Jock, she realized dazedly. It was Jock with his hands on her shoulders. But it was too soon, she couldn’t stop now. There was too much happening inside her, happening all around her. She had to tell him that so that he would understand. “Jock, I never knew that there were so many ways. It’s wonderful…”
“I can see that.” He cradled her face in his two hands and looked down into her eyes. “I could tell something special was happening to you. But now I think it’s time for you to take a break and recharge. It’s not going to go away, is it?”
“No, that’s what’s wonderful about it,” she said eagerly. “It’s just keeps opening and showing me more. I never realized it was all there inside me.”
“But you’re exhausted, and you need to eat. Eight hours, Cara. I know you could go longer, but it might not be good for you. Pace yourself. You’re hungry, aren’t you? Think about it.”
She was ravenous, she realized in shock. “Starved.”
“I thought you must be.” He kissed her forehead, and his hands dropped away. “As I said, you were on fire. You need to replace some of those nutrients Tchaikovsky took away from you. Okay if we go and get something to eat? Then you can come back here and play if you still want to do it.”
She suddenly smiled brilliantly. “Don’t be so gentle and soothing. You’re treating me like a child, Jock.” She hesitated, then sighed and reluctantly put her violin in its case. “I told you it wasn’t going to go away. But I suppose you might say I got carried away and forgot about that.” She looked at the late-afternoon rays of sun shining on the river. “Eight hours? You’ve been very patient. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” He smiled. “It was an experience that I’ll never forget. You were extraordinary. Maybe like watching someone climb Everest or seeing an eagle being born.”
“What?” She laughed. “Ridiculous. What a comparison.”
“Well, I could see something momentous was going on for you.” He held out his hand. “But I believe I’ll drive if you don’t mind. You’re still on the top of Everest, and you need to come down a little before you deal with mundane traffic. You’ve been on pure adrenaline for too long. Exhaustion might hit anytime now.”
It was already hitting, she realized. She was suddenly feeling a little light-headed and weak. “Food should take care of that.” She took her keys out of her pocket and put them in his palm. “Let’s go to that place we went to last night. They were quick, and I loved the hamburger.”
“As you command.” He took her violin and put it in the backseat. “But no one can say I’m trying to impress you with fancy cuisine.” He opened the passenger door for her. “Relax. You might not get all the way down from Everest by the time we get to the restaurant, but maybe that’s good.” He got into the driver’s seat and started the car. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I think I do. I want to share it with you. But I don’t know what to say.” She was frowning, puzzled as she watched him drive out onto the road. “It was confusing at first. I so desperately wanted to play, Jock. I hadn’t played since I was at the cabin with Svardak, and that was almost more of a battle. But even then I could feel something was changing, it wasn’t quite the same.”
“You couldn’t expect it to be.”
She gestured impatiently. “I realized that, but I didn’t know what was happening. Everything was moving too fast. I was facing things that I’d never faced before.”
“That you should never have had to face,” he said harshly.
“But suddenly they were there, and I had to deal with them. That’s what life’s all about. Accepting and dealing. I was so afraid and angry and bewildered while I was with Svardak. Because it wasn’t only about the fact that every emotion and depth of feeling was exaggerated more than I could have dreamed, somehow it was all tied up with the music. Marian Napier and what she went through, the cruelty of Anna Svardak and what she did to Kaskov. Those other three women who died as tribute to Anna. The music was all part of it.”
“What are you trying to say?” he asked quietly.
“That when I got away from Lost Canyon, I realized that what I felt for you and everyone else I loved had changed and grown and deepened. And I knew I would never be the same.” She added simply, “I just didn’t have any idea that it would do the same for the music, that it would open new doors there, too.”
His eyes narrowed on her face. “Explain?”
“I see more, I hear more, techniques that I never thought about are occurring to me.” She leaned forward, her eyes shining. “No limits, Jock. Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Wonderful,” he said softly. Then he chuckled. “And wouldn’t Svardak be pissed off to know that he’d accidentally given you a gift that you treasure.”
“He’d hate it. It’s all innovation and creativity and everything that Anna taught him was to be despised.” Her smile faded. “But I believe Marian would like the idea that he couldn’t ever really stop the music and that everything he did only made it better.” She paused, thinking. “And if anyone gave me a gift, then it might be her.”
“You know, some would say that it could only be the jump-start maturing of your own God-given talent.”
“And isn’t that a gift?” She leaned back in the seat. “Stop being practical. I had a wonderful day, and magic happened.” Her eyes were suddenly gleaming with mischief. “And I bet that you didn’t have one Machiavellian thought while I was playing. Admit it.”
“No bet. You had me completely mesmerized and totally helpless.”
“You’re never helpless.” She added contentedly, “I’ll settle for mesmerized. I’m glad you were here and I could share it with you. It’s hard to share when you’re fighting me all the time. I have to work at just keeping you from throwing away what we have.”
“Wrong. I’m only trying to keep you from throwing what you are away.” He said gently, “You took another giant step today. You should protect what you learned, what you could be.”
“What do you think I’m doing?” She reached out and lovingly touched his arm. “You haven’t been listening. How I feel about you is part of the music. It’s part of who I am. It was like that from the first moment I met you, and it’s getting stronger and stronger all the time.”
