Find Me--Part One

by Michelle Mankin

  “Yes.” He gently took my chin and turned me back to look at him. His eyes were bright grey now like a new moon, like a new beginning. “I’m sorry, fancy face.”

  “It’s okay,” I replied automatically. Dully. It wasn’t, but the practiced lie fell easily from my lips. “It is what it is.” For too long. I feigned nonchalance with my words, but my mouth wobbled.

  “He’s a fool.” He kissed me, his warmth and the connection restoring balance between us. Lifting his head, he rearranged my hair on the pillow as if the strands were pure gold instead of just plain reddish brown with a couple of coppery highlights.

  Shyness overtook me briefly when he scooted off the bed, grasped the back of his shirt, and pulled it over his head to remove it. I came up on my elbows to watch him unclothe. All of his chiseled muscles and smooth skin were beautifully bathed in the reflective glow of the full moon as it rippled across the ocean. My lips parted in wonder. He was so well-formed, and also uninhibited as he continued undressing undoing the knot on his board shorts while I stared. His swimsuit fell to the tile. I had to swallow to moisten my throat. His cock was long and thick, as impressive as all of the rest of him. I shivered in anticipation feeling hot and needy all over at the thought of him being inside of me again. I wanted him. Badly. More than before, but I was nervous, too. This felt different than the last time. Less hurried. More purposeful. More important. I felt myself beginning to freeze up under the pressure. What if I couldn’t be what he needed?

  “What’s wrong, baby?” He came to me then, closing the distance between us, his eyes taking a lingering path through the confusion and uncertainty in my gaze.

  “Anna.” His weight dipped the mattress as he climbed into the bed with me and reached for me. “Talk to me.” I started to unthaw as soon as he touched me, heat rushing over my chilled skin. Kneeling in front of me, he cradled my face in his capable hands, his thumbs brushing soothingly back and forth over my cheekbones. He stared deeply into my widened eyes. “Let me love you, the way you deserve to be loved.”

  My breath caught in my throat at his words. “But it’s not love though, Johnny is it?” I asked as I held his gaze. “And we’re not lovers. That implies a permanence that we both know we don’t have.” I lifted my arms covering his hands with my own, not to pull them away from my face but to press them more deeply into my skin. I wanted to absorb his surety. I wanted to be as confident with him as he seemed to be with me. But I needed to be honest. “The first time was so incredible. So beautiful. It’s never been like that for me. The connection. The closeness.” I could feel the burn in my eyes as I laid myself bare before him. “My feelings are so tangled up in you already. I don’t know how to play this game. I don’t think I’m cut out for it. I…”

  “This isn’t just some random hook-up for me, either, Anna. If I wanted that, I could have it. But I don’t. This is…” He trailed off studying me intently, tracing his thumb over my lips, watching its path, his eyes growing impossibly darker. “With you I want…” He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, and when he reopened them his gaze was guarded. “This means something to me,” he stated carefully. “You mean something to me. Can we make a start with that? I’ve been burned in the past. Some things don’t come easily to me anymore. Trust. Commitment. And you have emotional baggage of your own. That’s why you’re here. To regroup. To heal. To find yourself. I wanna be with you while you work through that process. You already seem so much more settled and confident than you were when you first arrived. Every day you seem to come more alive. Like a rebirth. One that I feel happening inside of me, too. What do you say?” His eyes searched mine. “Will that work? Will you let me help you? You can see how good we are for each other, right?” He started to withdraw his hands when I didn’t answer right away, but I grabbed them and held on.

  “Yes, that will work.” He was right. He was good for me. I wanted to return the favor in any way I could. But deep down I knew that it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t all that I wanted. It wasn’t all that he deserved. “Stay with me, Johnny,” I begged. “Don’t leave me tonight. Please don’t go.”

  “Where would I go, baby?” He brushed his firm lips against mine, once, then twice. On the third touch his mouth got greedy. His wet tongue surged inside and tangled with mine, slick glides alternating with deep thrusts. A decadent pattern emerged that made the need between my legs rebuild rapidly. I started to move my body and my mouth in tandem with his rhythm.

