Beautiful Mistakes

by Sam Mariano

  Rolling his eyes, he said, "Yeah, my lovely sister kind of trapped me. Anyway, I think you still owe me a dance."

  "Just a dance?" she said only half-jokingly.

  But instead of responding playfully as she had expected, he averted his gaze a bit uncomfortably.

  "It was a joke," she said quickly, but she felt her heart sink and her face redden. Forcing a brave and incredibly fake smile, she said, "I'm parched, so… um, I'm going to get a drink before the next song comes on."

  Thankfully he just nodded and let her go by herself; she was glad, since she felt too disappointed to fake it if Aaron followed her.

  He hadn't meant to kiss her. It had been the moment mixed with the alcohol, and if he would have kissed her he would have ended up regretting it.

  Perhaps it was good that Matt had sent Rebecca to ruin the moment, to stop the kiss from happening.

  But she hadn't been lying; she knew drunk guys did things like that.

  So why did she feel so damn disappointed?

  Sighing a little miserably, her gaze drifted over the crowd, looking for a familiar face—none of them really friendly, of course, but she may as well focus on something other than the ill-fated kiss that Aaron never meant to give her.

  The face she landed on belonged to Emma, who wasn't looking at Julie, but at Aaron, a pensive look on her pretty face.

  Anna was in Matt's lap, and she appeared to be getting very cranky as she held her body rigidly straight and whined, rubbing her eyes with her little fist.

  Irritation flitted across Emma's face and then she turned, taking Emma from Matt and saying something to him, then grabbing Anna's diaper bag and making her way toward the exit.

  The wedding reception was winding down, Julie realized.

  She looked back over at Matt's table and saw him leaning back in his chair, gazing in the direction Emma had left. He looked like he was waiting for something, and after a few more seconds he slowly sat forward, but then he still appeared to be waiting, stealing another glance back. Finally he stood, glancing around casually and then looking directly at Julie—informing her that he had probably known she was there all along since he didn't have to search—and walking toward the table she was standing next to.

  Breaking the eye contact, Julie started walking back over to her table, not waiting for Matt to approach her. Instead, she went to find Aaron, putting her drink down on the table and grabbing his hand, pulling him up and startling him.

  "What's going on?" he asked, confused.

  "I want my last dance," she said with a little smile. "People are beginning to leave, we can get out of here whenever you want guilt-free."

  "Wow, you're certainly in a hurry," he remarked as he followed her out onto the floor.

  "Do you want to be here any longer than we have to be?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

  "Not really," he said, shaking his head.

  "Okay, then let's dance so we can get out of here."

  As they went back out to the dance floor, they danced again just like they had the times before, but Julie was more reserved, and it really wasn't fun.

  Before, even though she hadn't consciously been thinking of it that way, everything was romantic. There was slow music playing, the lights were just dim enough, couples gliding across the dance floor, Julie enjoying the gleam in Aaron's eye as he gazed down at her.

  It wasn't romantic anymore, even as he held her in her arms—but at a careful distance. Perhaps he was being a gentleman—but she was finally realizing that maybe that wasn't what she wanted. Maybe—just maybe—she wanted to be looked at the way he had been looking at her before when he meant to kiss her, like she was the only woman in the room. Maybe she wanted to be held in his arms as they danced, and maybe she didn't want to deal with his damn emotional distance.

  Hadn't she dealt with enough emotionally elusive men in her time that she should be able to spot one?

  She wasn't sure when the desire had blossomed, but she was suddenly quite sure that she didn't see Aaron the way she had seen him before. When they had been dancing, she had wanted him to kiss her. And despite the interruption, she wanted him to still want to kiss her.

  But the truth remained, cold and uncaring of her wants and desires: he only seemed to want to kiss her when he was drunk.

  That was not good. She was at least wise enough to know that, even if it took him regretting trying to kiss her even when he was drunk.

  "What's wrong?" Aaron asked, apparently noticing her change in mood.

  She shook her head and said casually, "Nothing."