“Then find a way to—”
“Hush.” She gave his arm a mock pinch. “No more of this. I won’t let you lecture me. And I won’t let you talk about Svardak either. Not today. Today, there’s no ugliness in the world. I want to go back to that last night at the Marquis when we sat and talked and drank wine. Do you think we can get wine at that diner?”
He smiled. “If we can’t, then we’ll go somewhere else.”
“Oh, I think you’ll be able to arrange something.” She leaned back in the seat. “You can send that waitress who wanted to jump you to pick up a bottle at the local liquor store.”
“No, that would be illegal. Besides, then I’ll be obligated to return favor for favor.” His eyes were twinkling. “Is that okay?”
“No, but I’d handle it.” She loved to study his face when it held that hint of mischief. So different from the Jock who was all driving intensity. But then she loved all the complicated facets that made Jock who he was. Yet she was glad that he was deliberately giving her what she wanted from him when she was soaring high. She said lightly, “Watch me. Today I can handle anything, Jock Gavin.”
* * *
“Go to bed.” Jock set her violin case inside her door and handed the key back to her. “I believe you’re a little giddy.”
“By giddy, you mean drunk?” She shook her head. “On two glasses of wine? It just made me feel … sort of floating.”
“You were floating already.” He turned on the light switch and checked out the room. “And giddy was the right word. Not drunk, but a bit tipsy? The combination might have been a little overwhelming. You told me you aren’t used to drinking.”
“But it was a celebration, and it was a good wine, wasn’t it? I told you tha
t waitress would make certain you had whatever you wanted. She was pitifully obvious tonight.” She smiled mischievously. “That’s why I had to drown my sorrows. I had to find a way to cope.”
“Brat.”
She threw back her head and laughed. “There’s no way of pleasing you.” She suddenly threw herself into his arms and hugged him. “And I’m so willing to try. Stop stiffening. I’m not going to spoil my day by risking another rejection. I’ve just wanted to be close to you all evening. It would have made a perfect day.” She gave him another hug, then backed away from him. “But it was almost perfect, wasn’t it? I can’t expect to have everything. It was a good evening for you, too. I could tell.”
“It was a fantastic evening,” he said softly. “Thank you for letting me share it with you. It was a pleasure just watching you … glow.” He took a step closer and took her back in his arms. “And if you feel like playing again, go ahead and do it. I’ll handle any and all repercussions. Just send them to me.”
His arms felt so good, strong, gentle. She closed her eyes, drinking it in. “We might both get kicked out.”
“Then I’ll take you back to the river. There will be moonlight. You’ll have whatever you need.” He pressed her closer for an instant, gave her a quick kiss, and pushed her away from him. “Anything you need. But you might try to sleep a little before you explore that option. I’ll still be available if you pound on my door at the crack of dawn again.”
“That’s comforting to know.” She smiled as she watched him walk toward the door. “But you’re always comforting, and controlled, and supply every need. I’d think you’d get bored by the role.”
“Bored?” He looked over his shoulder, and for a second, she saw those silver eyes flicker. “This time you’ve got the wrong word. Good night, Cara. Lock the door behind me.”
She stood there after the door closed. There had been something in those last words that had been … different. But she was always searching for promising or different when it came to Jock’s attitude toward her. But she didn’t want to analyze his every word tonight. It had been too good a day, and she wanted only to remember it and forget anything that wasn’t positive and hopeful.
She crossed the room and locked the door. She glanced at the violin case on the floor beside it. Tempting. But she was tired, and crack of dawn had sounded good to her. She would shower and get to bed and think of Jock’s face as he had looked while they had been talking at the restaurant. No, while she had been talking, she ruefully corrected herself. She had been chattering and excited, and he had sat there watching and smiling and giving her all his attention. Which had made a great day even more wonderful for her. Selfish. She’d have to make it up to him, but right now, she only wanted to remember that he had taken the trouble and that it also had meant something special to him. That was more than enough for one day.
She grabbed her robe and headed for the shower.
Two hours later, she was lying in bed and staring into the darkness. She’d thought she’d be so exhausted that she would have no trouble going to sleep but that hadn’t been the case. Maybe it was merely that she was still wired and excited from the day, but she was wide awake.
Think about Jock.
Think about the music.
Though neither was soothing to her right now. They were exciting and challenging and completely—
Her phone was ringing.
She went still. Jock?
She reached for the phone on her nightstand.
No ID.
She pressed the access. “Hello.”
“You still have your same phone number,” Svardak said mockingly. “I thought you’d be afraid to keep the number since you’d realize I probably knew it.”
She inhaled sharply. She felt as if she’d been kicked in the stomach. She was suddenly ice cold. Somehow she felt as if he knew it, that he could actually feel her shock and terror. Hide it. “Why should I be afraid of you, Svardak? You’re no one to fear. The last time I saw you, I left you bleeding on the cabin floor.”
