You Never Knew Me (The Never Series Book 1)

by B C Morgan

  I rest my head on the bed for a second before sitting up straight and sighing, I feel so drained at the moment.

  “My mum wrote to me, worded it as an apology but she still found a way to bring my own pain to the surface. She can’t put herself down, without bringing others down with her. You know, I know you probably can’t hear me, and you won’t remember any of this even if you could. But I need to talk about it to someone, and I think you’re the best bet right now.”

  I hold his hand between both of mine, trying to work out where to start. I feel ridiculous, but maybe it will do some good getting it off my chest.

  “Elliott was my hero, but I keep thinking that he knew he may not make it home to me. Does that mean he was doing something dodgy or was it more of a sixth sense? I’ve felt so alone since he was taken from me and I’m finally realising just how lonely I really was. I did something really bad H, something I can’t forgive myself for and I don’t expect or want others to either.” It’s so much easier to speak to him, I know it's because he can’t really hear me, and he can’t answer back but the point still stands. And I like keeping him company.

  “I hurt someone real bad, it wasn’t deliberate but it’s what I did after that weighs on me the most. I wish I could talk to her and tell her how sorry I truly am and how, if I could, I would switch places with her in a heartbeat.”

  I can’t say any more, so instead I’m just going to sit here until it’s time for me to leave. I’ll meet up with Eli, climb in the car his mum sent down and then it’s off to London to meet the parents. I don’t even know which one is the most daunting right now.

  Maria comes in just as I’m about to leave and her words make me feel sad, apparently his parents have to leave in two weeks, which means he won’t have any visitors. How am I supposed to swing that?

  Climbing into the car, I can already tell something is going on. Eli won’t look at me apart from a few sideways glances, oh I am so screwed.

  “What have you done?”

  “Hey, I haven’t done anything I swear. It’s just, my mum wanted to meet the only girl I’m willing to bring home,” he says while giving me a sheepish grin.

  Oh no, please don’t say it, please don’t say it.

  “She’s in the front seat and she’ll be joining us here in the back soon, she just didn’t want you to feel ambushed.” Yeah you better look guilty Elijah, this is some real sneaky shit and I do not appreciate it.

  “Little late for that Eli,” I say as the door is pulled open and a genuine laugh fills the car.

  “Someone can call you Eli, she must be a special lady,” says Elijah’s mum, I’m assuming.

  She has the same shade of blonde hair as her son and her eyes are a brighter blue, but still stunning. She’s ageless and looks way too young to have a son my age. she has crows’ feet by her eyes which just shows how much she smiles.

  “Um, hi.” Real smooth Henleigh, and why have I got my hand up.

  “Hello Henleigh, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Elisa, usually a hugger but you’ve been saved from that fate due to the car.”

  Again, my smile feels more like a grimace but I’m so nervous. I thought I’d have time to prepare, how am I supposed to act in this situation?

  “Baby it’s okay, just be yourself,” Elijah says as he wraps one of his arms around me and Elisa’s smile grows even wider.

  “We’ve missed our son so much, but I was able to convince his dads to stay at home, I thought that may have been a tad excessive for a first meet. Now, the address Jah gave me is surprising. Do your parents know where you’re going?”

  “No ma’am they don’t, I won’t ask you to lie for me or keep it from them; if you feel you need to tell them then I understand. But this is something I need to know – they think they’re protecting me keeping me in the dark. It’s just, I don’t agree with them. I think it’s destroying my life and it’s keeping me from being the person I want to be.”

  I didn’t know I was gripping Eli’s hand until he’s squeezing mine back. I’m so glad he’s here with me, even if that thought is a proper shocker for me. I can’t believe I’m finding comfort in the one guy who can really push my buttons.

  “I feel that your parents should know, but I wouldn’t appreciate being told something like this by a complete stranger. I just hope you will tell them yourself, as for staying with us although I am more than ready to have another lady in the house. You need to speak to your parents first.”

