Jules and Bulls

by Chandler Ardnas

  “Hi, I missed the bronc event. Do you know who won?” I asked the girl with huge hair.

  “Tennyson Weller, of course,” she smiled.

  I looked back over at him, and he was in the same position. Eric headed off to get us a drink, and I was fighting the urge to walk up to Tenn. Eric returned, and I downed my glass.

  We were there for half-an-hour when the band began playing the rodeo song. Tennyson stood slowly and walked around the table to meet up with Amylia. They strolled to the middle of the floor, and his movements were stilted and awkward. Amylia tried to smile at the crowd, but it just made Tennyson's mood more noticeable. I couldn't watch any further and felt my tears begin to fall.

  A loud commotion occurred in the corner of the room, and I glanced over to see some cowboys pushing Eric. I ran in a panic and stood in front of him. "Stop it," I yelled at the drunken men, "he's with me."

  “Tell the faggot to keep his hands to himself,” a young man yelled at me. I instantly understood what had happened and felt sad for the young man trying so hard to be something he wasn’t.

  “Stop calling my fiancé a faggot,” I yelled, and took Eric’s hand and pulled him toward the door with me.

  I could feel him shaking in fear, and I felt awful for bringing him here. The other men began teasing the younger boy, and we were free to leave. I glanced at the dance floor and saw Tennyson staring at me. I wasn't sure if he recognized me or not.

  I was about to climb into a cab behind Eric when someone called my name. I turned to see Tennyson standing on the sidewalk.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come. I’m taking my friend back to our hotel,” I said, and began climbing in the car.

  “Jules, don’t go,” he called out.

  I froze, halfway in and halfway out of the cab. Eric looked back to see what had my attention and then began pushing me back into the open. “I’m fine, Jules, go talk to the guy,” he encouraged.

  “I’m afraid,” I told him.

  "We all move on after Sunday, don't miss the chance to say what you need to say," Eric said, as he nudged me out of the car. I moved because I knew this was the last time I would ever see Tennyson.

  I stood on the sidewalk in my used clothes, blond streaks, and tanned skin, but my heart hadn't changed at all. I loved this man entirely. He walked toward me, and I saw his eye was still black, and his buckle was still too large, but I smiled anyway.

  He stopped walking and put his hand over his heart and smiled back at me.

  “Congratulations on your win today,” I offered.

  “You watched?” he asked in surprise.

  “No, all the queens talked about it nonstop,” I laughed, and his smile widened.

  "You look beautiful," he said, as he glanced down my body and returned to my face.

  “I was aiming for different,” I admitted.

  He took another step toward me and asked, “Why?”

  I took a step toward him, and my heart began beating wildly in realization one more step from both of us would have me in his arms. "It hurt to look like the person you loved."

  “There is nothing different enough to make me stop loving you.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to block all the sirens going off in my brain, warning me to stay away from him. “Our worlds are still so different,” I finally admitted, and watched his eyes for a reaction.

  “We both look at the same moon; they can’t be that different.”

  That did it! Using my song as a reference for our love pushed me past all the caution signs, and I dove into his arms. He wrapped them tightly around me and lifted me off the ground and began walking as he kissed me softly.

  Chapter 8

  I could hear cameras going off as we rounded a corner, but I didn't care. I loved a guy I had no future with and I would admit to a weekend with him. It would be over by the time I had to enter a fake relationship with my co-star, and I could pretend it was a rebound relationship.

  Tennyson sat me on my feet and took hold of my hand as he pulled me quickly through the crowd of photographers and into the guarded gate area of the fairgrounds.

  The second we entered his trailer I threw his hat off and began removing his buckle, as he pushed me against the counter and kissed me in a heated rush. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he said into my ear, and then moved to my neck.

  “My manager is going to kill me,” I said with labored breath.

  "He'll have to go through me," he said and moved his hands up my shirt.

  “I can calm him down, its only one weekend after all.”

  Tennyson froze and let his hands fall before putting them on my hips and pushing away from me. I hated how he always seemed to get me hot and bothered and then pulled away. My body was screaming at him and telling my mouth to go to hell.

