A Sublime Casualty

by Addison Moore

  Theo shoots me a hard look, and I’m quick to say, “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.” He dips his face in his hand a moment. “It’s probably true at this point.”

  We get back to the footage and watch for what feels like hours to no avail. Lizzy walks back down the hall before running down to the elevators and pressing the buttons like mad, but there’s no footage showing her getting off the elevator. When we bring this to the manager’s attention, he informs us the main elevator has two doors, one that leads to the lobby and one that leads toward the back for the service workers. If she went out the back way, there wouldn’t be any footage. Rodger helps us copy the digital images, and Theo emails them to himself. He demands the names and information of everyone who checked in and out of the hotel over a seven-day period in either direction just in case, and Rodger complies as if this were a stickup. Theo copies and sends all of the information to himself, and we thank the poor guy profusely before taking off.

  No sooner do we get out into the chilled night air than Theo pulls me aside, wraps his warm arms around me, and buries his face in my neck. I hold him like that a good long while as he takes in breath after breath, kissing his way to my lips before lingering over them.

  “You’re an angel who dropped out of the sky, you know that?” He pulls back, the whites of his eyes replaced with crimson tracks.

  “I’m no angel. Trust me on that.” A nervous laugh shakes my belly before all traces of a smile leave my face. “I want to say something to you, but I don’t want you to say anything in return.” I press a finger to his lips and bear hard into those crystalline eyes. “I have never felt this way about anyone. I have never felt so alive, so whole and healthy—so very normal than I do with you.” The entire world seems to be holding its breath to see if I can do it. “I love you, Theo.” I swallow hard as his grin spreads wide. “You have stolen my heart, and I don’t want it back.”

  Theo cradles my face in his palms, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks, wiping away the tears I hadn’t even noticed I shed.

  “Look at me,” he whispers, joy lighting him up from the inside. “I love you, Charlie Neville, and you can never stop me from saying those words. I’m just sorry I didn’t say it first.” He presses a heated kiss over my lips. “I love you.” It comes from him lighter, his eyes twinkling under the stars. “I love you, I do.” He sweeps my hair from my eyes and peppers my face with kisses. “Come home with me.”

  And I do.

  Days whiz by in a blur with me working at the Hideaway and Theo patrolling the mean streets of Wakefield. We spend our nights grappling with the riddle of his missing sister, pouring over the footage endlessly but to no avail. Theo enlisted Jackson to help him run the names on that list the manager gave us. Seventy-two patrons in that span of time. Twenty-four that checked in that day and the day prior. Jackson says he’s able to run credit checks through his accounting firm, but it’s slow going. He’ll have to do it in batches. He says it’s perfectly illegal, but Theo said he’d take the fall for it if he had to.

  But on this Friday night, with its glacial winds and black starry night, Theo has driven us to Des Moines, to the Rock House where I am primed to have a night that I will remember, and my siblings will, too—they just don’t know it yet. It was a two-hour drive, so Theo surprised me by renting a hotel room nearby. He says he looks forward to the adventure and challenged me to a pancake rematch at the local IHOP in the morning. I told him he was on and assured him he would lose. He will.

  The Rock House is a cave of a building, red brick inside and out, and the music is so loud from the opening band that my ears beg to bleed.

  “I guess I’m too old!” I shout to Theo while hiked on my tiptoes. “The music is way too loud.”

  He shakes his head, his adorable dimples sinking effortlessly into his cheeks, and I fall in love with him all over again. As much as I’m dying to meet with Peavey and Devyn, I’m equally as anxious to get to that hotel with Theo and unleash on him tonight. It’s been a wild week and this, right here, feels like a fantastic crescendo.

  “Honey, I’m too old.” He winks, and my stomach bisects with heat. We head over to our seats, a small table that resembles a drum and tall leather chairs close enough to the front to make you feel uncomfortably in the fun zone. One of my fears in life is to get called up on stage and asked to sing along, or worse, gyrate my hips to the music. And on a night like tonight, where we can reach out and touch the stage, it’s a panic-riddled possibility. As soon as the cover band is done and Jeremy Newton takes the stage, everyone is on their feet and it’s a free-for-all. Good seats be damned. We are lost in a tangle of bodies, and my adrenaline hits its zenith. I haven’t stopped scouring the audience ever since we stepped inside. I’m half-afraid Theo might notice my skittish behavior, but he seems completely entranced by the music, bobbing his head along, tapping his feet while keeping time.

