When Love Finds Me

by Tyora Moody

  The first few years working at the salon, I did try to get back out there with my mother and sisters’ encouragement. I know my behavior seemed crazy to Candace and Beulah. Most of the time it felt crazy to me. There was no replacing Christan. Ever.

  I gave up. My time came and was violently ripped from me.

  For the longest, I kept it all inside hiding my pain behind my sharp witty personality. But losing Mama brought up the previous loss of my husband, and the loneliness enveloped me so fierce it scared me. I shared Christan’s death with Candace and Beulah when I broke down over Mama’s death. It was then I began going to Victory Gospel Church.

  Beulah quietly spoke, “Your boys are getting older. They will be men soon. Who knows, maybe God is trying to tell you something?”

  I scrunched my nose. “I’m pretty sure some of my thoughts aren’t very Christian.”

  Beulah cackled again. “I’m trying to say to keep an open mind. God could place the right somebody in your path when you least expect it. Look at Candace and Darnell. Candace lost her first husband and she despaired for a while. She certainly wasn’t expecting to meet Darnell. They will be celebrating seven years of marriage soon.”

  I thought about what Beulah said about our mutual friend Candace. I loved that about Candace and her second husband. They both showed the possibilities of love finding you again even after devastating loss.

  Love found me once. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find it again. I needed to put Nathan Chambers out of my mind. That would be the best thing for me to do.

  Chapter 4

  The first few months of school flew by. By the time the first nine weeks ended, I hadn’t thought much about Nathan Chambers. I didn’t have time. Martin needed to get ready for basketball season. Mark always had something going on with band, either a Friday night football game or band competitions, and Drake had settled into The Lab and was an active part of the robotics team. There were days I didn’t know which way was up. When I wasn’t working at the salon, I was trying to make sure each of my sons had my support.

  This sister was tired!

  But thank the Lord, all my sons were in a good place. That’s all that mattered to me. And, soon I would be able to step out on faith and invest in a second car.

  Tonight, after missing two previous meetings, I finally made it to the PTO meeting at Drake’s school. When I stepped in the cafeteria, I was fairly surprised to see the number of parents in attendance. A crowd mingled around two long tables, one held two large coffee carafes and the other, rows of food platters. Some platters appeared to be filled with veggies while others were definitely for someone with a sweeter palate. I headed towards the coffee. I’d been on my feet most of the day at the salon and needed the caffeine boost.

  As I poured a cup of coffee, I side-eyed two women, one a platinum blond with a pixie cut and the other with deep auburn hair that fell in waves down her shoulder. I knew they had to be parents, but they stood together talking like two young girls.

  “Girl, he is a dream. Did you notice he didn’t have a ring on his finger?”

  “Believe me I noticed. I wonder if he remembers me. You know I went to school with him. He was a big basketball star back then. I feel bad about his short time in the NBA, but yay for us, we get to see him around here.”

  Without even turning around, I guessed who the two women were talking about. Suddenly, my hands didn’t feel that steady. I sat the cup of hot steaming coffee on the table and reached for two packets of sugar.

  You need to play this cool, Tangie!

  I gripped my coffee cup and turned around to search for a seat. When I was firmly in a chair at the end of a row, I scanned the room. My eyes fell on whom I sought. Nathan stood in the corner with the principal. I hadn’t talked to Nathan in person since our meeting in his office. I glimpsed him a few times in the parking lot when I dropped off or picked Drake up from school. Our eyes always managed to connect even with a crowd of students around him. He would wave and I’d wave back. Even in those short moments of connection, I felt like some schoolgirl excited to see her crush pay attention to her.

  During my quiet times, usually at night, I occasionally saw his photo in my Instagram feed. I wasn’t looking for him, at least that’s what I told myself. I liked to check up on what my boys were posting on Instagram. That was the main social media I followed them on. I didn’t bother with Snapchat or TikTok. There was only so much foolishness I wanted to expose myself to at the end of my day.

  When I did come across Nathan’s Instagram posts, they were usually him at school with students or in the afterschool program where he mentored boys. That’s how I found out he coached basketball at the Victory Gospel Church activity center. Funny how small the world could be. We attended the same church. Who knew! I’d never noticed Nathan at church before. Now that I knew, despite the mega-membership, his height made him stand out in the crowd. I also noted how people milled around him after services, but I never ventured to talk to him.

  The two women I overheard chattering about Nathan interrupted my thoughts by plopping down in seats in front of me. For some reason, their chit-chat set my nerves on alert. My goal was to get away from them and here they were in my orbit again. Nathan was a good-looking man, but there was no need to stop acting like an adult. I did my best to block their conversation by catching up on emails. I became so engrossed in my phone I missed the start of the meeting.

  After the meeting adjourned I talked to some parents, even the two women that sat in front of me. I found out they both had children in Drake’s class that were also on the robotics team. I was pretty pleased with the changes in Drake, and coming to the meeting confirmed that The Lab was the perfect learning environment for him. Now I felt even better.

  On my way out, I heard my name.

  “Ms. Nelson?”

