by Beck, J. L.
Without ever breaking the kiss, he picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. Snaking my arms around his neck, I hold onto him like he is my lifeline.
Once in the room, he gently places me on the mattress, breaking our kiss. Opening my eyes, I find he’s hovering above me, his lips swollen from our kiss. There is something different about this moment. Every time we’ve ever had sex, it was me facing away from him, and we never kissed, not once.
“I need you,” he whispers, and I understand what he’s trying to ask.
“I need you too,” I confess.
It doesn’t take him but a second to strip out of his clothing. He is completely naked, but my eyes are glued to his chest as he takes my shoes off and throws them next to the bed. Then he pulls my pants down the rest of the way, followed by my panties. My shirt is next. Once that’s gone, he reaches behind me to unclasp my bra so I can slide it off.
Even though we’ve had sex twice, we’ve never seen each other fully naked. I feel like we are just now discovering each other, seeing one another for the first time. I let my gaze wander over every inch of his body, his muscled chest that leads down to sculpted abs, and the deep V in his groin. My mouth waters, and I reach for him, wanting to touch, trace each line. I want to memorize it all, to hold onto this moment permanently.
I don’t know if this is a one-time thing or something more.
Right now, though, I’ll pretend it’s forever. That he is my forever.
Leaning down, he lowers his head and takes one of my hardened nipples into his wet, warm, mouth. Pleasure zings through my body, and I bury my fingers into his thick dark hair. As he sucks harder, I use my hand to hold his head in place, not wanting him to stop.
He chuckles against my skin but doesn’t stop swirling his tongue around the hard nub. Pleasure blooms deep in my core, and I lift my hips, beckoning him to the area I want.
When he pulls away, I think I might be getting my wish, but he only moves to the other side, giving the nipple there equal attention. While his mouth is busy with my breasts, his hands are busy tracing each and every contour of my body. It’s like he’s mapping out my body, trying to etch an image into his mind just like I am.
Before, he was using my body for his own pleasure, and today, he is worshipping it, giving me pleasure like I’ve never felt before. Caring for me, showing me a different side of him altogether.
“I don’t want to go too fast, but I really want to be inside you.” He pulls away and sighs against my skin as he presses open-mouthed kisses against my stomach, moving lower with each one. I’m drowning in him, his scent, his touch, the way his lips caress my skin. He’s owning another sliver of my heart, and I don’t even think he knows it.
“Yes, fuck me,” I say, letting my need for him drip into my words.
“I will just let me make sure you’re ready.” The deep baritone of his voice makes me shiver, and when I feel his hand moving between my legs, I part my thighs, seeking out his touch. His fingers trace over my folds, gently flicking my clit in the process.
I’m so needy that I gasp and arch upward into his hand. A flush creeps up my chest and over my face, and I feel so hot, I think I might be melting.
“So fucking responsive, you have no idea how beautiful you are, how long I’ve wanted this. I told myself that hate was all I felt for you, but I knew I was lying from the start. Hating you has always been easy, but admitting that I want you is something else entirely.”
Licking my lips, I open my mouth to reply, but the words get lost somewhere in my throat when Jackson slowly enters me with two thick digits.
Everything else fades away for a brief moment as he fucks me with his fingers, slow and deep, bringing me to the brink of pleasure before easing out of me. I want to tell him to put his fingers back inside of me, but he crawls up over my body and hooks one of my legs over his hip, nestling himself between my thighs.
Dragging his cock through my arousal, I let out a sigh, clawing at his chest, needing him closer.
“Soon, Junebug, I know you’re eager, but I want to drag this out as long as I can.”
A deep groan rumbles out of his chest as I sink my nails into his skin and bite at his bottom lip, urging him to get on with it.
The mushroom head of his cock grazes my entrance, and I lift my hips just a smidge, and like magic, he sinks deep inside of me. That one single stroke makes my stomach quake, and I shiver at the intensity of pleasure that ripples through me.
“Fuck. I never think it can get better, but every time it does.”
“Sooo good,” I whimper, holding onto his biceps as he slowly moves his hips, each deep penetrating stroke driving me closer to the heavens.
Jackson grits his teeth and continues his punishingly slow pace, making love to me, and piecing all the broken pieces of my heart back together. With him, I feel everything, all the emotions I want to escape, he makes me feel each one when he’s inside of me.
Moving faster, he buries his face in the crook of my neck. Using one arm to hold himself up and the other to keep my leg in place against his hip, he drives into me, over and over again, until I’m consumed by him. Until there is nothing left in the world besides him and me.
There is no escaping the orgasm that lays claim to me right then, zinging up my spine, making me feel completely weightless. My pussy flutters around his length, and Jackson hisses into my skin as he continues to move through my peak. A few more strokes and he too meets his release, his warm release filling me to the brim, and trickling out onto my thighs.
I’m on cloud nine, and nowhere near coming down. The weight of Jackson’s body on mine makes me feel secure and protected. I want to stay like this forever but know all too well, that soon he’ll pull away, tug on his clothes, and disappear into the night.
Maybe this time it’ll be different?
