JACKSON

by Davis, Siobhan

  I nod, feebly squeezing his hand in return, but he’s not buying it. Jackson knows me well enough to see the truth I’m desperately trying to disguise from his family and friends. Despite the front I’m wearing, I am broken inside and so mad at myself. It seems I’m destined to run headfirst into the worst kind of trouble, making one bad decision upon another that all end up with me getting hurt.

  I’m grateful to be here with Jackson, because right now, I need him to remind me of who I am, and I need his strength and support to get through this day. I’m beyond grateful he cared enough to follow me halfway around the world. He saved me from that bastard, they all did, and I will forever be in their debt.

  I hang my head as a familiar blanket of shame ghosts over me. How could I have been so gullible? So naïve? So utterly ignorant of the warning signs that were right under my nose? You’d think having survived one monster I would learn to recognize another. But nope. Instead of using my brain, I had blinders on, running straight into the arms of another predator.

  My entire body shakes and shivers at the thought of what he had planned for me. Memories of his hands on me, in me, return to haunt me, and I squeeze my eyes shut, needing it to stop. I’m aware I’m visibly trembling, and I probably look like a basket case, but I can’t halt my body’s natural reaction.

  I need something to take the edge off, but there’s no way I’m touching alcohol or drugs after what my body has been put through today, so that only leaves…

  Jackson’s arm wraps around me as he pulls me in closer to his side. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

  Tears glisten in my eyes as I look up at him. I don’t want to be this weak, pathetic, naïve creature any longer. This stupid, vulnerable girl who willingly jets off to meet a stranger purely because he made me feel wanted, because he said and did all the right things to make me trust him when I never should have.

  “I need you,” I whisper, low enough so only he can hear.

  He nods, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “I’m here, babe. Whatever you need is yours.”

  He has misinterpreted my statement, and I need to make my intentions clearer. “Can we go upstairs?” I whisper.

  His eyes skim my face, frowning a little with whatever he finds. Then, his loving smile returns, and he kisses my brow, squeezing my hand again. “Of course.”

  He releases his hold on me, pushing his chair back and standing. “We’re going to call it a night.”

  “Do you need anything, Vanessa?” Laurena asks in that soft, lyrical voice of hers, one that still bears a slight accent in homage to her heritage. She rounds the table, sliding her arms around my shoulders and kissing my cheek.

  “No, thank you. You have already ensured I have everything I need.” I smile shyly at her, and she kisses my cheek one final time before returning to her seat.

  Jackson pulls out my chair, helping me to stand.

  Travis rises, kissing both my cheeks. “Sleep well, my dear.”

  “You too,” I mumble, my skin heating in a blush, unaccustomed to such blatant displays of affection.

  Sawyer hugs me next. “It’s going to be okay, Van.”

  “Thank you,” I blurt, realizing I haven’t thanked him or Kaiden. I glance over Sawyer’s shoulder at Kai. “Thank you both for helping Jackson to rescue me.”

  “You’re one of us, Nessa,” Kai confirms.

  Sawyer eases me out of his embrace.

  “Abby, Shandra, and the others wanted to be there too,” Kai explains. “They told me to tell you they love you and everyone is glad you’re okay.”

  Jackson reels me into the side of his body, wrapping his protective arm around me.

  “Tell them I’ll call them tomorrow when we get home.”

  “Goodnight, everyone,” Jackson says, speaking for both of us, guiding me out the door and up the stairs to his room.

  He closes the door quietly behind us, locking it as I walk to the bed and lie down. I cleared away all the purchases Laurena made earlier, but I didn’t have the time to go through everything, so some of the clothes are hanging up in Jackson’s extensive walk-in closet, and the rest are still in the bags lining one side of the wall. I unpacked all the cosmetics and toiletries, placing them in one of the cabinets in the bathroom.

  It felt a little weird putting my possessions away in Jackson’s space, alongside his things, but in another way, it felt completely natural.

  “Talk to me,” he says, kicking off his Chucks as he sits on the edge of the bed beside me. “What’s going through your mind?”

