by Tori Fox
“I don’t know. It’s different but in the best way.” He pauses as his hands run down my arms and lace around my lower back. “You have this energy about you. I can’t place it, but I feel this connection so deep in my soul.”
“Maybe you should be the songwriter,” I tease.
He laughs and pulls me closer to him. “I don’t have any of the talent you have.”
“You never know until you try.”
“I don’t think you want to hear me sing.”
I laugh. “It can’t be that bad.”
“Claire would leave the room when I did.”
I run my hand through his hair and bring both arms around his neck. “What happened with her?” I already know but I need him to tell me. I need him to open up to me the way I have.
He looks down as he sucks his lip into his mouth. “She—ahh—she walked out on me. I came home from work late one night. I had a horrible day. I was in a terrible mood and all I wanted was to cuddle with her. Let the tension I was feeling dissipate. But she wasn’t home. I found a letter on the counter. She told me she couldn’t do this anymore.” He sighs before continuing, his grip tightening around my waist. “A fucking letter. My wife broke our marriage with a letter.”
“I’m so sorry, Noah.” I don’t know what else to say. There really isn’t much. I understand why he is so hardened to love. Maybe if she talked to him, he wouldn’t feel the way he does.
“I blamed myself.”
“Who wouldn’t?”
“Maybe it was my late-night shifts or maybe I was too hard on her or maybe the pain I was feeling over the loss of my sister destroyed her. She didn’t write why.”
“Have you talked to her since?”
He shakes his head before leaning his forehead against mine. “No, she just ghosted. Disappeared. I used my contacts in the police force but no one could find her. I gave up after a year. I decided it wasn’t worth it. She wasn’t coming back. That’s when I got Brutus, bought this house.”
I run my fingers through his scalp, trying to soothe the memory I stirred. “I would never do that to you Noah.”
He pulls away from me and looks at me questioningly.
“I won’t leave you like she did, Noah.” I pause. “I won’t be a coward. I mean if something happened between us, I would break up with you face to face.”
He smirks at me, and I know the conversation about Claire is over. “Break up with me, huh?”
I nod.
His lips go to my neck, nipping and sucking. “That mean we are dating?” he whispers into my ear.
I realize then my mistake. Because I don’t know what we are doing. “I—ugh—”
“I haven’t even taken you on a proper date yet so I don’t think this is dating.”
I groan as his hand moves to my nipple, squeezing it through my shirt.
“I guess that night I made you dinner could be considered a date. But it was more of you squirming underneath me.”
“And on top of you,” I moan as his hand roams between my legs.
“Mmm. Yes and on top of me and everywhere in between.”
“Oh god Noah.” I tremble as his lips suck on my ear, his fingers inside of me again.
“I thought it was Officer McDreamy.”
“Officer, Detective, God, I don’t care which one just don’t stop.”
“Fuck breakfast,” he growls as he lifts me from the counter and carries me back upstairs.
The last week with Noah has been amazing. I’ve never felt things for someone as quickly as I am with Noah. I don’t know what it is or why we have the intense connection that we do. I just know I am starting to feel things too fast and too hard. I’m scared that reality is going to hit soon and this whirlwind we found ourselves in is going to end.
I pour a new cup of coffee before I walk into my music room and sit at my desk. I shuffle the bills around I need to pay and look at the calendar.
My cup shatters on the ground when I realize the date.
I was so caught up in Noah I forgot what matters most to me.
My hands go to my necklace. The one I put back on after that first night with him. It was to make myself remember not to forget. But little good it did.
It’s been seven years to the day since I lost Kyle. And at this moment it feels like no time has passed at all.
22
Noah
“Ten-four,” I say into the radio as I flip my lights on and head to an accident that was just reported. Our shift was just about done but it looks like we will both be working overtime tonight.
It’s the middle of December and cold as shit. I don’t want to be standing outside on a street corner talking to witnesses about a car that failed to slow down and rear-ended another vehicle but it’s what I am stuck with.
I glance at my watch as Niko writes down notes from a fourth witness. It wasn’t that big of an accident. A simple fender bender. But because it took place on a Friday night in downtown, every person that saw it wants to get in on the action.
I want nothing more than to go home to Anna. To slide between those luscious thighs and forget everything. I never knew that falling for another woman would make me forget about Claire so easily. But that’s the thing. It was easy. Being with Anna made me realize all the things I had with Claire were shallow. We never shared the deepest parts of our souls. Never gave in to the pain we felt through our past.
But with Anna, it’s all different. Coming clean about Claire last week was the best thing I could have done. Anna took everything with a grain of salt. She didn’t judge me, didn’t accuse me of being the reason Claire left. And that just made my feelings for her grow deeper.
I also never thought I would open up about Claire. But I did and I feel lighter than I ever have. I almost feel regret for waiting too long to get over something that was never there.
I pull my beanie down over my ears as I wait for Niko to wrap up with the witness. I glance at my watch again. It’s almost three in the morning. We were supposed to be off an hour ago. My dick is stirring because I can’t get thoughts of Anna out of my head.
