Pushing Up Posies

by Eve Langlais

  “I’m sorry, Posie.”

  “I don’t understand. I can see you. Why can’t I touch you?” She glanced down, and her eyes widened. “I’m dead!”

  “Meaning my job here is done. Enjoy your eternity in hell.” With a smirk, Raphael threw himself into the air, his white wings flapping.

  Brody only had eyes for Posie. “I’m sorry I was too late.”

  “What happens now?” she said, reaching for him again to no avail.

  He pulled forth a silken scarf, the magic of it soft and yet firm enough to grasp her soul, allowing him to cradle her after a fashion. “Now I take you for judgment.”

  19

  “Judgment?” The ominous word rang in her head. Wait, did she still technically have a head? Because she remembered what she saw on the pavement. If she still had a stomach, she might have puked. However, she didn’t have a belly or a noggin, because she was dead.

  By her own choice, too. Heaven sounded like the worst kind of prison, and the angel was talking about a life sentence. Not happening.

  Then there was Brody, a man, reaper, whatever, who made her feel. Surely death was preferable to what the angels had in store. She went limp, full-on rag doll, and when Raphael shifted his grip, she twisted hard enough to break free hundreds of feet above the ground. Gravity took hold, and she plummeted.

  Landing didn’t actually hurt. Too quick and violent for that. What did hurt was the realization she’d lost her chance for a happily ever after. She couldn’t believe she couldn’t hug Brody.

  “What’s going to happen to me?” she asked.

  “You’ll be given a new life in Hell.”

  “What about…” She glanced at the man who’d hidden his features once more, his cloak drawn low over his face. His sorrow permeated the air. She wished she could touch him one last time. Tell him how she felt, but to say it now…it would only be cruel to them both. Instead she said, “When do we leave?”

  “Now.” The scarf he’d wrapped around her tugged her as he stepped into that massive nothing place that went on forever and made her feel like the smallest speck of dust.

  A second/eternity later they arrived at a crowded dock where shell-shocked people wandered around, eyes wide.

  “I can’t be dead.”

  “This isn’t Heaven.”

  “I can’t believe that bitch outlived me!”

  So many voices mixing into a noisy chaos, and more kept arriving. She saw the swirl of robes here and there as reapers appeared from the nothing place, herding their charges.

  Brody kept her wrapped in a silk shroud, tucking her as close as he could. He shoved through the people, making his way to the flat-bottomed boat tethered at the end of the dock.

  A robed figure of a different sort than the reapers stood there, holding on to a long stave that penetrated the dark water. She knew enough about mythology and religion to realize she looked upon the Styx. And that must be Charon, the guy who ferried souls across.

  Once she crossed the river, that was it. Life as she knew it truly would be over. Panic filled her. She whirled and tried to grab Brody again. Surely there was something he could—

  Her hands passed through him. No fair. She would have sobbed if she weren’t so angry.

  “It will be okay, Posie. Only the truly wicked are punished. You’ll be fine,” Brody said, his tone low and gravelly.

  “You don’t know that for sure.”

  “Given I’ve been serving for over two hundred years, I have a fair idea.”

  “Two hundred?” She eyed him. “And how old were you when you died?”

  “Young. Which was a problem when I first started working for the Dark Lord. No one takes a fresh-face boy seriously.” He rubbed his jaw. “A bargain with a sorceress helped me achieve a more distinguished age.”

  “Has it been a bad life, since you died?” she asked.

  “No. But it hasn’t been great either. Actually, until a few weeks ago, it was only about work.”

  She didn’t need him to explain that everything had changed when they met. And now she had to go before they even had a chance together. Who made the stupid rule anyhow that reapers and the souls couldn’t get together?

  “All aboard!” Charon yelled, ringing a strident bell.

  “You have to go.”

  “Will I ever see you again?” she asked.

  “It all depends on the Dark Lord. He’s the only one who can help us now.” He reached out and ran fingers that passed through her, down her cheek. “Goodbye, my prickly flower.”

