When Jane and her girlfriend drank at the same moment, eyes locked on each other, a chorus of awws sounded along with some colorful commentary from Mason, Luke, and Noah. Luke and his wife were leaning against one of the railings, drinks in hand. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear that made her laugh. Everly’s heart clutched with want.
Everly noted Chris hadn’t drank when she’d said hers. Had he ever been in love? Thought he was?
“You go, Jane’s girlfriend,” Stacey called.
“Petra. I’ve introduced you three times tonight, Stacey,” Jane said, laughter underlying her tone.
“Petra. Right. Hey, Petra. I love your skirt.”
“Hi, Stacey. Again. Thank you, and all right, let me think. Never have I ever … I don’t know. Uh? Never have I ever been married.”
Everly glanced around, grinning when Mari, Kitty, Benny, Luke and their respective spouses drank. She turned her head slightly to look at Chris. He was already looking her way.
She would have kept on staring if his brother hadn’t spoken up. Or yelled, more accurately.
Noah leaned across others to nudge his brother in the arm. “No cheating. Even quickie marriages count, little brother.”
Everly’s heart slammed full force into her rib cage. What? She watched his fingers tighten around his glass. When her gaze moved back up, he was glaring at Noah.
“Whoa! You were married?” Stacey asked, sitting up so she could lean forward to point at him.
Everly felt him stiffen at her side but couldn’t take her eyes off his profile. His jaw tightened, his shoulders went back just a touch. He wouldn’t meet her gaze.
Noah cleared his throat, giving a forced laugh. “He was married for about five minutes.” He picked up a handful of chips from a bowl on the table beside him, popping a couple in his mouth like they were discussing the latest sports highlights. “Our dad was pissed.” He saluted his brother with his bottle of beer. “One benefit, right?”
Chris huffed out a sound between a growl and a laugh. His eyes caught Everly’s. Her throat went dry, and her pulse beat too fast. It probably wasn’t healthy for it to beat that fast. Now everyone was probably staring at her, staring at Chris.
“You’re not still married, are you?” Stacey asked.
Even drunk, her friend could read Everly’s thoughts.
Chris’s jaw dropped, and he shook his head. “No. I’m not.” He looked into Everly’s eyes like he was trying to hold her in one place with his gaze. “I’m not. And it wasn’t only to piss my dad off. That was a definite side benefit, but we … I think we confused love with something else entirely. We were young.”
Everly didn’t like the feeling in her chest or the way it was winding through her body, freezing up her insides. He was married, but he’d never been in love? Why else would anyone get married? She couldn’t fathom a reason to tie herself to someone through the bonds of marriage if there wasn’t love involved. Was she the only one who thought marriage deserved some honor? Some respect? It wasn’t something a person bounced in and out of as if it were a trampoline.
“Your turn, bro,” Noah said.
“You guys suck. I’m not getting to drink at all,” Stacey said, flopping back into the cushions.
“Let me fix that,” Chris said, his tone light and fun while Everly’s heart was bouncing around. “Never have I ever embarrassed anyone on-air while ten thousand people listened in.”
Stacey sat up with a ginormous smile. Her drink sloshed over the rim of the cup. “I’ve definitely done that.”
More laughter, but it sounded far away to Everly. She felt like she was at the other end of a tunnel, watching from far away. Her leg bounced up and down, slowly at first. She tapped her fingers against her cup and inched her other hand away from Chris. His history is none of your business. He’s not married now. What difference does it make? None. It makes no difference. You didn’t actually kiss. He’s not yours. You choose Owen. You’re choosing Owen. You like Owen. Even if brushing up against his entire body couldn’t do what Chris’s pinkie finger manages. That’s a good thing. Who wants to live with this much adrenaline pumping through them all the time? It’d probably give you a heart attack. That’s right. Being with Chris would be too much on your system. So stop. She pictured a stop sign. Then she pictured banging her head into it.
