by Julie Hall
“Whoa there, sorry! You’re a lot lighter than you look.” His face turned from his normal latte color to a deeper coffee hue when he caught his mistake. “I mean, just that, you know, you ah . . . I mean, it’s not that you look heavy or anything. Really, you’re super short and all; it’s just that you’re really light.”
He was digging himself into a deeper hole with every word and finally gave up. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. Logan and the girl continued to stare at us as I rubbed the feeling back into my left shoulder.
Kevin broke the silence first. “Well, anyway, I’ll let you get back to it.” He backpedaled out of the gym. “Your armor looks great, by the way, Aud. Fits you really well. Not that I was noticing how it fit you or anything, but ah, yeah. Well, ah, I’ll see you around then.”
With a quick wave, Kevin turned and fled. The doors swung shut behind him.
It was painfully quiet after he left. Logan and the girl remained rooted in the same spot, their faces turned toward me. The silence stretched for a few heartbeats.
The girl let out a nervous laugh. “Well, I helped you figure out how to get the armor on, but I’m afraid I can’t help much with your coordination.”
To my extreme embarrassment, Logan laughed with her. My face turned colors, but there wasn’t much I could do. I’d just been caught eavesdropping and proved to be the biggest klutz alive. I still didn’t appreciate the jab at my expense.
“Kaitlin, as you’ve probably already guessed, this is Audrey.”
The girl, Kaitlin, stepped forward and extended her hand, practically daring me with the empathy link. I was prepared to step up to the challenge but remembered as she grasped my hand that my armor prevented me from getting an emotional read. I was covered from fingertips to toes. I twisted my mouth in disappointment. I really wanted to know if she was purposefully trying to make me look stupid or not.
“We met a little while ago in the locker room,” Kaitlin told Logan. “Audrey needed some help getting her armor on.”
I felt like the third wheel in the gym even though, technically, she was the intruder. This training time was supposed to be for me.
“I guess that was fortunate,” Logan answered. He finally addressed me. “Kaitlin and I go way back. She’s stationed with another group of hunters in a different part of the realm, but she’s over here helping out with a special project. We were just talking about her training with us sometime while she’s here to give you some pointers. She’s got some great moves.”
My eyes narrowed. “Sure.”
Kaitlin laid her hand on Logan’s arm again. Could she stop touching him already?
“Well, I should probably get going. It was great to get a minute to catch up, Logan. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah, definitely.” Logan offered her one of the easy smiles I so rarely received.
She walked past me as she left. “It was nice to meet you, Audrey. I’m hoping to see you around too. It’s always nice to have another female hunter in the mix.”
The smile she gave me seemed genuine enough, but I couldn’t muster the emotion to return it. She looked unsure for a moment and her smile slipped fractionally, but she stepped gracefully through the door without another word.
I waited for the door to shut fully before turning back to Logan. He was watching me rather than the door. I felt myself go hot, then cold. His face quickly changed, and he turned toward the weapons wall.
That was odd.
Logan came back toward me with a sword in his hands, his training face back on. “We’ll train without the helmet at first until you get used to the rest of the armor.”
He extended the hilt of the sword to me. As always, it seemed a little too heavy.
“All right, let’s get started.”
We barely said two words to each other the rest of the day. Mostly just Logan’s short commands to correct my form or tell me to try harder. There was none of the warmth or carefree spirit I’d seen a day earlier. There was no light banter. Logan kept his distance, and I trained on practice dummies the entire day. It was as if, with that one kiss, we’d erased any positive progress we’d made—even taken a step back. There was a cold tension that hadn’t been there.
I was exhausted when I left the training center later that day. I didn’t notice that I was mumbling to myself until someone answered me.
“What was awkward?”
Romona’s voice made me jump, and I put a hand to my chest to calm my beating heart. Why was everyone startling me today?
“Oh my gosh, sneak up on people much?” I snapped.
Romona didn’t deserve my sarcasm, but I was in a testy mood. The look on her face said I’d hurt her feelings.
“Oh geez, I’m really sorry, Romona. I’m just kind of out of sorts today.” I smiled meekly at her. “Yesterday shook me up a bit.”
Always quick to forgive and comfort, she moved to put a sympathetic hand on my arm. I quickly jerked out of reach, not sure which of my jumbled emotions the empathy link would reveal. Her eyes widened as she regarded me suspiciously.
We stood in silence. Without a plausible excuse for pulling away, I froze.
“All right then, when you want to talk about it, let me know.” She briskly turned and walked away.
I felt incredibly alone watching her retreating figure, but I didn’t have the nerve to chase after her. I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Besides, it was just a kiss—a fake kiss at that—so things would surely go back to normal in a few days. I hoped.
With a resigned sigh and an overwhelmed heart, I headed toward my tree, feeling as if I missed a best friend I’d never had. Or perhaps I had, but I’d forgotten her along with the rest of my life. The thought depressed me further.
