For Love

by Jeannette Winters

  Memorizing everything about Chris meant nothing. Even with her eyes closed, she could picture his stellar good looks and hear the voice she would recognize anywhere. She was a tall woman, but Chris was a few inches taller, which would be nice if there was an occasion to wear heels. Not that I need to worry about that. Definitely not here on the farm.

  The closest they had come to anything happening between them was holding hands on a brief walk back to the house. Even then, she was the one who had initiated it. She wanted the closeness they’d had and didn’t want it to end. Since he hadn’t pulled away, maybe Chris had as well. I can’t picture Chris doing something he didn’t want to do.

  Could it be she was seeing only what she wanted to see? Her judgment might be clouded. After all, she’d seen him with his shirt off while he hauled material from one site to the next. One hundred percent sexy.

  Being distracted with thoughts of Chris meant it was a good thing he opted to take Sirveo instead of her. It was sunny, and if he decided to remove his shirt again, she wasn’t sure what damage she’d do. I’m sure my fingers would never survive the hammer.

  Melissa was glad she hadn’t lost her sense of humor. If she was right, it was going to be needed when they returned to Rome and met up with the others. Her brothers would glare at her, but she was sure they’d give Chris the third degree. However Ellie and Jada weren’t going to hold back once they were alone with her. At least we all know better.

  She came to the part of the fence that was down and finally had something other than Chris Stratton to think about. As though I had no choice. I thought about him, because I wanted to. Melissa was going to force herself to accomplish at least one productive thing today. Tonight she hoped to talk Chris into a walk and maybe a talk. Get a better feeling of what was going on between them. If there is anything at all.

  * * *

  Chris intentionally had taken off before anyone had woken. He knew Melissa would’ve wanted to go back out with him, and although he thoroughly enjoyed her company, she was slowing down getting shit done.

  It wasn’t that she talked the entire time, but having her close was a distraction. I can feel those gorgeous eyes watching every move I make. There were a few times on the roof when the hammer had come too damn close to making contact with his thumb. It was bad enough his hip was aching from climbing up and down with all the heavy supplies, he didn’t need to put a hand out of commission too.

  He was shocked she hadn’t noticed his slight limp on the walk back to the house. Then again she’d been so panicked nothing much would’ve caught her eye. So when she took hold of his hand, he wasn’t about to let go. He was simply showing her some support.

  Who am I bullshitting? I liked it. Each time she touched him, even innocently, it tugged at him, making him want more. It’d be so easy too. He could tell she liked him. Why that was, baffled him. Probably because she doesn’t know the real me.

  Melissa was all about family, and she was a natural giver. Chris wasn’t a taker, but he couldn’t relate to the whole happy family scene. Hearing her talk about what it had been like growing up in a so-called normal household only made him bitter..

  Chris had been so young when he was adopted. It was a confusing time for him back then. His mother had died, and even though he hardly knew his father, he still had wanted him, needed him. But the day the judge explained that his father had signed away his rights and he could live with the Strattons permanently or become a ward of the state, he knew his birth name meant nothing to him. Chase Muller was dead and his adoptive parents named him after each of their fathers, Christopher James Stratton.

  Who the hell knows where the name Chase came from?

  As many did, when he was old enough he tried to find his father. He’d wanted to know why he didn’t want him. But what he found was a drunk who had given up on everything. Given up on me. Chris had decided he wanted nothing more to do with Mac Muller.

  Chris had been lucky, even though back then he’d been too messed up to realize it. The Strattons were as different from his birth parents as they could be. They were all about family dinners, talking things out, listening, and respecting each other. They were church-going, God-fearing people. His biological parents were . . . a faint memory now. And that’s how I want it. But spending this time with Melissa and Sirveo, sitting down and having dinner, is what made him think of his adoptive parents now. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t realized before how damn lucky he’d been, but it brought back some of those good memories. The ones he tried not to think about too often or he’d find himself missing home. Missing Mom and Dad.

  Chris had picked up the phone so many times over the past few years to call, but he never did. The more time went by, the more difficult it became to actually reach out. He felt like an unappreciative ass for all they had done for him. He tried thinking back to when he might have actually thanked them. Sadly, Chris couldn’t recall. Thank you might only be two words, but ones that probably would mean a lot to them. Ones that should’ve been said a long time ago.

  Chris sucked at dealing with his feelings, and expressing them was even worse. He’d become a master at avoiding situations requiring either. Until Melissa, he’d never met anyone as selfless as his parents. Thinking of anyone treating her like he had treated his parents only pissed him off. He knew thank you wasn’t going to be enough. The word sorry should be repeated at least a hundred times. Damn it. I was such a bastard. I have a lot to make up for.

  So much was running through his head as he sat in the loft of the barn, waiting for the first coat of paint to dry. He had things he could do: cut the wood to replace the loft railing or clean out some of the stalls Sirveo had stacked with junk. Instead, he pulled out his phone and dialed.

  Only when she answered did he think about the time difference. New Jersey was six hours earlier than Rome. Damn. Hanging up would be worse. “Hi, Mom. It’s—”

  “Chris? Is everything all right? You’re not hurt are you?” He could hear the grave concern in her voice.