“Who hasn’t gone?” Stacey asked. “Kitty, you go.”
“Let’s do something else. Mason, there’s a guitar in the living room. Go grab it and sing some bad songs,” Noah said.
“Hey, it’s my turn,” Kitty said. The guests looked her way. “Never have I ever gone on a blind date.” She beamed at them.
“There we go,” Stacey said, taking a long gulp of her margarita. A couple of the others drank, too, but Stacey was so happy about being able to, no one paid attention.
Everly couldn’t pay attention to anything but the pinball game happening inside of her head. It didn’t matter if he’d been married. And divorced. But it made her wonder what he would do in a situation like her parents. Would he go all in and make it work, or would he wash his hands and convince himself he’d done his best? How could anyone really know? Why does it matter? She hadn’t imagined the heat between them earlier. The “almost” between them was stronger than any actually she’d ever known. If she traveled that road only to find that he wasn’t someone who would stick … she didn’t know if she could handle it.
“You cold?” Chris asked, leaning in so his breath tickled her cheek.
“No. Why?” She couldn’t look at him. She tapped her fingers on her legs. They actually did feel cold to touch.
“Your knee hasn’t stopped moving,” he said.
“Sorry,” she said quickly, not hearing what Mari said for her turn. Everly got up, not meaning to do it so suddenly but not entirely in control of her movements.
“Hey, where are you going?” Stacey asked, holding up her glass. “Can you get me something else? I don’t like my drink.”
Pushing her own feelings down deep, Everly took Stacey’s wrist instead of her drink. “Come with me.”
They wove their way through the group and into the kitchen. Everly gulped in air. She started to shiver. Maybe she was cold.
“What are we doing, Evs?” Stacey leaned against the counter. She picked a few grapes off one of the platters.
“I need to go, but I need to make sure you’re okay first.”
Stacey squeezed the grape between two fingers and scrunched her nose up, her eyebrows down. “Why do you have to go?”
“I’m tired. My head hurts a bit. You need to stop drinking.”
Stacey straightened up and grabbed a napkin, wiped her hands. “What’s wrong?” Moving to Everly, she put her hands on her shoulders, bent her knees, and met her gaze. “What’s wrong?”
I’m confused and possibly have feelings for someone I shouldn’t. Someone I don’t know all that well. I’m dating strangers and forgetting what I want for myself. I’m not sure I actually know. Rules or no rules, I feel like I’m messing things up. Tears pushed, so she pressed the fingernails of one hand into her palm. “Nothing. I’m just really tired. Overwhelmed. Please don’t make a big deal of it.”
Though she was nowhere near sober, Stacey nodded, and Everly saw that she was taking her seriously. “Okay. I’ll stop drinking. I’m going to sleep in one of the guest rooms. I won’t be late tomorrow. Promise. You still love me even if I’m drunk?”
The french doors leading off the kitchen opened, and Everly’s heart rate quickened. “Always. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Without glancing over her shoulder, she grabbed her purse from the table, hating how rude she was about to be—leaving without saying good-bye—but she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t pull air all the way into her lungs, and worse, she couldn’t explain why, so she needed to go. She needed space. She made it to the front door, breathing like a marathon sprinter.
On the front steps, she released her nails from her palms, and her lung
s flexed a little. She’d parked near the end of the drive, having shown up later than others and knowing she’d want easy access when it came time to leave.
She was almost there. Just get in your car. Go home. Everything is fine. It’s all just hitting you. Eight dates in a month? That’s more than the last five years of her life.
“Everly, wait,” Chris said behind her.
Clarity hit her like a wave rocking her backward. It was Chris she was running from. She needed to escape from him. All at once, sitting next to him, she’d realized she did like him. That she wished he were one of her dates. All her dates. Immediately after that had sunken into her brain, he’d admitted to being married and divorced. It struck her then that she didn’t know him. Not knowing someone was the reason she’d spent her birthday morning cleaning coffee stains off her pants.
