Pretty, Hip, & Venomous

by Madison Johns

  Eleanor rolled back against her seat with a huge belly laugh with plenty of snorts.

  Agnes grumbled as she drove up and down Elm Street to find a parking spot.

  “Park at the church,” Kimberly suggested.

  Agnes parked at First Baptist and accepted the church pamphlet before walking over to check out what they were selling. Glass and pottery crosses and angels were scattered across one table. She asked, “Are there any Jesus statues?”

  Rosa pushed her way to the back of the table. “We don’t sell Jesus statues.”

  “Why?” Eleanor asked. “Baby Jesus is in a manager scene.”

  “We’re not selling figurines for manger sets. We only do that in the fall.”

  “It’s too bad, because I was really in the mood for buying a manger scene,” Eleanor countered.

  A young man with dark hair towered over Rosa as he slipped behind the table.

  “Did I hear you were looking for a manger set?”

  Eleanor stammered, “Y-y—.”

  “I have a selection in the basement of the church.”

  “Hey, is this your son Mark, Rosa?” Agnes asked.

  His dark eyes twinkled. “What did my mother tell you about me?”

  “That you used to be a pastor, but have decided to start a youth group here instead.”

  “My family and I are much happier here in Redwater, and the youth group is really attracting teenagers to the church.”

  “I’m so happy to hear that,” Kimberly said. “Do you happen to know a Clancy and Beverly Tiff?”

  “Do they have teenagers?”

  “No, but I thought that because you’re so involved with the church that the names might ring a bell.”

  He scratched the back of his neck for a moment. “Sorry, but those names are new to me. But when you find them please ask them to come with you to church.”

  “If only things were that easy,” Agnes said. “I don’t suppose you knew Milly Clark.”

  His face fell. “It’s horrible what happened to her, but gambling is a sin, so… . ”

  “So I suppose that means that she deserved to die,” Eleanor choked out.

  Mark waved his arms frantically. “No, that’s not what I meant exactly.”

  “Why don’t you go back inside and bring out another box,” Rosa said.

  Mark appeared confused, but did his mother’s bidding. “Don’t pay Mark any mind. He’s all hell and brimstone, I’m afraid. I’ve told him he needs to tone it down a tad. We can’t be driving our parishioners to abandon us for the Catholics.”

  Agnes led the way from the church parking lot and up the street on foot.

  “Does Rosa really think a Baptist would change denominations?” Eleanor asked. “She really must have lived in the Bible Belt at one time.”

  “Nothing wrong with that,” Agnes said. “Remember how they had all those revivals back in the day? They’d put up a tent and have guest preachers come to town.”

  “Oh yes. Now that was a different time.”

  Chapter Eight

  Eleanor inhaled deeply as the smell of popcorn and hotdogs wafted to her from a food truck as she strolled ahead of Agnes and Kimberly. There was nothing in the whole world as fun as going rummaging. It was worth fingering through the musty-smelling clothing that had been housed in a basement in anticipation of a sale. Flipping through the bloated pages of used books, Eleanor spied and then picked up a blue teacup with “England 1883” stamped on the bottom.

  “Do you have the saucer that matches this teacup?” Eleanor asked.

  “I think it might be in one of these boxes, but I haven’t unpacked all of them yet,” a dark-haired woman said.

  “I’d be happy to be of some help, because I’d love to have both the saucer and the teacup.”

  Eleanor proceeded to paw through the boxes. She carefully unwrapped and placed the assorted china on the plastic tablecloth-covered table.

  “What are you doing, Eleanor?” Agnes asked.

  “I’m looking for the saucer that matches this teacup.” Eleanor held up her prize.

  Kimberly wrinkled her nose. “If you don’t mind, I’ll wait outside. I’m allergic to dust.”

  “I don’t suppose Eleanor asked you if you knew where we might find a Clancy and Beverly Tiff?” Agnes asked.

  “Hey, I was getting to that … after I found the saucer!” Eleanor exclaimed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  The woman smiled. “Not a problem, Eleanor. My name is Evelyn, and I really appreciate the help. From my recollection, I might have the entire set.”