Once back in my room, I flopped onto my bed, curling my knees and hugging them to my chest. Something warm and wet rolled down my cheek and absorbed into the pillow under my head. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop feeling so much. Fresh tears leaked out of the corners anyway. A flood I couldn’t dam crashed down on me. And as the salty water continued to flow, it revealed a cavern inside. An emptiness I had ignored that had been growing steadily every day since I arrived, fed by hopelessness I didn’t know how to overcome. Unchecked, I feared it would leave me as a hollow shell—only a husk of a person.
I was suddenly very angry at the God I hadn’t met and didn’t remember. I sat up and punched the pillow that collected my tears. I’d forgotten my past, and my future was uncertain at best. I didn’t have a family to mourn or even a God to turn to. I was utterly alone and completely abandoned. What kind of God would plan for this? Would take away everything only to replace it with nothing? Giving me a task that was so beyond my abilities was an extra punch in the gut.
I held my breath and waited for something catastrophic to happen. Wasn’t being angry with God cause for expulsion from this place? Wasn’t that why I hadn’t been honest with myself until now—hadn’t been willing to admit how angry I really was?
I continued to wait as the tears dried on my face and nothing happened. The longer I sat in silence, the better I felt. I hadn’t thought I’d be allowed to be mad at Him without repercussions.
An unexpected emotion stirred in the empty hole of my heart. God was giving me the freedom to be angry without turning His back on me. It didn’t make sense, but in that moment, alone in my room, without saying a word, I experienced something that felt an awful lot like comfort.
More tears welled in my eyes, but these were born of a different emotion. One strong enough to soften my hardened heart.
I jumped up off my bed, wanting immediately to share the revelation with Romona, but then I remembered our parting. I deflated a little.
With my hand on the doorknob, I considered my options. I did need to apologize, but I wasn’t ready to tell her what had happened between Logan and me.
My feet were moving before I realized the decision was made. I at least needed to make things right with her.
Find
ing her, though, might be somewhat tricky. I chastised myself for never taking the time to find out where she lived as I hurried though the damp hallways and then out into the dwindling light of early evening.
12
Apologies
“Hey, Audrey, wait up!”
After exiting the forest I skirted the city on the sidewalk, heading back to the training center to look for Romona. I was so buried in thoughts I hadn’t noticed the familiar face I passed. I jerked my head to the left to see Kevin jogging to catch up.
I wasn’t angry at Kevin for today’s embarrassment, but his wasn’t the friendly face for which I was searching. I stopped anyway. Someone just knowing me well enough to want to talk made me feel better.
“Hey, Kevin, what’s up?”
He wore his easy smile. “Nothing much. I was just hanging out with some guys.” He waved his hand over to a group playing basketball on the court I’d walked right by. The players not currently in the game nodded their heads or waved back.
I looked back up at Kevin. His height and lanky limbs made me wonder—I could imagine him effortlessly finding a home on an NBA court or some other professional sport. Someday when I knew him better, I’d ask about that.
“You kicking any non-hunter butt over there?” I asked instead, returning the smile he’d offered.
“Ha, more like learning from the best. Some of those guys were all-stars down on Earth.” He leaned a little closer and lowered his voice a little. “Although I did win a wicked game of HORSE a few minutes ago. Hunter jumping skills may have given me an advantage.” He looked so proud of himself I couldn’t help but laugh with him.
“So where are you off to anyway? You look like a girl on a mission. Had to yell your name a few times to get your attention.”
Man, was I that dense sometimes? “I was looking for Romona. I’m not exactly sure how to find her. I wish we had cell phones here. Or a sixth sense to know where anyone is at any given moment.”
“That would be kind of weird.”
“Yeah, I guess so. I wouldn’t want to know every time someone went to the bathroom or anything.”
He gave me a strange look before continuing. “Well, maybe I can help out. She lives in the same building I do. She might still be there if she hasn’t left to get dinner. I could show you where it is.”
“That would really be wonderful.”
Kevin jogged back to tell his friends he’d be back in a few and returned in no time.
“So where do you guys live anyway? I’m assuming we all don’t live in trees.”
“You live back in the redwoods?” He seemed genuinely surprised.
“Yeah, is that bad?”
“Oh no, that’s pretty cool actually. It’s a little further away, but not very many people get assigned out there. You’re kind of on the fringe.” He didn’t have to tell me that. Although beautiful, the giant trees did always feel a little removed. On the fringe—that was a good way to describe how I always felt here.
As Kevin forged ahead, I quickened my pace to keep up with his leggy strides.
“We live over there.”
His outstretched finger pointed to a group of shining buildings not far from the training center. I’d taken notice of them several times because of their unique design. The buildings were shaped like an open book, with windows everywhere. It looked like they were floating in the air, but they were actually supported by some sort of clear, crystal-like material. A gigantic escalator brought people up and down from the ground to the first floor, which looked to be over a hundred feet up.
“Do you like it there?” I asked as we approached.
“Sure. It’s temporary housing. The same as you’re in right now.”
“Temporary? What’s that mean?”
“It just means we haven’t all picked a permanent home yet. That’s typical of people who still have family living on Earth.”
“Really? Why’s that?”
“Because usually you want to wait to settle somewhere near the people you loved when you were alive. A lot of us are just holding tight until that happens, ya know?”