Niko finally makes his way over to me to let me know he got all the witnesses’ statements. He blows into his hands as he complains about the cold. All I want is to drop him off so I can get home to Anna. I’ve learned rather quickly that she loves me in my uniform. And loves taking it off me even more.
I breathe a sigh of relief thirty minutes later when I am on my way home. It’s gotten so cold that the dampness in the air has caused snow to start falling. I crank the heat in my cruiser for the last few miles home.
When I pull into my driveway, I do a double take. I see a flickering light from Anna’s porch that looks like a candle. There is no way she is sitting outside, it’s too cold. She should just be getting home from work.
I slam the door to my cruiser and walk over to her yard. I pick up scattered papers as I go. I realize as I look at them, they are covered in songs. Words that speak of the doubts and pain festering inside of her.
I’m lost up here
This stage lonely and dark
I can’t find the words anymore
Not without you here
I would give anything to have you back
To reverse the crash that made this all a mess
Where did we go wrong?
But I can’t make it up to you
I sit alone in a bar
Wondering how I could have been so wrong
I never thought the day could come
Where you wouldn’t be next to me
You broke my heart
Threw it all away
For a girl I never knew
All these years I’ve let pass
Tying me down to you
Why can’t I let you go
I’m so tired of living with the ghost of you
These words are like a window to her soul I never knew. And I don’t think she ever intended for me or anyone to see these.
I pick up all the p
apers and walk to her front door. And that’s when I find her passed out in the hammock on her porch. A bottle of tequila nestled in her arm. An entire stack of paper on the coffee table barely held in place by an empty beer can.
“Shit.” I kneel next to her, my palms gripping her face. “Anna. Wake up, Anna.”
Fuck.
I grab my phone to call 911 when she shifts in the hammock. Her eyes flutter for a second before closing again.
I pick the papers up and shove them in my jacket. I know she wouldn’t want these memories lost. I pull the tequila bottle from under her arm and lift her into my own. She is frozen stiff. She murmurs something I can’t make out as I carry her across the driveway and into my house, laying her gently on the couch. She barely moves. I throw the papers onto the table as I let Brutus out. I run upstairs and run a bath before I head back down. Brutus is pawing at the door, no doubt unhappy about the snow and cold.
I head back over to the couch and lift Anna into my arms. She is still passed out and I hope she isn’t sick from the cold. I carry her up the stairs, stripping her of her cold clothes. I rip my uniform off quickly, lifting her off the bed and step into the tub with her in my arms. I rest her against my chest as I rub warm water over her shoulders.
She is so cold. What the hell was she doing outside?
After a few minutes, I release my death grip on her as she starts to move.
“Noah?”
My hand lifts and cups her face. “I’m here, baby.”
I don’t say any more words before she breaks down into a fit of tears. I know at that moment her story is much deeper than she let on. I gently lift her out of the tub and carry her to bed. She rolls into my arms, gripping me fiercely, and cries herself to sleep. In the morning we need to have one hell of a talk.
I wake up to find Anna staring at me.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers to me.
I pull the blankets up that have shifted off us and cover her back up. “What are you sorry for?”
“I’m guessing you found me. I—I don’t remember,” she stutters as tears crest her eyes.
I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her into my body. “Shh, baby. Don’t cry.”
“Noah, I’m such a mess.” She sniffles as her hands cover her face. “I—I can’t. God, it’s been seven years. Seven years and I forgot.”
I stiffen. I know exactly what she is talking about. Her fiancé died seven years ago. And I can’t help but think—no, I know I am the reason she forgot.
There is a pleading in her eyes when she looks up at me. “How could I be so reckless? How could I forget?”
“I’ve distracted you,” I answer as I break her stare and look over her head trying to figure out a way to separate myself from her.
“Don’t do that.”
I glance back at her and see a fury in her eyes. “Do what?”
“Please don’t blame yourself. It’s my fault I forgot.”
“If I wasn’t around, you would have remembered.” My jaw stiffens.
Her hands move up to my neck. She pulls me down so our lips are barely touching. “If I didn’t have you around, no one would have found me on my porch last night.”
I grunt at that and try to pull away, but her grip is stronger than I thought.
She gently presses her lips to mine. “I need you, Noah. I need you here with me. Especially today.” Her lips go back to mine, pressing more firmly, begging to be let in. And I can’t hold back as she hooks a leg around my hips, pulling us closer together. I surrender to her lips, coaxing her tongue into my mouth. Cresting my hands up and down her body.
“I need you to come with me today.”
“Where?”
She sighs, pressing her forehead against my chest. “To the place I go every year.”
I can tell by the way she grips me tighter when she says it that it’s hard for her. To see him again. To face the ghost of her past. “Whatever you need, Mayberry.”
I thought we were going to a cemetery. But the address she put in my GPS is in the middle of nowhere.
