by Kayla Morgan
Emily shook her head.
“She told me that you reminded her of her mother. My wife fought a long battle with cancer, but she never let it affect her ability to help others. That had always been her dream. She saw that raw determination in you. And she told me that if Emily-chan was going to keep fighting for her dream, against all the circumstances she was going through, then so would she. You were the first friend she made being here in Tokyo, and your spirit and friendship convinced her to keep going. And for that, I can’t thank you enough.”
Emily’s eyes wobbled with unexpected tears. “I…had no idea. I knew her mother had passed away. But she never seemed to waver, even once, at school. She was constantly talking about her dream of being in charge of her own hotel chain. She said it would be her way to help others. She was always so confident about it.”
Mr. Tanaka laughed and nodded. “Yes, Michi is a fiercely independent girl. She’s never liked showing her feelings to the outside world. She almost comes off as arrogant instead.”
Emily chuckled, thinking about the incredibly cocky comments that Michi had made over the past eight months. “Yeah, I definitely thought that in the beginning. But once you get to know her, she’s also a fiercely loyal friend. She’s made a big impact on my life too. She’s the first real friend I’ve ever really had...even outside of Tokyo.” A realization began to dawn on her. “She’s...my best friend.”
“Then it sounds like you two were meant to find each other,” he replied with a smile.
Emily allowed herself to let it sink in. All that she and Michi had gone through together. They had fallen into such a gradual routine of friendship. Emily had never realized how much of an impact Michi had made on her life before now. Guilt filled her stomach. Had she ever even told Michi that she considered her a friend? Let alone a best friend?
“Yeah,” she answered quietly, “I guess we were.”
The door swung open and Michi started to yell “Tadaima!” from the front door but stopped short when she saw Emily sitting in her living room.
“Emily-chan? What are you doing here?”
“I came to celebrate Christmas with you!” she replied with a big cheesy smile. “I even brought cake.”
It was such an amazing experience to sit down in a home so full of love on Christmas Eve. Emily felt a warmth inside her that had nothing to do with the hot chocolate that she had been drinking. Despite the fact that the two people in front of her were hurting inside, they still found the ability to laugh, smile, and welcome someone else into their home. Emily felt eternally grateful. But she also felt conflicted. She had spent so many Christmas Eves being pissed at her parents.
It was the one time of year that they pretended to be real parents. They always pulled out all the stops on the presents and the parties. When she was young, she had loved the attention and looked forward to the holidays every year. But once she had gotten old enough, she realized her parents were being two-faced, and then she couldn’t stomach the hypocrisy of it all.
But.
But at least they were there. Maybe they didn’t know how to be parents or show their affection, but at least they were alive. Seeing Akio and Michi try and recover from the loss of their parents made her heart stir in a way she never expected. She wasn’t close to her parents, but the thought of losing Grandma terrified her. And it wasn’t like she wanted to see her parents dead either. Sometimes they had good times together. And, despite their flaws, they were still her parents.
It was a new feeling for her. And a lot to take in.
After the cake and hot chocolate were finished, Mr. Tanaka excused himself to bed, but not before reassuring Emily, once again, that she was welcome back at any time. Once he had left, Emily dived straight into why she had come.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Michi?”
“Tell you about what?” she replied innocently, but her eyes shifted away with a little bit of guilt.
“How about the fact that it was the anniversary of your mother’s death yesterday? And that you were going through your first Christmas without her? That’s huge, Mii-chan. How could you not tell me?”
Michi shrugged and looked down at the rug that she had started picking at instead. “I don’t know. You were always so busy, Emi. I just didn’t want to bother you when you were going through such an important time.”
So it had been her work getting in the way.
Emily sighed. “I’m really sorry, Michi. Honestly, this ‘having friends’ thing is still new to me. I’ve never had to balance it before—work and friends. I’ve always just been able to lose myself in my art, without worrying about the consequences. But you, and the issues you are going through, are important. Way more important than the portfolio! You’re my...best friend, after all.”
Emily’s stomach turned and she squeezed her eyes shut. What if Michi didn’t consider her a friend? Just her weird roommate that she had to put up with? Maybe the “besties” thing was just how Michi referred to everyone.
How did adult people even do this friendship thing?
Michi gasped, and it surprised Emily so much that she peeked open one eye. Michi was pointing at Emily from across the table, wearing an expression of excitement but also exasperation. “Oh my god! Finally! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that? I thought maybe you just thought of me as your annoying roommate.”
Emily laughed. “I thought maybe that’s what you thought about me! But seriously, your friendship means so much to me.”
“Aw!” Michi cackled. “Are you getting mushy on me, Emi-chan?”
“Urusai, Mii-chan.” Emily kicked at her. “And I wouldn’t get too excited about the best friend thing. I actually admitted it to your father minutes before you came home today. So you’re not that special.”
Michi laughed and threw one of the throw pillows off the chair at her and ended up knocking off one of the empty mugs on the rug instead, which only made the girls laugh harder.
Emily picked up the cup and righted it back on the table. “But seriously, Mii-chan. You can talk to me. Even if I’m busy. I probably need a good kick back into reality every once in a while.”
