Kaleb slowed the kisses down, tenderly kissing her cheek and forehead then framing her face and asking, “Sweet, Jaz, please let me love you.”
“We both know I’m not sweet,” she said, her heart beating high and fast. Love you, love you. Could he really love her? Had anyone but Bree ever loved her? She couldn’t get too caught up in his words. He was a poet, a singer, he didn’t live in reality. He didn’t know the real, deep-down, ugly her. If she showed him that list of the evil people she’d surrounded herself with, these words of love would float away like cotton fluff. The next song would be about a blackened soul hiding behind her beautiful face.
Kaleb chuckled. “No, and I wouldn’t want you sweet. I want you just the way you are, but I want you to be mine. You have to know how desperately I love you.”
Jasmine gasped. His words were sincere, deep, and touching. He studied her, obviously hoping she would return the sentiment. She couldn’t say it back, even though it was there inside of her begging to come out. She wanted to say it quietly, she wanted to shout it. She loved him. She’d never loved anyone like she loved him, but she couldn’t do it. She didn’t know that those words would ever be formed on her lips.
Instead, she snuggled down against his chest and asked him the question she’d formed in her mind thousands of times over the years, but never dared voice to anyone. Most of the people she associated with would laugh if she asked them. “Do you think, I mean in your song you claim I have a heart of gold and I know that’s not true but—”
“Jaz,” he tried to protest but she cut him off.
“It’s not, but do you really think there’s anything good left?” Kaleb was the only person she could trust with this question. “I mean, is redemption really possible for someone like me?”
“Of course it is. There’s so much good in you and Jesus loves you.”
She looked up at him and smiled sarcastically when really she wanted to cry. He didn’t understand and never could. He was simply too pure. “Thank you for the Sunday School answer. I think it’s time for me to say goodnight.”
Kaleb held her tightly against his chest and she didn’t resist him, though it was past time for her to go.
He said quietly, “Redemption is always possible, especially when you accept that Jesus loves you and you let other people love you.” He tilted her chin up. “I love you, Jaz.” The words were said carefully, sincerely, and with such warmth and depth. Words she’d wanted to hear from him, but knew she didn’t deserve. His voice dropped deeper. “Please let your past go and let me in, love.”
She leaned away from him. “You have no clue what you’re asking. What I am. What I’ve done.”
Kaleb’s blue eyes swept over her. “Your past doesn’t matter, Jaz. You matter.”
“You …” She swallowed and admitted, “You matter to me too, Kaleb.”
He smiled and leaned closer. She wanted his kiss, ached for it, but she had to be strong somehow.
“Because you matter to me, I can’t put you in danger. You and I … being together.” She shook her head, terrified of the demons of her past, especially since her conversation with Sutton earlier today and coming face to face with all those names she put on that list. It was horrific to think of involving Kaleb in that. “It would put you in danger physically and emotionally.”
“I don’t care.” Kaleb took one of her hands and put it over his heart. “I, Kaleb Quinn, hereby pledge my love and devotion to Jasmine Quinn and do so even if I am tortured or killed by someone from her past, she sticks a knife in me, knocks me on my butt repeatedly, or never returns my love. I will love Jasmine Quinn until the day I die.”
Jasmine tugged her hand free. He’d been semi-teasing but his words were still beautiful to her. “Not funny,” she said. He’d called her Jasmine Quinn. She supposed it was correct, they were married after all. She loved it. She’d always hated her adoptive family’s surname Peters. What would it mean to be a Quinn? To truly be one with Kaleb?
“Come on, you don’t think I’m funny at all?” He looked incredible, irresistible, but him making light of all her fears—someone from her past hurting him or her never being able to return his love—was terrifying. He didn’t get it. Would he ever?
“You’re cute,” she admitted, “but you’re not funny.”
“Ah, well, at least I’m cute.” He pulled her against his chest. “Please tell me about it, Jaz.”
“About what?” This was it. She’d have to choose—tell him some of the truth or leave his arms. Eventually he’d stop trying to pull her back. That would kill her.
“Your past.”
She sucked in a long breath but didn’t respond. Here it was. Maybe she could just show him the list she’d written for Sutton, and start describing the deeds that she’d done with, and to, numerous criminals. Pain radiated through her. Oh, Kaleb.
“I want to hear everything about you.”
Of course he did. Only Kaleb could look beyond her misdeeds and her lovely face to see the real her. Jasmine sighed and finally acquiesced. “I’ll give you the short version.”
“I want the long version.”
“Well, you’re not getting it, so stop asking.”
He smiled at her sass. She loved that he could smile when she was being bratty. “Why not?” he asked.
“It hurts,” she admitted, thinking of how it had hurt to share so much with Sutton earlier. “It hurts to think about, and especially to tell anybody what I’ve been through, what I’ve done.”
He nodded. “I don’t want you to hurt.”
“Thanks.” She didn’t want him to hurt either, but he would when she had to leave him permanently. She knew that was going to kill both of them.
“But you’ll tell me the short version?”