We drive in silence for the two hours it takes to get to her destination. Thoughts swirl in my head about what fully happened to her. I know her fiancé died. I know she was devastated. Who wouldn’t be? If I had lost Claire in an accident, I would feel just like her.
But as I glance over at her every now and then I don’t see sadness resonating in her eyes. I see an anger so deep-seated it vibrates through her veins. I see a pain crushing her chest causing her to hiccup a breath every once in a while. I see regret flash through her eyes as she clutches the necklace around her neck and I am not sure why.
She directs me to pull over on a dirt road that looks like it leads to nowhere. I follow her directions, driving slower to avoid the large divots in the road. The wind is picking up making it harder to see the road in front of me as the dirt blows across the windshield.
I startle when she grabs my arm. “Slower. The turn is up here soon.”
I keep my eyes out for a road in the middle of this forested wetland. I’m thinking she forgot where we are going when she suddenly yells. “Hard left, right here.”
I have no idea what she is talking about but see an overgrown path pulling back in the direction we came from. I turn the wheel hard and start to drive forward when she tells me to stop. I am confused as shit when she jumps out of my SUV. Even more so when I look in my rearview mirror and see her brushing away my tire tracks where I turned.
“What the hell?” I ask her as she climbs back in.
She bites her lip. “Umm well this is technically private property.”
I turn the car off and look over at her. “You’re telling me you dragged me across state lines to trespass. You do realize I’m a cop?”
“Well you wouldn’t have done it if I told you. Besides, it was just a precaution. The owners of this land are ready to keel over. They don’t drive the perimeter often anymore.”
I’m skeptical. “How do you know this?”
She shrugs. “I just do.”
I look at her and contemplate calling this whole thing off but there is a pleading in her eyes and I know this is important to her.
I turn the car back on and listen to her as I drive a few more minutes into the lush five-foot grass around us. I hope this trail holds and we don’t sink into the marsh.
“You can pull over here,” she says as she points to a solid looking area. She gets out of the car again and this time I follow.
There is a narrow path that runs along the edge of the woods and the marsh. But I can see a clearing up ahead. As we make our way to it I nearly stumble when we come across a huge field of daisies. “Wow.”
She turns back toward me with a smile on her face. The sunlight is hitting her nose causing her freckles to stand out. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
“How the hell did you find this place?” I ask as I move next to her.
“We were kids. Kyle, Becca, and I. We spent a week every summer at his grandparents’ house.”
I raise a brow at her.
“Yes, this is their land. That’s how I know it’s okay. They would never kick me out.”
She bends down to pick a handful of daisies. Her fingers trailing over the petals of the flowers with a soft caress. “When Kyle and I were older, he begged me to come here with him. I thought he just wanted to have dinner with his grandparents, but he took me to this field instead. It’s where he finally confessed he had feelings for me. Beyond friendship. We had been making music for years but it was just after spring break our sophomore year, when we got serious about our band.
“We came back here often to sit in the field or next to the creek in the woods. He said our love could withstand anything. Like these daises. They grow no matter the temperature or the wind or whatever element might destroy them. He said our love would do the same.”
She stands up and looks at me with a sadness in her eyes. A lone tear falls down her cheek and I swipe it away with my thumb. She
leans into me for a brief second before she pulls away.
I follow her as she walks into the woods on the same path we walked down earlier. A hundred feet in a narrow creek flows through the woods and a rickety wooden bridge stands above it. She sits down and gestures for me to sit next to her. There is barely room for both of us and I worry this won’t hold my weight.
She must see my hesitation. “Don’t worry, it’s strong enough.”
I sit next to her as she takes off her shoes. She lets her feet kick through the water that must be ice cold but she doesn’t flinch. She picks a flower off a stem and throws it into the stream.
“It was a week before the wedding. My dream wedding. A winter wedding. And even though we were in Georgia everything was working out how I wanted. There was snow in the forecast for our wedding day. I was cleaning up the dishes from dinner when Kyle said we had to talk. God, I remember being so scared. His voice had that tone you get when you are breaking up with someone. And I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who got broken up with the week before her wedding. How selfish I was to think that.
“That was when he told me he made a mistake. He slept with someone else. I stood there staring at him, speechless. I was so angry, Noah. So fucking angry. I threw the freshly cleaned dishes at him. We argued about everything. I don’t even remember half of it. Anything that pissed us off we fought over. Then he blamed me for why he cheated on me. He said he was mad over my inability to focus on anything but the music. I told him it was our thing. He told me I turned it into my thing. He didn’t want to play music anymore. He hadn’t for a while. He said I was never going to make a living from it. That we couldn’t afford to live the life he wanted as musicians. He said I wouldn’t listen anytime he brought it up, he couldn’t get through to me. So he found his consolation in someone else.
“I didn’t know what to say after that. I watched him walk out the front door, slamming it behind him. I watched from the window as he drove off. I was so angry with him. I opened a bottle of tequila and got shitfaced and passed out. I woke up to a knocking on my door. It was the police. There had been an accident.”