  “More.” A protesting moan escaped my parted lips when he broke the kiss and lifted his head to look at me. His eyes glittered with masculine satisfaction at my dazed expression. He returned his mouth to mine nipping my lips with the edge of his teeth and then soothing the sting with softer kisses before I could even think to complain.

  “Johnny. Johnny,” I chanted my nearly incoherent praise as he trailed his blazing lips across the line of my jaw, and then down the column of my neck.

  “Never had my name spoken from prettier lips, but you have too many clothes on, fancy face. Lie down.” Impatient fingers smoothing then flexing into the flesh at my shoulders, he urged me backward. His hands immediately covered my breasts when I complied. My breath came in sharply. Even through the cotton of the sarong I felt his warmth. My nipples tightened, and I drew in another gasp of air when he lightly brushed his thumbs across the straining tips.

  “Love these island dresses on you. But they’re a tease like your cover up that make a man think of only one thing. Getting it off.” He twisted the cotton between my breasts and released the knot that held it together. The air was tropically warm against my naked skin, but his hot stare unleased a new rush of wet heat between my legs. The scrap of lace that covered my sex had to be visibly soaked. He spread the two sides of the sarong apart and stared. “Now that’s a view more beautiful than any I’ve ever seen.” His voice was gravelly low.

  Totally sexy.

  “Touch me, Johnny.” I arched my back off the bed showing him what I needed. “Please.”

  I moaned as he met that need, cupping my breasts and lifting them to his lowering head. His parted lips and talented tongue slid wet paths and patterns across my nipples and swollen curves. “More,” I pleaded, my fingers tunneling into his thick hair as he took one aching tip into his warm mouth and rolled the elongated length of the other at the same time. “Don’t stop,” I whispered hoarsely, my head thrashing back and forth when he took me deeper, letting me feel the bite of his teeth and the burning twist of his finger and thumb. He didn’t stop. Not for a long time. Not until every single lash of his perfect tongue made me moan. Not until every stinging tug on my nipple sent a new wave of heat rolling through me. Not until my panties were as soaked as my breasts.

  When he lifted his head, his gaze was raw with desire, and I was on fire. My breasts felt heavy. My nipples were deliciously tight, and my clit pulsed in time with each beat of my heart. The moment he entered me I was probably going to come. Seeming to sense the state of my arousal, or maybe because he was equally turned on, he immediately grasped the lace sides of panties and ripped them down my legs. Tossing them aside, he moved between my legs coaxing them wider to accommodate his hips. He brought his chest to mine. Skin to slick skin. His body atop mine.

  I sucked in a sharp breath. I wanted to rub my breasts all over his hard chest. He felt that good. He lowered his face, threaded his fingers into my hair to pin me in place, fastened his lips to mine, and plunged his tongue between them. He kissed me long and hard while I writhed with pleasure beneath him. Deep drugging kisses branded me, his beard providing an abrasive tantalizing texture.

  “Oh, Johnny,” I moaned against his lips. I could feel his grin against my mouth as he kissed me again with renewed fervor. He apparently liked my abandoned response. I was glad because I doubted it was possible for me to react in any other way.

  He shifted closer, and I felt his hot cock against the needy counterpart between my legs.

  “Please, Johnny.” I lifted my hips pressing my throbb
ing core to the thick length of him.

  He groaned. I felt the deep rumble of his longing as if he had breathed it over my swollen clit. Apparently I felt good to him, too.

  “Are you ready for me?” he asked, lifting up on his arms to peer down on me. His features were as tautly drawn as his biceps, as tightly wound as I felt inside.

  “Yes, I need you.”

  I’ve needed you my whole life, I thought.

  I reached for him, grabbed his face, threaded my fingers into the thick silk of his hair, and brought his lips back to mine for a bruising kiss. I felt the sharp edge of his teeth at the same time that I felt the sting of his urgent fingers biting into the sensitive flesh at my hips. Arranging me where he wanted me, he surged inside, sliding in easily since I was so wet, taking my breath as he gave me all of him, the entire length.

