Paper Dream

by Kayla Morgan

  If only Akio could see me in this.

  “Shut it, Johnson,” she growled at herself. And with an irritated sigh, grabbed her sketchbook and tromped out into the gardens.

  The green gardens helped to lift her mood. She found a spot covered in shade to help combat the heat. She was in the middle of sketching one of the stone lanterns that caught her attention when she felt someone staring at her.

  “Mind if I join you?” Hamada asked.

  “Of course, Hamada-kun.” She put her legs back on the ground and readjusted her yukata. An awkward silence spread between them. Emily had never spent much time alone with Hamada before. An awkward fact she hadn’t realized until this agonizing moment.

  “Soooo, did you get a chance to try the onsen yet?” she finally asked.

  Hamada chuckled and pushed his glasses back up his sweaty nose. “Yeah. And it was pretty peaceful until Lucas came and tried to chat me up. I only understood 25% of what he said.”

  Emily chuckled too. “That sounds about right.”

  “I drew the line when he tried to invite you and me up to the love shrine. I told him I was allergic to happiness. He just smiled politely and agreed with me.”

  Emily let out a loud snort that made the other visitors stare at her, but she just couldn’t stop laughing. Hamada joined in. He had a nice laugh, rich and full like dark chocolate. The garden attendants sent judgmental glances their way, so they both stifled their laughter into low giggles.

  Emily had never paid much attention before, with her head so full of Akio, but Hamada was actually a pretty cute guy too. A little gangly with his height, but he was good-looking in a dorky kind of way. She had always appreciated his dyed, dark-red hair, and his thick-rimmed, rectangle glasses were fun in a ‘Harry Potter’ sort of way.

  “I don’t understand how Mii-chan could pick that idiot over you,” she blurted out.

  Hamada’s eyebrows shot up.

  “I’m just saying,” she fumbled on, “it seems pretty ridiculous that Michi would go after that idiot when a perfectly nice guy is waiting here, in love with her the whole time.”

  He looked down at the grass. “Lucas is nice, too.”

  Emily’s nose scrunched up. “Yeah, I mean, I guess so. But he’s no you.”

  “Ah, well, doumo, but I’m not sure that’s true. Lucas may not be very articulate, but he takes good care of her. And he’s always pleasant with the rest of us.”

  Emily shook her head, irritated with his ignorance. “You know what I still can’t figure out? Why did you invite him on this trip? How do you deal with seeing them together all the time?”

  His dark eyes glazed over as he gazed out at the scenery. “I know it’s totally cliché, but the truth is, if she’s happy then I’m happy for her.” He gave Emily a small smile. “Even if that means she’s not with me,” he added softly.

  “She claims she’s happy,” Emily sighed. “But I’m still not sure I get the whole thing.”

  “You’ve always supported me when it came to Michi-chan. And I appreciate that.” A meaningful pause passed between them. “So what about you and Akio-kun?”

  That knife stabbed into her heart again.

  Now it was her turn to stare down at the ground. “Akio-kun and I are just friends.” She wrapped her arms around herself and whispered, “Maybe less than that now.”

  “He still hasn’t talked to you?”

  “Not even a single text message.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t give up on him yet, Johnson-chan. He’s just going through some stuff right now.”

  She turned and eyed Hamada with suspicion. “Like what?”

  “It’s really not my place to say,” he replied, “but I promise he has his reasons.”

  Emily stared solemnly out at the gardens. They were starting to lose their relaxing atmosphere with all this depressing talk. She longed to be brooding back in her bed. Was it still too early to beg the attendants to put out her futon?

  “For what it’s worth, I fully support you too, Johnson-san. You and Akio.”

  She let out another sigh. At this rate, she was sounding more like a dying car with all this sighing, rather than a human being.

  “I wouldn’t get too invested, Hamada. You’re only going to be disappointed.”

  “I don’t know about that. We’ve been friends since we were kids. I think I know a thing or two about him.”

  Her heart kicked up, but she swiftly kicked it back down into the nonchalant state it was supposed to be in. “I really doubt that. I have a lot of evidence that says otherwise.”

  Hamada just shrugged with a small smile.

  Emily shook her head again. “I’m serious, Hamada-kun. Things are complicated between us. A lot more complicated than it seems.”

  “Sure. Whatever you say, Johnson-chan.”

  Emily sighed again in irritation. But she still felt a little better this time. At least she had someone to talk to about all of this. Maybe not the hidden identity thing. But Hamada knew what it was like to want to be with someone and knowing it would probably never happen. She wasn’t the only struggling with disappointment right now. For now, that would have to be enough.

  Emily and Hamada spent the rest of the trip sightseeing around the area. It wasn’t anything like touring with Akio. Although Hamada was also constantly taking pictures, his picture-taking was quieter and more pensive. He focused on small insects inching across a flower, the way the sun peeked through the tree branches, or the twinkling cityscape in the distance. It was actually very sweet. It made her heart squeeze to see him wait patiently on the birds to pose just right for his pictures. It also made her even more pissed at Michi for ignoring him.