  He narrowed his eyes. "Are you lying to me?" he gently nudged.

  Shaking her head at how pointless it all was, she said, "Nope."

  "You seem… distant," he remarked.

  She wanted so badly to say, Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it? Instead she shook her head silently.

  Observing her for a few more seconds, he said, "Did someone say something to you?"

  Emma, but it wasn't her fault Julie was distant.

  Instead of saying that, she asked, "What do you think someone would say to me?"

  "I don't know," he said, watching her a little more carefully. "You seem kind of mad at me…"

  Sighing, she said, "I'm not mad at you, Aaron, I'm…" But she stopped, shaking her head. "Just… it's not important, I'll deal with it."

  "Is it something I did?" he asked, frowning a little. "I didn't mean to offend you."

  "Don't worry about it," she said dismissively.

  But he still looked mildly uncomfortable, and then he went on to say the one thing that could annoy her to the point of snapping at him.

  "If it's about earlier…before Becca interrupted… I'm sorry about that, I just—”

  "Ugh, Aaron, just… don't. Okay?" She looked up at him then, a flick of irritation in her eyes, but she tried to clear it from her expression. "You don't like me that way, you're just an affectionate drunk. It is fine. I get it. You have made yourself clear, it's not something you have to apologize for."

  "It isn't that," he said.

  "Yes, it is. You don't have to tip-toe around my feelings, Aaron. I have had a heavy dose of reality since I moved to Chicago, and that's fine, because maybe that's what I needed, but I don't need you to coddle me and I don't need you to apologize. It is what it is, right?" she said, shrugging her shoulders and offering a half-hearted smile. "It's fine. Don't worry. I'll feel awkward for a weekend, and then I'm sure everything will return back to normal. And hey, you're drinking, so if you want to help you can just pretend not to remember and we might even be able to cut out the awkwardness altogether."

  "It's not that I don't like you, Julie," he said, looking a little bit torn.

  "Really, Aaron? Because to my knowledge, when you like a girl, you kiss her. You don't avoid being around her all the time, you don't shun her advances when you're drunk—”

  "I already told you," he said, a touch irritated, "I am looking out for your best interests."

  "Well, you're not my parent or my stockbroker; that's not your job. It's noble, but it's not your job, and it's not what a guy does when he likes a girl. You know how a guy acts when he is interested in a girl? He wants to kiss her. He can't stand seeing another guy dance with her. When he's drinking and she wants to cuddle, not only does he cuddle with her, Aaron, but usually things go even a step further—especially when they're sharing a damn hotel room together for the weekend." Rolling her eyes a little and shaking her head in mild frustration, she went on, "Please just forget that this conversation and the entire evening almost happened. I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this, I just… realized it, and… I don't know, but just pretend not to remember tomorrow and I'll go along with it, okay?"

  She couldn't look at him then, as she had just opened up way too much for comfort, so she continued to dance a little stiffly in his arms and watch other people dance over his shoulder.

  Aaron said nothing to her response, thus validating every word of it in her mi
nd.

  In the moment, everything had just come spilling out, but as the comfort level decreased with every breath, she began to wish she would have kept her mouth shut and had her little epiphany in her mind only.

  So she was having romantic inclinations toward Aaron. They were not returned. Therefore, rather than worsening the situation by telling him about it, she should have kept her big mouth shut.

  Apparently future-planning was not her strong suit when it came to men. From emotionally unavailable guys who still loved their exes she upgraded to guys who claimed to love her but couldn't stay faithful, then on to married men who seemed genuinely unhappy in their marriage until they got caught and then changed their tune, finally to the married man's brother who played the reluctant knight-in-shining-armor but was so repelled by the mistakes she had made that he saw her only as his brother's mistress…

  She sure knew how to pick 'em.

  The only thing they all had in common was their unavailability.

  What a wonderful trait to be attracted to.

  The song wasn't over, but Aaron pulled her out of her thoughts by saying, "Do you really want to finish this dance or do you just want to go?"