  She found herself standing on the boat, and Brody stepped back on the dock. She almost reached for him as the boat drifted off, but what would be the point? She watched him watching her as they sailed away, ferried across a scary river with eyeballs that popped up for peeks. Tentacles that reached, only to get slapped down by Charon. He wielded his long pole and a shorter stave as extensions of his body. Moving quickly, dazzling those on the boat enough that they forgot they’d died and were going to Hell. A few times they even clapped.

  Posie kept an eye for the far shore. It started as a smudge that evolved into a massive docking area. Not as busy as expected for its size. There were a few flat barges tied to the piers.

  A pair of short fellows with webbed fingers and toes scurried out to meet them, securing the ferry and tossing down a gangplank. The souls streamed off and were met by what could only be demons with clipboards. And possibly one vampire, given the human looks and teeth. The souls were separated into groups. Except for Posie.

  She stood alone, her name not called, wondering what would happen next.

  Then came a shouted, “I’m com-m-m-ing! Out of the way! Oops. I’m sure they can sew that back on.” Riding a Segway of all things, a woman in the shortest shorts and a crop top that showed off a naval piercing zipped into view. She zoomed to a stop by Posie and eyed her. “Hello, and welcome to Hell. I am Katie. Also known as Lucifer’s Psycho. Nice to meet you.” She thrust out a hand, which Posie, bemused, shook.

  “How was the ride over? Those sea monsters are playful guys. You like seafood?” Mismatched eyes stared at Posie.

  “Um.”

  “I agree, yum! We should get going. Come on.”

  Posie found herself being told to grab hold of the energetic blonde, who kicked the wheeled contraption into gear and off they zoomed.

  The only thing to do was absorb as much as she could. Looking around, she noted the city-like aspect, if one ignored the orange hue and the falling ash.

  I’m in Hell. It was already stranger than expected. Dangerous, too, given Katie kept tossing knives; left, right, straight ahead. The last leading to a shrill squeak.

  After the third, Posie ventured to ask, “Are we safe?”

  “Just warning off the rats. We’ve had some problems with overpopulation since a bunch of our hellcats went missing.”

  “This looks a lot like Earth,” Posie remarked. One that appeared to have suffered some sort of apocalypse.

  “In many respects, Hell is a warped mirror of the mortal world, but with more rules to break and less bullshit.”

  “I guess down here sinning is good.”

  “Depends on the sin. The truly heinous don’t get to live with the general population. The residential areas are reserved for the mundane sinner.”

  “Am I considered to be a mundane sinner?”

  “Obviously not, or you’d already be assigned an apartment. You must have been someone special on Earth because you are going to court to be judged by the big boss himself,” Katie said, jolting the Segway to a stop in front of a massive stone block building that oozed age—and fear.

  “What’s going to happen to me?”

  “Well, that kind of depends on you. If you’re truly boring, the Dark Lord might offer to let you exist much like you did when you were alive.”

  “Or?”

  “If you can’t handle the heat, you can choose to be reincarnated.”

  “Are those the only options?”

/>   Katie paused at the bottom of some grand steps and cocked her head. “If you’re the type who likes to be busy, there is a third thing you can do that will guarantee an eternity of fun.”

  “What?”

  “Sell your soul to the Devil.”

  With that shocking suggestion, Katie bounced up the pitted steps showing concrete patches of varying shades. An old edifice that had seen more than its fair share of repairs.

  Katie paused to call over her shoulder. “You coming, or planning to be late for your sentencing?”

  Posie hurried up the steps. “I want a chance to speak for myself.”

  “Then you’d better hurry,” Katie sang, bolting ahead and out of sight.

  Posie quickly followed and soon found herself in a strange but familiar place. A coliseum of sorts, ringed with seats, filled to the brim with everything from humans to monsters, whispering and grunting, quieting as they saw her arrive. Her gaze skimmed over a massive dais holding the most ostentatious throne built of bones. It shimmered as if from intense heat.

  Where was the Devil? Would it kill him to be on time?

