Hold on Tight

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  It was time he worked harder to make things better.

  “I’m real glad we talked, kid.”

  Jeremy glanced up at him. “My problems really mean that much to you?”

  “No. It’s just that you weren’t the only one with some regrets on his mind this morning. I think I’ve been talking to myself as much as to you.”

  “Glad I could help.”

  Seth smiled the whole way back to the parking lot. Then he got into his truck and drove over to Gen’s house. He was going to get through to her if it was the last thing he did.

  Knowing how volatile her temper was, he realized he was going to have to do some hard thinking while he drove. He needed to come up with the right words or he was going to risk losing her forever.

  CHAPTER 33

  From Les Larke’s

  You, Too, Can Host

  a Poker Tourney:

  Maybe the best reason to host a poker game is the simplest to understand. Everyone needs some time to relax and unwind.

  Dani had picked up the phone three times to call Jackson and share what had just happened with Jeremy. Each time, she’d set it back down. It was still pretty early, and he was no doubt still sleeping or taking care of Kate. The last thing he needed was for her to wake him up or jar him out of his morning routine by crying on the phone.

  But she’d rarely felt more alone. She sat down at her kitchen table. Briefly considered calling her parents but knew they were both probably asleep and wouldn’t be of much help.

  She thought about talking to Emily or Meredith, knowing that since they were familiar with the Bridgeport Social Club they might have a good idea of how to make the club’s donation sound better to a fourteen-year-old.

  But those women didn’t have children.

  Closing her eyes, she inhaled, intending to speak to Brian like she usually did. Closing her eyes, speaking to his memory, and asking for his advice usually made her feel better. She’d probably talked to him like he was hovering over her shoulders a hundred times since his death, especially when it came to their son.

  But for the first time, she didn’t think either speaking to him up in Heaven or imagining his response was going to make her feel better.

  Brian had never been one to accept help from anyone, and he hadn’t been the best sounding board for figuring out how to solve a problem with Jeremy. Whether it was a matter of working on his multiplication tables or encouraging him to clean his room, Brian had been a firm believer in simply telling their boy what he wanted him to do and then assuming it would get done.

  Forcing herself to shake off the last of her rose-colored memories of her husband, she made herself remember how he’d really been.

  Unhelpful.

  There. At last, she’d admitted it. Brian had often been unhelpful.

  She’d loved Brian, but she’d often been upset with him, too. He was selfish. He didn’t always think about how his actions affected other people. He’d rarely put Jeremy’s needs or wishes first unless they coincided with his own. And when they had, he’d never had any problem with using that against her. Sometimes even in front of Jeremy, so she didn’t have any choice but to give in.

  Boy, she’d used to get so mad with him about that.

  Instead of reaching out to anyone, Dani got up and wandered around her living room. Her mind a muddled mess, she rearranged books and picture frames that didn’t need to be rearranged and dusted shelves that were already clean. Then, at last, she did the only thing that she could do. She prayed hard for some divine inspiration.

  Fifteen minutes later, the door opened, and Jeremy walked in, looking far calmer and even a little bit embarrassed when he saw her standing in the living room reorganizing some old Disney DVDs.

  “Hi.”

  After breathing in deep and saying a silent thank you to the Lord, she clumsily got to her feet. “Hey,” she replied. “I … I’m glad you’re back.” Standing stiffly, she waited for him to say something else. Hoped he would feel like talking.

  Still looking awkward and embarrassed, Jeremy took off his sneakers, studied his shoes for a moment, then picked them up and set them against the wall. Finally, he walked over to her side. “Mom, I’m sorry I ran out of here. That wasn’t cool.”

  It wasn’t cool? Not only was that something of an understatement, she’d never heard him use that phrase in his life. “I was worried about you.” Though she was anxious to ask where he’d gone for almost a whole hour, Dani settled for concentrating on what was important. “Are you okay?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. I was really mad and was going to walk down to the bike trail to go for a run or something, when I met this man in the parking lot.”

  Oh, Lord. A lump formed in her throat before she reminded herself that one, he wasn’t a little boy anymore and two, he was fine. “Who was the man? Do you know him?”

  “His name is Seth. Seth Parks.” He stepped forward. “Do you remember when we met him?”

  She nodded her head slowly. “Did you?”

  “Barely. Seth is Jackson’s boss’ friend.”

  “Jackson’s mentioned him being Gen’s boyfriend a time or two.”

  He shrugged. “Anyway, we started talking.”

  “You did?” She sat down on the couch and told herself to listen to what Jeremy had to say. If he was telling her about this Seth, then the conversation had meant something to him.

  “I’m not sure why we started talking about everything, but I told him all about last night’s poker game and how the money was for us.” He glanced at her, then looked away. “I mean, for me.”

  “What did he say?”

  “I couldn’t believe it, but he was actually at that poker game.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “He said Mr. Holland’s garage was packed and that a lot of people were there.”

  Since Jeremy had paused again, Dani felt obligated to say something. “What a small world.”