  I turned to find Nathan walking towards me. I had this crazy thought of running for the exit, but I steeled myself, hoping the smile on my face didn’t betray the turmoil going on inside. “Mr. Chambers, it’s good to see you.

  He smiled, but then his face went somber, “I wanted to talk to you about something that came up the other day. Drake talked to me about his dad.”

  What? I noticed we were blocking the entrance so I moved over to the side. Nathan followed me. I peered up at him, a bit overwhelmed by his statement. “Drake talked to you about his dad?”

  He crossed his arms. “Yes, we have a father and son event that takes place in a few weeks. Something our principal started a few years ago. It’s his way of getting more fathers involved.” Nathan looked behind us, his grin wide. “As you can see, the parents who attend PTO lean heavily towards moms.”

  I peered around the cafeteria, which was starting to empty and nodded, “Sounds like a good idea. I can see how that could affect students whose dads are not in their life.”

  Nathan nodded, “Yes, Drake and I met a few times to check-in on how he’s adjusting. I mentioned the event to him and that’s when he told me his dad died when he was younger. I talked about my dad and how much I missed him. He passed away when I was in college. I know that’s way different from Drake’s experience.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry about your dad. Yeah, Drake was so young when he lost his dad. He doesn’t talk or ask about him much now.” I stuttered, “I really don’t know how much he remembers him.”

  I wasn’t sure why I was having this conversation with this man. I didn’t talk to many people about Christan, only a few people, Mama, when she was alive, my sisters, Candace and Beulah.

  “Well, is Drake doing okay? The only male figures he has in his life are my friends’ husbands and at church. The youth pastor at Victory Gospel checks in on my boys from time to time.”

  Nathan smiled, “I believe Drake is a well-adjusted boy if that’s what’s worrying you. But, it doesn’t hurt for him to talk to a male figure.”

  “Of course. I’m glad he can talk to you.”

  If I was being honest, I didn’t encourage any ta
lking about Christan. I kept his photos in the living room, my favorite being the one we took the day we all went to Six Flags Over Georgia. That was a fun day and a cherished memory. I’d packed the wedding photos into a box that sat at the top of my closet. The wedding ring was in my jewelry box.

  Some memories were unbearable.

  I suddenly felt warmth on my arm and looked down to find Nathan had touched my arm. I peered up at him, my mind jolted from my brief step back in time to the present.

  Nathan snatched his hand away and crossed his arms. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” I smiled weakly, embarrassed. “Sorry, long day. I will talk to Drake, make sure to answer any questions he has about his dad. We don’t talk enough and that’s my fault. Maybe I can find someone from church to attend the upcoming event with him.” I was babbling. Why did I do that around this man? Just spilling out my guts to him like he was my therapist or something.

  I cleared my throat, “Was there something else you wanted to ask me?” Surely it wasn’t to have this unexpected conversation about Drake’s dad.

  Or was he trying to get my attention for another reason.

  I was still conscious of where his hand had been on my arm. I looked around the room to see if anyone else had noticed his touch, but the cafeteria had cleared out. The principal stood in a far corner talking to a pair that appeared to be parents. I turned my attention back to Nathan who had been watching me, his brown eyes intense. I may not have given Nathan Chambers much thought over the past few weeks, but I was reminded of the electrifying way the man opened up something in me the first time I saw him.

  That didn’t even happen with Christan. It took Christan a few times to get my attention. I was so hesitant to go out with him because he was older than me. But still, I took that chance.

  I noticed Nathan nervously glance around as if he had to remind himself why we were talking together close to the school cafeteria exit. Clearing his throat, he responded to my question, “Oh yeah. I wanted to check to see if Drake brought you his progress report. We haven’t received your signed copy back yet.”

  My heart dropped with something that felt like disappointment. What else was I expecting him to say?

  “Yes, he did show it to me. I was very happy with how well he’s doing.” I frowned, “I’m sure I signed it, but you know all my boys have so much going on right now, I could be thinking about something I signed for Martin or Mark. I can certainly check with Drake when I get home.”

  I dug in my purse for my car keys. Somehow I needed to break away from this awkward conversation.

  Nathan grinned. “No problem! I can imagine this is a busy time of year for you. Can I walk you to your car?”

  That shook me up. I gulped, “Uhm, sure.”

  Here I was trying to get away!

  Normally I would have strode across the parking lot to my van, but I purposely let my long legs glide at a much slower pace. In a manner of a few minutes I’d experienced highs and lows that were making me feel almost giddy. My mouth didn’t bother to slow down though, I started babbling as we walked, “My boys keep me jumping. But I’m happy they all have something to focus on. Keeps them out of trouble which is so important to me.”

  Nathan nodded, “That’s good. It helps that the boys have activities to keep them disciplined.”

  Before I knew it we were standing beside my van.

  Nathan turned, “So, you think South Meck High could be heading to the Division 4A Championship game again this year?”

  I beamed, “Yes, if they can keep up the wins. I love that the championship games are at the Spectrum Center. That’s exciting for high school players to be able to play where NBA teams play all the time. Martin was thrilled about playing in the arena last year.”

  Nathan returned my smile, “It’s definitely an extraordinary experience for a young basketball player. Believe me, if the team keeps up this winning streak, I imagine you will be at the Spectrum Center to cheer from the stands.”