  “You’re only here because you’re in town?” he asked with a hurt expression.

  "Do you expect me to travel with you? I'm on tour this summer."

  “There are days between concerts and events,” he pointed out.

  "Janie never traveled with you," I said, and my body screamed at my mouth again.

  “I didn’t love Janie,” he responded angrily.

  "It took you two years to figure that out?" I challenged and watched his jaw tighten and his hands twitch.

  “You’ve never done anything stupid?”

  I chuckled and shook my head, “Yeah, I met a guy at a Rodeo.”

  "I'm not blocking the door," he said and sat down on the couch.

  I stayed where I was and took a few moments to calm down. I finally walked over to sit next to him. “Tenn, I brought my best friend here and almost got him killed. I find nothing wrong with two men kissing and loving each other. And you almost vomited in your mouth at what I just said.”

  “It has nothing to do with us, why is it a problem?”

  "Can Eric come visit me, stay in your trailer and sit at your table?" His jaw tightened again, and I sighed loudly. "I don't eat meat either, and I find Rodeo's abusive to the animals."

  I finally found his last nerve, and he jumped up and looked at me with wide eyes. “You've watched me ride, and you think the animal is the one abused?"

  “Yes, I do.”

  His mouth fell open, and he shook his head back and forth as he formed in his mind what he wanted to say. It came spilling out of him with emotion. "I take my horse out and let him run. He's invigorated and snorting, and his legs shake with the release of the energy that's been building up inside of him. My legs ache from the muscle strength I have to use, and my balls are sore as hell, and you think I am abusing my horse?"

  "I don't know, Tenn," I yelled at him. "I don't understand any of this, just like you don't understand my lifestyle. I love seeing my friends in happy relationships. It makes me feel warm inside to see Eric held by someone who loves him."

  He beat his fist on his chest and said. "My view of a man is someone who takes care of his woman, who loves her tenderly, and protects her at all cost. I just can't see a man doing that for another man; it isn't natural."

  “And sitting on top of a two-thousand-pound bull, holding on with one hand, is?”

  He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes as he mumbled, “Shit.”

  "I want to stay the night with you, Tenn, this one night because I have to walk away tomorrow and get back to my life."

  “You don’t get it, Jules,” he said, as his shoulders dropped in defeat. “I’m not just looking for pussy. I want the woman I love in my bed, knowing she will be back when I need her. Maybe you can use me for my dick, but I can’t treat you that way.”

  "There was a time you weren't so…discriminating. I have a video to prove it," I snarled and stood to leave.

  “Are you offering to get on your knees, Jules?” he screamed. “Because if you are, please come back tomorrow when I really need to relax.”

  "I'm not offering you shit," I screamed back, "Because you're not man enough to deal with an independent woma
n who makes her way."

  He laughed and looked right into my eyes, “Did you tell daddy you like to screw yet?”

  I wanted to hit him. He made me angry and humiliated all at the same time. We hurt from wanting each other so much, and now we were purposely trying to destroy each other because we both knew a relationship between a cowboy and a pop star would never work. I needed to put a stop to the cycle and move on.

  I took a deep breath and turned to walk from his trailer without offering a final blow to the relationship. He let me leave and remained in his trailer. I assumed he would be in a much better mood for the dance the next night.

  I got to my room and took a hot bath and drank a glass of wine to calm down enough to sleep. The next morning Eric was shocked to see me enter the hotel restaurant. He held up a newspaper with a picture of Tennyson and me kissing, and the headline read, "Jules and the Bull Rider."

  I remembered Morgan saying Jules and bulls didn’t mix and he was right. “It was over, before it began,” I said.

  “You didn’t stay?” Eric asked.

  “No, I didn’t. He wants a little woman who carries a flag and darns his socks.”

  "Hum, which flag?" Eric teased, and I smacked his arm.

  Martin came walking toward me with a plate full of buffet food and a scowl that could stop traffic. “You just can’t stay away from that redneck, can you?”

  “Oh, shut up! You’ve humped every queen you could get your hands on.”