  I can feel my face draining of all my colour, shit on a cracker if I do that he’ll drag me back home. I was looking forward to seeing Bella for a week before I have to go back to my ‘rents house.

  “Ask them if you can stay and I will speak to them after. I’ll assure them it will be perfectly safe and under adult supervision the entire time.” She exaggerates the last two words whilst pointedly looking at Elijah.

  I’m pulling my phone out, and I’m ringing before I can talk myself out of it. I don’t want them to answer but of course good old Dad picks up on the third ring.

  “Hennie, how are you? Are you calling to ask to come home early?” He sounds nervous as he asks that part, something is going on.

  “Dad, I’m okay, tired but glad to be out of there for a little while. I was wondering if I could stay with a friend for a few days before I go to Bella’s. It is a guy but it’s harmless I promise.”

  “Is it that Noah kid?”

  “No, Noah is spending some alone time with his mum. It’s Elijah and I know you haven’t met him but he’s not that different from Noah at all,” I’m really trying not to laugh as I say this, they’re bloody chalk and cheese.

  “I don’t know about this Hennie, I don’t feel comfortable with you staying at some random boy’s house,” typical dad response I’m sure.

  “He’s not some boy, he’s the reason I even have a social life. He wouldn’t stop bugging me until I agreed to be mates with him, that sounds bad I know but I’m not going to have you think badly of him or any of the people in my life. It’s not like you’ve made the effort to get to know me since you sent me away,” I throw my phone on the seat and cover my face with my hands.

  I feel so embarrassed for losing my cool in front of Elisa, so much for a good first impression.

  “Mr. Monterey, good afternoon I’m Elisa Holden. I’m sorry to intrude on your conversation with Henleigh but she’s become quite distressed and I know as a parent myself, we only want our children to be safe and happy. I completely understand why you wouldn’t feel comfortable with her staying with us, I had my doubts also. But rest assured that I will be there the entire time as will Elijah’s dads. And you are welcome to come over so you can meet us, I was going to pass you my personal number and address regardless, as I would feel better knowing that you have that information.”

  She’s sitting here nodding at whatever my dad is saying, even though he can’t see her it’s making me smile.

  “It’s okay, no one can refuse my mum it’s her superpower.” Maybe he’s right but I can’t see it working on my old man.

  She’s talking to him for a few more moments before she says bye and hands me back my phone, but he’s already gone.

  “He didn’t want to upset you any further, he did ask that I get you to call him later once you’ve settled into your room.” Her smile is like a ray of sunshine, and I’m so relieved that he agreed, she really does have a superpower.

  We drive for a while and it’s so long that I’m finding myself nodding off. I guess I must have because Elijah is waking me up and when I look out of the window, I see the prison.

  Oh damn, now that I’m here. I don’t know if I can do this, the whole time I’ve been stuck in Padstow it’s been leading up to this moment. But what if I am making a huge mistake?

  “You don’t have to do anything you do not want to, we can turn around and go back to ours if you’d prefer,” says Elisa, gently placing her hand on the one I’m using to squeeze Elijah’s to death.

  “It’s
so tempting, but I have to go in there. If I don’t, I doubt I’ll ever get the opportunity to again. I’m just...scared.” I really am, I don’t know what to expect or if he’ll even want to see me. It’s been ten years for fuck sake.

  “This isn’t the place you went to is it? I don’t think they hold minors here.” Elijah is so cavalier about it, I’m in shock. What is his mum going to think about me now after that bombshell he just let loose.

  “Bloody hell Elijah, I would like your mum to like me you know,” I say and I feel so humiliated.

  “What do you mean, she already knows you went to juvie. It came out when I was talking to my dad and he tells her everything. Believe me I really do mean, everything.” He extenuated that last word and I can’t help but facepalm myself in exasperation, fear and embarrassment.

  “It’s okay Henleigh, and I’m glad I know. Besides, how can I hold something like that against you, one of my husbands has actually been to prison. We don’t do hypocrisy in our family. But Jah is right, this couldn’t be where you went,” she says, looking up at the prison.