He was persistent, she’d give him that. She supposed any man that claimed to love her would have to be persistent and then some. Even though she was in his arms now, she knew it wouldn’t last. She’d have to go back to her lonely, horrific reality and he’d have to go back to his utopia. In his optimistic mind, he couldn’t possibly foresee how short-lived any happiness was for the two of them.
“Short version it is …” She drew in a few breaths and pushed them out. How to explain without giving him too many gory details? “When I was eight I was adopted. The family got rid of Bree and kept me. My adoptive mom later explained it was because they could see how inherently good Bree was and how mischievous and dark I was.”
“That’s not true,” Kaleb protested. “Bree is a good person but so are you.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes. “If you want to keep interrupting we can be done with the stupid story now.”
Kaleb stared at her. “Jaz,” his voice was low and gravelly. “I’m going to help you see how good you are if it kills me.”
Jasmine gave a dark chuckle. “It might kill you.”
“I don’t care.” He pulled her in tighter and kissed her forehead. “Okay, tell me about your adoptive family.”
“They were criminals, but you probably figured that out. They taught me how to fight, how to use my pretty face to lure people in then take them down. Nobody suspects a beautiful, little girl to con them or kick their butts.”
“They forced you to be their pawn, as a child?”
She nodded quickly. “It got more involved the older I got. They were very proud of me, how exceptional I was at fighting, how impressive of a liar I was, how I could betray and backstab anyone, even people who thought I cared about them. And it wasn’t an act. It’s who I was raised to be and who I’ve been as long as I can remember.” She felt dull and dark inside just explaining to him. Was Kaleb’s light going to dim, simply being close to her?
He didn’t say anything so she continued, “I did deals for them that you can’t even imagine.”
“Such as …”
He wanted it, she’d give it to him. “Theft, blackmail, drug deals, trafficking.”
“Human trafficking?” The horror in his voice made her want
to cry, but it was also a twisted reassurance—he was finally realizing how dark and horrible she was. How different their lives had been and how different their future paths needed to be.
She nodded tightly. She could tell him about the intel she’d been able to give to Sutton and the difference it had made shutting down drug lords and trafficking rings, but she didn’t need to be vindicated. She needed Kaleb to understand the truth about her, so he would want to stay far away.
“Oh, Jaz.” His voice was full of sorrow. Instead of pushing her away, he held her closer. “I can’t believe they could do that to you, as a child.”
Jasmine pulled out of his arms and slid next to him on the chaise lounge that was wide enough for both of them to sit comfortably. “I’m not innocent, Kaleb, at all. Why didn’t I stand up to them at some point? Tell a teacher, a neighbor, a policeman?”
“I’m guessing they threatened you.”
“Of course they did.” She would never share the torture, the threats, the belittlement, or the mind-warping. “But why was I so weak? Who cared if they killed me? At least then I wouldn’t have been doing their work. Even as an eight-year old, I knew it was wrong.”
“I care if they killed you,” Kaleb said vehemently. “You aren’t to blame, you were a child.” Luckily he didn’t reach out to her. She didn’t know at this point if she would’ve let him hold her or punched him in the jaw.
She shook her head, focusing on the pool sparkling blue in the night instead of his beautiful face. “I got away from them at eighteen. But instead of doing something good with my life, I got in with other people who were just as bad, maybe worse. No one made me do it then; that was all me. I knew I didn’t deserve any better.” The memories resurfaced of working with Troy and many other men like him. They were similar to her adoptive family and she’d stayed with them, convincing herself she had no other place to go and no opportunity to change her life. She’d even allowed Troy to be her boyfriend at times. It made her so sick. “It wasn’t until Griff and Sutton captured me and gave me a chance to change sides that I went clean.”
“That’s why you said Griff saved your life?”
“That and he literally did save my life. He knocked me out cold as he pushed me out of the way when a bomb exploded. He took the brunt of it with his own back.”
“I’m glad he did.” Kaleb tenderly brushed the hair over her shoulder. “Look at all you’ve overcome, how amazing you are.”
She whipped her head to stare at him. “What are you talking about? I just told you how evil I am.” Obviously she’d not told him near enough if he thought she was some amazing person.
“Jaz.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “I can’t believe you don’t see what everyone else around you sees. You’re tough, full of life, beautiful clear through and a light shines from you that isn’t from darkness.”
She swallowed and could barely manage to say, “You really see all of that?”
“And more.” He smiled gently. “Do you think I just go around telling every beautiful girl that I love them?”
Jasmine shrugged, terrified that he might do exactly that and here she was deluding herself into believing his pretty words.
“You’re the only woman, besides my mama and Navy, who have heard those words from me.” He slowly leaned toward her. Jasmine should’ve pushed him away, instead she met him halfway. Kaleb gave her a soft kiss on the lips, tender, not asking for anything simply showing her how he felt. “I love you, Jaz, and I wouldn’t fall in love with someone who wasn’t good. You’re good.” He nodded. “You’re amazing. The question is … will you let me love you, Jasmine Quinn?”