Rolling off of me, he lies back against the mattress, his chest heaving, matching the rise and fall of my own. I’m not sure what to do, so I just lie there, waiting to see what happens next. After a while, he gets out of bed and like I suspected, starts putting his clothes on. Grabbing the comforter from the edge of the bed, I drag it up to my chest, covering myself.
I can feel Jackson’s eyes on me, but I can’t look at him. I don’t know why I thought this would be different. Why had I even hoped? I’m stupid. We may not be enemies, but we certainly aren’t anything else.
“This is nice… I mean, sex with you is great, fantastic even, but that’s all it can ever be.”
“I know,” I whisper, leaning back against the headboard. I can still feel his release against my thighs.
“Good. Maybe we’re not enemies anymore, but we aren’t friends either. I don’t know what the hell we are or even what we’re doing, but it can’t ever be more than sex, Kennedy. Okay?” It’s like he’s reassuring himself more than me, but I don’t say that. I don’t want to fight with him after sharing such an incredible moment together.
“I understand,” I tell him, hiding the emotions from my voice. I lift my gaze up and away from my hands and find him staring at me. I can’t make out what he’s thinking, but I’m not really trying either. All I’ll ever be to him is someone to get off with. Someone he can use for pleasure and discard afterward.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Without saying goodbye, he walks out of my apartment. The pieces of my heart that I was sure he’d fused back together, shatter all over again. I roll over and sob into the pillow that smells like us, wishing that things could be different because, for once, I truly don’t want to feel like I deserve to be reminded of the past. I want to heal and move on.
I just don’t think it’ll be with Jackson.
21
Jackson
When Talon asked me to come with him, I thought going to a party was what I needed. I’ve spent the last few days staying out of Kennedy’s way. After the sex we had the other night, I figured I needed a breather. I’m on the verge of getting too attached to her, too intimate. Someth
ing that can’t happen. I’m just figuring out how not to hate her. I can’t deal with any other feeling growing.
So, my solution… coming to this party. Turns out, I was wrong. There isn’t shit here for me. I sit on a couch in the frat house, a cup of cold beer in my hand. My friends are laughing and talking. Chicks are running around rampant with little to no clothing on just begging to be fucked, and I can’t seem to think about anything but Kennedy.
What’s she doing right now?
She has been on my mind constantly. Even when I don’t intend to think about her, I do. I worry about her, wonder how she’s coping, but I can’t bring myself to ask. It’s like the only way I know how to communicate with her is through the use of my body.
A hand lands on my shoulder, and I turn to look down at it.
“Jackson,” Crystal purrs into my ear a moment later. I’m tempted to shrug her hand off. “Are you ignoring me?” She twists her body, so her tits are brushing against my arm.
“Nope, not ignoring you. Didn’t even know you were here.” I try not to sound like a dick, but she’d know if I was interested, which I’m not.
“Well, now, you know.” She giggles, and it’s like nails on a chalkboard. I’m so annoyed, I tighten my grasp on the cup in my hand.
“Yup,” I grind out.
Talon is watching me out of the corner of his eye, probably waiting for me to explode.
“Do you want to go upstairs with me?” She leans in closer, rubbing her tits on me like a cat in heat. Her teeth graze my ear, and I’ve had enough. This feels wrong, all fucking wrong. I jump up off the couch, sloshing some of the beer out of my cup in the process.
I can feel everyone in our small circle gawking at me, and I need to get the fuck out of here. This isn’t where I want to be, and these aren’t the people I want to be with right now.
“I’m leaving, man,” I tell Talon, who has some chick sitting on his lap. She’s grinding her ass against his groin so I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t hear me.
“You sure?” he asks, surprising me.
“Yeah, are you sure you want to leave so soon?” Crystal pouts, leaning against the couch, giving me a full view of her cleavage, which is bursting from her V-neck shirt. All I can do is shake my head.
“I’m not interested,” I growl.
Turning away from them, I don’t say anything else and walk out of the room. On the way out, I toss my half drank beer onto the lawn, right along with the cup. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I check the time, wondering if Kennedy is still awake. I could call her, but what would be the fun in that?
Taking the chance that she is, I get in my car and drive over to her place. I find a parking spot and then walk inside. By the time I reach her door, I’m only second-guessing myself a little bit about coming here. I’m still angry, and I’ll always be sad, but like my mother told me, she lost Jillian that night too. Maybe we can be sad and angry together for a while?
Knocking on her door, I wait impatiently to see her beautiful face. I never thought I would be able to look at her, see her scar, without seeing Jillian dead, but the pain has eased each day since I decided to stop holding onto it.
Time ticks by slowly, and I tug my phone out to call her just as the lock disengages, and the door clicks open.
“Oh, hey,” Kennedy gives me a tight-lipped smile.
She looks tired, and for a second, I consider asking her if she’s sleeping at night. Am I ready to insert myself more into her life? To show I care?
“Is everything okay?” she asks when I don’t say anything.
“Uh, yeah. I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for a late dinner or something?”
Her eyes go wide with shock and her pink lips purse together. I’m tempted to kiss and nibble on them, but for now, I’m content just watching her lips move as she talks.
“Are you sure?” she asks, tucking a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.
