I drive around for a few minutes, nerves jangling in my gut, commingling with fledgling excitement, until I find a vacant space. As I pull into it and cut the engine, I vow to get here even earlier tomorrow.
Pulling up the digital map on my cell, I memorize my route, grab my bag, and get out of the car before I talk myself out of it. Nerves slam into me from all corners, and I take successive deep breaths to calm down.
I hurry across campus, and the gentle warm breeze lifts strands of my hair, drying any remaining dampness. I had only given it a cursory blow-dry this morning, content to let my natural soft waves cascade down my back. It’s a glorious day, which is a good sign, and I silently remind myself this is my dream come true and that nerves are normal.
Sawyer is waiting outside Manning Hall for me with a smile on his handsome face. Manning Hall is home to the business school and department of psychology, and it is where most of my classes will take place.
“Good morning.” He greets me warmly, handing me a coffee.
“Morning. Thank you.” I take the coffee, inhaling the bitter, nutty aroma, hoping I can drink it without throwing up.
“How did you sleep?” he asks, holding another paper cup.
I anxiously look around, but there’s no sign of my boyfriend. “Like the dead,” I joke. My stomach churns with nerves, and I’m only capable of sipping my coffee.
“Sorry I’m late.” A girl with piercing green eyes and long, soft dark-brown curls materializes beside us. “It took ages to find a parking spot.”
Sawyer hands her the cup. “It’s cool.” He turns to me. “Van, meet Shandra. She’s also a freshman, and she has a few classes in this building.”
“Hi.” I smile, ignoring the fluttering feeling in my chest. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too. Sawyer has been telling me all about you. Welcome to Rydeville.” She tosses hair over her shoulder, catching the light, and I notice gorgeous red undertones that contrast beautifully with her green eyes.
“Are you from here?” I inquire.
She nods, her soft curls bouncing around her face, and one would have to be blind to ignore how striking she is with those almond-shaped green eyes, that lustrous hair, and gorgeous olive skin. She’s of average height and slim with a similar figure to me. The most engaging thing about her is her genuine friendly smile. Although she is extremely pretty, I can already tell she’s not one of those girls who flaunts her looks, using it to her advantage. I feel an instant connection, just like I did when I met Chloe for the first time. I think Shandra and I could be good friends. I really hope so.
“So, you know Jackson too?”
“Yep. I know the cheeky charmer. Then again, most women do.” She grins until she notices the expression on my face. “I’m sorry.” She looks over at Sawyer, her brow furrowing. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No. It’s fine,” I rush to reassure her. “I know Jackson has a past. I’ll just have to get over myself.” She still looks confused, glancing between me and Sawyer. “He hasn’t mentioned me, has he?” Acid crawls up my throat.
She shakes her head. “He hasn’t been around this summer. The only time I’ve seen him was at the wedding in Alabama.”
“Shandra is good friends with Abby,” Sawyer explains.
Oh. I hadn’t thought about meeting Kai’s wife. I hope things aren’t awkward. Shandra is looking to me for an explanation. “Jackson and I have been dating over the summer,” I say.
Her eyes blink wide, and she stares at me for a few silent beats. “Oh, wow. Sorry, that was rude of me. I’m just a little shocked. I didn’t think he dated, and I wasn’t aware.” She recovers, smiling broadly again. “But that’s great. He’s a good guy. And you’re a knockout, so he clearly has good taste.” She loops her arm through mine. “We should probably head in.”
“You good, Van?” Sawyer asks.
“I’m fine. Thanks.” I kiss his cheek. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me.”
That you’ve been here for me when my boyfriend has gone AWOL. I think that, but I don’t articulate it.
“Have a great first day.” I plaster a cheery smile on my face, pretending like I’m not a bag of nerves on the inside.
“You too,” he says. I turn around, but he lightly takes my arm. “Call me anytime if you need me. I’m here for you.” His sincere eyes bore into mine.
