Razar

by Starr Huntress

  “I figured.” There was a moment of silence, then he sounded more formal. “Listen, we’ve detected a ship in the vicinity. Their drive signature matches government credentials. They’ve asked us to dock.”

  “Just like that?” I asked. “No foreplay?”

  “None. What do you want me to do?”

  “Patch me through. I want to talk with them.”

  There was the sound of static for a moment, and I unclipped the comms unit from my belt. I held it up, waiting for the blinking red light to turn green. When it finally did, I cleared my throat and spoke up.

  “This is the head of security for The Hortakala’s Revenge,” I said, grimacing as I said the ship’s name. In typical Varon fashion, he had named his private cruise ship after one of the bloodiest battles in Jorkan history. He thought it made the ship look badass while, in truth, it only made us look like clueless idiots with more money than common sense. “I’ve been told you’ve requested clearance to dock. Please state your purpose.”

  “We’ve just sent your crew our identification codes, and I assume you’ve read our drive signature already,” a steady voice replied. “We’re here on official business, and we have a message for your employer.”

  “What kind of message?”

  “It concerns the Earth/Jorkan Protocols,” the Jorkan on the other end of the unit said. “A genetic match has been found on Earth for your employer, and we’re here to ensure that he complies with the rule of law.”

  Fuck me.

  Varon has been matched up with a woman from Earth? This wasn’t good.

  “Are you sure of it?” I continued. “I mean—”

  “Our genetic database doesn’t lie. Varon is to head directly to Pluto Station as soon as possible, so he can be introduced to his mate. We’re here to deliver that message, and to ensure the Protocols are followed to the letter. Now, do we have clearance to dock?”

  A demented fuck like Varon and one of those delicate creatures from Earth? Shit, that didn’t sound good at all. I pitied the poor woman who had been matched with Varon.

  All of a sudden, it hit me.

  For the last two or three months, Varon had been obsessed with the humans. He’d made me watch hours and hours of their media while I stood guard over him. At the time, I’d thought it was a fool’s errand brought about by a dilettante who couldn’t stay focused on any one topic. It was true that many interstellar conglomerates had business dealings on Earth with the humans through shell companies, for purposes of precious metal extraction, but it didn’t necessitate hours and hours of watching what the humans referred to as Must See TV and Netflix Original Programming.

  The only thing I had gotten out of the exercise was the ability to speak in colloquial human English. And knowing that Ross and Rachel were on a break.

  But this explained everything.

  Varon’s woman was going to be in for a surprise.

  “Clearance granted,” I said. “Come aboard.”

  Alicia

  My eyes cracked open, and I felt like I must have been drinking far more than I ever would have on a shift. At least, so far as I could remember. What exactly did I remember? Images of myself causing some kind of ruckus crowded into my brain, but I couldn’t place why.

  Rolling over, I saw a stranger’s nightstand with no trace of my own crappy little clock. In an instant, adrenaline fired through my system and I sat bolt upright, more awake than had seemed possible even seconds before.

  “Son of a bitch,” I whispered to myself, and set about prodding over my body for bruises or marks. Before I had come to New York, all the folks in my hometown had warned me about the big city. They’d all warned me about waking up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys. I shuddered to think of it, but counted it an enormous plus that I wasn’t in a tub, and seemed to be intact.

  Whoever those two clowns with badges claimed to be, at least they hadn’t opted to sell me on the black market. Federal agents, my ass. This was about as clear a case of kidnapping as I could picture.

  Two dirt bags in fitted black suits claiming to be agents? That’s a lousy story under any circumstances, and while I’m not from The Big City, I hadn’t fallen off a turnip truck when I moved there. So long as I was alone, maybe I could strategize.

  The room was small but clean, and almost overwhelmingly white. I was still dressed, but there was no trace of my phone or anything else that could tell me the time. Or call for help. The room was woefully lacking in anything that I could use to knock those assholes around—I found myself sorely missing my mop.