  Eleanor squealed, and Evelyn then turned to Agnes and said, “I don’t know of anyone by the names of Clancy or Beverly Tiff, but I’m rather new in town.”

  “Drat! And here I was convinced that they might be at the rummage sale today.”

  “They might be at another one.” Evelyn motioned up the street. “As you can see, there are more than twenty rummage sales today.”

  Agnes sighed. “Are you coming, Eleanor?”

  “No! I really want to find the matching pieces. You and Kimberly can go ahead. Give me a call if you find something of interest.”

  “We’re not here to rummage, we’re here to find the Tiffs.”

  “I know, but there’s no way I’m leaving right now.”

  Kimberly held up a tiny sweater and gasped, “This is so adorable!”

  Agnes rolled her eyes. “Leave it with Eleanor, and we’ll come back to buy it.”

  Kimberly tossed the sweater to Eleanor, who carefully put it aside before removing more newspaper-wrapped dishes.

  “I can’t believe Eleanor sometimes,” Agnes grumbled.

  “We don’t really need her to find the Tiffs. I’m positive we can do that without her assistance.”

  They could, but Agnes was so used to Eleanor tagging along that she felt as though she was missing a wheel to her cart.

  Agnes approached the next rummage sale and found a silky scarf to her liking, quickly setting it down when she realized she was no better than either Kimberly or Eleanor.

  The next house had all baby clothes. Agnes helped Kimberly select nearly new receiving blankets. Kimberly paid a pregnant woman who was surrounded by five little girls for her purchases.

  “Are those all your children?” Kimberly asked.

  “They certainly are, every adorable one.” She patted her belly. “I’m hoping for a boy this time.”

  “So you’re not sure what you’re having?” Agnes asked.

  “Oh no. We want to be surprised.”

  “I’m hoping for a boy, too. I have an adorable baby girl at home,” Kimberly said. “I’ve been helping Agnes find her grand … oh, I mean cousins Clancy and Beverly Tiff. We’ve been to almost every rummage sale asking.”

  “I think I’ve heard those names before. I’m almost positive that if you ask five houses down you might find them. I believe the couple just moved to Redwater recently.”

  “Thank you so much,” Agnes exclaimed.

  Agnes carried Kimberly’s bag of purchases and slowed her gait as Kimberly appeared quite flushed, her cheeks pink.

  “Do you want to stop for a rest in the shade, Kimberly?”

  “Only for a moment. I think that food truck over there might sell beverages. I could really use a bottle of water.”

  “Me too.”

  After a brief wait in line and waters in hand, Agnes and Kimberly proceeded up the street. Kimberly pressed the cold bottle against her brow and sighed. “I think we should have parked the car down here.”

  “I think wherever we parked the car we’d still have quite a walk ahead of us.”

  They powered up the concrete drive and Agnes squinted her eyes in recognition. “Hey didn’t we just see you at the bingo the other night,” Agnes began until the startled couple looked up. “Nancy and Ben Shepard, right?”

  Kimberly cocked a brow as a gray-haired man glanced up from his inspection of a china cabinet and said, “The Shepards liv
e almost a mile away.”

  “I believe you’re right,” Agnes said.

  Kimberly turned to the couple. “We’ve met them already. So what are your names?”

  The couple shifted nervously. “W-we.”

  “Their names are Clancy and Beverly Tiff,” the man continued. “How much is this cabinet?”

  “Two hundred dollars,” Clancy said.

  “That seems overpriced,” Agnes said.

  “It’s really scratched,” Kimberly pointed out.

  “She’s right. I wouldn’t pay more than twenty for it,” Agnes said with a wink.

  The man interested in the cabinet held out a twenty and Beverly snatched it from his hand. “You caught me in a good mood.”

  “Thanks again!”

  “What do you mean again?” Agnes asked.

  “I’ve been over here more than a few times,” the man admitted.

  “Go on home now, Timothy,” Clancy said.

  “Oh I’ll be back when you put out more antique furniture. I just love estate sales.”

  Agnes and Kimberly’s eyes locked for a moment.