  They didn’t have to see Michi and Lucas very often. It made things easier for Hamada. And Emily was glad about that. Every once in a while they would run into each other in the ryokan eating area. The first time Michi asked what they had been up to all week, Emily had explained all the things she and Hamada had done and seen. A fiery flash of what looked like jealousy flared behind Michi’s eyes, but then it was gone. She never asked about their week again after that.

  The train ride back to Tokyo was a relief. Emily felt her shoulders unclench for the first time all week, and her fingers itched to get back into her own bed. Forget Kenzou Akio and all his pettiness. He had ignored her apology. Apparently he didn’t want to be her friend anymore. But she wasn’t going to let that ruin her entire summer.

  She would use this summer, instead, to improve her craft. That’s why she was here, wasn’t it?

  Every mile back to the dorm laid one more brick around her heart. So by the time they arrived back home, she didn’t have to feel anything at all.

  chapter twelve

  It was the rainiest summer Tokyo had seen in years, which was fine with Emily. She had gotten into a comfortable little routine over the past eight weeks. She slept until ten every morning, read manga until Michi came back to the dorm from Lucas’ and dragged her to lunch, watched anime until she shoved down an instant ramen cup and some bread around dinner time, and then sketched until the early hours of the morning, when she fell asleep with her tools and sketchbooks spread all over the bed.

  She did email back and forth with Gran some, who scolded her for not going out and doing more. Apparently what felt like 200 inches of rain a month was not a good enough excuse for not socializing. But Emily didn’t get to see Michi much, since she was still glued to Lucas’ side and was sleeping at his apartment most nights. Plus, some weekends, she stayed at home with her dad. When Michi was back at the dorm, though, she often tried to talk with Emily about how she was doing with the whole Akio situation. Her answer was a consistent “I’m fine”.

  Hamada was back at his home for the summer too. But sometimes he would send Emily some of his favorite nature shots of the week or an inside joke from their week at the ryokan.

  And, of course, Akio was back at the inn helping his Obaa-chan and Hanami.

  Emily hadn’t hear
d a single word from him all summer.

  Despite her love of lazing around all day, she was glad when September finally showed its face, still as rainy as the months before, but with the promise of classes starting again. She was ready to get back to learning. This trimester’s courses included Manga Storyboarding. She would finally be taking all these pictures and putting them into a story. She would finally get to feel like a real mangaka.

  She and Michi were headed to their first classes that Monday when she heard him.

  “Emily-chan! Michi-chan! Ohayou!”

  How was it possible to feel so many feelings at the same time? A surge of tension ran up her back. Her stomach churned with anger, but her heart slammed violently against the brick wall she had built up around it all summer. It wanted to scream with happiness at the sound of his voice, but the wall held strong.

  Michi sent her a sympathetic glance. “Should we—?” she whispered.

  Emily nodded.

  Michi spun around. “Ohayou, Akio-kun!” she called back. “How was your summer?”

  His answer was lost on Emily. But she could hear his voice getting closer with every word he spoke. She couldn’t keep staring at the ground. She would have to turn around eventually.

  One deep breath.

  One more.

  Put on your best Johnson face.

  Turn.

  “Ohayou, Akio-kun!” she cooed. “It’s so nice to see you again!”

  The perfect sugary line.

  Mother would be so proud, she thought bitterly.

  His eyes softened when they landed on her. But his bright Akio smile was still shining. “It’s good to see you too, Emily-chan! Did you have a good summer?”

  “It was a very productive summer!”

  “Ganbatte! I’m so glad to hear that!” And they all headed off to class.

  That was it. The summer was never brought up again. Emily, as a Johnson, knew better than to bring it up, and Akio didn’t seem any more ready to discuss it either. And that fit her mind and heart just perfectly. They went back to the way things were. They didn’t have a class together anymore, but they all still got together for most meals. The easy laughter was back between them. Even Lucas’ presence wasn’t as much of a bother anymore. He was even getting easier to understand with his constant coaching from Michi on his Japanese.

  She had to assume that Akio had forgiven her.

  She had to assume that they were friends again.

  Which would have been nice to know eight weeks ago.

  But that brick wall she had built this summer held tight. After all they went through, Emily was absolutely not letting her heart out of that cage. She faked laughs with the best of them, but she refused to let that heart of hers feel a thing. It was the best way to protect herself in these situations.

  Besides, she had enough to worry about with her schoolwork again.

  It turned out that Manga Storyboarding with Nakamura-sensei was not going to be nearly as easy as their 2D Design class. Despite reading manga constantly for the past ten years, Emily found it incredibly difficult to piece together any story line that was actually worth a damn.

  “These should be simple stories,” Nakamura-sensei had told them in class. “Only around six to ten panels. A character has a problem and finds a solution. Eventually we will take one of these stories and embellish it into full size pages with more details and feelings. But for now, let’s focus on the basic building blocks of a story: characters, problems, and solutions.”

  It was hard to find a story that short that wasn’t childish. Adult problems took more than a couple panels to solve. By mid-October, Emily was ready to call it quits for good.

  “It’s official,” she moaned from her desk. “I’m quitting school.”