  I hate that I put that concern there, but I’m equally thankful she loves me this much. I don’t deserve it, but hell, I appreciate it. “Yes, I’m fine. Sorry to call so early.”

  “Chris, you can call any time.”

  Just as long as I do. I know. I’m an ass. “How are you and Dad?”

  “Your father went in early to work again, but he’s good.”

  “I would’ve thought he’d have slowed down by now. He should be thinking about retiring.” His father was almost sixty-five years old and should have a great pension from the government. The post office was a good job, but he didn’t need to do it any longer.

  “You should know he’s not one who can sit still for long. If I’m right, you’re the same.”

  He grinned. “That’s true. You won’t ever see me lying on a beach, soaking up the sun either.”

  She laughed. “I’m just glad he still makes time for dinner. We’d love it if you join us some time.”

  “I’m not in the States right now, but I should be back soon.”

  “Chris, the door is always open for you; you do know that, don’t you?”

  “I know Mom. And I mean it; I’m coming by when I get back to the States.” The visit was long overdue, and his mother was being her usual kind self by not throwing that in his face. But even if she did, it wasn’t going to be close to what he deserved.

  “Give me a day’s notice and I’ll make your favorite.”

  It had been so long that Chris wasn’t even sure what that was. He ate out all the time, so anything home-cooked sounded perfect. “Whatever you make will be great. It’ll be nice seeing you both.” There was no excuse that would equate to the time he’d been gone.

  “I agree. Your father is going to be upset he missed your call.”

  “Don’t tell him. Let it be a surprise when I show up,” Chris suggested.

  She laughed. “I’ve been married to the man for forty-five years. I’ve never lied to him yet, and I’m
not about to start. Besides, he’s going to wonder why I’m so happy.”

  And why your eyes are puffy from crying. Chris hadn’t missed the sniffles. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard her cry, but knowing it was due to him sucked even more. He never wanted to hurt her or his father. Back then he’d been so fucked up he’d taken it out on the only two people who’d ever shown him unconditional love. Even now after I haven’t called in almost four years.

  “Mom, I’ve got to go, but I promise, I’ll see you soon.”

  “I love you, Chris,” she said as though she wasn’t ready for the call to end.

  “Love you too, Mom. See you soon.” Chris ended the call before she totally broke down. He was riddled with guilt, and a part of him wanted to leave the farm and go see his parents immediately. Mostly because he knew his mother was home alone and probably desperately in need of a hug. Chris wasn’t an emotional man, or even an affectionate one, but knowing his mother was crying was like a knife twisting in his gut.

  But wishing and wanting weren’t reality. Chris was no longer the kid who’d run away from home, and the only thing you could count on was he’d get in trouble. Although he hadn’t been home much since, his parents knew he’d changed. Chris was now a man of his word. Right now he needed to finish what he’d promised Sirveo and then confirm what the next action plan was with Prince Kalen. But once both were complete, he needed to take some time off.

  There were things he’d put off for too long and something new he didn’t want to add to that list. And that needs to be addressed before we get back to Rome. He didn’t want to lead her on, and even though he was more than interested, Melissa deserved to know up front that nothing was going to happen between them.

  No matter how good it might be, it’d only be a complication neither of us need. And probably yet another regret in my life.

  Chapter Eleven

  Melissa wasn’t going to lie, part of her was disappointed no one noticed she’d fixed the fence. She could’ve brought it to their attention, but that was a bit tacky. So it was going to be her anonymous contribution. I just hope it stays together.

  It seemed sturdy. But then again she really had no idea. After it’d been nailed together, she climbed up and sat on top. She hadn’t landed on her backside, so that was a good sign of its strength.

  However, the lack of dinner conversation tonight wasn’t a good sign. Looking at both Sirveo and Chris, she sensed they were each dealing with something that neither wanted to share.

  “Dinner is very good,” Melissa said to Sirveo.

  “Grazie.”

  He didn’t look up from his plate, so she tried talking to Chris instead. “What do you think, Chris?”

  “Yeah, it’s good.”

  She wanted to stomp her foot and demand to know what the heck happened today. Had they had an argument? Neither had a scowl, but they were definitely troubled. So she tried again.

  “What’s the game plan for tomorrow?”

  With a heavy sigh Sirveo asked, “Do you want me to tell her?”

  Chris shook his head. “We’re leaving tomorrow. Heading back to Rome.”

  There was no way a week had already gone by. Then again, one hardly looked at a clock here, never mind a calendar.

  “I thought we had a few more days.”

  “Time gets away from you here. I don’t know, maybe it’s something about the fresh air, but it always passes too quickly.”

  “Chris you’re not exaggerating. It feels as though we just got here. And there is still so much to be done. Maybe we can extend our stay.” Chris shook his head. “I don’t mean permanently, just until all the work is complete.”

  “Melissa, we could live here and never be done.”

  We? “I was thinking more like a few days.” Melissa tried joking. Still no light response from either of them.

  “I have my own work waiting for me. David called while I was painting.”