  “How are you going to deal with this?” Martin demanded to know.

  “Truthfully, he’s a great guy, but too John-Wayne-bleeds-red-white-and-blue, for me.”

  “And you couldn’t have figured that out yesterday?” Martin asked.

  “I’m a slow learner, just ask my parents,” I said hatefully.

  We all ate and headed to the stadium to run a sound check and make sure the equipment was assembled correctly. Reporters all wanted to know the same thing, what was going on with Tennyson and me? I gave the same response to all of them. "We were friends saying hello, and I left soon after."

  By the time the show started, I was focused and ready to perform on autopilot. The stadium filled with ‘my' people, and I could feel the love. I came onto the stage with a group of dancers all dressed the same in knitted caps over our hair. We moved in unison until fire shot out of canisters and we pulled off the clothes to reveal flashy costumes.

  I wore red sequined pants which hung very low on my hips and a short white tank top over a red bra. The crowd went wild, and I sang as I moved and danced with Eric. The routine was very suggestive, and his hands ran over my body seductively… only I knew he was thinking about an artist who painted erotica instead of me.

  I was on a roll, and the energy was terrific. I made four costume changes and finally reached the point of the show where a holographic moon rose over the stage, and I sang my parents' song. I was the only person on stage as the dancers changed for the finale. I sat on a stool, and the lights lowered, and I could see just the first few rows of the audience.

  I sang with new emotion, aching for Tenn as the song took on a new meaning. In the second verse, I saw the silhouette of a man in a cowboy hat leaning against a speaker tower. I moved from the stool and headed to the far side of the stage to get a better look.

  When I saw Tenn's eyes staring right at me, my voice broke, and I had to look away. I missed a couple of beats and picked up with a shaky voice as I felt tears fill my eyes. I forced myself to keep going and noticed how my keyboard player gave me an odd look.

  When the song ended, and the crowd cheered I looked back at the spot where he stood, but it was empty. I wondered if I had imagined the entire thing. He had to ride tonight, and there was no way he would have rushed over to see the show. I went backstage to talk with the dancers and the band and thank them for a great concert. I was stunned how well it went despite having Tennyson in the same city. I felt stronger since I could carry on.

  Eric was talking loudly to all the dancers when I walked up. It suddenly became very quiet, and they all stared at me. "What?" I asked.

  “Was that him?” A dancer asked.

  “Who?”

  “The cowboy, was it your cowboy?”

  I knew then it hadn't been my imagination. Tennyson came, and that meant a lot, but the fact he left told me he was ready to move on.

  I couldn't wait to get back to the hotel and look up the standings online to see if he won. All the equipment was being torn down and moved on to St. Louis. “Okay guys, I’ll see you on Wednesday. Travel safely and be ready to go.”

  “J, you were on fire tonight,” Eric said with a big smile.

  “It’s not my first rodeo,” I replied, and he gave me a disgusted look.

  I left and headed to the hotel which was surrounded by paparazzi. I waved and smiled as we drove past them, but I was taken to another entrance and didn’t have to face them. I turned on my laptop and began peeling off my clothes. I Googled Tennyson's name and saw the standings for the Denver event and clicked on it. I was stunned to see it wasn't over. The top four would have to ride again tomorrow, and as of now, Russell was ahead of Tennyson.

  My heart dropped as I realized what was going on. Tennyson was planning to wrap and came to see me one last time, making the most of his life the night before. I threw on some jeans and a tight shirt which dipped low in the back and called for a car.

  I headed for the dance and found it still in full swing, but the Wellers were already gone. I made my way to his trailer and security stopped me. "I need to see Amylia Weller; you can call her and tell her Jules is here." They put me in a small cart and drove me to Amylia’s trailer. I knocked and felt ridiculous with the two men standing right next to me, in case I was a crazed fan.

  Morgan answered and said with a smile, “Hi, Jules.” The two men turned and walked away without speaking.

  “Morgan, I’m worried about Tenn,” I blurted out.

  Morgan stood back and opened the door wider to show Tennyson sitting on a stool at the counter. My eyes dropped, and I was unable to look at him. He slowly walked to the doorway and leaned against it.

