Life After: The Complete Series

by Julie Hall

  I was suddenly unsure whether the hardness in his voice was directed at me or the demon, and I was too cowardly to meet his eyes and see. Silence stretched between us.

  As if on cue, someone knocked on the frame of the open door. I looked up to see Romona standing outside the room, looking unsure. Nervous even. I absorbed the sight of her. How could I have spent so much time with her and not put together the pieces?

  As she stood before me now, her face aged in my mind’s eye. Wrinkles were added, extra laugh lines. Her hair turned grey but still remained vibrant. She’d had a scar on her left eyebrow where her sunglasses had cut her when she was playing catch with my younger brother and one of his throws went a little wild. I remembered how bad James had felt, but she’d just told him it would make her look more distinguished and get her some much-deserved respect.

  And then I took in her eyes. They were always the same. Timeless. Beautiful, soulful, and rich. My eyes, I finally remembered. Everyone had always said I’d gotten my eyes from her. It was one feature I’d always been proud of. How amazing that now she stood before me, her body transformed back to youthfulness. Somehow she was still as much the Grandma, and the Romona, I knew and loved.

  Logan cleared his throat stood. I had no idea if he knew who Romona really was, but he knew enough to know that we needed a few minutes alone. He didn’t say anything when he left, just nodded to Romona on the way out. She took hold of his arm to stop him from brushing by and whispered something to him. My eyes widened because she’d grasped his bare arm just underneath the edge of his sleeve. Logan stiffened a little but didn’t pull away.

  “I mean it,” she said softly, but with authority.

  He gave a small, tight smile and another nod of his head. Romona released his arm, and he disappeared through the door and out into the hallway.

  I couldn’t hold back my curiosity when she turned to face me.

  “What was that all about?”

  “I was just thanking him. He has a hard time taking gratitude.” Her eyes looked worried. “Are you okay? You’ve been out of it for a while.”

  I now understood just how deep her concern for me went. Man, how could I have missed it for so long?

  A tear leaked from my right eye and clung its way down my cheek. It held onto my chin for a few stubborn moments before relinquishing its hold and plummeting to the blanket below.

  “I missed you.” My voice was barely a whisper, small and childlike, but I knew she heard me.

  She made a noise that sounded like a half-sob and brought a hand up to cover her mouth. Matching wet trails ran down both her cheeks.

  When she finally spoke, her words were as soft as my own. “You aren’t upset with me?” she asked hesitantly.

  At first all I could do was shake my head. When I found my voice it still shook a bit.

  “No. If you had told me before I remembered myself, it probably would have weirded me out.” I took a big breath to steady myself. Then suddenly another connection clicked into place, and I slapped a hand to my forehead. “Of course! Grandpa’s the old guy!”

  Her face split into a grin. “Oh, how I wish you could have seen your face! You were so appalled at the idea of me being with an elderly man. I almost completely lost it that day.”

  I was laughing so hard my eyes started to tear up again. I only got out a few words between laughs. “That makes,” I paused while I tried to suck in some air, “so much sense now!”

  It took effort, but I eventually gained control of my giggles. “But wait, how is it you aren’t old anymore? There are people of all different ages here. Why aren’t you the age you were when you died?”

  “That’s mostly thanks to the job. I needed a body that was a little more nimble. Age isn’t really an issue here, so a lot of people look different than when they died. Your body is a reflection of the perfect age that you need to be.”

  I silently sent up a prayer of gratitude that I hadn’t known that before. I would have made myself crazy simply wondering how old I was when I died. But as soon as I thought it, my mind went into overdrive trying to guess how old everyone else was when they died. There was just no way to tell. Besides a few very subtle tips, I would never in a million years have guessed Romona had been well into her eighties.

  With all the noise we were making, we finally managed to disturb the other resident of my room. Bear’s head poked up unexpectedly, and he rested his chin on the side of my bed, seemingly waiting for something.

  “Hey there, buddy, are you confused too?”