  He filled me completely.

  Masterfully.

  Possessing me with his skillful mouth and impaling me on his perfect cock.

  “That feel so good,” I warned as he started to circle his hips. “You feel so good. I’m not going to last long.”

  “Don’t. Not yet,” he groaned. “Hold out for me. Just feel me.” He gave it to me hard and I lifted my hips to take it.

  “Yes,” I praised. That was the word that seemed to get me what I wanted.

  Which was him.

  More of him.

  All of him.

  “Just like that,” I panted as he drove in shallow then deep, establishing a rhythm, taking complete control of the angle, the tempo and the depth.

  “Wrap your legs tighter around me,” he ordered darkly, and I did, eagerly surrendering to his lead, my body, my soul, my everything his to command.

  The need between us rapidly became primal, grunts and possessive growls from him, ragged in and out bursts of breath and nearly incoherent directions from me.

  “Deeper. Harder,” I begged unashamedly.

  He grunted, withdrew, and slammed back inside all the way to the hilt.

  I moaned, low and long. I was so ready. So close to going over the edge.

  “Take me, Anna.” He pounded his hard cock into me. “Come apart for me, baby.” Over and over he hammered into me.

  “Johnny,” My scalp started to tingle. “Oh, Johnny.” A hot shiver rolled down the length of my spine. I dug my heels into the mattress to lift my hips and take him deeper with each thrust.

  The buildup was so intense, so fast, the look on his face so possessive, the skin on his back so slick with perspiration, his muscles bunched so tight, his cock so hot, and the friction so perfect. Then I remembered. We hadn’t used a condom. But it was too late. Far, far too late. “Johnny. I…” I started to unravel but had to bite back the words I already felt but knew I couldn’t say aloud.

  “Anna. Oh, Anna. Fuck.” He stiffened, climaxed, and the wet eruption, the thick heat of him inside of me was the catalyst that ignited my own fiery release.

  I convulsed and bucked along his length coming longer and harder than I ever had, scoring his fine ass with my nails.

  He groaned and gave me his cock slowly one last time then shoved his face in my neck collapsing his weight on top of me. I went deliciously limp, boneless against the cool sheets at my back. He had met my every need. He was more than I could have ever dreamed.

  WHEN I CAME back to bed after washing up, Johnny’s eyes were closed, dark lashes over masculine cheeks mostly covered in beard, his sexy lips slightly parted. I climbed carefully into bed, peeled back the sheet and slipped in beside him.

  He must have been exhausted after sailing all day, dancing with me and then…well…I lazily began playing with strands of his thick hair, keeping my touch light so I wouldn’t wake him. His age was difficult to pinpoint with his long hair and thick beard, but asleep he seemed years younger. The white lines the sun had etched around the edges of his eyes were completely erased.

  What was I doing with him?

  Well that. Yes, of course. But the other. Letting my heart be so captivated by him. That was a mistake that I feared was going to cause me more heartache than I could endure. And not insisting we use a condom was just reckless. I needed to talk with him about that and everything else as soon as he woke. There was too much that had been left unsaid between us.

  I don’t know how long I stared at him, this man who seemed so warm, so real, and so right for me but a gust of wind sweeping across the deck caught my attention just before the heavens opened and a heavy rain began to pour. Sliding out of the bed, I pulled my ivory chemise onto my body and went out into it.

  Arms lifted over my head, I welcomed the warm rain. Whether to wash away my sins for being with another man while married, or to symbolize my rebirth into a new and uncertain future, I didn’t know. Maybe I did know but just wasn’t brave enough to reach for it yet.

  “Fancy face.”

  I spun around when I heard his sleep rumpled voice. “What are you doing?”

  “Dancing in the rain?” I smiled to make light of the moment that felt very spiritual to me.

  He studied me a moment, his gaze traveling over me. He groaned. “You should never dance alone. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that?”

  I shook my head.