  I reach my hand out, palming his gorgeous face. He hasn’t shaved in a couple of days, and there’s a light layer of sexy dark-blond stubble lining his jawline. My fingers rub across the fine, prickly hairs as he stares at me with those spellbinding blue eyes. “My head is a mess,” I truthfully admit. “I feel so stupid, Jackson. I was stupid.”

  “Shush.” He weaves his fingers through my wavy hair. “None of this is your fault. That prick manipulated you because that’s the way the elite do things.”

  “I don’t want to talk about that,” I spit out. I sit upright, leaning in closer and holding both sides of his face. “I know we need to. But not tonight. I can’t face that yet.”

  He clasps the nape of my neck gently. “What do you need?”

  “You,” I whisper, feeling heat creep up my neck. “I need you to help distract me. To push these thoughts from my head.”

  “Nessa.” His eyes flood with love and sympathy. “I would love nothing more than to bury myself inside you, but, baby, you’ve been to hell and back today, I don’t want—”

  Tears stream out of my eyes. “Jackson, please.” I scoot in closer until there is barely any space between us. “Please don’t say no. I need you. I need you to replace the memory of his touch. I need to feel your hands on my body. I need to feel you moving inside me to know I’m still alive. That he hasn’t ruined me like he threatened.”

  He brushes my tears away. “Nessa.” His voice cracks, and a single tear rolls down his cheek. “You have no idea how hard it was to hold back while he was doing those things to you.” He collapses against me, pulling me into his arms. I nuzzle his shoulder as he wraps his warm, strong, protective arms around me. “I want to go back and kill him all over again for hurting you.” His chest heaves as he sobs, and I cling to him while I cry. It’s no surprise our emotion needs an outlet. It’s been a stressful couple of days for both of us. “If anything had happened to you, Nessa. God.” His voice cracks at the end, and he holds me closer, his sobs intensifying.

  We stay like that for a few minutes, expunging our emotions in a much-needed therapeutic cleansing as we cling to one another, crying.

  “Jackson.” I run my fingers through the silky strands of his hair. “I love you so much, and I know we have a lot of things to discuss, but right now, I need you to make love to me. Please don’t make me beg.”

  He lifts his head, sniffling. “Are you sure this is what you want?” I nod. “Then, you don’t have to beg. I told you that before. Never again with me.”

  He stands, yanking his sweater over his head with one hand. Crouching in front of me, he takes my hands in his. “Just promise me you’ll tell me if I do anything you don’t like or if you want me to stop.”

  “I promise,” I readily agree, leaning down and pressing my lips to his. It feels like forever since we last kissed, but my mouth remembers his, my lips tracing every familiar curve of his lips, my tongue exploring his hungry mouth. We kiss for ages, letting our lips do all the talking this time.

  When we break apart, we are both flushed and panting. But there are no hideous thoughts racing through my mind. No distressful images burning the back of my retinas. There is only a gentle, soothing warmth building inside me, spreading out, healing me from the inside.

  Slowly, we undress, watching one another as we shed clothing until we are both naked. Jackson pulls back the covers, crawling in after me, pulling my body flush against his until we’re
pressed together, skin to skin. He threads his fingers through my hair while dusting feather-soft kisses all over my face. “I love you, Nessa. It will only ever be you.”

  “I love you too,” I reply, arching my neck as his lips trail lower. His tongue licks that sensitive spot just under my ear, and I moan, pressing my hips against his, thrusting against his hard-on. Carefully, his hands roam my body, tenderly caressing my skin, igniting an outbreak of fiery tremors in their wake.

  Jackson rolls me on to my back, climbing over me, using his elbows to prop himself up. Waves of messy blond hair tumble over his brow when he bends down to kiss me. Our mouths collide in the most loving kiss, and every soft brush of his lips unknots the ball of anxiety in my chest, chasing away my fears and my insecurities.

  This side of Jackson is not one I’m hugely familiar with. Usually, he prefers a rougher approach, a more demanding kiss, a firmer claiming of my body, but he instinctively knows what I need now, and he’s delivering in spades.