  "Let's just go," she said, immediately stopping the forced movement and taking a step back.

  But he wasn't even looking at her, he was glancing at a spot just beyond her as he said, "Actually, why don't you go ahead and I'll be up in a few minutes? I'm gonna say goodbye to my family and stuff since I won't be seeing them again soon."

  She said okay and nodded, but since he was still gazing past her she felt her curiosity getting piqued, and she stole a peek over her shoulder to see what had his attention.

  As if her level of disappointment hadn't been high enough, her eyes landed on Shannon, gazing back at Aaron with her remorseful doe eyes.

  "I see," Julie said quietly. Then, with her head down, her eyes trained on the floor, she walked away, shaking her head in mild disgust.

  Glancing back at Julie, he seemed to realize what she had seen, so he turned to go after her. "No, Julie, it's not like that," he told her.

  "It doesn't matter, Aaron, it's really none of my business," she said, grabbing her purse off of her table and momentarily wishing she would have stayed at the apartment in Chicago for the weekend, and then nothing would have changed. "I'll see you back at the room later. Maybe," she added, wasting no time talking to him or waiting to hear what he said.

  She knew he wouldn't come after her; the man wouldn't even kiss her, so why would he dramatically chase her into the hotel lobby?

  She made it out of the reception room and down the hallway, and was about home free when she heard from behind her, "Julie, wait."

  Pausing, she sighed and turned around. "What do you want?"

  Matt stood before her, a look of near-concern in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

  "Oh, I'm fucking great, Matt, why wouldn't I be?" she replied a bit shrewishly.

  "It looked like you and Aaron… were fighting."

  "Nope," she said succinctly. "I'm just tired. I'm going back to our room."

  Sighing, he ran a hand through his dark head of hair and shook his head. "It was never supposed to be like this."

  Unable to argue, she just looked vaguely at the lapels of his jacket, silently agreeing. Her life was never supposed to turn out the way it seemed to be going.

  Meeting her eyes, he said simply, "This is really hard."

  "What is?" she asked impatiently.

  He shook his head slightly, as if annoyed at his inability to formulate the right words. "Everything. All of this. It all got out of hand. I know that you think I'm an asshole, and I guess I've proved that I am, but… I really did care about you, Julie. I do. It's not like this is easy for me, and then to top it all off by having to see you with my brother… genius retaliation, if I do say so myself."

  He managed to look so sincere that it sent white-hot anger right through Julie, and she snapped at him. "Don't pull that shit with me, Matt. I know way too much now to feel bad because you have to see me dance with your brother. How do you think he felt when he found out you were fucking his girlfriend?"

  Fire flashed in his eyes then, and for a moment, the cowardly side of Matt that she was seeing a lot of lately went away and the more fiery side of him came out. "Probably the same damn way I felt when he fucked around with my wife because he believed that conniving little bitch's story."

  Slam.

  Her heart hurled itself into her ribcage again and her jaw went slack, her eyes widening a little of their own volition.

  Raising his eyebrows, he said, "Don't look so surprised, Julie. You didn't think Saint Aaron was infallible, did you? You're so… gullible," Matt said, shaking his head. "I tried to warn you—I won't act completely altruistic here, it wasn't just for you, it was for me, too. I couldn't stand the thought of you with him—my brother, of all the men in the damn city. But you believe everything he tells you. You were so easy."

  Scowling, she shook her head. "I… I don't believe you."

  She heard a sigh from behind him and her gaze flew to the source of the sound, to the sight of Aaron standing there against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets, looking at the back of his brother's head.

  "I knew it was coming," Aaron stated as he walked up behind his brother.

  Matt stepped off to the side a little and turned to face Aaron. "Well, you spilled all of my dirty laundry and then you even had to rub your little conquest in my face. Did you expect me to keep my mouth shut and cover for you? Not that I'm proud of it, but I'm pretty sure I put her through enough myself, she doesn't need to go through the other brother's bullshit, too. Julie's just another way for you to take out your anger on me, and I'm not going to let you do that to her. My hands may be tied right now about certain things, but I care about her too much to let you hurt her just to spite me."