“More like daily.”
“True.”
“Arigatou, Emi-chan. You were...actually able to make me laugh today. I owe you that. And I hope you know that I’m here for you, too. If you need me.” She got up to put the dirty cups away. “But, honestly, all this mushy-gushy stuff is really starting to gross me out. Can we please talk about something else?”
“Okay, but first, in the spirit of all our ‘being honest in our friendship’, you should know something,” Emily replied. That got Michi’s attention. The cups clattered into the sink, and she bolted back to the rug.
“What?” she breathed in anticipation.
“I saw you and Hamada-kun today.”
Michi’s eyes widened to an unhealthy level and, for only the second time that day, Emily saw Michi blush. She instantly hid her face behind her hands to try and cover it up.
“No!” she exclaimed. “Ugh! Pass! I want a new new subject.”
“No way! We’re talking about this, Mii-chan!” she scooted across the rug and pulled Michi’s hands away from her face. “What is going on between you two?”
She groaned and looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t know! I just started going to that coffee shop recently, because they have really good coffee.”
“I didn’t know you were into coffee?” Emily interrupted.
That blush crept back up her face. “What are you talking about? Of course I am! Who doesn’t love coffee?”
Emily’s jaw dropped. “Oh my kami-sama. You don’t care about coffee! You knew Hamada worked there! You were totally stalking him!”
Michi threw her hands arms in the air and looked back up at the ceiling. “Ugh! Fine! You’re right, okay? But have you seen that boy in a coffee shop uniform? God, he can really work that apron.”
“Michi! You have a boyfriend!”
“
I know! I know! But Lucas and I were fighting, and I really did just want some coffee one morning, because I hadn’t been sleeping from all of it. And so, I picked Hamada’s coffee shop. He’s calmed down a lot around me, so we were actually able to talk like real friends. We started getting to know each other finally. And then, when Christmas started coming up, he caught me shed just a few tears one evening in the back corner of the shop. I tried to play it off like I just had an eyelash in my eye. But he knew something was up. So I eventually broke down and told him about everything going on with Mom’s anniversary. He’s kind of been my rock ever since.”
Emily raised her hand like she was in elementary school again. “Can I contribute something to our new ‘super-honesty’ friendship, Mii-chan?”
Michi cringed. “I suppose,” she answered slowly.
Emily folded her arms and glared her down. “I know you have yet to listen to my love advice, and, let’s be real, I don’t really have any experience to stand on, but I need to say this: Lucas is a decent guy, he’s nice to look at, and apparently he loves you. I realize that’s more than you bargained for, but maybe it’s not such a bad thing? I guess I just don’t get it. What are you guys even fighting about?”
Michi sighed. “You’re going to be mad.” She picked up one of the pillows and started picking at the loose strings.
“Okay,” Emily prodded, “but you can’t not tell me now.”
“He...wants me to come be one of the office assistants at his dad’s tech company. The one he’s going to take over once he graduates.”
“He what?” Emily snapped. “When did this happen?”
“When he invited me to move back to France with him? But I didn’t want to tell you—”
“He’s asking you to give up on your dream!” Emily shouted.
“—because I knew you’d say exactly that,” Michi finished.
Emily sat back against the couch and folded her arms again. “Well, he is.”
“Yeah,” Michi continued, “he doesn’t seem to think a woman, such as myself, could pull off such a large-scale dream. He wants me to come work with him, so I can be guaranteed some security.”
“Oh my Osamu,” Emily growled. “And you haven’t broken up with him, why?”
“You already know the answer to that, Emi.” Michi’s glare made it obvious. She was still referring to the ‘can’t-get-hurt-if-you-don’t-let-them-in’ rule.
Emily had been thinking about Michi’s situation a lot since visiting Akio’s parents’ grave. “Listen, Mii-chan. I’ve never experienced a loss like you have. But I watched Akio struggling with the loss of his parents, even after all these years. And it’s made me think a lot about what it will be like when Gran eventually passes away.” Emily let out a heavy sigh. “And I’ve realized that you’re right.”
Michi eyes widened in surprise. “You’re...agreeing with me?”
Emily nodded, and continued on, even though a small voice inside was worried she was overstepping boundaries. “In a way. It is hard letting people in, knowing they could leave you at any moment. That is definitely true. I’ve done my fair share of hiding away from others. But then, I think about all of the amazing memories I’ve had with my grandma. And I wouldn’t trade them for anything.” Emily paused and gave Michi a small smile before she continued. “So, even though this year has been hard, do you regret the memories you have of your mom?”
“Of course not!” Michi snapped. Her face scowled at Emily for even asking such a ridiculous question.
“Then maybe,” Emily continued, with a small shrug, “letting someone else in again wouldn’t be so bad after all. Because, even if they leave, no one can ever take away those memories from you. Or the way that you felt while you were with them. And, because of that, you can love them wholly while you’re with them now and even if they’re gone in the future.”
The tickling of the clock echoed in the silence that followed. Michi hugged the pillow closer to her and stared down at the rug. Emily leaned back against the couch and waited. Michi didn’t seem angry, just contemplative.