  “I would love it. I try to support my boys where I can.” I clicked the key fob to open the doors. I simply couldn’t stay outside talking with this man any longer, I was enjoying the conversation a bit too much.

  Nathan reached over and pulled the driver’s door open.

  “Thank you,” I said as I climbed into the van.

  “You take care of yourself, Tangie.”

  Tangie. It was the first time in tonight’s conversation he called my name.

  “You too, Mr. …Nathan. Have a blessed evening.”

  He closed the door and began to step away, backwards, his eyes focused on me.

  I started the engine and then waved. He nodded in affirmation before turning around. I gripped the steering wheel, observing Nathan as he walked back inside the school. It wasn’t until then I’d noticed how cool the interior of the van had become. The entire time I stood outside talking to Nathan, the autumn air didn’t seem to affect me. Now I shivered. I had a feeling it was more than the chilly air affecting me.

  I adjusted the heat setting to low, wondering again why my son’s school counselor had such an effect on me.

  Was Nathan feeling the same way I was feeling? Why did I care?

  Before pulling out of the parking lot I looked over. A woman drove up in a white Mercedes in front of the school. Something told me to watch for a minute. My heart sank as I watched Nathan walk out of the school doors and climb into the car with the woman.

  He was with someone already!

  Well, that made sense. No way would a man like that be single. Still I felt like he was purposely trying to get my attention.

  I sighed as the disappointment caused heat to rush into my cheeks, tears stung my eyes. How embarrassing, for the second time I just about made a fool of myself over this man.

  I can’t be that lonely.

  Chapter 5

  Life didn’t slow down much. The holidays came and went. Despite glimpsing Nathan only on a few occasions, thoughts of him lingered, mainly wondering about the mysterious woman in his life. He must be a really private person because I never saw him with that woman or any woman on social media.

  I had a weird desire to invite him over for the holidays, but fought it off. Then I fussed at myself for being cowardly.

  After the new year, I berated myself and decided to face the facts. Nathan was a school counselor at my son’s school. Surely that was a conflict of interest. I talked myself into the fact that I didn’t have time for a relationship and my life revolved around my boys, making sure their hopes and dreams were fulfilled.

  The talks I gave myself were not helping. In fact, for the first time in a long time, I was feeling off. Like life was moving past me and I was missing something.

  One Wednesday in January, we’d officially closed the salon for the day. Candace found me sulking on the couch we kept behind the desk in the office. My head was in my hands, which wasn’t a good look. She rushed over and touched my shoulders, “Hey, Tangie, is everything okay? Nothing is wrong with the boys, right?”

  I lifted my head from my hands. “Yes, everything is fine. Sorry, I…”

  How did I start this conversation? Everything wasn’t really fine.

  Candace sat beside me on the couch. “Something has been going on with you for a while. It started before the holidays. I’ve been waiting for you to come to me because I didn’t want to pry. I thought maybe you were experiencing the loss of people in your lives. You know despite being married to Darnell, the past still gets to me especially during the holidays.”

  I shook my head, “During Thanksgiving and Christmas, I thought about Mama and Christan, but really it’s not as bad as it used to be.”

  Candace smiled, “That’s good. God is a healer.” She looked away with some discomfort, “I did talk to Beulah over the holidays. She asked me something that surprised me.”

  I turned to face Candace. Every time I saw or talked to Beulah she always asked about Nathan, making me regret I ever confessed to her. I answered h
er the same. Nothing was happening because it wasn’t meant to happen.

  Candace continued, “She mentioned something about a man.” She looked at me, her right eyebrow lifted with questions. “You’ve never mentioned this to me and I see you almost every day.”

  I threw my hands up as if defeated. “There’s nothing to mention. He’s the counselor at Drake’s school. It would be totally inappropriate for us to consider a relationship. Besides I saw him with a woman one night, he’s probably involved with someone.”

  Candace crossed her arms. “Well, you don’t really have any control over when someone catches your attention. Has this guy made a move? Are you sure he has someone in his life?”

  I frowned, “The few times we’ve met it seemed like he was interested. But I also saw him get into a car with a woman after a PTO meeting last fall. So his interest could’ve been my imagination because I had such a crazy reaction to him.”

  Candace grinned, waving her hands around, “You felt all girly around him. Butterflies in your stomach. Like he’s the one.”

  We laughed.

  Quietly, I said, “I didn’t feel that way about either of my sons’ dads. It took time for me to consider even going out with them. The twins’ dad was your typical high school bad boy. Christan was the opposite, he was older, more mature.” I sighed deeply, “The past few years I’ve been so used to going about my business, being alone didn’t faze me. At least it hadn’t until lately.”

  Candace rubbed her hands down her arms. “Well, you know when Darnell and I met, it was about as inappropriate as you can get. He was the lead detective in my best friend’s murder. The times we had contact with each other should not have happened. He was investigating, and well I was sticking my nose in places I had no business. But I knew he was on my side and I also felt like there was something there. That something that you think you can only feel once in a lifetime with someone. Is that how you’re feeling?”