  On a chance, I tried the door, but there wasn’t even anything like a knob for me to get ahold of. Everything curdled up inside me at the thought that I was pretty thoroughly imprisoned. This kidnapping scenario was getting worse by the minute. On the other side of the bed was a weird panel in the wall that seemed like it might be covering some kind of window.

  At least, it seemed so. Like the door, there was no kind of mechanism to open it that I could recognize. Fumbling around, I finally brushed against a sensor on the wall, and the whole thing whizzed open. It was still dark.

  Really dark, actually. My stomach went small and cold before my brain had a chance to catch up. There was darkness outside, but it was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was a vast emptiness, and below me was some kind of small, icy planet.

  The thought peeked into the back of my mind before I was ready to deal with all that it might mean. You’re in space. Don’t be ridiculous, that’s impossible. Bad news, girl. Space it is.

  “Fuck.” I doubled over and braced my hands on my knees, breathing hard. My eyes were riveted to the floor, but I wasn’t seeing anything. All my focus was turned inside, racing like the devil to sort out the pieces. I had never hyperventilated before, but I knew what it was when it started.

  Across the room, the door slid open and I spun around to see Agents Tweedle-Dee and Dum sauntering in. If they were here to take care of whatever they hadn’t done last night, I was full-on determined to make them work for it. My hands found the only thing throwable near me, and I sent the lamp sailing at their heads.

  “Jesus Christ!” Krasinski ducked just in time, and the lamp shattered against the wall where his head should have been. A shower of shards sprinkled over Starmer, and he threw his hands up to protect his face. If I’d had any sense, I would have rushed them and bolted through the door before they had a chance to recover, but I was still bleary from all the revelations of the morning.

  “Motherfucker!” I was already hunting for any other ammunition at my disposal.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Starmer still had his hands up. “Just cool it a second.”

  “Cool it? Are you serious?” Seizing a pillow, I was determined to give them the hardest thrashing I could manage. This wasn’t going to be some sorority panty-party. If a pillow was capable of drawing blood, I was going to be the person to find out.

  “Hey, hey,” Starmer was trying again.

  “We’re sorry,” Krasinski blurted over him. “It’s not what you think!”

  “Oh, really?” My breath was heaving and I still brandished the pillow like Excalibur. “And what exactly is it that I think?”

  “I’m going to guess kidnapping?”

  Was Krasinski fucking with me? I let out a roar and sailed over the bed, giving him a hearty buffeting with my weapon. While he was ducking out of the way, Starmer had the presence of mind to get the door closed. I was out of luck on that front.

  “That’s not what this is,” Starmer said, scrambling to the far end of the room. “You have to trust us.”

  “And why the hell should I do that?”

  “Because we’re two of the few humans on the station at the moment.”

  That caught me up, and I felt my knees start to go. I made it to the edge of the bed, saving my knees from all the bits of broken lamp.

  “Don’t say that, Starmer!” Krasinski had scrambled over to his partner, hissing under his breath. “Making her think she
can’t trust a Jorkan is going to make this thing a whole lot harder.”

  “Well, what the hell was I supposed to do?”

  “Not that! It’s hard enough to get the women up to speed without you poisoning the well.”

  “Poisoning?” They were getting a lot less cautious about their volume, almost as if they had forgotten I was here. I cleared my throat, but Starmer plowed on, “You nearly bungled things back on Earth!”

  “Excuse me?” They weren’t listening.

  “Me? You were the one coming on with all the talk about blood types! She probably thought we were going to yank her kidneys out or something.”

  “HEY!” That got their attention. “Do either of you plan on telling me what the hell is going on?”

  They got sheepish for a moment before straightening up and putting on their best game faces. “I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the Earth/Jorkan Protocols?”

  “Why would she have heard of it?” Krasinski hissed.

  “Will you shut up and let me do this?” Starmer turned back to me.

  I shook my head. “Why would I have heard of that?”