  His lips and his hands are worshipful as he showers affection on my body, invoking the most incredible sensations inside me. My touches are equally reverential as I explore every inch of skin on his body, and with every loving stroke, every adoring kiss, I’m melting into the bed and drowning in him.

  I experience a moment of panic when he slides a finger inside me, and he notices, stalling over me and breaking our kiss to examine my eyes.

  “I’m okay,” I reassure him, stretching up to kiss the corner of his mouth. “More than okay. Please don’t stop.”

  Keeping his eyes trained on mine, he slowly pumps his finger in and out of me, drawing the most delicious tremors of bliss from my body. He removes his finger, sliding down my body, and I spread my legs for him, arching my back and grabbing the bottom sheet of the bed, whimpering when his tongue licks a path along my slit, lavishing my overheated skin with attention.

  Closing my eyes, I forget about everything but the careful, slow, adoring way he’s enjoying my body. Using his fingers, his tongue, and his lips, he brings me to a heavenly climax, one I feel in every part of my body.

  “God, I love you,” I whisper, swiping my tears away as he climbs back over me.

  “I love you, too, babe. So fucking much.” He kisses me softly. “You still want to do this?” he asks, lining our bodies up.

  “More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

  He threads his fingers in mine, keeping his eyes locked on me as he slowly inches inside me. The incredible fullness fills every empty part of me, warming me from the inside out. We move together in slow, sensual strokes, our bodies perfectly in sync, our hearts aligned, and it’s the most loving, sweet, tender, exquisite moment of my life.

  We kiss over and over again, taking our time as our bodies flow and ebb, neither of us in our usual hurry to reach the finish line. Every touch, every whisper, every kiss, and every caress are healing me, and from somewhere deep inside, my strength returns, bolstering me with confidence, reassuring me I can do this.

  _______________

  We arrive in Boston at three o’clock the next day, climbing into the waiting Land Rover, grateful to be back on home soil.

  “Abby and Shandra wanted to pick us up,” Kai explains, glancing into the back seat. Spotting me snuggled against Jackson, he fixes me with his warm, brown gaze and smiles. Sawyer and Kai have been treating me with kid gloves, watching me when they think I don’t notice, waiting for me to break, most likely. “But I thought you might need some space.”

  “I do.” I need to fess up to my friends, but that can wait until tomorrow, because the conversation Jackson and I need to have takes precedence. “Tell Abby I’ll see her in class tomorrow and we can catch up then.”

  “You’re not taking the rest of the week off?” Jackson asks, his brows knitting together.

  “I’ve missed enough classes as it is.”

  “Are you sure you’re up to returning so soon?” he adds, rubbing soothing circles on my side with his thumb.

  “I’m not going to crawl into bed and lick my wounds, no matter how tempting that is,” I admit. “Because then that bastard has won. He hasn’t ruined me. He didn’t win. I did. We did.” My gaze jumps between Jackson, Sawyer, and Kaiden, because I want them to hear what I’m saying.

  I mean every word of it, but I also know it’s fighting talk and I might have days where I feel the complete opposite, where I might struggle to get out of bed, but I’m determined, and I truly believe that is half the battle.

  I have survived worse and come out the other side. I can handle this. What he did, what he tried to do, will not unravel my hard work.

  I figure I can continue to beat myself up over my failure to read the obvious signs, and my poor judgment, or I can learn from it, dust myself off, and get back on the saddle. I prefer the latter, and I’m strong enough to do this, because I pulled myself back from the brink before.

  I don’t think I’ve given myself enough credit, and I need to cut myself some slack.

  Focusing on all the negative, stupid shit I’ve done isn’t helpful. Prioritizing the good in my life and remembering how I’ve clawed my way out of a dark hole need to remain my focus, because those bastards may have claimed my past, but the only person owning my future is me.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Vanessa

  “I DON’T THINK this is a good idea,” Jackson says when we pull up to the front of my apartment building. “You could still be in danger.”