I looked up at Kevin’s content face as we approached the bright building.
“May I ask how long you’ve been there?”
“A while.”
“Is it hard to wait?”
He didn’t make me clarify. “At times. But I want them to finish out their lives on Earth. If they aren’t here, it’s because they still have things to accomplish there.”
“But even if they have stuff to accomplish, a purpose for still being there, how does that make it easier to not be with them? Just because your head knows something doesn’t mean your heart will follow.”
Kevin nodded. “That’s true—there’s a difference when something penetrates your heart as well as your head. I suppose I’m okay because I believe in here,” he patted his chest to indicate his heart, “that it’s for the best, and I know I’ll see them again.”
Kevin’s comment was surprisingly insightful. I was humbled to think I hadn’t considered him very deep. There was more to him than just the sports fanatic I’d seen around the lunch room. I smiled to think I counted him a friend.
“Well, here we are! I hope you don’t mind if I head back. I promised the guys a rematch.”
I nodded before looking up at the structure before us. The escalator brought people up and down. We were right in front of the building, and I could make out its belly, which was just as see-through as the crystal pillars. People, looking tiny from here, walked back and forth on that first floor. It made my stomach flip simply looking at it.
“I appreciated the company. Do you happen to know which room she’s in?”
“Just take the escalator up to the front desk, and they’ll direct you the rest of the way. They’re really nice.”
“Thanks, Kevin!”
I gave him a quick hug for all the kindness he’d shown me. He backed away a few steps after I released him, uncomfortable. “Don’t mention it. You’re good people, Audrey.”
I watched him jog off, then took my time getting to the escalator. Making amends with Romona wasn’t going to be as easy as talking to Kevin. Some of my nerve was pinched away when I stepped onto the rising steps.
The escalator was also slightly translucent. Reluctant to look down, I surveyed the view. The city sprawled out before me in brilliant white. It contrasted with the green woods and brilliant sky surrounding it, yet city and nature were each just as beautiful in their own way. Each building had uniqueness about it. Close by, a tall spiral building high enough to pierce the clouds was circled by many shorter square buildings with pointed roofs and etched stones on each corner. The skyscraper beyond plunged and rose in a seemingly random pattern that was still pleasing to the eye. I wasn’t thrilled with heights and was relieved to make it to the top without falling over the edge.
I stepped off the escalator and into a world of light. The ground twinkled with inlaid colored diamonds; crystal end tables supported jeweled vases full of vibrant flowers reflecting sparkling light. Even my arms appeared to have picked up a luminescent quality. I looked down to see a distorted landscape below, then jerked my gaze up.
“Is there something I can help you with, Little One?”
The voice had come from behind the large mirrored front desk to my left. The large man standing behind it had a deep voice, filled with warmth. He made me think of Christmas—of Santa Claus, complete with the rosy cheeks and white beard that glowed in the strangely lit room.
“I hope so. I’m looking for a friend. Her name is Romona . . .” How was it possible I didn’t know her last name? Come to think of it, I didn’t know anyone’s last name.
“Romona the hunter?”
“That’s the one,” I said, relieved.
“She’s a very sweet girl, isn’t she?”
“Yes sir, she is.” It was another reminder of how horrible I’d been to her that day.
He spent a few short moments punching so
mething up on the clear monitor in front of him. “Here we are.” The Santa smile lit up his rosy face. “She’s up on the fourteenth floor. Room 733.”
“Thank you. Is it okay if I just go up?”
“Yes, of course. Have you been here before?”
I shook my head.
“Just take the elevator over there. Straight up to the fourteenth floor and follow the signs in the right direction.”
“Thank you, sir.”
The elevator, constructed of completely see-through material, was more than a little unnerving. I squeezed my eyes shut so I didn’t have to watch the ground getting further and further away and concentrated instead on the soft harp music. A chime sounded before the doors slid open.
To my immense relief, the floor was not transparent. Shiny as plastic lacquer and illuminated from below, but not translucent.
Squinting against the near blinding whiteness of the ending hallway, I found a plaque opposite me.
Rooms 1–500 to the left, and 501–1000 to the right. A thousand rooms on this floor alone? Romona’s room couldn’t be larger than a shoebox.
I started off to the right. Sparkling white diamond doors butted up next to each other. Twice I spotted people exit their rooms and tried to get an inconspicuous look as I passed. Were they crammed into a long, narrow corridor of space? Both times I missed a peek as they closed their doors behind them.
When I finally reached room 733, I looked down at a floral mat with the word “Welcome” spelled out. I certainly hope so.
With a deep breath, I lifted my hand and knocked. It was several moments before the door gently opened. When it did, Romona just stood there and stared. I stared back. A few awkward seconds ticked by.
“I didn’t realize you knew where I lived.” Her tone wasn’t harsh, but it was slightly guarded, confirming her hurt.
“I ran into Kevin, and he showed me. Otherwise I would have been aimlessly searching the food district all night.”
“Oh.”
My uncertainty over coming to see her started to grow. I told myself again this was the right thing to do.