“I will, and thanks, Sawyer. You’re a great friend.” As the words leave my mouth, I wonder if my outburst at The Hamptons is behind his sudden desire to be there for me. If he is trying to make up for the past. Whatever it is, I’m grateful to call him a friend again. I have always liked Sawyer, and it would be nice to rekindle the close friendship we had when we were young kids.
“So, you and Jackson, huh?” Shandra says as we join the throngs entering Manning Hall.
I gulp back a mouthful of coffee. “Yep. And believe me, no one was more surprised than me.”
“I’m sensing a story.” She grins at me, still holding on to my arm.
“We’ve known each other for years. Our families have vacation homes together. We didn’t have much time for one another in the past, so it’s funny how things have turned out.”
“Do you know Kai too?” she asks, and I nod.
“What about you? Are you dating anyone?”
Her smile fades. “I was dating Abby’s twin brother Drew for a while. Actually, I was engaged to him for a few months.”
“Wow.” To get engaged at a young age is not unheard of in the wealthy circles we mix in, and I read some stuff back in the spring when that Parkhurst organization was raided by the FBI. It was connected to some elite group, and I know the guys were somehow involved, but I don’t know the specifics, and I never thought to ask Jackson.
“Drew is a great guy,” Shandra says as we advance along the crowded hallway, past rows of lockers. “But we’re not together anymore, and things are … complicated.” She looks so sad, and I feel an uncharacteristic urge to hug her.
“I’m sorry.”
“Oh!” Shandra glances over my head. “Speak of the devil. There’s Jackson.”
I strain my head in the direction of her finger, spotting the back of his head and his broad shoulders as he leans sideways against a locker. His head is lowered, and his stance gives the impression he is talking to someone. Mobs of students stream past him so I can’t see who.
“Let’s go say hi.” She stays with me as I maneuver my way across the hallway. My heart is beating frantically, and butterflies are careening around my chest. My stomach dips, and I genuinely think I might puke. I’m on edge as I approach him because I don’t know what to expect.
I come up behind him, placing my hand on his back. “Jackson.”
Initially, he stiffens under my touch before relaxing. When he turns around, it all happens as if in slow motion. His cocky smirk disarms me, and I’m bowled over by gorgeous blue eyes I know so well. So, I don’t notice her at first—the girl he has his arm around.
She’s beautiful with big brown eyes and masses of sleek, long dark hair. She’s slim but much curvier than me with big boobs, shapely hips, and a flat stomach.
Her arm slides around his back, and she snuggles into his side, draping herself all over him.
“What’s going on Jackson?” I ask, hating how my voice trembles.
“Was my lack of communication too subtle for you?” he snarls, clamping his hand possessively on her hip. His eyes scour me in obvious disgust, making his loathing clear.
Nausea twists my stomach into knots, and intense pain presses down on my chest. “I don’t understand,” I blurt, because I don’t have a clue what’s going on.
“Let me make it clear for you.” He grins at the girl on his arm before turning another hostile glare on me. “Your needy, clingy ass is dumped.” He leans into my face, and I cower under the intensity of his hateful stare. “It was all fake. Every single moment. And you fell for it so easily.” He barks out a bitter laugh. “As if I would ever be inter
ested in someone like you.” He eyes me from head to toe again, and my stomach flips at the derisory expression on his face. “It meant nothing. You’re nothing. Now fuck off. I’ve found someone worthy of my time.”
I’m conscious of Shandra tugging on my arm, whispering something in my ear, but all I can see is Jackson smirking as he lowers his head to kiss a woman who isn’t me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Vanessa
I RACE OFF, grateful the crowd has died down so I can make a quick escape. It also helps there are less people around to witness my humiliation. I have no clue where I’m running, but I keep going until I find a bathroom, slamming through the door, thankful it’s empty. I rush into a stall, bend over the toilet bowl, and vomit the scant contents of my stomach.
Footsteps race into the bathroom, halting behind me.
“Let me help,” Shandra says, holding back my hair as I heave again.
Tears stream from my eyes, and the crushing pain in my chest makes it difficult to breathe.
I can’t stop seeing it—Jackson kissing another girl.
Or hearing his cruel words.
It meant nothing. You’re nothing. It was all fake.
