by Kayla Morgan
“What?” This was the first Emily had heard anything about this. She hadn’t even noticed them acting differently when they were together, but Emily was usually too lost in her own world to notice things that were obvious to the rest of the world. “Did I miss something? What happened?”
Michi shrugged, as if the next sentence out of her mouth wasn’t life changing: “Because Lucas told me he’s moving back to France at the end of this term, and he wants me to come with him.”
“What!” Emily exclaimed. “You can’t do that! Please tell me you’re not going.”
“Of course I’m not going,” she snapped. “But now he’s all mad and doubting our relationship.”
“You mean the fake relationship that you’re in because you don’t want to get hurt? And you only picked him because of his muscular body and availability?”
Michi flinched. “Ouch. That makes me sound like an ass.”
Emily stared pointedly at her.
“Don’t give me that look! Like you’re any better! Aren’t you currently lying about your entire identity to the guy you’re in love with?”
“I am not in love with Akio!” Emily fought back, but her stupid cheeks flared up anyway.
“Yeah, right,” Michi retorted with a snort. “You know your reply to that accusation is getting weaker and weaker every time I bring it up, right?”
Emily gave her a deadly-dagger glare instead.
“Besides, Lucas and I will be fine. I’ll have to move back to France in a year and a half anyway in order to start my business. So we’ll just meet back up then,” she reasoned. “That’s one of the benefits of having a ‘fake boyfriend’, as you always so lovingly put it.”
“Okay, but here’s my question, Mii-chan: Does Lucas know that this is a fake relationship?” Emily asked. She had been wondering about this for a while, but her fear of confrontation had kept her from bringing this up before now.
“Of course he knows,” Michi responded with irritation. “He’s known from the beginning that I’m not looking for anything serious.”
“Uh huh. So you say. But hear me out,” Emily began. “Lucas invited you all the way back to France, Michi. To live with him. Maybe he knew in the beginning that it was nothing, but you guys have been together for seven months. Do you think there’s any possible way that he thinks you guys have moved past that?”
Michi gave her a nervous look. Ah. So she had struck a chord.
“Michi?” Emily drew out her name with concern, in hopes that she would spill the rest of the story. Something had obviously happened.
Michi threw her free hand up in the air in a huff. “Okay, fine! He told me he loved me last week when he asked me to move with him.”
“Michi!”
“I know, I know, okay!” She slid her hand down her face in frustration. “Look, I’ll figure it out. Things will be fine. Seriously. Now will you quit bugging me? I’m going to be late to Statistics.”
And she took off in a huff. But before she left, Emily could have sworn she saw a look of deep concern in her eyes.
chapter fifteen
Michi swore that things were fine between her and Lucas, but Lucas showed up less and less often for meals. Michi was spending most of her nights in the dorm, which actually turned out to be a welcomed distraction to Emily’s late nights. She was obsessed with filling her portfolios with material that would impress Nakamura-sensei’s brother. Having Michi in the dorms again gave her someone to bounce ideas off of.
She hadn’t forgotten her promise to Akio to give herself a break every once in a while, But for the first time, she finally felt like she was getting the hang of these storyboarding tasks. Her favorites so far had been about how she felt when she first arrived in Japan, her high school experience in America and how she made her way through it, and discovering anime for the first time with Grandma Margaret. She always stuck to her made-up origin, by drawing herself as a half-Japanese girl and saying stuff like how coming to Japan made her feel like she was coming back to her “roots”. Which wasn’t really a lie. Emily had spent her whole life immersed in as much Japanese culture as she could find, so she felt like she really had finally come home, even if her ethnicity said otherwise.
It might have just been her perfectionism tendencies, but Emily still found that writing a story was so much more work than drawing a single picture. She could draw most of her sketches in a day, but each one of her storyboards took her at least a week to finish. And they weren’t even complete stories with flushed out sketches.
She was so wrapped in her work that Tokyo was twinkling with Christmas lights before she knew it. It was actually a beautiful sight, and Emily ached to go and enjoy it all. But she knew that, for right now, she could only admire it from her dorm room window.
“You can sightsee when your portfolio is one-thousand percent perfect,” she muttered to herself when her willpower would wane, and then she’d dive back into her latest project.
But by Christmas Eve, Emily could barely sit still. She spun her markers on her desk and played against herself in “Rough Draft Basketball”— a game she and Michi had invented during times of boredom. They would compete to see who could throw her rough drafts the farthest by moving the trash can farther and farther across the dorm room. Michi almost always won, because Emily was complete crap when it came to sports, even made-up ones. Emily figured this was a good time to practice since Michi left last night to be with her dad for the holidays.
When that lost her interest too, Emily let out a dramatic groan and flopped back onto her bed. From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of the Christmas presents her parents and grandma had sent her. She had shoved them into the back corner last week.
Michi had teased her mercilessly about it:
“So you’re not going to open those?”
“I don’t have time right now, Michi. I only have two more panels on this story, and I’ll be all caught up with where I need to be,” she had argued. “I’ll open them later.”
She let out another dramatic groan and pulled herself back up. “Well,” she muttered, “let’s get this over with.”