  “Estate sale?” Kimberly asked. “I don’t see a sign about an estate sale.”

  “And you won’t,” Timothy said. “They’re trying to keep it on the down low.”

  Kimberly and Agnes waited for Timothy to dolly the china cabinet away before joining the Tiffs in the garage.

  “It’s nice seeing you again, as I’ve said,” Agnes said. “But why on earth would you lie about your names?”

  “And who died so that you have all this furniture to sell as part of an estate?” Kimberly asked.

  “Look, you don’t understand,” Clancy began. “We couldn’t tell you our real names.”

  “It’s bad enough that a woman was poisoned while we were manning the snack bar,” Beverly said.

  “You mean when you claimed that lemonade wasn’t sold at the bingo?” Kimberly asked. “Ruthann clearly told us that she sells only freshly squeezed lemonade.”

  “And that the special dry ingredients are under lock and key,” Kimberly added. “I hope you didn’t taint the lemonade with something.”

  “Why would we do that?” Beverly exclaimed.

  “So that you could kill Milly.”

  “We didn’t taint the lemonade. I swear!”

  “Then how did Milly wind up with poison in her lemonade?”

  “I have no idea, but I’m telling you we didn’t intend for anyone to die,” Clancy said.

  “Now we’re getting somewhere,” Agnes said. “You didn’t intend, but … .”

  “We don’t have anything else to say,” Beverly said.

  Agnes frowned. “So why is the name Nancy and Ben Shepard so fresh on your tongues?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Do you know them?”

  “No!”

  “Then why did Clancy make an appointment with Jeremy Preston using a driver’s license with the name Ben Shepard on it?” Kimberly asked as she crossed her arms over her belly.

  “This isn’t any of your business,” Clancy sneered.

  “And whose will were you so worried about having read?”

  “Especially when you have items in this sale that your neighbor believes are from an estate?”

  “We’re entitled to my mother’s estate,” Clancy said. “My granddaughter Gayla convinced my mother to change her will, leaving her everything. I’ve spent the last fifty years catering to my mother until Gayla showed up, and she stands to inherit it all.”

  Agnes frowned. “Look, I understand your dilemma, but you can’t sell your mother’s belongings if she didn’t leave them to you.”

  “We can if they were in our house,” Clancy countered.

  “It seems like you’ve gone through a lot of trouble here,” Kimberly said. “Jeremy Preston is my husband. I’d like to ask him about the legality here, but he’s out of town.”

  “Why don’t you hold off on the sale until you find out if what you’re doing is legal,” Agnes asked. “Especially when you’re under suspicion in a murder investigation.”

  “Get off my property,” Clancy demanded. “We didn’t have anything to do with that woman’s death.”

  “Who is your mother?” Agnes asked.

  “I don’t have to tell you anything else. I’ve already said too much.”

  Agnes and Kimberly reluctantly walked back down the driveway. “I wonder if we should call the police,” Agnes finally said.

  “For what? I can’t imagine you’re worried about the Tiffs selling items not left them in a will.”

  “No, although, it’s wrong. I’m just not sure if Clancy and Beverly are who they claim to be. I’m also not convinced that they weren’t involved in Milly’s murder.”

  “Which we can’t prove.”

  “Not yet, anyway.”

  Agnes and Kimberly jumped at the honk of a horn compliments of Eleanor, who was behind the wheel of our car.

  “I’ve never been so happy to see you, Eleanor,” Kimberly said. “I hated the thought of walking all the way back to the church.”

  “I had to come back to get the car to pick up my haul from Evelyn’s house. I am now in possession of a full set of Old Britain Castles Blue china. It will look gorgeous once it’s cleaned up and put in a china cabinet.”

  “Since when are you a connoisseur of fine china,” Agnes asked.

  “When the china has castles on it, duh.”

  “I hope you packed it well,” Kimberly said as she climbed in the front seat. Agnes hopped in the back seat.

  “Where are we off to now?” Eleanor asked.

  “I thought we might speak with Deputy Danworth again,” Agnes said. She then filled Eleanor on what they had learned from Clancy and Beverly.