  She tapped her foot impatiently.

  A dead silence filled the air as the air in the arena visibly shivered. Someone sneezed, and she automatically said, “Bless you.”

  “What the fuck? Watch your language. We have younglings in the crowd.”

  In the blink of an eye, a handsome man suddenly appeared on the raised throne. He casually lounged, his eyes alight with flames, his grin rakish, his crown a molten metal that rippled and roiled atop his head.

  “Lucifer…” The name slipped from her lips.

  As if he heard the whisper, he winked. “In the lovely flesh. Greetings, Posie Ringwald. Welcome to Hell.”

  “Hell. Hell. Hell.” The crowed stomped and chanted.

  She hugged herself as reality intruded. “I shouldn’t be here.”

  “Isn’t that what they all say?” Lucifer shook his head.

  “I mean it wasn’t my time to die, but I had no choice. I was tricked by an angel.”

  The man on the throne arched a brow. “Tricked? The report filed by the angels say you fell. Are you trying to claim Raphael intentionally dropped you? Because that would be murder and I’d love to nail one of those cocky bastards with that charge.”

  “No, he didn’t drop me, but he was taking me to heaven.”

  Lucifer visibly shuddered. “I can see why you jumped. Horrible place. All that perfect sunshine, never-changing temps. Not that you would have seen much of it. They’re very particular about their humans. And I can’t see them being too welcoming of a sinner.”

  “Excuse me? I’m not bad person,” she exclaimed.

  “According to my file on you”—a folder appeared in his hand—“you’ve sinned. Not gregariously. Uncharitable words and thoughts, although I am willing to forgive the insults to the angels. They deserved them. You once kicked a girl in grade three for sneezing on your lunch.”

  She blinked. She’d forgotten about that. “It was leftover pizza day, and she loogied it.”

  “You’re passive-aggressive with your insults. Lucky for you, I admire that in the Canadians. Happy bunch, but fuck me, they apologize a lot.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “See what I mean?” He ducked to peruse her file again. “Last place of employment, Grim Dating. Pity we had to lose you. I heard great things.” He slapped the folder shut. “Minor shit. We’ll have a mundane job and living quarters found for you.”

  “That’s it? I just get to have a new life in Hell?”

  “What did you expect? Whips and chains? If we tortured for minor infractions, what would we do for the really big stuff? Isn’t it bad enough you get to return to your dull existence?”

  “What if I don’t want what you’re offering?”

  Lucifer leaned forward. “You’re in Hell. What makes you think you have a choice?”

  She remembered Katie’s words. He’d offered the mundane. She didn’t want to reincarnate, which left only one option.

  “I’d like to make a deal.”

  20

  It just about killed Brody for a second time to watch Posie leave on that boat. What would happen to her on the other side? He wished he could have followed, or at least been there by her side, but reapers were forbidden from interfering with souls once they crossed the Styx.

  But this wasn’t just any soul.

  This was Posie. A woman that had captivated him since their first meeting. Someone he’d wanted to have a chance to get to know.

  A woman he could love…

  He blinked. What happened to love being a lie? A sham? Hadn’t he experienced it firsthand? But a betrayal in his past didn’t mean he should never love again.

  What irony that by the time he finally realized it, he’d lost it.

  He could only hope Posie received a light sentence and would find some semblance of happiness. He, on the other hand, would mope for an eternity.

  The jostling on the dock had him stepping through a rip in the space between dimensions for a cold, sulky trek back to his office. The bottle of scotch he kept in the drawer might be able to warm him. If he drank the whole thing.

  He slammed the bottle on the desk and splashed a generous helping into a glass before he threw himself in his seat. If only there was a way for them to be together. Perhaps if he hung up his cloak? Would the Devil agree to reverse their agreement?

  He took a sip. It might be worth a try.

  But what if he gave up his cloak and Posie didn’t want him anymore?