She was at least excited to see what Grandma Margaret had gotten her. She never failed to surprise Emily with the perfect gift. She peeled back the wrapping paper to reveal two new sketchbooks covered in a cherry blossom design and the collector’s edition of the Fruits Basket DVDs.
Emily smiled. “A perfect choice as always, Grandma.”
She clung to her new presents and warily eyed the other two still sitting on the floor. Much to her surprise, Emily had actually heard from her father once a month since moving to Tokyo. He sent one email a month, each one on the 15th of the month, almost as if he had programmed them into his calendar under “Encourage Daughter in Keeping the Way of the Johnsons”. Because that’s pretty much what they came off like:
Emily,
Don’t forget to work hard on your studies in Tokyo. Your new skills will be an asset to our company. Make us proud.
Sincerely,
Dad
But at least he tried.
She grabbed the present from her father and opened it up. Inside were two books— one about the art of communication in business and the other one was an essential Japanese phrasebook for business professionals. Inside was a note scratched out in her father’s handwriting that said: To help you with your studies.
Again, at least he tried.
The last present sat in the corner, and she seriously considered not opening it at all.
Emily hadn’t heard a word from her mother since she left back in April. However, she wasn’t surprised that she had received a gift from her. It seemed to be the only way she knew how to communicate with her daughter, and what she always communicated with it was how little she really knew Emily.
Even the wrapping wasn’t her; the long sleek box was covered in black wrapping paper and adorned with white glittery bow that was studded with diamonds. It wasn’t even crinkled from the shipment
box, which was insane. Her mother had probably paid extra for that somehow.
Emily begrudgingly pulled the box over and tore back the wrapping. A Nordstrom box stared back at her.
I should have seen this coming.
Her mother was obsessed with Emily dressing more fashionably. Emily couldn’t count how many cocktail dresses she owned that had never seen the light of day.
“Let’s see what new horror Mother picked this time,” she complained.
Inside the box was a gray pleated suit jacket with gray dress pants to match. The whole thing was so dull that Emily lost years of her life just looking at it.
She took Grandma’s presents and put them on her desk. She took her father’s presents and put them on Michi’s. She took her mother’s present and shoved it into the bottom of her closet. Maybe Michi knew someone in the business department around Emily’s size who would want a fancy new suit. At least then it would get some good use.
The twinkling Christmas lights called to her once again, and she decided she needed to get out. Bundled up in her warmest clothes, Emily trudged out into the city while a light snow fell down on everything. The city was even more beautiful than before. Couples strolled hand-in-hand. Christmas cakes were displayed, in all their delicious glory, in the bakery windows. The gorgeous light displays put her in a Christmas mood, and Emily decided she wanted to go somewhere festive. A little farther down the street was a coffee shop with its display windows loaded to the brim with Christmas decorations— Emily had found her place.
The bell tinkled as she walked through the door, but it was barely heard over the sound of American Christmas music streaming through the shop. It was strange to hear English after being surrounded by Japanese for so long.
She strode towards the front counter to order, but the sight of two people in the back of the café made her stop in her tracks.
Michi sat stooped over a half-drank cup of coffee. Her eyes were red and puffy. Hamada sat in a seat beside her with his arm around her shoulders. He had the same outfit as the rest of the coffee shop workers, but his apron was clutched in his other hand.
This must be the shop Hamada started working at a few months ago.
They had always planned on coming and seeing him, but this term had just been so busy.
The barista behind the counter was busy serving other customers, so Emily took the opportunity to sneak over to the fake fireplace that was towards the back of the café. Settled onto the ledge of it, she was able to hear Hamada and Michi without them being able to see her. She got out her phone and pretended to be playing a game on it, so the other customers wouldn’t look at her like the crazy stalker she was.
Part of Emily felt kind of guilty. Was it wrong to sit here and spy on her friends? But she needed to know why Michi was crying! That’s what good friends did, right? Spied on their friends for their benefit? Wasn’t that how friendship worked?
Michi was mid-conversation about something; her voice was thick from trying not to cry. “Mom used to bake cookies all week and decorate them so beautifully that I almost didn’t want to eat them. And then, every Christmas Eve, I would help her make the Christmas log cake. We always picked a different color or theme to decorate it each year. It was one of my favorite parts of Christmas.” Her voice broke, and Emily could hear the sorrow rising in her voice. “I don’t even remember last Christmas. We were so busy with the funeral and the preparations; she had just passed away on the 23rd . This is my first real Christmas without her. I didn’t realize it would be this hard.”
“And I wish I could say that next year won’t be so bad, Michi-chan,” Hamada replied with sincere sympathy, “but I basically grew up with Akio. I watched him struggle around the holidays every year. They say time heals all wounds, and it mostly does. But I think it takes more time than we wish it did. But eventually, it will get easier, Michi-chan. I promise.”
Michi sniffed, and Emily could see just enough to see Michi rub the tears from her eyes. “I hate seeing Dad like this. He doesn’t say much, but I can tell that he’s hurting. The holidays are a time for love and family, but for us, I feel like it’s just a constant reminder of the family we no longer have.” She sniffed again. “And I love Dad, with all my heart, but sometimes I just wish Mom was here to talk to. She always knew what to say.”