  “And they wouldn’t even tell you the name of Clancy’s mother?” Eleanor asked.

  “Nope,” Agnes responded.

  Kimberly gasped. “It would be horrible if Clancy killed his mother!”

  “I wonder if his mother knew Milly?” Eleanor asked.

  “Hopefully the deputy will be able to clue us in.”

  The second drive to the sheriff’s department wasn’t nearly as uneventful as the last one. Eleanor swerved in front of a deputy’s car and sideswiped it.

  Kimberly gasped when Deputy Danworth climbed out of his cruiser.

  “Stay in the car, dear,” Agnes instructed from the back seat.

  Danworth gave his bumper a kick when he saw the damage, which made Agnes wince.

  “Kindly step out of the car, ladies,” Danworth said with a semi-contained hiss. “And move over to the sidewalk so you don’t get hit by a car. I’d hate to have to fill out another report today.”

  Eleanor led the way to the sidewalk. She groaned -- they were right in front of the sheriff’s department.

  “I knew I shouldn’t have allowed you to drive, Eleanor,” Agnes wailed. “Now we’ll be tied up for hours.”

  “You don’t have to allow me to do anything. I allowed myself to do it. I’m a very capable driver … just not so much today.”

  Danworth walked over to them breathing erratically.

  “Are you okay, Danworth?” Agnes asked.

  “Why do you ask?” he wheezed.

  “Because you’re having trouble breathing!” Kimberly added.

  “That’s because I’m trying not to kill someone.”

  “Don’t kill Eleanor. It wasn’t really her fault. You pulled in front of her,” Agnes said.

  “How could you tell from the back seat?” Kimberly asked.

  “You’re not helping.”

  “Sorry, I was trying to be observant.”

  “Mrs. Barry is going to kill me when she finds out what you did to her car, Agnes,” Eleanor whined.

  “Me? But I wasn’t even driving.”

  “I know, but you borrowed the car.”

  “This is the sheriff’s mother’s car?” Danworth asked.

  “Well, yes. The cabin f
ire took out my rental car, remember?” Agnes said.

  “I’d rather not be reminded, actually. Whenever you ladies come to town trouble follows.”

  “You sound just like our Sheriff Peterson.” Eleanor chuckled. “And to think we came here to give you some information about the murder at the bingo hall.”

  “I hope you have a license.”

  Eleanor dug her license out and handed it over to Danworth. “I hope Mrs. Barry’s car is insured.”

  “I’ll check it out.”

  As Danworth began to walk back to his car, Eleanor blurted out, “Hey, don’t you want to know what information we have about your case?”

  “How about I handle the accident first?”

  Two other police cars pulled up. The deputies snickered when they checked out Danworth’s car.

  “Hey, Danworth, isn’t this your new car,” one deputy said.

  “Don’t remind me, Smith. If I’m lucky I can get this fixed by the time Sheriff Barry comes back to town.”

  A wrecker showed up and honked. The driver joined them on the sidewalk.

  “We don’t need a tow,” Eleanor said. “I barely put a scratch on my car.”

  “It’s drivable, but I’d say more than a scratch. I bet it’s probably a couple thousand worth of damage. I’ll have to pull it into the parking lot to clear the road.”

  “I’ll drive my car myself,” Danworth said as he handed Eleanor’s license back. “I’ll meet you ladies inside the sheriff’s department. We can finish up in there.”

  Once they were seated in the sheriff’s department Danworth sighed as he filled out his paperwork. “I should give you a ticket, but the sun creates quite the glare around that bend in the road.”

  “Yes, th-that’s it. The sun blinded me,” Eleanor stammered.

  “Do you want me to call Mrs. Barry about her car?”

  “We’ll be speaking to her after we’re finished here,” Agnes said.

  “It shouldn’t be much longer.”

  “And don’t forget that we need to speak to you about Milly’s case before we leave.”

  Danworth hummed. “So what’s the information?”

  “I know you’re a little busy, but you need pay attention to us.”

  “Oh, believe me, you have my attention,” Danworth said as the turned to face them.