shape. In his life with Melanie, he exercised more often, but even then, he wasn’t in great shape. In this life, without the distraction of a relationship, he got into the best shape of any of his lives. He hiked often, which kept his heart fit, and the work he did around the cabin kept him strong.

  As he hiked, he thought about Robbie and Allie. They would have loved being up in t
he mountains with him. They loved the outdoors. He still missed them and assumed that feeling would never fully leave him. When his memories about the kids became too painful, he made himself think of something else. It wasn’t always easy, but he had become practiced at allowing himself a memory or two before turning them off.

  He saw a movement up ahead. He stopped walking and stood still. Crouching down, he saw three deer in a clearing. It was a little odd to see them out this late in the morning, but they probably wanted to feed before the snow moved in. Scott moved to his left to get a better look. When he did, he stepped on a large, round rock. The rock rolled away from him and Scott’s foot landed awkwardly. He immediately felt a pain shoot up his leg, and he collapsed to the ground.

  The first thought that crossed his mind was, don’t disturb the deer. When he looked, he saw one of the deer glance around, and then run off into the trees on the other side of the clearing. He momentarily regretted disturbing them, but then an intense pain in his ankle reminded him that he was injured.

  He tried to stand but couldn’t place any weight on his left leg. He braced himself against a tree and tried to move back toward the house. After two steps, the pain was too great. He was at least a half mile from home.

  He looked up at the overcast sky. The gray clouds looked like they could drop snow at any minute. He sat on the ground, rubbed his face, and let out a sigh.

  The trail back to the house was steep and rocky. He looked up toward his cabin, but all he saw was trees. Lying a few feet away from him was a long branch, about eight feet in length and two or three inches around. He reached for it, but it was just out of his reach. He scooted along the ground until he could grab it, then used the branch to help himself stand.

  The branch had three or four other, smaller branches protruding from it. He broke off the smaller branches, snapping each off with his hands. He tried to fit the branch under his arm like a crutch, but it was too long.

  Since moving to the mountains, Scott got in the habit of carrying a Kershaw survival knife with him. He used the knife to cut into the branch. It was too thick to cut through, so instead, he used the knife to score the branch. He ran it around the circumference until he had scored the branch deeply. Then he placed the branch against a nearby tree and pushed it, trying to break it off where he had scored it. The branch was resilient, but finally snapped near the area where he had cut.

  He placed the branch under his arm. The cut end dug painfully into his arm pit. He took the sharp end and rubbed it against the trees. The friction knocked off the sharpest parts of the branch end, then Scott used his knife to smooth it out as much as possible. When he stuck it under his arm again, the branch didn’t cause nearly as much pain.

  He was about to put his new crutch to the test when he heard a sound coming from behind him on the trail. The sound was too loud to be a small animal. Just as he feared, out of the trees came a large black bear.

  Every fiber of his being was telling him to run, but the best he could do was lean against a tree and try not to move. The bear walked drunkenly down the path toward him, apparently unaware of Scott’s presence.

  He heard it before he felt it. It sounded like a hard rain, but when it reached the ground, Scott saw it was hail. Within a few minutes, the ground was covered with pea-sized hail. Then the sound changed, growing deeper and louder. Golf ball-sized hail began to rain down, forcing Scott to crouch and protect his head with his arms.

  The bear didn’t seem to notice Scott’s slow movements. It had issues of its own. When the big hail came down, the bear stood on its hind legs and swatted at the air with its front paws. It let out a roar, then ran off into the trees.

  Scott crawled under a thick red spruce and curled up, putting his hands and arms over his head. The tree provided some protection from the hail, but not much. He was still being pelted. When the hail finally eased up, Scott crawled out from under the tree, and with the aid of the branch, began to make his way along the trail.

  The going was slow, especially where the hail had made the trail into an ice rink. He’d take a step forward with his good leg, then plant the branch into the ground, moving his other leg forward. He’d take in a deep breath, let out a sigh, and then do it all over again. He fell several times but kept getting up, moving toward home.

  He was a couple hundred yards away from his cabin when the hail gave way to snow. The noise in the trees ceased and the wind died down. Now, all there was were big flakes of snow. The quiet of the falling snow was serene, but the pain in his leg prevented him from appreciating it. That would have to wait.