  He shrugged. “Anyway, after I told him that I was mad about being a charity case, he told me that I was being a jerk.”

  Before she knew what she was doing, she got back to her feet. “That’s hardly fair. That man doesn’t even know you.”

  A hint of a smile played on his lips. “Mom. You don’t even know what he said. And I surely was being a jerk to you, I reckon.”

  She sat back down. “I’m guessing he told you more about the poker tournament?”

  “Yeah.” He walked over and sat in the easy chair next to her. His voice turned soft. “Mom, he told me that all the guys were excited to have a reason to play for something other than just winning. And that they all had felt good about doing something for someone else. Seth even said that the men knew it was just for baseball, but they didn’t care. They all acted like wanting to be on the Bats was cool.” He paused, then blurted, “Do you think that’s true?”

  “I don’t know what all the men think about the Bats, but I did hear from Jackson that the guys liked playing for a cause. It makes sense, I think. Everyone likes to help out someone who needs a hand. I always have.” When he was staring at her hard, she said, “I think that’s why I’m always baking people cakes and such. I don’t have a lot of extra money, but a lot of people appreciate a cake made just for them. You know?”

  “You make good cakes.”

  “You know what I meant, Jer. My point is that it’s nice to do something for others. Like when you play with Kate but don’t expect to get paid.”

  “I know what you meant.”

  Looking at him closely, she said, “What I didn’t realize before this is that it’s not always very easy to be the recipient of all that giving. It’s hard to accept a gift without knowing how you can repay it.”

  “They gave you a lot of money, Mom. We can’t repay it.”

  “You’re right. I couldn’t repay it easily at all. But,
what I did realize this morning while you were gone is that there’s something to be said for being a grateful recipient.”

  “Huh?”

  “Saying ‘no, thank you’ and pushing away something that someone did for you is rude. It’s like putting a chocolate cake that I worked hard to bake on a counter and never touching it. Or giving it right back, saying that you didn’t want it.”

  “That would hurt your feelings.”

  “It would. Plus, it would make me feel bad because I thought I was doing something special.” She scanned his face. “Do you understand?”

  He nodded. “Yeah.”

  “All that aside, you’re not a baby. You’re fourteen and you’ve already had enough tests and hard times in your life. I’m not going to force you to accept something that you don’t feel good about. What do you want to do, son?”

  He sat up a little straighter and looked at her in the eye. “I’m going to keep playing ball for the Bats. I’m going to work hard and catch balls and prove to everyone that I deserve to be there. And, if any of the guys on the team gives me crap I’m not going to worry about it.”

  “That sounds like a plan.”

  “And … I want to go ask Mr. Holland if I can start working some for him. Not all the time, but when I have a weekend free or early in the mornings or something.”

  “Do you think you have time for that?”

  “I think if it’s important to me, I do.”

  He’d grown up. “All right. I can respect that.”

  “Can we go over to his house now and ask him?”

  “It’s still early. Plus, we should probably call.”

  “Mom, I’m afraid if I wait any longer I’m going to chicken out.”

  Though she still felt like it was a little rude to just go over there, Dani figured that Jeremy needed to be able to hold his head up right now. And that trumped everything. “Give me five minutes to put on some makeup.”

  His eyes brightened. “Really? You’ll take me this morning?”

  A dozen little encouraging phrases and comments floated through her head. All of them were typical mom things. But at the moment, she thought they all sounded a little wrong, a little bit too motherly.

  So all she did was nod and smile before walking to her bathroom.

  CHAPTER 34

  From Les Larke’s

  You, Too, Can Host

  a Poker Tourney:

  Believe it or not, some guys even use their time at the poker table to talk business.

  Almost a whole month had passed since they’d had the poker tournament for Jeremy and Dani. To Jackson’s amazement, that one event, as difficult to accept for Jeremy as it had been, had broken down a lot of the barriers between him and Jackson.

  And maybe, it had also broken down some of the barriers Dani had formed about dating again. She was more open with him, and with Jeremy and Kate about their relationship. Jackson realized that he had made the same strides. He’d stopped looking back and asking God and everyone who would listen why he’d had to lose his wife at such a young age, or why Kate had to grow up without a mother. Or why he’d had to lose the only job he’d ever wanted to have.

  To his surprise, when he’d stopped missing what used to be, he’d allowed himself to think about what was possible. And that’s when he’d realized that a whole lot still was possible for him.

  Including love.

  He knew they all needed more time to adjust, but Jackson knew what he wanted for his future. He wanted him and Kate and Dani and Jeremy to be a real family. He wanted to marry Dani one day. Maybe even have another child.

  But he was in no hurry. For now, he was okay with helping Jeremy get to his games and giving Dani as much support as she needed in order to work on her degree. And as for work? Well, like everything else, he realized that once he’d stopped wishing for what wasn’t, he was pretty darn grateful for what he had. The Corner Bar was a good place. He liked Melissa and Brad and the other staff members, too.