  “Is that Bear?” Romona had been standing in the threshold this entire time, but she finally entered the room to greet the dog. His tail wagged so hard his backside moved back and forth with the motion. Romona dropped to her knees to take the furry dog’s face in her hands and look in his eyes.

  “Well I’ll be. It is Bear. It’s good to see you, old boy.”

  Bear answered by breaking free from her grasp and planting a sloppy kiss on her left cheek and eye.

  “Oh yuck. I’d forgotten about that. He’s a chronic kisser.”

  Romona gave the dog another affectionate scratch behind the ear, expertly dodging his second attempt at a kiss before straightening and coming to sit on the edge of my bed.

  Unable to hold back any longer, I launched myself at her for a hug, just like I used to. She absorbed my weight with a grunt, but her arms tightened around me. I closed my eyes and remembered the last time I’d given her a hug like this. It had been too many years ago. I’d been only in middle school. Her death was the first I’d ever had to deal with, and it felt as if she’d taken a big chunk of me with her. I sobered when I imagined how my family was dealing with losing me right now.

  Giving her a final squeeze, I pulled back to sit cross-legged, facing her. Bear’s head appeared on the side of the bed between the two of us.

  “I miss them already.”

  Romona didn’t pretend to misunderstand me. She put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

  “I know.”

  “Do you know how they’re doing?”

  She paused before answering. I watched her face. The maturity in her gaze now made sense. “They are . . .” she took another short break to find the right word, “coping right now.”

  “Is there anything we can do to help?” I expected what came next, but my heart still sank.

  “No, I’m afraid not. We all have to deal with loss at one point or another. They have to learn to cling to the truths they know. We’re not the ones intended to offer comfort right now.”

  “But if they just knew that I was okay, that I was safe, I’m sure that would—”

  Romona cut me off with a look and a hand in the air.

  “That’s not how it works. They need to learn to move on, on their own. It’s a test of their faith, and they need to push through it without us.”

  “But if . . .”

  “I promise you, Audrey.” She took my cheeks in her hands and forced me to look her in the eyes. “They have everything they need to make it through right now. No one is ever promised a life free of pain. Far from it, in fact, but they have all the comfort and support they will ever need. That and more. Your parents and siblings are well looked after right now. It’s going to test your faith to believe that as well.”

  My heart was breaking into a million pieces, but deep down, I knew her words were true. The moisture had returned to my eyes and was spilling over before I had the opportunity to stop it. Romona pulled me toward her, and I buried my face in her shoulder and sobbed. She rubbed my back and murmured in my ears.

  I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but finally my sobs subsided into small hiccups. There was still an ache in my chest, but I could manage it. Something about a good cry seemed to wash my insides clean.

  A wet nose pushed between us. I looked with puffy eyes to see Bear’s front paws on the side of the bed. Through his heavy pants, he was letting slobber from the tip of his tongue drop to the bedding below.

  We
always did have trouble keeping him off the furniture. “Bear!” I gave him a halfhearted and ineffective shove. Instead of budging, he gave my cheek a lick and discovered he liked the taste of my salty tears. He attacked me to lap up the remains. With a squeal, I tried to escape by burying my head under my pillow and yelling for help. Romona laughed.

  “Looks like I picked the right time to make my rounds. Damsels in distress happen to be my specialty.”

  Surprised to hear Jonathan’s voice, I made the mistake of lifting my pillow-slash-shield and was promptly slimed by a hot wet tongue.

  “Oh yuck! Bear, down!”

  Having completed his mission, Bear happily planted himself back on the ground and padded over to the now unoccupied chair, made a short jump up, turned in two circles, and settled into a comfortable position. I shook my head at him as I wiped the saliva from my face.

  With a friendly smile on his face, Jonathan watched Bear make himself at home. Jonathon wore a long white coat that made him look very much like a doctor. It came back to me in a flash that he’d told me he worked as a healer of some sort. I had a vague remembrance of hearing Logan argue with someone in the operating room before I’d passed out, but couldn’t be sure if that had been him or not.