  “From the contact Montgomery mentioned?” I refuse to call him by anything else now.

  Sawyer nods. “We haven’t been able to identify who was helping him. We don’t know what this person’s instructions are. I agree with Lauder. You should move in with us. It’s safer there.”

  “I know you all mean well, but I need to do this for me.” They look at me like I’m swinging from the insanity tree. I clasp Jackson’s hand, looking directly at him, although my words are for all of them. “I know you want to protect me, and I love you for that, but I can’t hide behind you. I need to do this myself. To prove that I’m strong enough to come through this on my own.”

  “But you’re not on your own, babe,” Jackson pleads. “And this is too risky. Please, I’m begging you. Come back to my place. Let me keep you safe.”

  I understand his logic, and I can see where he’s coming from. I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t petrified of returning to my penthouse alone, but that’s exactly why I have to do this.

  I can’t let Jackson fight all my battles for me.

  I can’t crumple at the first sign of danger.

  I will be smart this time. I will be observant and vigilant. And I’ll be prepared.

  “Can’t you keep me safe here?” I ask. “You can help me to install the best security systems, and maybe, I should get a bodyguard.”

  Sawyer purses his lips, looking out the window, while Jackson rubs the back of his neck in an awkward tell.

  “What don’t I know?” I ask, reading their signs.

  “A lot,” Jackson reluctantly agrees. “And I really think we need to talk today.” He glances out the window, up at the building, sighing. “I don’t like this. Not one little bit, but if you’re determined to do it, let me stay here for a couple nights until we have protective measures in place.”

  That’s not an unreasonable request.

  “I can sleep on the couch,” he adds. “I’m not expecting anything.”

  Kaiden snort-laughs from the passenger seat, and Jackson flips him the bird.

  “I have guest bedrooms. You don’t need to sleep on the couch.”

  Hurt darts over his face, but he composes himself quickly. “Okay. It’s settled.” He looks at Sawyer. “I’ll talk to Nessa about options, and we’ll call you later to put some plans in place.”

  “Cool.” Sawyer pulls me into a hug. “Stay safe.”

  “I will.”

  We get out, saying goodbye to Kaiden before making our way inside.

  When we step out
of the elevator on the penthouse level, Jackson pushes me behind him, snatching the key from my hand. “Stay here. I want to check the place first. Xavier said it’s okay, but I want to be sure.”

  He leaves me scratching my head in confusion as he slips into my apartment, gun in hand, wondering what Xavier has to do with anything.

  “It’s clear,” he says, opening the door for me. I step inside while he brushes past me to grab our bags.

  “What did you mean by Xavier said it’s okay?”

  “That’s part of what I need to tell you,” he admits, looking sheepish again.

  “Okay.” I glance around my place, but everything looks just how I left it. “Let me make us something to eat, and we can talk in the living room.”

  Jackson wanders around the apartment, running his hands through his hair as I make us some wraps. I pour juice into two glasses instead of grabbing water from the refrigerator. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to drink a bottle of water again without wondering if it’s been spiked. Grabbing a bag of chips from the cupboard, I load everything on a tray and carry it out of the kitchen.

  Jackson rushes forward, taking the tray from my hands and carrying it to the coffee table.

  I sit on one side of the couch while he takes the other. “I’m not even sure where to start,” Jackson says as we munch on our late lunch.

  “From the beginning. Why did you date me?”

  “I need to go further back to explain,” he says, and I urge him to continue with my eyes. “This is about Dani,” he adds even though I’ve no idea why his sister committing suicide has anything to do with me or our situation. “Two years before Dani killed herself, she was kidnapped, tortured, and raped repeatedly by Christian Montgomery and other men at some island she was imprisoned on.”

  My glass slips out of my fingers, juice spilling all over me, the couch, and the floor.

  “Shit. I’m sorry for just dropping that on you, but there’s no way of softening this,” Jackson says, jumping up and racing to the kitchen.

  My heart is thumping behind my rib cage as I process his words, staring off into space, contemplating unimaginable horrors.