  Theo positions himself behind me, his chest pressed against my back, arms around my waist, and it limits my range of how far I can crane my neck. A warmth encapsulates me. A supernatural spark of electricity rides through me.

  My God, they’re here. I scan the crowd slowly. I can feel them. My entire being is pulling toward them like a magnet. I spot a redhead near the dark hall that leads to the restrooms, and my insides explode with heat. I would bet my life that was Devyn.

  I pull Theo’s head down toward me and bury my lips in his ear. “I’m heading to the bathroom. Be right back.”

  He hikes his head in that direction and starts to lead us.

  “No, stay here!” I shout up over the music. “I don’t want to lose our spot! I’ll just be a few minutes.” I wrinkle my nose and hold up my phone. “I’ll be safe.”

  He frowns before relenting and watches as I melt into the crowd. Theo is protective—overprotective, and he probably should be after what he’s been through. I know he feels personally responsible for what happened to his sister. He’ll go the rest of his life hyper vigilant when it comes to the safety of the ones he loves, and it makes me feel honored knowing that it’s me—for now. I can only pray Theo and I will last, but good things never last for long in my life. Like Peavey and Devyn. It all ends way too soon.

  The night we found our mother dead, she was covered in blood, her hair spilling over her face in long sticky shards. They said she OD’d. I still stand by my claim that she was murdered. But I was simply shouting in the wind, a murderer myself in the making. That’s when we knew we had to take things into our own hands. It was kill or be killed— we were already dying.

  The crowd purges me into a narrowed hall where the music dampens just enough to give your ears a much-welcomed respite. The dim lighting is met with a red sign in the back that reads Restrooms. I head into the girls’ bathroom and find a line that snakes straight to the door. I head deeper into the room. The lights are so bright I’m squinting as I pause to look at every face I see. A fierce panic sets in. My God, what if I miss them? What if we are in the same air space, a shoulder’s length away, and we miss out on this magic moment because of my foolish decision to surprise them? My body breaks out into a cold sweat, and I feel dizzy and nauseous all at once.

  “Devyn?” I call out, but the rumble of voices drowns my voice. “Devyn?” I shrill so loud half the line pauses to gawk at me. “Are you in here? It’s me, Devyn. You know who I am!” Nothing like an ambiguous line like that to make you sound like a psychopath. “We were in Annie Get Your Gun together,” I shout while crouching to look at the legs of the women behind the stalls, only it doesn’t do me any good. I don’t even know what shoes she owns anymore.

  A gentle tap comes from behind, and I spin to find familiar eyes, a beautiful face that I dream of nightly, and our arms collapse over one another as we spill a river of tears. There is no feeling in the world like finding your home, holding your heart in your hands, feeling love the size of the planet enveloping you in its pure light.

  “Is it you?” she wails into my neck, d
ousing me with her warm tears. “How is this happening? Is it over? God, I love you. Don’t you ever leave me again.” Her childlike wails break my heart, and I can’t bear it anymore. What have I done? My God, I’ve only made it worse. A knife in the heart before Christmas.

  “Dev?” a male voice calls out from the entry, and I take her by the hand as we head over. I pull my brother into the mouth of the lady’s lounge and grip him with an embrace strong enough to subdue the world. The three of us hold onto one another, sobbing far longer than we should.

  He pulls back and examines me. Peavey isn’t the boy I left behind. His chest is broad, his face wider. He’s filled out, and he has muscles bulging under that shirt. He looks like me in male skin. Devyn looks twenty-one with her raccoon-like makeup, those dark crimson lips. And I’m afraid for them both. Afraid the world has hardened them without my permission, but then I remember what I did and realize it was me who turned them to stone.