  “Fair enough,” he nodded. “The Jorkan are an alien race who have forged a relationship with the people of Earth to help them rebuild their population. In an ongoing conflict with the Rippers, nearly their entire female population has been decimated, and their species is in danger of extinction. Their values and causes align with ours on Earth, so we were willing to enter into the Protocols as part of a larger alliance.”

  “That’s…” my head was swimming, “that’s nice and all, I suppose, but what does that have to do with me?”

  Starmer shifted uncomfortably, and seemed to be doing everything he could not to make eye contact with me.

  “I asked you a question,” I growled.

  “Tell her,” Krasinski said. The little prick smirked because his partner was the one on the hot seat. Starmer’s eyes found mine.

  “Would you like a drink?” Before I could answer, he waved in front of another sensor and a cabinet slid open in the wall. “Wine? Whiskey? Vodka? Gin? Tequila?”

  “Whiskey.”

  He nodded, snatched up a tumbler, and splashed a hearty slug out for me. “If I come over there, are you going to hit me?”

  “We’ll see,” I said.

  Krasinski let out a little chuckle behind him, and Starmer inched over. I might have lashed out at him if I’d had the will to do it. A much larger part of me wanted to know how the rest of this was going to shake out. An even bigger part than that wanted the whiskey.

  “So, the essence of the Protocols has to do with the Jorkan population problem.” Behind Starmer, Krasinski was helping himself to a strong belt of the whiskey. At least he was keeping me from drinking alone.

  “Part of how the Jorkan approached us had to do with certain… shall we say, compatibilities?”

  My stomach tightened—again being just a step ahead of my brain. “I’m going to need you to spell that out for me.”

  “Why don’t you take a drink?” He didn’t need to suggest it twice.

  “The Jorkan performed a survey of the races in our galaxy most likely to be a genetic match in the hopes of rebuilding their population. Humans came the closest. When we find a woman who has the capacity to carry a Jorkan child to term, we match them with the most likely compatible mate. People who are selected have thirty days that they spend with their prospective mate. At the end of the thirty days, we will credit a lump sum of currency to you in any medium you wish that will be the equivalent of five million of your US dollars. But only if you stay the whole thirty days.”

  “So, you’ve brought me here to hook me up with an alien and have his baby?” I asked. “Why doesn’t anyone even know about this?”

  “Your government is always denying those UFO videos,” Starmer said. “Can you imagine the financial and economic panic that would happen if people knew? All the toilet paper would be sold out for years.”

  “In so many words,” Krasinski piped up from the bar, “yes.”

  If I hadn’t already been sitting down, I would have needed to now. My ears started ringing and I felt like I couldn’t see. Almost on instinct, I raised my hand and shook my glass at them.

  I don’t know which one of them filled it up, but I could hear the clink of the bottle on my glass, and felt it getting heavier. Once it had been freshened up, I drained the glass and let it fall on the bed next to me.

  “Ms. Harper, may I just…” I put my hand up, and whichever one of them was talking shut right up. Smart man.

  “I’m… I’m going to need some time to process this.”

  “You’d better make it quick.” The laughter in Krasinski’s voice brought me back to myself. Rage stormed up through me and I snatched up my glass so hard my knuckles turned white. It probably hadn’t been their best call to give me another missile.

  Surging to my feet, I cocked my arm back and both men did their dead-level best to duck out of the way. As much as I would have loved to, I wasn’t going to launch this attack until I either had a straight answer or a clear shot.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean, you jackass?”

  “I’m just saying,” his smile was gone as he cowered away from my aim, “process away, but there’s not a lot of time.”

  “And why the hell is that?”

  “Because he’s already here,” he whimpered.

  “WHAT?!”

  “What my partner means is that Varon, the Jorkan you have matched with, should be arriving at Pluto Station any minute.”