  “So how’s my new patient doing?” Jonathan was all smiles and confidence. Romona had quietly relinquished her spot on the bed for a seat across the room.

  “Oh, hi. I mean, I’m good I guess.”

  I was suddenly embarrassed by the state he’d discovered me in. I was sure my hair was standing up at funny angles. My face still felt puffy, and I thought with a sudden horror that I hadn’t even taken note of what I was wearing. I quickly looked down to see I was in a white tank top and hot pink scrub bottoms.

  Kinda cute actually.

  I self-consciously attempted to smooth my hair and snuck a peak at a few strands to make sure it was still brown. I breathed easier when I found that it was.

  Jonathan’s smile didn’t change, and he went on unfazed by my disheveled appearance.

  “Great. I came by to see if you’d woken up yet. Mind if I take a look at your shoulder while I’m here?”

  Suddenly mute, I shook my head. Jonathon took a seat on my bed and moved the strap of my tank top slightly toward my neck to fully expose the bandage beneath. His expert hands found the edges and slowly peeled it away.

  “You doing okay?” he asked without checking my face.

  I nodded before realizing he wasn’t looking and let a quiet “yes” squeak out. His fingers probed different spots on my shoulder, some more sensitive than others.

  “Can you move it all right?”

  Without thinking I shrugged as if to say “I guess so.”

  “That’s good. Any residual soreness?”

  “Some, but it isn’t that bad.”

  His smile returned, and his fingers left my arm. It wasn’t until they’d left that I realized I didn’t feel anything from the empathy link. I remarked as much.

  He nodded in confirmation. “Yes, our empathy link is kind of in the ‘off’ position here so we don’t upset the patients.”

  “That makes sense.”

  I snuck a glance at my shoulder and sucked in a breath when I saw what was peeking out from either side of my strap. The skin had been knitted back together expertly, but there was still visible evidence of my attack.

  “You okay, Audrey?” Jonathan laid his hand on my good shoulder.

  “I just wasn’t expecting to have scars.”

  Jonathan nodded, as if understanding my confusion. “Demon scars are like emotional scars you can see. They’ll disappear when you’ve worked through the emotion. Until then, they’ll stay on your skin as a reminder of what you still need to address.”

  The deep scars that latticed Logan’s back sprang to mind. So that’s most likely where he’d gotten them. There must be something he was hanging on to as well.

  Jonathan was still talking with his hand familiarly on my shoulder, and he leaned in close, but I wasn’t really hearing the words he was saying as I thought about Logan.

  “Hmm, I’m surprised Logan hasn’t come back.” Romona mused loudly.

  Jonathan moved back to a safe distance in response to her words.

  That was strange. Had Logan not come back because of Jonathan? That didn’t sound like something he’d do—if anything, Jonathan’s presence seemed to make him overly protective, borderline possessive. Maybe since I was okay he didn’t want to stick around anymore?

  Jonathon cleared his throat, pulling me out of my musing. His demeanor had changed. He seemed a little nervous and unsure of himself, which weren’t traits that I’d picked up on before. His eyes wouldn’t meet mine and he was fidgety. It was curious behavior for him.

  “Audrey, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about. I realize that I came on a little strong at first, but I truly would like the opportunity to get to know you better.” His eyes shifted to Romona for a moment before finally landing on me. “I’d like to take you out sometime, if that’s something you might be open to.” There was a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

  It took me a moment to comprehend what was going on. Jonathan was asking me out. Here, in front of my grandma-slash-best friend.

  I snuck a desperate look at Romona, who was staring wide eyed at Jonathan as if she hadn’t seen this one coming either. She glanced at me and offered a small shrug as if to say, “you’re on your own with this one.”

  “Ah, well, yeah, I guess that would be okay.” I fumbled through my response.