  He couldn’t spend the rest of his unlife being afraid of trying. He quickly fired off an email to Lucifer’s secretary, requesting an audience. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take more than a few months. Years if the Devil didn’t want to deal with him.

  He poured another drink after he sent the request.

  “Drinking so early in the day? It’s not even nine a.m. I totally approve.”

  Lucifer’s sudden appearance had him choking and gasping as his sip of scotch went down the wrong tube. “Dark Lord, what are you doing here?”

  “You asked for an appointment.”

  “I— That was rather prompt.”

  “You mean unpredictable.” The Devil winked. “But your email isn’t the only reason I’m here. I wanted to tell you in person that there are going to be some changes around here. Big changes.”

  “I see.” Meaning Brody would most likely be fired for failing to win the bet. If only he’d had more time.

  With this disgrace hanging over him, could he still convince the Devil to renegotiate his contract?

  “Do you see? Because I am still surprised. I mean I knew when I saw her that she’d be a tough nut to crack. The best kind. I thought I had her pinned, ready to take my punishment, when suddenly I found myself more or less grabbed by the balls and squeezed. No wonder you’ve got the hots for her.”

  “What are you talking about?” Because Brody couldn’t follow.

  “Your wench. What a wily female. It’s that whole Canadian vibe. Completely throws you off. One minute you think you’re putting her in her place, and the next, she’s politely insulting you, then apologizing, then making demands, and when it’s all over, you realize you’ve signed the shittiest contact ever.”

  Did he dare hope? “You’re talking about Posie. What happened? Did she make a bargain with you?”

  “Did she ever. The wench gave me her soul, kind of, except it’s not really mine. It’s complicated. Suffice it to say, you’ll be working closely with her, so here’s to hoping you can tolerate each other.”

  “Posie is coming back!” he exclaimed.

  “She’s already here,” Lucifer announced, tipping back the whiskey and guzzling it.

  Posie stepped out of nowhere, looking a tad uncertain, but her smile as she saw him was wide. “Hi, Brody.”

  “Posie?” He didn’t dare believe she was actually here. “Is it really you?” Despite the fear he’d run right through her,
he vaulted his desk, his robe flaring behind him, hands reaching, only to pause at the last moment. Fearful. What if he couldn’t touch her?

  She grabbed his hands. “It’s me. I’m really here.”

  “But how?” It was then he paid attention to her outfit. Shaped as a dress, the fabric appeared to be the same as his garment, yet molded to fit her like real clothes would—in a deep red.

  “Are you?”

  “A reaper? Not exactly. I’ll never collect souls.”

  “Her job is actually going to be matching them.” Lucifer rubbed his hands. “Think of her as Cupid 2.0.”

  She winced. “Can we not call it that?”

  “Given you got paid vacation and sick days, I will damned well call it whatever I fucking like,” Lucifer huffed with a sulfurous breath.

  “Your wife must be something special having to deal with three children at home.”

  “Two… Aha, I see what you did there.” Lucifer wagged a finger. “Like I said, those Canadians are sly. But reliable. I’ll expect great things from your office.”

  Brody would ensure the very best if it meant having Posie by his side. He couldn’t stop staring at her. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “Yeah, well, I can’t believe it all turned out to be real. I just wish I hadn’t taken so long to believe. Guess my picture will be beside the definition of stubborn.”

  “Right beside mine because of how long it took me to admit what you mean to me. I love you, Posie Ringwald. Especially when you’re a wily Canuck.”

  Her lips twitched. “And I love you even if you look like death.”

  Lucifer gagged. “Fuck me, would you stop it already? Disgusting. I’m leaving.”

  “Gaia’s calling you,” Posie remarked, cocking her head.

  “She is not. I’m leaving ’cause I want to,” Lucifer huffed.

  “She said to grab a pack of diapers from the store on your way home.”

  “I know. I know. And some more teething gel. Bloody antichrist is rough on the skin.” Lucifer held up a bruised wrist and grimaced.

  Snap.

  The Lord of the Underworld left, and Brody could finally do the thing he’d been dying to since he saw Posie.