  "Why did you come?" I asked him, confusing the room as to what I meant. I was the one coming to the fairgrounds asking Tennyson why he came.

  "I wanted to see what you do. You're amazing, and I understand now, you need to do your thing because you come alive on that stage. I can't extinguish that."

  “Tenn, I understand enough to know what you’re planning, and I’m begging you not to do it.”

  “I’m not planning anything,” he said dryly.

  “It’s not my first rodeo,” I repeated to him, causing him to smile widely.

  “Jules, come in,” Royal yelled.

  I was stunned it was Royal asking me to come inside. I thought he would ask me to take my nosey ass somewhere else. Tennyson stood back, and I entered the room. I felt his hand reach out and lightly touch my back. I looked over my shoulder to see him staring at my flesh as if he had never seen it before.

  “Sorry,” he said lightly. “I’ve been drinking.”

  “You’re not going to go ride your gay horse, are you?” I laughed.

  “He’s not gay,” he said firmly, and I only laughed harder.

  "We were discussing tomorrow. Tennyson can pick his ride, and we were strategizing," Royal said to fill me in.

  “Why can he pick it?”

  "It's just the way it works. We disagree on which one to pick. Tennyson wants the most aggressive bull; we think he should choose a guaranteed ride and let Tarwater pick the hardest one."

  “I’m not wimping out,” Tennyson yelled.

  "Think of it as an onside kick," I said to Tennyson, and all the men began laughing. "Why did you ask my opinion, if you're going to laugh at me?" I said in anger.

  The guys looked at each other and Royal finally pointed out, “Nobody asked for your opinion.”

  I felt my face turn red and I straightened my shoulders. "Why even discuss i
t, Tennyson will pick the hardest one and he'll use a suicide wrap, and Royal will kick the shit out of him. Isn't that how you all roll?" I spun around to look at Morgan, "You see him do it in the chute, why don't you stop him?"

  "I'm only there for the bull, not the rider," he pointed out, and I gasped in shock.

  “He’s family,” I said incredulously.

  “Right, and that is why I warn Royal.” He raised his hands, crossing them and knocking his wrists together.

  I turned to look at Tennyson and realized I made a mistake by coming. I wouldn't be able to get through to him. Winning was part of his soul, and he would do anything to win, even die for it. “I dare you to ride on skill and not just to win,” I said softly.

  His eyes flashed with anger, and he spoke through clenched teeth, "I always ride on skill."

  “Prove it; beat Russell Tarwater the right way, and then you’ll truly know who the better cowboy is.”

  The room was silent, and Tennyson finally stormed from the trailer. I looked at the staring faces of his family, who I wasn't sure liked me or not. I finally turned and ran from the room, too. I headed back to the hotel and tossed and turned through the night.

  The finals were going to start at three in the afternoon, and I made sure to purchase a ticket. I sat up high in the stadium, not wanting to see any of the Wellers, but wanting to see if Tennyson won or not. He would be the last to ride, and I was tied in knots just waiting.

  The first eight cowboys were only warm-up acts for the showdown between the champion and the young pup barking at his heels; at least that was how the announcer put it. Russell's ride was flawless, and he scored a 93. I watched Tennyson's every move. He wasn't wearing a helmet, and his jaw was tight. When his weight sat down on the bull, and he nodded his head, I looked at Morgan's hands carefully.

  The gate opened, and the bull jumped out. The animal kicked a bit, but nothing like the bull Russell had chosen. Tennyson looked like a race car driver in a station wagon. It seemed effortless, too effortless. I knew he wouldn't score higher than Tarwater and I walked out before hearing the score.

  I began stalking Tennyson after that night. I read everything about him on the internet and checked for updates daily. Russell had passed him in the standings, but I also found how Tennyson could have a sure win in the finals. There was an un-ridden bull named Diablo. He was huge, mean, and very unpredictable. Tennyson could be far behind Russell, and if he could ride Diablo at the finals, he would win. I began praying he would pass Russell and force him to choose the un-ridden bull.