  “No it isn’t, this is where the guy I saw as a brother has been held for the last ten years. He’s apparently the one responsible for Elliott’s death.” Did I sound sarcastic then? I have no idea, but I guess it shows that I am still not sold on him being held accountable for the deaths that day.

  “Hen, I should have realised. Are you going to be okay, do you want me to come with you?” My Elijah, I could well and truly kiss you right now. If only I could take him up on his offer.

  “You’re a good guy Eli and I want to say yes, believe me I do. But I need to do this by myself, I knew Devon and if I wasn’t wrong about him all those years ago, then he won’t hurt me,” I reply. Please let him be the same guy I thought I knew.

  “We’ll wait right here for you and if it gets too much, then you just come on back. Don’t put yourself under any duress,” Elisa says before giving my shoulder and squeeze.

  Taking a deep breath, I climb out of the car and refuse to look back. I can do this. I know I can.

  I’m passing through all the checkpoints fine and I’ve had to hand over my phone to a guard. What do they think I will do? Post a selfie with Devon, as if.

  I’m taken to a visiting room and now I’m sitting here, watching the clock tick and waiting for Devon to appear. It’s been ten years and I was looking at him through the eyes of a seven-year-old, as someone who adored and worshipped him. How am I supposed to know the way to look at him now? I need answers. My hands are clammy, my heart feels like it’s going to burst right out of my chest, and I can feel perspiration forming on my forehead.

  The door opens and the prisoners are guided in, we have our own table to sit around but no one is approaching mine yet. I don’t want to sit here staring at them all, so I’m chipping my black varnish off instead.

  “Little Hen?” That name takes me back and I feel seven years old again. He looks so shocked to see me, like I’m a mirage or maybe even a ghost and looking at him right now, it’s a shock for me too. I can tell it’s Devon, but he looks so different. Older, Harder, scarier.

  The one reason I won’t let anyone call me that, it’s already owned, and only Devon and the other brothers of my soul would ever call me that. It doesn’t matter what the guys mean to me, I can’t be their little Hen, it’s only Devon now.

  I’m looking up and up and up some more, he’s a mountain of a man and clearly, he’s been taking advantage of the prison gym since he’s been here. His muscles are huge, and it looks like he’s made from granite, even his pecs are straining through his prison shirt.

  “Hey Devy,” I say, my voice comes out soft, and I wish I didn’t sound like a child right now.

  “I can’t believe it’s really you, I thought it had to be a trick when I saw your name. You have definitely grown up, you’re beautiful.” He sounds wistful and maybe even a little choked up, but no one dares to look at him, I wonder how many fights he’s been in and how many he lost. It would probably be easier to count the losses than the wins, Devon rarely ever lost.

  “It’s been ten years, of course I’ve grown up. Did you expect me to stay seven forever?” I ask and a laugh slips free from him in a deep baritone.

  His eyes show the ten years haven’t been easy, but prison hasn’t broken him, he’s all muscle – and I used to think he was huge when I was a kid. He could snap me like a twig if he wanted to, maybe even Amias as well.

  He’s covered in tattoos, and he’s got a scar running down the left side of his face. It just adds to the fear factor. His hair is cut so close to his head, there’s barely any there. He has a thick beard, with jagged scars marring his arms and his eyebrow has a thick piece of white flesh slicing through it.

  “We could only hope you would, no one wanted to see the day you brought a boy home.”

  “No one will now,” I bite out and his eyes narrow slightly before he shakes it off and drops a smile onto his face.

  It’s not a nice smile in any way, shape or form. It doesn’t scare me, I can’t fear Devon even though the logical part of my brain tells me I should.

  “Why are you here little Hen? What would possess you to come to prison?” He speaks as though I’m a child, I assume it's that, otherwise he thinks I’m an idiot and I won’t stand for that.

  “I need to know what happened that day, I don’t care what anyone says. You didn’t kill them, you wouldn’t have. You loved them as much as I did, you were always there to keep them safe. Please Devon, I need to know.” I haven’t seen him for ten years but he’s still the brother of my heart and I won’t hide the way I feel from him. I don’t care that I sound desperate and a little frantic, this is important to me and he needs to realise that.