A muffled reply eventually came through Michi’s pillow a few minutes later. “Maybe you’re right.”
Emily glanced at her best friend. Michi glanced up with sad eyes, but she could see some resolve forming behind it. “It won’t be easy,” Michi stated, sitting up from the pillow.
“Nope,” Emily agreed. “But it might be worth it.”
Michi nodded slowly.
“Well then maybe,” Emily continued, pushing her luck a little further, “you won’t regret making some memories with Hamada either.” She grinned mischievously, and Michi ducked back under the pillow.
Another muffled reply. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Michi. I’ve watched enough shoujo anime to know the signs. You like him!”
“You can’t take all your love advice from TV shows, Emily-chan!” Michi retorted.
“Alright. So some of it is a little unrealistic,” she agreed. “But you know what I have noticed? I have only ever seen you blush once before today and about a million times tonight, and do you know who it has always referred to? Hamada-kun! You can’t tell me that’s too unrealistic to be a real sign.”
Michi groaned into her pillow, and when she finally peeked back up, her features were tinted with pink. “Fine! I might, sort of, just maybe, really like Hamada-kun,” Michi finally admitted.
Emily cackled. “I knew it!” She threw her arms around Michi, who pushed her affection off. “So you know what this means, right?”
“It means you’re not allowed to be peppy and hug me, because it’s weirding me out?” Michi complained.
“No.” Emily’s peppy demeanor slammed into a look of determination. “It means you have to break up with your fake boyfriend. As soon as possible.”
Michi was quiet again, but she nodded in agreement. “I’ll break up with him. As soon as Christmas is over.”
“Good.” Emily smiled. It was nice to actually have Michi listen to her advice for once. “And what about Hamada-kun?”
Michi blushed again. “What about him?”
“You have a crush on him! And I’m pretty sure he’s been in love with you since the first time he saw you. Aren’t you going to try and get together with him?”
Michi sputtered, “I-I don’t know! It’s a little bit more complicated than that, don’t you think?”
“Why would it be complicated?”
“Because!” Michi retorted. “I don’t know. I have…commitment issues or affection issues or whatever you want to call it. You can’t expect me to be healed after one heart-to-heart chat!” Michi hugged the pillow back to herself. She picked at the strings on the carpet again. Emily had never seen her so...vulnerable.
“What’s wrong?” she finally asked.
“Do you...do you think he’s even interested in me anymore?” she asked meekly.
Emily snorted. So even the great Tanaka Michi second-guessed herself when it came to the boy she liked. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the least of your problems.”
She glared at Emily. “I’m serious, Emi. I’ve been running around with a boyfriend for the past seven months. It’s a reasonable question!”
“I promise you he does,” Emily assured her, thinking back to the way he was acting with her in the cafe tonight. “Besides, what are you so nervous about? I thought you were everyone’s type?”
Michi launched the pillow at Emily’s head. “Everyone’s except your Akio!”
“Oh no, you are not turning this around on me!”
As she walked back to the dorm, Emily was ridiculously excited for Michi and Hamada. Although she had been sworn to secrecy about telling him or Akio, which was annoying but understandable. However, despite all the excitement, Emily’s mind kept wandering back to that feeling she had felt back in the Tanaka’s living room. The conflict that had been swirling around inside her finally settled into a feeling she didn’t expect— regret.
; Settled back into the warmth of her room again, Emily took her father’s presents off Michi’s desk and placed them back on her own. She grabbed her mother’s suit from the bottom of the closet and carefully hung it up. She settled down into her desk chair and took a shaky breath while she stared at her phone. It would be around 11:00 am in Chicago on Christmas Day, so they shouldn’t be working. She’d have to talk to them, if they answered. But she didn’t want to lose any more memories with them if she could help it.
She dialed their home phone number before she lost her nerve.
“You have reached the Johnson residence. Ple—”
The answering machine. Her heart fell, even though her brain knew she shouldn’t be surprised that they were too busy to answer. The beep shook her back into reality, and she took another shaky breath.
“Hey! Just wanted to give you a call and say, ‘Merry Christmas’. Thanks for the presents by the way! I’ll make sure to put them to good use! So, um, hope you’re having a good holiday. Call me whenever you get a chance. Merry Christmas! And…uh, I hope to hear from you soon!”
She swallowed her ‘I love you’ and quickly hung up the phone. She just wasn’t quite ready to say it yet.
But maybe one day.
chapter sixteen
A ‘Merry Christmas’ email from her father and a ‘Merry Christmas’ phone message from her mother’s receptionist reached Emily by the end of the week. It was about as much as she could hope for at this point. At least they responded. It was progress.
It had always amazed Emily how fast the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve went, but this year it flew by. She continued to add last minute tweaks on her portfolio. Only a few more weeks to go and it would be perfect.
Her conversation with Michi last week had been a bit of a wake-up call. Being a mangaka was important, but she was also enjoying finally having friends in her life. If she kept herself bottled up at her desk all day, she was going to lose them. So when Akio asked her to join him at a nearby shrine and listen to the bell ring in the New Year, she said yes. The first time. She wished she could have seen Akio’s shocked face in person instead of just large amount of exclamation points that he sent back in his text.