I dry retch, hugging the porcelain god, with more silent tears rolling down my face. When the nausea passes, I scramble to my feet, instantly embarrassed Shandra was witness to that.
“Are you okay?” she softly asks, passing me a couple tissues.
I use one to clean my mouth and the other to wipe my tears away. “No,” I honestly admit. She can see what a mess I am, so there’s little point lying.
“I take it back.” Her eyes glint with righteous indignation. “He’s not a good guy. He’s a fucking asshole. I can’t believe the things he said to you back there.”
“Where’s the fire?” a female voice says as more footsteps thud on the tile floor. “Oh.”
I look over at the new arrival, sucking in a breath. I know who she is from pictures in the paper, and Xavier showed me some photos from her wedding on his cell last night.
It’s Abby. Kaiden’s wife.
Wow, she’s even more beautiful in person with her big brown eyes, flawless skin, full mouth, and wavy dark hair. She’s more petite than she looks in her photos, but she has this fierceness about her that practically exudes from her pores.
She looks from Shandra to me, her eyes instantly filling with compassion. “Are you okay?”
“I will be.” I force out a small laugh, sniffling. God, this is so humiliating and not the way I wanted to meet Kai’s wife.
“This is Vanessa. She’s the girl Sawyer told us about last night,” Shandra explains.
“Yes. Of course.” Abby nods. “You’re an old friend of Sawyer’s, right?”
“She’s also Jackson’s girlfriend.” Shandra speaks up before I can. “Or at least she was until five minutes ago when the jackass cruelly broke things off with her in the hallway before locking lips with some other girl.”
“What the what?” Abby looks completely shell-shocked. “You were dating Jackson? As in, Jackson Lauder?” Her voice elevates a few notches, and her eyes almost bug out of her head.
“It seems I was his dirty little secret,” I admit. My heart hurts with a fresh wave of pain. He was so ashamed of me he didn’t even tell his friends we were dating. Except… “Didn’t Xavier mention me?”
Her brows knit together, and a fierce expression lights up her eyes. “Are you telling me Xavier, my Xavier, knew you and Jackson were together?”
I bob my head. “I met him when he stayed with Sawyer one weekend in New York, and they both helped me move in last night.”
Shandra and Abby stare at me like I’ve just told them I bumped into Stephen James in Rydeville. “Wait? You didn’t know that?”
Abby shakes her head, pulling out her cell. “No wonder Xavier didn’t mention you to me. That would’ve required telling me he spent the weekend fucking Sawyer.” Her fingers fly across the keypad of her phone. “I’m going to kick his ass. Then, I’m going to kick Sawyer’s ass.” She slips her cell back into her purse. “Wanna go tag team on Jackson’s ass? Because he deserves the biggest ass-kicking of all.” She waggles her brows, and I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, which I’m grateful for, even if there is nothing she or Shandra can do or say to lift my spirits.
“I’m down with that plan. Nothing like an ass-kicking first thing Monday morning,” Shandra quips.
More tears pool in my eyes. These girls have only just met me, yet they are ready to wade into battle on my behalf. I’ve never had that before. “Why would you do that for me? You don’t know me, and you’re friends with these guys.”
Shandra hands me a new tissue.
“Us girls have got to stick together,” Abby says. “And I know how it feels to bear the brunt of Jackson’s cruelty,” she adds, surprising me. “Although Kai was the worst.”
“Cam is cruel to you?” I blurt.
She startles, and she and Shandra share a look.
“You know who I am,” Abby says.
I nod. “I know Sawyer and Jackson from The Hamptons. We’ve been friends since we were kids through our parents. I knew Kai as Cam, because he hung around with us a few summers.” Perhaps I should say something—about sleeping with her husband—but it’d be a bit weird to blurt that out when we’ve only just met. Plus, what happened between us was in the past, and it honestly meant nothing. Kai probably doesn’t even remember. The last thing I want to do is hurt Abby, so I decide not to mention it.
“Ah, that makes more sense, and no, Kai isn’t cruel to me. He’s an amazing husband, and I love him to death. But they were total assholes to me when they first arrived in Rydeville.”