  “Whether you need it or not, I won’t be the one telling you. Do you know what the truth will actually do? It will ruin every notion and conception you have of Elliott and our brothers. I won’t do that to them or you. But you’re both wrong and right, I didn’t kill them, but I did have a hand to play whether intentional or not. Don’t worry little Hen, I’ll be out soon and then I’ll make the true culprits suffer for what they took from us.” His look has never been darker than it is right now, he has a plan and I can’t help but assume it will lead to a lot of bloodshed.

  “Devon, no, please tell me. I can’t keep living like this, and you can’t get out and go after someone you’ll end up straight back in here,” I exclaim, now feeling scared for him. He’s going to get himself into more trouble, he isn’t invincible!

  “No I won’t, because I don’t plan on surviving it, when I take them down I’ll be a good little captain and go down with the ship. And I won’t tell you a damn thing, why would I let you risk yourself for a fool’s errand? It won’t bring Elliott or any of the others back, you won’t be getting any help from me little Hen. And I severely doubt you’ll get very far on your own.” He’s so hard and mocking and although it’s angering me, I still love him.

  “I want to help you get justice for them.” Yeah I really am a fool, as if he’s going to agree to that. I need to stop letting my emotions rule my actions and words.

  “Henleigh I promised your brother I would keep you safe and that’s exactly what I have and will be doing. I haven’t left you alone for a single day that I’ve been locked up. There has always been someone keeping a watchful eye on you. I’ll admit I wanted to wring their neck when you ended up in the hospital but unfortunately things can happen.” I know that look, he’s going to make them suffer because I was attacked by the Shepherds. Wait a second, he’s been spying on me.

  “Hang on, you’ve got someone in my school. Watching me?” This is so messed up.

  “Got it in one, do you want to know who it is little Hen. I can guarantee you won’t like the answer,” he offers me the crumb and I snatch it up.

  “Why would you tell me this, but not the truth about my brother?” That has to be the best question I’ve asked so far.

  “Because he broke the
rules and I do not appreciate that. He wasn’t supposed to get that close to you, so now he can face your justice. Please, little Hen, drop the rest of it. Don’t ruin the image you have of Elliott. He can never improve it.” This would be the time that anyone but Devon would beg; he’s not the type of person to beg for anything, he orders and you better listen and do as you’re told.

  “Nothing will ever change the way I see him, but if you won’t tell me then I’ll find a way to figure it out for myself. I won’t let sleeping dogs lie, so tell me who you set on me and then I’m gone.” I’ve had enough, if he refuses to help me then I’ll go it alone.

  “Can’t you see I’m doing this to protect you? the people responsible are not to be messed with. Especially not for you, they will crush you and they’ll take immense pleasure in doing so. I will make them suffer and pay, just enjoy your life. It’s about time you started to actually live.” Devon tries one last time, surely he knows he’s failing miserably.

  “Despite what you think, I don’t need your protection. I love you Devy, I always will, but I’m through with you messing with my life. That’s all you are really doing. So, stop, stop ruining it and trying to keep me out of danger, because it keeps on finding me. Whether the bullies or whatever messed up shite life throws my way. You can’t protect me, so just tell me who you forced into my life so I can kick them to the curb.” My voice is rising and I’m drawing unwanted attention, but I’m nearly past the point where I give two shits about it. So, he tells me.

  He’s right, the answer hurts and it is leaving me with so many doubts and painful questions. Has it all been a lie? Did he ever really care for me or was it all a ruse so he could do Devon’s work. Once summer is over I’m going to find out, and this time, I won’t be lied to or deceived. He thought he knew enough but he and even Devon are about to discover, they never really knew me.

  I will find out not just who killed my brother but why he had to die, my parents are through avoiding my questions. No more miss nice girl, from here on out, anyone who misleads me or keeps me in the dark, will discover just what kind of person I truly am.