“No, not really. This might be a terrible idea,” I tell her honestly. “I was just at a party, but I kind of got tired of the people there, so I left and came here.”
“I don’t know about going out,” she says as she shifts her legs nervously. “I’d rather stay in and eat or watch a movie or something.”
If she was any other girl, I’d think she was trying to get me to have sex with her. But knowing how she is, I truly believe her. Since she’s been here at Blackthorn, she hasn’t been anywhere apart from campus, her apartment, and the one-time trip to the pits. She doesn’t go out to eat, to movies, or parties. Hell, she doesn’t even like to ride in the car.
“Would you be okay riding in the car with me to my place? We can pick up some takeout on the way.” Again, shock colors her features, she visibly pales, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s because she is anxious about going out or if she is actually scared to come with me. After a moment, she eases my mind by nodding her head.
“Sure, I’ll ride in the car with you. Let me put my shoes on and get my jacket.” She disappears from my view for a few moments and reappears dressed and ready. She locks the door behind her, and we walk down the stairs together.
When we get to my car, I can see how nervous she is. Was she this nervous last time? I think I was too riled up to pay attention then. Again, I’m taken aback by how much the accident continues to affect her and how much I ignored the signs before.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I need to stop avoiding this. I can’t expect my parents to drive me around for the rest of my life, plus, never going anywhere in a car is unrealistic.” She opens the door on her side and slides into the passenger seat while I get into the driver’s seat.
“I didn’t know it bothered you that much to ride in cars. Have you driven since…” I can’t even say it out loud.
“No, and I won’t. I’m not ready. I tried once and had the biggest panic attack of my life. I’d rather walk everywhere. It’s really not that bad… walking, I mean. Exercise, you know.”
I nod, knowing that she is just trying to reason with her idea of walking everywhere. I turn on the car and watch her out of the corner of my eye as she quickly straps her seatbelt in place.
“I’ll drive slow,” I assure her as I pull out of the parking spot.
Her body is rigged as I drive, only relaxing a little when we make a quick stop at the drive-through fast food place. I order for both of us, surprising myself by remembering what she likes. When I look over to confirm I got it right, she gives me a little smile and nods her head.
I pay for both of us, and the lady hands us two bags of food through the window. As I pull back out of the parking lot, I hear a deep rumbling noise.
“Was that your stomach growling?”
“I guess I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I smelled this deliciousness.” Kennedy’s giggles fill the car. A sound I haven’t heard in a very long time. Listening to Crystal’s giggle earlier made me cringe, but hearing Kennedy do it makes me smile.
“Jesus, start eating some French fries before your stomach makes that sound again, and I go deaf.” Her giggles turn into a full-on laugh, and I can’t help but laugh with her.
“Fine, I’ll eat some on the way, since you’re making me.” She opens the bag and starts picking out fries one by one, nibbling on them in an adorable way.
“Let me have some,” I say and open my mouth. She grabs a few and starts feeding me while I keep my eyes on the road and my hands on the steering wheel. The rest of the way to my place, she alternates between eating a fry and feeding me one. By the time I pull up to my building, the bag must be half empty. I kill the engine, and we get out of the car.
Walking up to the apartment, I don’t miss how normal this feels. Her coming over to my place, eating dinner, and hanging out. Almost like we used to do.
The rest of the dinner feels just as natural. We get comfortable on the couch while eating our burgers and the leftover fries. I turn on Modern Family since it’s light and funny. We eat, ta
lk, and laugh. I don’t recall when I last felt this content. It’s not quite happiness yet, but it’s a far cry from the misery I was stuck in for the last two years.
After the sixth episode, I notice how Kennedy has gotten increasingly quiet, and her head starts to lull to the side. I contemplate taking her back home, or telling her to go to my bed, but before I can make up my mind, her body slumps against me and her cheek is flat against my arm.
I look down at her cuddled up to my side. Her lips are slightly parted, and a soft moan escapes them. That little sound, combined with her body pressed up against mine, has my cock hard in two seconds.
Shifting, I try to move us to get more comfortable, but the motion just wakes her up. Immediately, her eyes go wide, realizing what had happened.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” she says, pulling away. “I should probably go home.” She starts to get up from the couch, but I grab her wrist and pull her back.
“It’s okay. I was just trying to get comfortable. And it’s late, you can stay here.” I pause, trying to figure out the sleeping arrangements. Maybe I should sleep on the couch? No, not happening. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Okay,” she agrees, but I don’t miss the reluctance in her voice. She isn’t sure about this. Well, that makes two of us.
Leading her into the bedroom, I start stripping out of my clothes while watching her do the same. Before she gets to her bra, I grab a shirt from my dresser and hand it to her. She makes quick work of her bra before slipping on the way-too-big shirt. As I’m standing there, staring at her, I realize she’s the first girl to ever step foot in my room, to ever be given the option of sleeping in my bed.
When I fuck chicks, it’s usually quick, and never anything tender, or intimate. This is intimate, and I don’t know how I feel about it yet. My gaze drops down to her creamy white thighs, scars or not, they make my mouth water. I haven’t eaten her out yet. I wanted to the other night but got sidetracked by her tits.