  “Baby, you look like a siren. I can see everything through that silk. Just like that first morning when you stood at the rail in that dress. You’re too enticing even in that cover-up. I don’t think you have any idea how tempting you are.” He closed his eyes as if in pain. “Come here,” he demanded when he opened them. “Out of the rain.”

  I shook my head, feeling defiant.

  He lifted a brow. “Ah, so you want to play then?”

  I swallowed heavily, my eyes growing wide, but I didn’t answer.

  “Hands on the railing,” he ordered in a sharp voice he had never used with me before.

  “What?”

  “Turn around. Bend over. And put your hands on the railing. Now.”

  His voice was so deep. So compelling. I didn’t even think. I just did it.

  “Nice, babe.” He moved in behind me, his rock solid front to my back, his warm hands cupping and massaging my breasts that hung down like overripe fruit in this position. He took one erect nipple, rolled it through the silk that was soaked and plastered to my body, and then did the other.

  I moaned and moved my lower body restlessly. I backed my feet up and lifted my rear to him.

  He laid a sizzling, open-mouthed kiss on the back of my neck as he plucked and played with my aching nipples. A rush of heat dampened my core. “Water goddess, you are more temptation than a mere mortal can resist. I need you.” He stroked his hard hot length against me. “Open for me.” His warm hands slid down my rain slickened body to my hips. He folded back the soaked silk and palmed my naked ass.

  I parted my legs and tilted my ass up higher, my core throbbing, already aching and ready for him and the pleasure I knew he could give me.

  He didn’t make me beg. He didn’t continue our game. He positioned and slid inside in one smooth motion so powerful my toes skidded along the rough tile as he buried his cock blissfully deep within me.

  “You’re so hot. So tight. So perfect for me.”

  “Johnny,” I moaned as his balls slammed into me. “You feel so…” He thrust in deep again and reached around me to brush his thumb across my throbbing clit. “Oh, Johnny.” He circled it again. “Don’t…please…don’t stop.” His warm breath gusted against the back of my neck. He pulled out and thrust his long hot, hard length inside me while the tropical rain pelted our bodies.

  I would never forget that exhilarating experience. The rain. The fear that anyone could see us though it was still dark and the nearest villas on this bay were far away. His warms hands grasping my hips and pulling me into each and every one of his masterful thrusts. His cock filling me. His voice groaning my name. His seed hot inside of me. My body welcoming it as my own climax ripped through me brighter and stronger than a bolt of lightning.

  I THOUGHT I ha
d felt boneless the first time. Now I felt positively lightweight as if my bones were infused with helium and I’d float away if I didn’t hold onto the rail in front of me.

  “You can let go, babe.” I felt the softness of his beard as he kissed the cheek I turned toward him.

  He pulled out and stroked my behind softly before he pulled my chemise down to cover my ass again. “Do you want to get cleaned up first again or should I?”

  “You.” I smiled noting that the rain had stopped and the sun had begun to rise. “I should call home soon to talk to the boys before they leave for school.”

  “Alright.” He tugged on one of my damp curls, and I watched him as he stalked toward the bathroom, my gaze stalling out on his taut ass before I remembered there were things that needed to be said.

  “Johnny,” I called.

  “Yeah,” he answered turning back toward me.

  “We…I…” I swallowed, “we haven’t used protection.”

  “I know.” He looked sheepish. “I’m totally clean. I should have told you. I broke my arm on the boat six months ago, and they ran all those tests at the hospital on St. Thomas. I haven’t been with anyone since then.”

  “Oh,” my mouth rounded with surprise.

  “I haven’t wanted to be with anyone until you.” He stroked his beard thoughtfully. “I called Claire after we made love that first time. We had a very lengthy conversation while I was out on my boat. She told me just like you did that your marriage is one in name only and that you separated this past year when you found out that you couldn’t have any more children.”

  I hugged my arms around my silk-covered body, suddenly feeling cold and exposed. I didn’t like that my friend had shared those confidences with her brother without asking for permission. I could tell he sensed my unease.