He’d followed her, and now she had to face him. Along with her own feelings.
She stopped at her car but didn’t turn around. She felt him behind her as his footsteps crunching over the gravel came nearer. His hands came to her shoulders, and they stood like that a moment. She could still hear the waves in the distance and laughter from the other side of the house. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and both of their breaths sawing in and out.
Instead of turning her, Chris dropped one hand and walked around her, coming to stand in front of her, his fingers trailing down the arm he was still touching.
Everly clenched her jaw and stared at his chest. Don’t look up. Don’t look up. Softly, and exquisitely, painfully slowly, Chris brought his other hand up and pulled her close, pulled her into him, wrapping her up in his arms. The lump in her throat doubled in size when her cheek rested against the hard surface of his chest.
“Is this because I said I was married? It was years ago, Everly. I was twenty-one.”
Everly blinked back the tears she didn’t want to shed, forcing herself to lean back to see his face. Rule six: Be bold, even if it gives you hives. It wasn’t just that. It was so many things that she didn’t know how to voice in this moment. She felt too much. It made her brain hurt. Him holding you makes everything else hurt less. His arms tightened, hers rested on his waist. “I just need to go.”
“There’s something here. For both of us,” he whispered.
His admission sent a shiver through her body. Everly reached for logic and reason. “You’re my boss.”
“I’m also your friend,” he whispered, his head lowering.
Her breathing hitched, her heart doing some jumping jacks in her chest. “Yes. I don’t want to lose that.” He mattered to her more than she’d let herself admit. “I work for you. You’re my boss.” She was repeating herself, but it was all she had. Hadn’t that been his reasoning?
“What if I weren’t?”
She swallowed. She couldn’t think about that right this second. “How long?”
His thumb grazed the skin of her lower back. “Was I married?”
She nodded emphatically, her head feeling disconnected from her neck. Great. A human Everly bobblehead. She didn’t know why she needed to know.
“Three months. It was a mistake. We thought we felt more than we did, but when it came time to actually be married, we knew we were too young. We were friends. We didn’t love each other.”
Being married is hard, Ev. So why was she fighting so hard to find someone to spend her life with?
Chris’s right hand moved and cupped Everly’s cheek, his thumb caressing her skin. Warming it. Fighting the chill and her reserve.
“I didn’t mean to feel this way about you,” he whispered, his face coming closer.
“What way?” She couldn’t assume. She couldn’t pretend she knew what she was doing.
“Like if I don’t kiss you, something inside of me might break.”
The next breath she took shuddered in and out raggedly. Their eyes were tethered, fixed on each other with an intensity Everly felt through her entire body.
Time had a way of slowing down, nearly pausing during intense moments. Every second felt like two, moving past in a hazy blur. Chris’s face filled more of her vision until his forehead pressed against her own. He closed his eyes, took measured breaths while hers felt suspended. Everly wondered if he could hear her heartbeat as her fingers dug into his waist.
When he opened his eyes, she saw uncertainty clouding them, and it shut down her lungs. What the hell were they doing? They couldn’t uncross this line.
“Everly,” he whispered.
She shook her head. She couldn’t process any of this right now. She needed to go. It was too hard to unclutter her brain when they were sharing air.
“I have to go. Let me go,” she said.
Chris stepped back. Everly got in her car, fought with her seat belt and the desire to dive back into his arms. When his hand pressed to her window, she looked up at him, at the sadness in his gaze. Everly wasn’t built for back-and-forth, highs followed by lows. Her parents were champions in that way, but it was never what she wanted. She’d rather have steady, predictable feelings than be unsure in any way. Chris made her feel like she was standing in the middle of a teeter-totter, unable to maintain her balance. You’ve got two second dates. The second of which will be Owen, then this is done. The audience was choosing the other but neither Brad nor Jon appealed to her more than Owen. Whether you go out with Owen again after the contest or not, you can go back to your quiet life. Nothing inside of her felt quiet right now. The longing she’d felt in Chris’s arms was like a brass marching band in her chest. So not quiet. How did she get past that?