  Razar

  The Hortakala’s Revenge barely registered entering Pluto’s orbit, a sturdy ship built for planets ten times Pluto's size, and even bigger. I felt just a light jostle as we docked at the station. To this day, I secretly marveled at space travel. It seemed magical that we could travel between planets so smoothly. I knew it wasn’t an opinion I should share; it was really a childish kind of wonder. No use to a guard. But at night, sometimes I thanked my lucky stars that I had found work as a private guard on a private ship traveling the universe. Sure, the company could be better, but there were downsides to every arrangement.

  Speaking of that company, I had thought Varon would throw one of his infamous fits at the prospect of changing course. Talk about childish. Usually when asked to do anything, he would be ranting and raving up and down the ship. ‘Can’t make me do this! I won’t have that!’ We had all grown so used to his outbursts that we’d made a secret game of gambling on his threats. My lucky number was seventeen, so I always bet in seventeens or multiples. I was thinking about logging my bet of thirty-four references to his “absolute fucking army of lawyers” destroying the Jorkan officials when Varon surprised me. Surprised us all, I bet.

  This time he took the demands in stride. He quickly ordered the H.R. to change course to Pluto and said nothing more of it. If I wasn’t trained to never reveal my emotions, I would have dropped my jaw in shock. Here we are then, about to meet a mate for Varon. Poor girl. I had no expectation that this one calm moment would be the turning over a new leaf for Varon. I wasn’t about to withdraw my daily bet on seventeen shows of anger. The Jorkan had a temper on him and that wasn’t changing anytime soon.

  Soon after landing, a stout middle-aged human woman arrived at the gate for Varon. “I will lead you to the waiting suite. There you’ll wait patiently for our guest to arrive.”

  Although human, and several feet shorter than any of us, she had a sharp way about her. Again, to my surprise Varon listened to her and followed without complaint. The Varon I knew would have demanded the human woman come directly to him, to the Revenge. He would not have budged. Something about this human woman set our backs straight. I always wondered about the few humans who chose to live their lives out here. This one clearly knew how to make herself heard. I admired that.

  I followed the winding passageways and stood guard outside the room. I couldn’t help but sneak a peek. In what kind of room did one wai
t for their future mate? Turns out, a bit of a tacky one. The red plush couch made Varon’s purple scales stand out in an unseemly sort of way. I would have blended right in. Just the way I liked it. I wasn’t one for standing out. On a table next to the curved couch there was an assortment of glasses, ice, and drinks, from the cheapest whiskey to the strongest Jorkan mixtures. Varon went straight for the most expensive stuff on the table and poured it over a single ice cube. No doubt he was internally bemoaning its shape. How many times had Varon lectured us on the shape of ice cubes affecting the overall quality of drink? Too many times to gamble on.

  I set my gaze straight ahead and went into guard mode. I had expected the woman to come quickly, but the minutes wore on. I passed the time as I always did, just thinking, mind alert and ready. After a while, I began to think that Varon must be getting excruciatingly bored. He never spent this much time on his own. Almost on cue, Varon shouted for me.

  “RAZAR!” Varon nearly screeched. Completely unnecessary, as I was just a few feet away next to an open door. “Razar! Come in here.”

  I checked the hallway and finding it safe enough, only one long passageway with plenty of echoes to hear approaching footsteps, and entered the Waiting Room.

  “Come have a drink with me.” Now I was really stunned. Varon must be out of his mind with boredom.

  “I don’t usually drink on duty, sir.” I also refused to drink with people I didn’t care for, but my boss didn’t need to know that. Maybe if he showed more signs of growing up.

  “I’m tired of waiting!” There it was—Varon practically screaming. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and gather up this woman. I’m supposed to stay here, but they didn’t say anything about you.”

  Varon smiled as if he had uncovered a loophole. It was obvious to me that a human woman would need some time to adjust, and that’s why the Jorkan had to wait. Wouldn’t want to meet your future mate in the middle of a screaming fit. Seeing as Varon was determined to be in a temper regardless of his state of more-or-less kidnapping, it would be a match made it hell. I sighed internally.