  "I haven't done a damn thing to her," Aaron shot back. "You're the one who disillusioned her, Matt, not me. I tried telling her that she didn't know what she was getting into with me, and I never lied to her."

  "Really?" Matt asked, nodding at his brother. "Well, I assume you heard, right?"

  Aaron said nothing for a second, just pressed his lips together firmly and looked at Matt, his gaze brimming with hostility.

  "I can repeat myself if you missed it," Matt offered. "You say you don't lie to her, so go ahead, tell her. I tried, but she says she doesn't believe me, because of course her Aaron would never do such a thing."

  Feeling a little bewildered and even more cautious, she looked at Aaron.

  "He's lying, right?" Julie said. "Just… one of those things you said that he would say to try to make me doubt you?"

  Matt scoffed and shook his head, but it was Aaron she was looking at. "Wow, Aaron."

  Aaron dropped his gaze to the floor, then averted his gaze a little uncomfortably off to the side before finally meeting her gaze, saying, "Not… entirely."

  "About which part?" she asked.

  "I'll make it easy," Matt said. "He likes to make me out to be the biggest asshole in the world because of rumors about me and his girlfriend—rumors that weren't even true, and yet because of Aaron and Emma they ruined Shannon's career, their relationship, and threatened my marriage—and I'm sure he has given you a veritable field day about your affair with me, but you know what you don't hear about? Aaron and Emma—the revenge for the fictitious affair."

  "Is that… true? You and Emma?" she asked, unable to keep the appalled look off her face as she asked Aaron, waiting to hear his denial.

  "I told you, Julie, that you might hear things about me this weekend…"

  "I don't care what I heard, Aaron, I'm asking you. Did something really… happen between you two?"

  His prolonged silence was really enough of an answer for her, but she still held a little thread of hope until the moment when he finally bowed his head slightly and said, "Yes."

  Feeling as if the rug had been pulled from right beneath h
er feet, she staggered a little, leaning back against the wall.

  Images of Emma in the bathroom came swimming into her head, a million questions surfacing from the new knowledge about why she would even do that.

  Emma and Aaron?

  She couldn't stand the thought, and she wished that she could just erase the knowledge from her mind.

  "You slept with your brother's wife?" she reiterated.

  Sighing, Aaron said, "No, it didn't… get that far. It almost got that far, but…"

  Her previous thoughts resurfaced in her mind, the thoughts about how she wouldn't be the perfect revenge on Matt, Emma would.

  Apparently Aaron had thought of that already.

  "And you have been… so hard on me," she said, shaking her head. "I thought that you thought I was the worst person alive because of what I had done, and you… had done virtually the same thing."

  "It wasn't like that, Julie," Aaron said, but his voice was so low and his expression was so dismal that she didn't quite believe him. "It was… we were both… hurt."

  "Ugh, no," she said, closing her eyes against the images that emerged in her head of Emma and Aaron taking comfort in each other. "No, I—you… you're a hypocrite," she finally managed. "You're a hypocrite and… you shouldn't have let me hear this from Matt. If you were so concerned with me hearing about this then you should have come clean to me, you should have been the one to tell me this story, but instead you sat back and waited, pushing me away and keeping yourself at a distance until your brother finally ratted you out."

  "This is why I tried to warn you, Julie. I didn't want this to happen, but…"

  "But you knew it would," she said. "And yet… you let it."

  "How could I stop it, Julie? Yes, this is why I kept my distance; I didn't want you to… get involved and then get slapped in the face with this," Aaron stated.

  "Because you had an affair with your brother's wife?" she asked, staring at him. "That's why you didn't kiss me? That really is the big reason you always push me away?"

  "Yes," he said, finally coming alive. "I have skeletons too, Julie. They're not… the way that he made them sound to you just now, but…"