  “You’ve told me that twenty times this month. You’re not quitting,” Michi retorted from her bed, casually flipping through a Parisian fashion magazine.

  “I’m serious, Mii-chan! I’m just not cut out for this! Any good ideas I have, have already been done before! I’m going to look like a total fake!”

  “Your professor told you that you only have to make simple stories. You’re overthinking this. No one is expecting you to make some grand new discovery in storytelling. When’s your first storyboard due?”

  Emily let out a groan. “Monday.”

  Michi let out a snort. “Well then you’d better figure out something this weekend. It’s better to show up with something rather than nothing at all.”

  Emily moaned again and collapsed on her desk.

  “You’re such a drama queen, Emi-chan.”

  “Urusai, Michi,” Emily mumbled. “It’s part of being an artist. You business-y types wouldn’t understand.”

  She launched her magazine at the back of Emily’s head.

  “Itai!” Emily snatched up her notebook to get Michi back when her phone buzzed. She let her notebook drop back on the desk.

  “Who messaged you that’s so important that you stopped mid-fight?” Michi teased.

  “It’s from Akio.”

  Michi’s eyes widened. “Oh. Has he messaged you at—?”

  Emily cut her off. “Not since the fight.”

  “So?” Michi prodded. “What does he want?”

  She opened the message. “He wants to know what I’m doing tomorrow.”

  “And?”

  “And what?” Emily snapped back. “I have to work on my story. And that’s exactly what I’m going to tell him.”

  “And your curt reply back has nothing to do with that fact that you’re still pissed at him for ditching you all summer and not accepting your apology.”

  Emily’s notebook smacked into the back of Michi’s head.

  But apparently her “curt reply” wasn’t good enough for Akio. Emily woke up the next morning to the sound of pounding on her door. Akio’s muffled voice was calling her name through it.

  She groaned and blearily looked around the room. Michi was already gone for the day. She let out a moan and rolled out of bed. Luckily, her wig caught her eye over by the sink, and she threw it on before opening the door.

  Akio stood ready to embrace the day with a brown fall coat over his black hoodie and black jeans. He gave her his lopsided smirk as he took in her sailor moon pajama pants and baggy Japanese Club hoodie from high school.

  “That’s a nice look on you. I think you should wear that every day to class.”

  She hoped the shuriken she was mentally throwing at him would cut right through his handsome, smug face. But no such luck.

  Akio continued his mocking. “Despite just waking up, your hair is completely perfect? Did you take some time to make sure you looked nice for me? That’s so sweet!”

  “Actually I sold my heart to a fire demon back in grade school. He’s in charge of my hair,” Emily snapped. “Now what do you want Akio? I told you that I’m busy working on my story today. I don’t have time for your ‘get-Emily-out-of-her-shell’ nonsense.”

  “Wow! You are not a morning person, are you?” Akio laughed.

  Her glare held strong.

  “Okay, okay,” Akio reasoned. “Just hear me out. I think I can help you with your storyboarding problem. I’m taking you to the Osamu Tezuka museum in Hyogo. He’s the god of manga, Emily-chan, remember? There’s no better place to get rid of your writer’s block.” More glaring ensued from Emily, but Akio would not take the hint. “Come on!” he continued to plead. “You know I’m right.”

  She rolled her eyes as high as they would go and slammed the door in his face.

  His voice sounded sad and small on the other side. It gave her a tiny thrill of satisfaction. “Emily-chan…are you really not coming?”

  “Of course I’m coming,” she barked back. “But I have to get changed.”

  She swore she could feel his smile through the door.

  Even with the shinkansen, one of the fastest trains in the world, as part of their travel accommodations, the whole trip still took four hours.. Part of her was s
creaming inside because she felt like she was wasting so much time, but the rest of her knew that she wasn’t going to have any deep revelations staring at that damned blank paper anymore. And Osamu was the father of modern manga. Maybe some of his inspiration really would rub off on her.

  The museum was an incredibly beautiful structure. Emily could see the rainbow glass glimmering in the sunlight miles before they actually arrived.

  “Look at the architecture of this building,” Akio breathed in wonder. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” He started taking pictures from every angle he could find.

  It really was a marvelous display. Emily pulled out her phone and started snapping pictures of her own. She was especially fascinated with what seemed to be a phoenix statue in front of the entrance.

  “Emily-chan!” Akio shouted from behind her. “Turn around! I want to get a picture with you and the statue.”

  A chill ran up her spine. She was overreacting, and she knew it. He just wanted to be her friend like before. To take a picture of their time together like always. But she couldn’t keep her heart from screaming inside its little protective cage. And it screamed a huge and resounding—

  “No.”

  Akio just laughed. “Not this again! Emily-chan, just take a picture! It’s not a big deal.”

  “No, Akio. I’m not doing it. I’m not taking a stupid picture,” she growled. Then she stalked off and shoved right past Akio and the oncoming crowd.

  She heard his shouts for her but kept on walking back towards the train. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for his long legs to catch up with her short ones.

  “Emily-chan!” he shouted again, and this time he caught her arm. He pulled her as gently as he could over to the side, out of the way of the other pedestrians.