Easy. You pretend it doesn’t exist.
[32]
After working the on-location event Sunday, Monday came too quickly in Everly’s opinion. Stacey, who’d been quiet yesterday, nursing a hangover, was back in full form and ready to go. Everly pulled up the website on her laptop, glanced at Stacey as the music was winding down. She gave a nod, just to make sure they were on the same page.
“That was One Republic closing our thirty-minute, no-repeat set. I like their lead singer. He’s got so much energy. We should go see them the next time they’re in town, Evs,” Stacey said into the mic.
Everly shook her head, giving her a bland look. When Stacey started talking again, Everly’s eyes wandered to the glass. She hadn’t seen Chris yet today. He hadn’t shown up at the event, which wasn’t out of the norm, but a small piece of her had been disappointed. Which was silly, because she needed to straighten herself out before she saw him again. He scrambled her thoughts.
“Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, particularly you bachelors. As our wonderful listeners know, Everly has been narrowing her playing field as the weeks have passed. Just a recap for those of you joining us, who can still get in on the fun: Evs went on six dates. Three men advanced to the second date round. If you’ve been following along, you know those three are Owen, Brad, and Jon. With only two second dates available, listeners chose their favorite and Everly picked the other. Thank you to everyone who shared their opinion. The choices have been selected. Evs, drumroll please.”
Everly pressed a button, indulging her friend. It was almost easy to pretend they were discussing someone else’s life.
“Our top two, going head-to-head for my girl’s affections are … Owen Baston and Jon Remeyer.” Stacey paused, letting Everly press a switch for a crowd clapping.
“The next stage of the competition works like this. Listeners get to read the bios online and pick their favorite of the two. Ultimately, it’s Everly who makes the choice, but those people who guessed correctly will be entered to win a very special prize. Your votes need to be in by midnight tonight. Everly’s last two dates will be this week with a final reveal next Monday. Have I mentioned how much I love you listeners? Who knew you were all a bunch of romantics? How about a love song to set the mood? Get to our website and cast your vote.”
Stacey pressed a couple of buttons and removed her headset, smiling at Everly. The music would play
for another half hour. Normally, they’d head into a meeting, but Everly wanted nothing more than to go home, curl up on the couch, and forget about dating anyone.
Stacey came through the door they shared. “Hey. Wanna grab some lunch?”
Everly grabbed her bag, closed her laptop, shoved it in, and stood. “I’m pretty tired, actually.” She didn’t meet her friend’s gaze.
“Any idea what’s going on with Chris?”
Everly’s head snapped up. “What do you mean?”
Stacey watched her carefully, leaning against the doorjamb. She shrugged. “He and Noah came in before you got here this morning. Chris was on the phone, arguing with someone. They’ve been holed up in his office since. Something is going down. Jane wouldn’t give me any details.”
Everly laughed. “Because Jane isn’t a gossip.”
Stacey sighed. “Yeah. I know. But I like her, anyway.”
Walking toward the door, she waited for Stacey to move out of the way. She swallowed around her nerves—if Stacey sensed anything, she’d pounce. Everly didn’t know how to talk about the feelings ricocheting around her chest, so it was best to leave them untouched.
“We leaving?” Stacey waited a beat. “Everly?”
“Hmm?”
“Look at me.”
She lifted her chin, nibbling the inside of her cheek.
“I’m bringing lunch to your house. I’ll see you in twenty minutes.”
“Stace, I just want—”
“To pretend there aren’t a dozen things on your mind. To hide from everything until you have no choice but to face it. We’re going to talk. You’re going to open up to me, Dean.”
She wanted to feel indignant at Stacey’s bossiness, but this was her best friend. They didn’t keep things from each other until Everly had spiraled so far into her confusing feelings, she didn’t know how to voice them.
Ten Rules for Faking It Page 27