  When he finally saw his cabin, he got a second wind. He willed himself forward. Finally, he made it to the door. Inside, he stripped off his wet clothes and wrapped himself in a blanket. He wanted a warm drink, but even more than that, he wanted to sleep. His body ached and his mind was exhausted. He crawled into bed and pulled the blanket up around him. He thought again about Robbie and Allie, then fell asleep.

  Chapter 63

  August 2002

  Angelo became wide-eyed and slapped his hands to each side of his face. “You’re Italian has become molto buono. You speak like a native. How did you do it?” His accent made it sound like he had never left Italy. In fact, he had been running his family’s restaurant, La Bella Cucina in downtown Gatlinburg for nearly twenty years.

  “Practica, practica, practica,” Scott said.

  Angelo threw his gray-haired head back and unleashed a hearty laugh. “Most Americans who speak Italian sound stiff, unsure. You speak like a real Italian.”

  “I have you to thank for that. I used to spend my days listening to Italian language tapes, then a couple times a week, I’d come in to bother your illegal-immigrant employees.”

  Angelo laughed again. “Hey.” He raised his hand as if he was going to back-hand Scott. “My employees all have visas. They give the place an authentic feel.”

  Scott raised his hands in defense. “Don’t tell me. Tell the Feds.”

  “See how you do me,” Angelo said. “I compliment you on your beautiful Italian and you turn me into il governo.”

  “Mio amico, your secret is safe with me.”

  Both men laughed.

  “You stay home all day and listen to these language tapes? Doesn’t your wife mind?” Angelo asked.

  Scott shook his head. “No wife to mind.”

  “Girlfriend?”

  Scott shook his head again. “I got tired of dating and relationships several years ago. Instead, I’ve spent my time working on me. I learned to play guitar and piano. Learned Spanish, and now, Italian. I wanted to expand my mind. See what I was capable of.”

  Angelo was now the one shaking his head. “No, this is not good. You have learned to play music and speak beautiful languages, but what good is that if you don’t have someone to share it with?”

  “I just shared it with you.”

  “No. No. No. That is not what I mean. What you shared with me is in your head. You need someone you can share what is in your heart. Music in your head is just notes and sounds, and words in any language are just vague, indistinto. But music and language in your heart is passion. It is emotion. It is amore. You can tell me about these things, but you need a woman to show it to.”

  Scott loved the way most Italians he had known approached life. They had an excitement, an intensity, that made life seem more important, more essential, than the way most American approached it. “I haven’t had good luck with relationships over the years.” He wanted to explain to Angelo why he was living his life alone, but he knew that he couldn’t make his friend understand.

  “The answer, mio amico, is not to give up. It is always to try again. You need to, how they say, get back in the game.”

  Scott smiled. Even if he wanted to follow Angelo’s advice, his time in this life was almost over. There was no more time for relationships or anything else. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “I’ll have to think about it.”

  “You Americans wit
h your thinking and considering. Love doesn’t happen in the head. It happens in the heart and between the sheets.” Angelo laughed and gave Scott a sly wink.

  Chapter 64

  October 2004

  Scott sat on the couch, strumming his guitar. A half-empty bottle of wine and a full glass sat on the coffee table in front of him.

  What had he gained? That was the question he kept asking himself. Was he better off than he had been in his life with Melanie? Had he dodged a bullet by distancing himself from Gabby?

  He played a quick riff on the guitar and then reached over, placing it on the guitar stand next to the couch. He picked up the wine glass and took a generous drink. He put it back on the table, then laid his head back on the arm of the couch.

  He knew he’d see his father soon, but unlike his last transition from life-to-life, this time he welcomed it. He was proud to have learned to play guitar and piano, and to have learned two new languages. It had taken several years of hard, dedicated work to do it. But he had grown weary of avoiding relationships. He went so far as to seclude himself on a mountain in the middle of nowhere, and for what? To avoid a little heartache and inconvenience? Maybe Angelo was right. Maybe life was meant to be shared with someone else.

  His eyes were closed when the darkness behind them suddenly turned to light. He was back on the park bench, surrounded by brightly lit clouds. Then, there was his dad, standing behind him.

  “How was this life, Champ? Did you find what you were looking for?”

  Before Scott could turn around to look at his father, his father was sitting next to him. His dad waited for an answer, but Scott just stared. After an uncomfortably long silence, Scott shifted on the bench to face his father.

  “No, Dad. I didn’t find what I was looking for. In fact, I tried to avoid it.”

  “I think the saying is, once burned, twice shy. Is that right?”