Silence. “So you did. I haven’t forgotten one second of it.” His voice was suddenly ugly. “And every now and then I get a twinge in that damn wound that reminds me, you bitch.”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t feel anything by now. I thought you might have bled to death. Evidently, I didn’t do a very good job. I’ll do better the next time. I won’t have to rely on a makeshift dagger. Who patched you up, Svardak? Any chance of blood poisoning?”
“No chance at all. That fool who stitched me was a bungler, but I’m pumped full of antibiotics. And I’ll be able to function well enough to do what I have to do. I’ll take care of arranging an expert job later…” He paused, then added maliciously, “After I finish with Joe Quinn. I’m planning on taking a long time with him.”
She felt the panic ice through her. “Wishful thinking. Joe made a fool of you. He and Kaskov made a shambles of your damn canyon. I’m safe, and so is Joe. You don’t have a chance of doing anything to him.”
“I have every chance. I’m sure he’s hot on my trail as we speak. I’m just waiting for him to get close enough. He’s practically in my hands right now.”
“Liar. You’re not stupid enough to stay around here when Kaskov and Joe are on the hunt for you.”
Silence. “Here. You said here. Are you so eager to see me dead that you stayed close enough to see it happen? I’ll have to check that out. Very foolish, Cara. I might even decide to bypass Quinn and go straight for you again.”
“Neither is a safe bet for you. But by all means try.”
“I’ll think about it. But I really have my heart on using Quinn as a path to you. I could tell how much that would hurt you. At one point, you were ready to plead for him.” He paused. “That’s when I decided that I had to think of something really special and painful for him. Would you like to hear a few of the things that I plan on doing to him?”
“Not particularly. I’m not interested in fantasies.”
“No, it’s because you know it will hurt you. Such a tender heart. I might even tell you a few other things I did to Marian. Perhaps they wouldn’t be extreme enough, but they would hurt you. Though I prefer to go the route of the tortures of the inquisition. I studied those in depth while I was preparing for Kaskov. They’ll do just as well for Quinn.”
“I might as well hang up now, Svardak. This conversation is going nowhere.”
“That’s not true. I’m getting a great deal from it. I can tell how frightened you are.”
“I’m not frightened. What you did to me is over. You can’t hurt me or any of the people I care about.”
“Yes, I can. I’ve already started. I’m reaching out to all of them. Quinn, first. Then Kaskov, after that, I’ll go down the list.” He paused. “But I’ve been told I might have to expand my list. Abrams said there was someone else at the canyon. Who is Gavin, Cara?”
Her heart lurched. She felt sick. She had known that there might be a possibility that he’d learn about Jock, but she’d hoped desperately that he wouldn’t.
“You’re not answering. Did I miss someone?” he asked softly. “Let me guess. Was it the same man you spent the night fucking while you kept me waiting at the hotel? I was very angry with you for doing that, remember?”
“Because you’re crazy. I was supposed to rush back to my suite, so I wouldn’t keep you waiting to kidnap me?”
“Who is he, Cara?”
She tried to make her tone without expression. “How should I know? Perhaps one of Kaskov’s men.”
“I don’t think so. I can tell he means something to you. Never mind. I’ll find out. Perhaps a lover would be even better than Quinn for my purpose.” His voice turned low, silky, and vicious. “No, I won’t cheat myself. I’ll have it all. And you’ll see me butcher everyone who’s ever been close to you.”
“You’ll have nothing.” Her voice was shaking. “I won’t let you hurt anyone. You’re just a hideous, senseless man on the run. We’ll catch yo
u, then you’ll never be able to—”
“Ask Kaskov if he was able to catch me all these years,” he interrupted. “And I’ve already stopped running, and I’m the one who is going to spring the trap. I’ll call you again when I have Quinn ready to talk to you. Did I tell you how angry this damn wound is making me? I think I need to start Quinn off with a broken bottle shoved into his belly. And be sure to look up those other clever tortures I mentioned. I’ll use every one before I’m done.” His voice was soft and venomous. “Look around every corner, try to protect and keep them all safe. It won’t do you any good. Someday, I’ll be there.”
He cut the connection.
She lay there, frozen, trembling. God, she was grateful he had seen fit to hang up. She had been losing control from the moment he had mentioned Jock. The other poisons he had been spewing had been expected, but Jock had been a shock.
She was still in shock. Still caught up in the horror that she’d believed she’d escaped that night in the canyon. Only hours before, she’d been so happy, so sure that life was not the nightmare that Svardak had shown her, that even out of the darkest evil some ray of goodness could be found.
But he was alive and as full of hate and bitterness as ever. More than bitterness, she thought with panic. He would never stop hunting, never stop seeking revenge. And soon he would know everything there was to know about Jock, too. And there had been no goodness or hope in any of the words with which he’d battered her tonight.
Ugliness. Total ugliness.
And she couldn’t stop shivering.
Look around any corner. Someday, I’ll be there.
No!
Someday, I’ll be there.
She tossed her covers aside and staggered to the bathroom. She splashed water in her face and drank a glass of water.
It was a mistake. She threw it up a moment later, along with her dinner. Her knees gave way, and she sank to the tile floor. This was all wrong. She was being weak and letting the monster terrorize her. Why was she permitting it to happen now, when she’d been strong before?
Dark Tribute--An Eve Duncan Novel Page 21