  Heat was coming off of my face in massive waves. Pink hair for sure.

  Jonathon smiled broadly, looking as if he’d just won the lottery. That was kind of sweet, but the sentiment was overshadowed by my embarrassment.

  “That’s great! I already have something special in mind. I know you’ll love it.”

  “Ah, okay.” I sat on my hands to keep from chewing a fingernail. These types of interactions always made me uncomfortable. Unsure if he was waiting for me to say something else, I just stared at him. He stared back.

  It was a few more awkward heartbeats before Jonathan broke the silence. “Looks like you’ll probably get out of here today now that you’re awake.” He smiled and winked. “But don’t worry, I know where to find you.” He bent down to kiss my cheek and then turned to leave. I was left gaping in his wake.

  It was only a fraction of a moment longer before I remembered Romona was still there, watching me with wise and thoughtful eyes.

  “What color’s my hair?”

  “Do you really want to know?”

  I groaned loudly. Maybe I should just turn my hair pink permanently and then no one would know when I was really humiliated. I closed my eyes for a moment to change it back.

  “So have you decided what you are going to do?” Romona asked.

  “About what?”

  Romona wore a sly smile. “I remember when you were 8 years old and two little boys from your class had a crush on you. You got so freaked out you punched one in the nose and were so mean to the other you made him cry. I wonder how much you’ve matured since then?”

  I’d completely forgotten about poor Rob and Peter. There were a few more details to that story, but she’d gotten the basic structure of it right. I’d gotten in a heap of trouble for punching Rob, even though I told my parents he was trying to give me cooties. Totally valid reason to defend myself. The poor kid went home with a shiner that day, but to his credit he didn’t cry. Peter, on the other hand, was reduced to a pile of tears with only a few choice words. He never did look me in the eye again after that, even when we entered high school.

  “Oh whatever,” I batted my hand in the air as if I was brushing the whole thing away, “I was just doing my part to harden both of them up a bit. I was probably instrumental in helping them deal with an inevitable future heartbreak. Any boy who cried just because someone called him a booger-eater needs a little toughening up anyway.” Seriously, who didn’t eat
their boogers at that age?

  “Hmm, I wonder if they would look at it the same way?”

  I had no idea what either of them thought about it. Rob had moved away the next year and I never talked to Peter again. I shrugged as if I didn’t care, but something about her insinuating that there was a comparison to my present day events bothered me. Maybe it was being likened to an eight year old me that irked me. Maybe it was something else. Either way, I found myself squirming uncomfortably in my bed. Desperate to change the subject, I cleared my throat then moved on.

  “So, I’m a little unsure what I should call you now. ‘Grandma’ sounds a little funny to me. What do you think?”

  Romona just shook her head with a soft smile that told me she knew exactly why I’d changed the subject, but she obliged me anyway. “I see the dilemma. I’m honestly happy with whatever you feel most comfortable calling me now. What do you think that is?”

  Looking at her sitting there, I could once again see my grandmother. But in the short time I’d been here I’d gotten to know a completely new dimension of her that was fully Romona, my good friend. My head was starting to hurt as I tried to reconcile the two.

  “Maybe we should stick with Romona since that’s what I’ve been calling you since I got here. Besides, it might be strange to other people if I start calling you Grandma now.”

  Romona smiled and nodded in agreement.

  Romona stayed with me throughout the afternoon. We shared some of our favorite memories. Sometimes laughing with each other, sometimes letting some tears fall freely. But it was a good time of remembrance. Cleansing even. And I was thankful to have someone to share it with.

  Bear never left the chair he’d taken over after Logan left, and Logan never returned to reclaim it. Neither of us brought him up again, but he was never far from my thoughts. A decision was forming in my head that I wasn’t ready to talk over with her.

  If Romona had an inkling of what was on my mind, she never let on. For that, I was thankful. I had an overwhelming number of things to chew over, and now wasn’t the time to talk them all out. I had a feeling she understood that.