“Sounds like someone hasn’t eradicated that asshole gene,” Shandra supplies.
I walk toward the sink, conscious time is ticking by and we have to get to class. “Jackson has been the sweetest, most attentive boyfriend all summer. That asshole out there is not the guy I was dating,” I say over my shoulder as I rinse my mouth and wash and dry my hands.
“We’ll get to the bottom of it,” Abby says. “But right now, we should get to class.” She turns to me. “Sawyer said you’re studying psychology like me.”
“I am.”
She smiles. “Great. It’s good to have a partner in crime already.”
God, I fucking love her. No wonder Kaiden married her. Abby is as genuine and welcoming as Shandra, and it feels good to have someone in my corner.
“Let’s get our butts to Introduction to Psychological Science before we get booted out on day one.” Abby jerks her shoulder in the direction of the door.
“I’ve got business management,” Shandra says, tossing her empty coffee cup in the trash. I have no idea what happened to mine. I guess I discarded it at some point when I was fleeing. “Catch you both at lunch.”
“Absolutely.” Abby leans in, hugging her. “We’re claiming a table, and everyone will be there.” Some silent communication passes between them.
“Good luck convincing Kai to accept Charlie.” Shandra grins.
“This bullshit is stopping,” Abby says, looping her arm in mine. “I have Kai wrapped around my pinkie. He’ll do what I say, or I’ll deny him sex until he relents.”
Shandra bursts out laughing.
My mouth hangs open a little. “Would you really do that?”
“No.” She grins. “I love sex with my husband far too much to deny myself, but he doesn’t need to know that.”
We find our way to the correct auditorium, slipping into a row at the back a couple of minutes after the lecture has started. It’s a large class, and we’re not the only ones running late, so we get away with it.
I try to concentrate and take notes like Abby, but my mind keeps wandering. I honestly think, if it wasn’t for Shandra and Abby, I would’ve left by now. My heart hurts. Like it physically pains me. It feels like I could die. I want to curl into a ball, close my eyes, and never wake up. My lower lip wobbles, and I
warn myself not to break down in here. It’s embarrassing enough that countless strangers witnessed my humiliation in the hallway.
I don’t want to be defined as the broken girl anymore. This was supposed to be a fresh start, and already, it feels like I’m back in the same place. Everything I thought I knew has turned upside down. All my plans lie in tatters at my feet. I’m not sure I have the strength to fight back this time. Not when I’ll see Jackson all over campus, reminding me of his rejection. Every time I see him, I’ll know I’m unlovable, gullible, and so desperate for attention I continue to fall prey to assholes who only want to use me for my body.
None of the men in my life have ever cared for me. I thought Sawyer was my friend, but he clearly knew this was coming, and he said nothing. He made no mention of the fact I was Jackson’s girlfriend when he contacted the girls last night to talk about me. He did nothing to prepare me for this, so he’s on my shit list too.
Another thought lands in my brain, and my spine turns rigid. Bile pools at the base of my throat.
Jackson isn’t my anonymous sponsor.
He couldn’t be.
It’s obvious he doesn’t want me here, so why the fuck would he pay for me to attend RU and provide me with a top-notch penthouse apartment?
Truth is, he wouldn’t. He didn’t.
That is why he looked so shocked last week. He wasn’t acting. He genuinely had no idea. He had no intention of pursuing a long-distance relationship with me, and my admission threw a wrench in the works. I don’t know why he came back to my apartment the night I was attacked, but it wasn’t to rescind his breakup. When he saw what happened, guilt got to him, so he cared for me to assuage his conscience, presuming he wouldn’t see me again once we parted ways in New York.
Except my anonymous sponsor altered my future, forcing him to face me one final time.
I shiver as ice tiptoes up my spine. If Jackson isn’t my anonymous sponsor, who the hell is? Apprehension causes goose bumps to sprout on my arms as I think of who it could be, but I draw a blank. I make a mental note to check with the administration. Although, if it’s anonymous, I doubt they will divulge anything.
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