  “What’s going on?” His eyes grow serious as he holds me by the shoulders. “Are you safe? Are you escaping something? Are you in danger?” His concern is completely valid. Clearly, I’m breaking protocol tonight.

  I shake my head. “I got tickets because I knew you would be here. My boyfriend is with me.” I touch my hands to my lips with the admission. I had to tell them in the event they see us. “He’s a cop.” I shake my head, implying his blissful ignorance. “Everything’s fine, I promise. I just needed to steal a moment and see you.” I cup the side of Peavey’s face. “You’re both so grown up.” I pull my sister in and kiss her tender pale cheek, tasting the salt in her tears.

  “How is everything?” Devyn’s voice shakes, and she still sounds twelve. I welcome that small window of innocence. “You must be nearby if you were able to come. You don’t know how good that makes me feel. I was afraid you ditched the state and that we’d never see one another again.”

  “I could never be that far away from you.” I press a kiss over her forehead just as a warm buzz vibrates in my pocket. I pluck my phone out and make a face at them. “He gave it to me. But it’s still the fibro board for you, my sweets.”

  I glance down at the text, confused before I ever read it.

  Certain are those who know their way.

  And on they go to find it.

  Not all are lost.

  Yesterday it all seemed so simple.

  Olden days often are.

  Undercover in plain sight.

  Fighting for freedom that will never come.

  In my misery time stands still.

  Not all homes are as they seem, down where the horses feed.

  Determined to mend this broken heart.

  Meandering through where the rainbows live.

  Enduring winter’s wrath with fire in my belly.

  “What the hell?” I whisper.

  “What’s this?” Devyn leans in and reads it over my shoulder.

  I’m about to text Theo back when I note it’s a number I don’t recognize. Oh my God. My blood runs cold.

  “It’s a friend,” I lie. “She likes to send these ridiculous riddles.”

  Peavey takes the phone from me. He’s so handsome and sure, his demeanor unflinching. “You sure about that? There’s no other message from her.” He inspects it silently for a minute. “I solved it for you, though.” He hands the phone back to me, his eyes serious with a touch of anger as though he pegged me for lying.

  “What does it mean?” I try to sound light, not at all frightened. I’m shaking down to my bones, down to my soul.

  “Duh!” Devyn jumps as she points to the screen. “It’s an acrostic poem. She’s pretty clever.”

  “Acrostic.” I glance down at the first letter of each word.

  “Can—you—find—me,” Devyn beats me to it. “No offense, but you’ve got creepy friends.”

  “No offense taken. You are totally right.” My phone buzzes again, and this time it is indeed Theo. Everything okay?

  I text right back. Be out in a sec! Smiley emoji, hug emoji, pink double hearts. I’m getting quite good at this.

  “Looks like time’s up.” I can hardly stand to look into their eyes. Our agony is louder than the music. We hold onto each other one more time, our bodies quivering with silent tears. Peavey kisses me on the top of the head, and Devyn buries her nose in my neck once again. And just like that, our little holy huddle disbands. They stand just outside the dark hall to the right of the stage like they promised so we can keep an eye on one another from across the room until the night comes crashing to an end. And we do. On our way out, they wait by the concession stand, and I make up some lame excuse about needing to see if they’re giving away flyers. I wait until Theo crests the turnstile and then promise I’ll be right back. Peavey and Devyn yank me into an alcove, and we hold one another tight one last time. My brother’s fingers press in hard over my back, so very hard I’m sure I’ll feel this in my sleep, and I pray I do. Devyn takes off her necklace, a gold chain with a plastic rose, and stuffs it into my pocket. Tears slick her face, her nose running over the curve of her lips like a child.

  “He might notice you didn’t come in with it, but wear it tomorrow. Guys don’t care where it came from.”

  Her sweet gesture spears me, and I die a little knowing she has knowledge about boys and I’m not there to guide her.

  I nod, struggling to hold back tears. Knowing Theo, he’s already hopped back into the establishment.