  And Gen? Well, Gen was complicated and ornery and also really kind. She was also a good boss. He was good with bartending for her until something else came along that would suit him better.

  And now that she was hot and heavy with her man Seth, she had given Jackson a raise and was leaving him in charge more and more, so she could see him.

  All that was going through his head when he was wiping down the bar and listening to Gen and Kimmy banter back and forth about whether or not a certain B-list celebrity should have gotten that new tattoo on her wrist or not.

  “You know I’m not against tattoos,” Gen said. “All I’m saying is that if she wants to proclaim her love for Daveed, then she could’ve picked an easier place for it to be able to be removed.”

  “She won’t ever want it removed. They’re in love,” Kimmy replied.

  “Yeah. For now.”

  “Forever.”

  “Forever’s a long time,” Joel, one of their regulars murmured into his scotch.

  “Amen to that,” Gen said.

  After Kimmy delivered a couple of glasses of merlot to a table of women, she popped out a hip. “I need three Rhinegeists on tap, Jack.”

  “Got it.”

  As he poured, Kimmy continued on. “Gen, the problem with you is that you don’t believe in love.”

  “Of course I do. Have you not seen Seth?”

  Melissa chuckled as she approached the bar. “Seth would make even me believe in love.”

  “You’re married with two kids,” Kimmy said.

  “I know. I love Sean, too. But I’m just saying that Seth is hot, like tamale hot.”

  “I’m thinking we’ve talked this conversation into the ground.”

  “Probably. Sorry, Jackson.” Smiling at him, she said, “I need a Bacardi and Coke, margarita, top shelf, and two Miller Lites.”

  “On it.”

  As he poured drinks and punched in the tickets, Gen came around to stand next to him. “You’ve been pretty quiet during our lively discussion, Jackson.”

  “Other than trying to shut it down?” he joked.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I’m not exactly certain who the starlet is who got that tattoo and I have no desire to ever think about Seth in any way at all.”

  “I’m sure he appreciates that, too.”

  “Do you have any tattoos, Jackson?” Kimmy asked.

  “Nope.”

  “You didn’t get one even when you were younger?”

  “Nope, though I ain’t opposed to them either. Beth and I never talked about getting them.” Setting a glass on Melissa’s tray, he let himself try to imagine Beth in a tattoo parlor’s chair. Nope. Couldn’t do it. She didn’t like needles even a little bit.

  “Maybe you’ll get Dani’s name on you.”

  He grinned. “Maybe, though I don’t reckon that she’d be all that excited about a tattoo. But if I do, I’ll likely not choose my wrist.”

  “Where, on your heart?” Melissa teased.

  “Heck no. I’d put it on my bicep or something and show it off.”

  Kimmy and Melissa laughed as they went back to the tables. Gen waved goodbye to Joel. Then sighed when they finally got a lull. “Whew. What a night, huh?”

  “It’s a good one. You’ve had a good crowd tonight.”

  “Moments like this, when the crowd is easy, and the girls are chatty and it’s almost cool outside? It makes me think that I’m going to miss it here.”

  They were now standing side by side, staring at the crowd. He nudged her with his elbow. “Why would you miss it? Is Seth taking you on a trip soon?”

  “No.” She turned to look directly into his eyes. “I decided to move to Texas, Jackson.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “No, I’m serious. Seth and I are serious. Real serious.”

&n
bsp; He stopped and stared at her. “Wow.”

  She laughed softly. “I’m thinking I caught you off guard.”

  “You would be thinking correctly.” Though a bunch of questions were running through his head, the most pressing being what she was going to do with the bar, he forced himself to think about her. “I’m real happy for you. Truly.”

  She looked doubtful. “You don’t think I’m making a mistake?”

  “It’s not my place to judge.”

  “But?”

  “But I know that from the minute he walked in here it was obvious that he meant something to you.” Remembering that first night that Seth had walked in, he smiled at her. “That first night, you wore an expression like a bomb had just gone off.”

  “I felt like it. I honestly thought I’d never see him again.”

  “After y’all talked and straightened everything out, you’ve been happy. Almost content.”

  Gen nodded. “That’s how I feel. When Seth and I talked I realized that this bar isn’t as special to me as I thought.”

  “Speaking from someone who knows a lot about losing someone I loved forever, I’d say that you’re making the right choice.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by a couple who joined them at the bar, then Melissa coming back around with another drink order. He and Gen filled the orders, washed the dirty glasses in the sink. He ran to the back to get another bottle of tequila.

  When the rush eased up again, Gen said, “You haven’t asked about the bar.”

  “I figure you’ll tell me what you’re going to do with it when you’re ready.”

  “Well, I’m not quite ready to sell it yet, but I’m going to need a manager.”

  “Okay.” He mentally exhaled. He wasn’t about to lose his job.

  “What do you think about that?”

  “I think it’s going to be fine. You’ve got a good customer base and some great employees, myself included.”