Hamada drew his hand back to his lap. “I could never replace your mother, Michi-chan. But just know that I’m always here,” he promised shyly, “if you ever need to talk.”
Michi gave him a wobbly smile. “I know you are, Hamada-kun. Your support during all of this has meant everything to me.” She grabbed his hand out of his lap and held it tight. “I couldn’t have made it through this month without you. Thank you so much.”
Is that a blush on Michi’s face?
The intimacy of the moment smacked Emily upside the head, and she quickly spun away from her friends. This felt way too personal. She needed to leave. As quietly as she could, she grabbed her purse and slipped out of the coffee shop door.
Once out of sight of the shop, Emily felt her stomach fill with shame. How could she have not known that this month was the anniversary of Michi’s mom's death? She flipped through her memories of the past month but couldn’t remember a time when Michi brought it up. She had seemed pretty happy during their time at the dorms lately. But maybe Emily had been too busy to catch the signs. Which made her feel one-thousand times worse.
She ducked into the nearest bakery and picked up a strawberry and cream Christmas cake. At least she knew enough about her roommate to know what her favorite cake was. Then she pulled out her phone and clicked on Michi’s contact page. Michi had put her home address in it before she left to go home for the holidays, in case Emily got bored over the break. Emily had figured she would be too busy to go over at all, but now she was grateful for the information. She put the address in her phone’s map and headed towards Michi’s home.
She arrived at the thin, two-story home after a short walk. It was the same tan shade as all the other houses surrounding it. She rang the doorbell and introduced herself when Mr. Tanaka when he answered the door. Emily could instantly tell he was Michi’s dad from the warm smile and twinkling ornery look he had in his eyes, just like his daughter. But he was much shorter with flecks of gray shining in his jet-black hair.
“You must be Johnson-san! It’s so good to finally meet you! Michi has told me so much about you!”
She bowed. “Thank you for allowing me into your home. I came to visit Michi. Is she home?”
“No, unfortunately, she stepped out for a few hours. But she told me she would be back by nine o’clock. Why don’t you come in and wait?” He ushered Emily inside and closed the door behind them. “This is the coldest Christmas Eve I’ve seen in a while! I was just whipping up some hot chocolate to help combat the cold. Would you like a cup?”
Emily grinned while she took off her shoes. “Oh yes please! I love hot chocolate! I brought a Christmas cake for all of us to share as well.”
“That is so kind of you, Johnson-san! Please take a seat, and I will get that hot chocolate right out to you!”
Michi’s house was small, like most homes in Tokyo, but it had a very cozy atmosphere. It was covered with a lovely balance of French and Japanese decor. A small Christmas tree sparkled in the corner. Emily set the Christmas cake down on the coffee table and settled down onto one of the cushy chairs in the corner.
Mr. Tanaka came back out with the steaming hot chocolate. Emily took the beverage and thanked him again.
“So Johnson-san, do you have any plans for the holidays? Are you heading back to America to see your family?”
She smiled back politely, though her heart felt a tug. “Um, no. I’ll be staying here over the break. I’m working towards getting an internship as a mangaka assistant, so I’m pretty much glued to my desk all day!” she joked. Of course, she ignored the fact that, even without the internship, she never had any intention of going back home during break. “What about
you?”
Her heart plunged as soon as the words left her mouth. Mr. Tanaka’s cheery face dropped into a forlorn expression before Emily even had a chance to apologize for bringing up such a sore subject.
That’s why you’re here, genius, remember?
“Actually, this is a sad time of year for me and Michi. Her mother passed away a year ago yesterday. This will be our first real Christmas without her.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you during this time.”
His smile reappeared, though it was smaller and more fragile now. “That is so kind of you, Johnson-san. But you’ve already done so much for my family.”
Emily stopped the cup she was bringing up to her lips. “What do you mean?”
“When Michi’s mother died last year, she went into a terrible depression. She wouldn’t eat. She was up with insomnia most nights. She lost all contact with her friends. And she even stopped going to school. So when my job offered me an opportunity to move back to Tokyo, I decided to take it. I thought that getting a fresh start would help her. She still fought me terribly about going back to school. She said that she would just get some hourly-wage job at one of the hotels my employers run instead. That having a dream that big wasn’t worth it, if it could all disappear in a moment.”
Emily’s heart ached. She would have guessed that Michi was going through so much back when she first met her. But Michi was the master of hiding her feelings.
“But I convinced her to go back for one more term. I told her if she still felt the same after that, then I wouldn’t push the issue anymore,” Mr. Tanaka continued. “She went back to school in April and called me at the end of the week. She told me about how she had a new roommate named Emily-chan, who had come all the way from America to try and realize her dream of becoming a mangaka. She said that you had already faced multiple trials in your short time in Tokyo, but you weren’t giving up and were, in fact, even more determined to try and follow your dream. She was in awe of you. When the trimester ended in September, I asked her what her plans were— if she wanted to keep attending school or not. And do you know what she told me?”