  We say our I love yous repeatedly like a chorus, stare one another down as I walk backward to leave. It feels like a miracle, and yet it all feels so final, far more painful than death. It’s almost worse knowing they’re roaming the planet and I can’t touch them, see them on a daily basis.

  Theo waves me down as soon as I get past the door and wraps his arms around me hard. “You were really starting to worry me.” We take off for his truck, and I spot Devyn and Peavey by the door. Peavey lifts a hand to wave, and Devyn gives Theo a thumbs-up. I knew she’d love him even from afar.

  That night Theo makes love to me as if he were going away to war, as if I just came back from captivity. Theo is living on the knife sharp edge of a nightmare, and little does he know so am I. That message I received is safely hidden on my phone. It’s not Gabby’s number. I’ve memorized that in the event I needed it way back when. No. It’s not anyone I care to know. But is it Lizzy? Or has the person who took her turned their sights on me?

  I don’t breathe a word to Theo. He would report this. They might want my name. Details I cannot afford to give them. No. This stays with me.

  Whoever did this has put me on notice.

  And I am so very damn afraid.

  Theo

  Early in the morning, far too early for my taste, I meet up with Neil and Jackson at A Whole Lotta Bagels and we talk about Lizzy’s case over breakfast. Jackson and I don’t say a word about the St. Regency or the racy pictures. God, anything but those. The less people that know, the better. I’m seriously doubting that my mother has seen them, but according to Charlie, she is apprised. She would drop dead on the spot if she saw Pebbles in all her bare-assed glory. I had to have Charlie look at the hardcore stuff and vet it for me. I just needed to know how far back the pictures go. About how many there were and for her to read the comments and take pictures of the assholes’ names to see if I could look them up and start a database, but it’s next to impossible.

  Neil and Jackson notice I’m drifting and pepper me with questions about my budding relationship with Charlie. Just some good-natured ribbing. I don’t mind. I love talking about Charlie. The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s my first thought when I wake up, the girl of my dreams, literally. I’m floating on air when I think of her, and as soon as the reality of my sister smacks me in the face, I fall right back down to earth again.

  After breakfast, after gleaning absolutely nothing new from Neil, we head our separate ways. Jackson back to bean counting, and Neil to act as a human paperweight.

  The glory of
being a cop in Wakefield is that you can go just about anywhere in the name of police business. Everyone fears you just a little, even if they don’t cop to it—pun intended. And no matter where you’re driving, people will automatically slow traffic down to a crawl. There is beauty in being respected—in having reverence shown to you, even if the rest of the world seemingly hates you. Most every officer I know is trying to make a living for their family just like everybody else. We’re just your average Joes with a gun strapped to our hips, life and death in our very hands, not heroes, not gods, just your average citizen trying to keep the city safe.

  Del Sol Park is wind-blown, leaves scattered around the grass like debris. There’s a storm front moving in, and if the temperature drops another ten degrees, we’ll have snow. They’re predicting two or three inches over the next few days.

  The skate park in the back is empty, save for a straggler by the swings. A lone male, about sixteen. Probably getting loaded off crap Miles sold him. Nothing like having a friendly neighborhood dealer you can go to anytime you need a fix. I head into the business office and note his desk is empty. Who in the hell gave that fool in charge of anything, I will never know. I head around to the gym, and the door is open. The sound of a ball dribbling goes off like a gunshot over and over again. Its echo sounds far too caustic for this gray day. Sure enough, it’s the scruffy stoner in the flesh—all by his lonesome as far as I can tell. There’s not a sign of another living being, so I head on over without saying a word. I’m not up for being nice to Miles. I bypassed the need to be polite about the time he decided to cry out to the world that my sister was spinning on a spit.

  He turns abruptly, his eyes widen just a notch, and for a second he looks possessed.

  “Hey, man”—he slings the ball into one arm and sags as if the sight of me relaxes him—“I’m sorry about all that shit with your sister.” He tosses the ball toward the stands and meets me halfway. “You want to see the DMs? She sent me a new one. Dude, I don’t know what’s going on, but this is some weird shit.” He pulls out his phone and works his thumb over it before holding it out for me to see.