  Funny. I haven’t heard from him. Then again, why would I when he has you to report back. She wouldn’t bet her life on it, but with how upset David had been when she’d left, there was no way he didn’t have Chris keeping an eye on her. But why here?

  Melissa would be hurt if she thought that was all there was to this week. But she knew there was a connection between her and Chris. She wasn’t sure what it was, but he definitely didn’t fit into the realm of the other non-family team members. Chris was different, or maybe she was when she was with him. It was hard to determine which it was, but she’d actually forgotten a few times that he even worked for her brothers. That wasn’t like her at all. She never let her guard down like that, mixing business with pleasure. But I don’t work for my brothers and this was supposed to be my vacation.

  Melissa wasn’t sure she knew the meaning of the word. She had spent years telling her brothers they needed to learn how to relax and do nothing, but she was no better. A good part of this week had been spent fixing and cleaning things on the farm. At the end of each day Melissa had been tired and sore, yet none of it had felt like chores. This had been exactly what she needed. She felt a twinge of guilt. For the past week the only person she’d thought about wasn’t even one of her patients any longer. But Melissa never turned her back on anyone, even someone like Mac. She’d been enjoying herself so much, that his request had practically slipped her mind. I’m going to need to address this again. One way or another, I need to face Mac when I get home and tell him something. She wasn’t sure what that would be, but it definitely wouldn’t be that she forgot all about him.

  Was it so wrong to briefly let go of what others needed and think about doing something that made her happy? Thinking back, that sounded absolutely ridiculous because the reason she was here was to help someone else: Sirveo. Was she incapable of separating herself from the needs of the world to tend to her own needs? I sound like someone else I know.

  She didn’t need to meet Chris’s eyes to know he was thinking about his responsibilities as well. It seems that’s all we do. Melissa didn’t want to be like him, like any of them, but in truth she was, and she couldn’t run from it. The only difference was she was better at hiding it than they were. That’s why they all thought she needed protecting all the time. It was true that she couldn’t hurt another person, but then again, neither could any of her family. They may have taken lives, but only in defense of others. No different than a police officer protecting the innocent. She didn’t need them to tell her it ate at their core each time. She could see the pain that they never spoke about in their eyes. The same pain I see in Chris.

  She felt foolish for even comparing herself to them. But she had hidden pain too. There were patients she couldn’t reach, couldn’t help, and a few who didn’t survive. She may have done her job, but the hardest part was coming to terms with your inability to save everyone. However, here on the farm she was only concerned with Sirveo.

  Melissa lifted her spoon and sipped her soup as she looked at Sirveo. Sirveo doesn’t want us to leave any more than I want to go. It wasn’t as though she needed to go just because Chris was. They weren’t tied at the hip and definitely were not a couple. She had joined Chris strictly because it had been convenient. Melissa was positive that if she asked, Sirveo would not only let her stay but be thrilled to have her company. Melissa had become very fond of Sirveo, but she didn’t want to be here without Chris. Not only wouldn’t anything get fixed correctly, but she’d miss having him around. And not just because he can talk me off a roof either. Chris may have snuck away a few times to work without her, but when they were together she didn’t want it to end. There was something about him that made her want to know him better. Each day she felt as though he was letting down his guard a little more. Her fear was that going back to Rome, to the others, this connection they were feeling would be lost.

  Melissa wondered if Chris was having such thoughts as well. It was tough reading him at all, and now it seemed impossible. It was as though his focus was on whatever tomorrow would bring. And that
doesn’t include me.

  She knew going back to Rome with Chris was the only logical thing to do. She just wished, for once, logic didn’t need to play into her decision. If only she could reach across the table, touch Chris’s hand, and ask him to stay. But she knew what his answer would be. No. Duty called and he might still be with them physically, but he was already on the job elsewhere.

  Her soup was finished just like their time here. Getting up from her seat, she said, “I’m tired tonight. Chris, it looks like you’ll need to do the dishes without me. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll head to bed. We have an early start in the morning.”

  “Melissa, it’s still early. I thought you wanted to take a walk after dinner,” Chris said.

  She shrugged. “Things changed.” What I want is about to come to an end. She walked over and gave Sirveo a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight.”

  Sirveo smiled up at her and said, “Sogni d’oro, sweet dreams.”

  As she headed to her room, Melissa wasn’t sure she’d be able to sleep at all. She wanted to make this time last as long as possible. But what she didn’t want was to say goodbye. Closing the door behind her, she had one thought: hopefully Sirveo sleeps late tomorrow. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him. It wasn’t just leaving this place, it was going back to Rome where the walls that were coming down between her and Chris were going to go back up. She’d never have the chance to know if there was, or could ever be, anything more than this.

  Is not knowing better than finding out there was nothing? Only time would tell.

  * * *

  Chris knew Melissa wanted to stay, but he wasn’t prepared for her reaction. It was as though she’d shut down. That was a defense mode he was all too familiar with. Chris mentally preparing himself was one thing, Melissa doing it bothered the shit out of him. Someone like her—kind and loving—shouldn’t need to do that. Her life should be relaxed, peaceful and . . . happy.