Jasmine didn’t answer him, but oh how she loved her married name on his lips. She cuddled into his side, her chest rising and falling quickly with emotion. She blinked and blinked but first one tear, and then more started rolling down her face. She buried her face in his shoulder, praying he wouldn’t notice. She hated weakness and crying was for the weakest of the weak in her mind.
Kaleb simply held her for a few minutes as the tears continued. This man, this perfectly wonderful man, he loved her and thought there was good inside of her. Sutton and Griff had both told her they saw good inside her and that’s why they gave her a chance. But she’d always been afraid they were just like everyone else—taken in by her beautiful face and thinking she was innocent because she knew well how to play the part. But maybe there was good there. Kaleb believed it too.
Kaleb’s shirt was getting wetter and wetter, he still hadn’t said anything or made a fuss about her crying. He claimed in his song that she had a heart of gold, but this man was truly gold. He was good through and through and he loved her. She wanted to run around and scream it out to the world. Someone loved her, loved her heart, and loved every part of her. It was actually too beautiful and sacred to her to scream to the world. She wanted him all to herself.
Lifting her face, she stared into Kaleb’s blue eyes. No words were needed as he bent close and kissed the tears off of, first one cheek, and then the other. He focused completely on her, and she waited for him to claim her lips, but it was as if he was asking permission. She smiled tremulously and nodded. Apparently that was all he needed as he bent down to kiss her.
When his lips met hers, they tasted salty from her tears. The acceptance he gave her, the pure love—especially when she’d shared with him more than she’d ever divulged to anyone about her past and her dark deeds—seemed to explode inside her as their lips got tangled up in a communication of love and tenderness. This kiss had nothing to do with lustful desires, it was all about their connection and a deep love that Jasmine hadn’t known existed outside of Kaleb’s beautiful music.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She ignored it and kept savoring every second of this connection. The phone stopped for a second then started again. She pulled back from Kaleb. “Sorry,” she muttered. She pulled her phone out and glared at it. Sutton.
Kaleb trailed his hands through her hair and she trembled and figured Sutton could wait a few more seconds. Setting her phone on a nearby table, she lifted herself onto Kaleb’s lap. He smiled and said, “Wanted me closer, love?”
“Always,” she admitted before wrapping her arms around his neck and trying to show him with her lips exactly how she felt about him. She still couldn’t say it out loud, but Kaleb didn’t seem to mind. She figured he said enough sweet things for the both of them.
Footsteps pounded onto the pool deck and Jasmine forced herself to release her tight grip on Kaleb and turn to glare at whoever dared interrupt the most beautiful moment of her life.
“Jasmine! It’s Sutton.” Noah ran toward them and extended a phone.
Jasmine arched an eyebrow at Kaleb and muttered, “Must be important.” She stood and took the phone. “Yes?”
“Jaz, Manuel’s on his way. The pilot is getting the Gulfstream ready.”
Kaleb stood next to her.
“What happened? Did the media leak where we are?”
“No.” Sutton’s voice was heavy with concern. “Mack Quinn has been kidnapped.”
Jasmine’s gaze flew to Kaleb’s face and she swayed closer to him. He put an arm around her and mouthed, “What is it?”
No! Not Kaleb’s brother. How did she tell him this?
“Any demands?” she asked Sutton. “Is it connected?”
“Definitely connected. The note they left at Mack’s house in Marietta said they want to exchange you for Mack at the Oceanside Pier, Thursday at seven p.m.”
They wanted her for Mack? It could be someone from her past then. The other option was the woman who’d made the initial call was doing all of this to somehow get Kaleb back or simply hurt him as much as possible.
Jasmine blinked up at Kaleb. She leaned heavily into him. “Thursday’s tomorrow.”
“Yes. You’ll make it in plenty of time if you get in the air soon. I’ll email you pics of the ransom note. You’ve got this, Jaz.”
“Of course I do.” She stood st
raight, Sutton’s simple encouragement giving her strength. The only worry was if they hurt Mack. Her being exchanged for him was a best case scenario. If they would’ve asked for Kaleb she would’ve refused.
“Heart of a warrior,” Sutton said.
“Heart of a warrior.” She handed the phone back to Noah who stood watching her anxiously. “You know?” she asked.
Noah shook his head.
“We’re all heading out. Manuel’s on his way to pick us up.”
“Why?” Noah asked.
Kaleb tensed against her. “I’m sorry, Jaz. It’s because of me finding you at the beach this morning and those girls taking pics.”
“No.” She turned to face him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “They’ve kidnapped Mack.”
She heard Noah curse behind her, but she was focused on Kaleb’s face. His blue eyes filled with horror. “Not Mack. No!” A roar of anguish rushed out of him. Jasmine knew the entire Quinn family adored their youngest brother and felt protective of him. She wasn’t quite sure the history behind it, besides him being the youngest, but she’d observed the connections at Ryder and Bree’s wedding a month ago.
“It’s okay.” She hugged him. “They have an easy ransom demand.”
“What? Money? I’ll give them anything.”
She nodded and squeezed him. “They want me.”
She expected him to realize how perfect this was. How stupid these kidnappers were. She’d been in dozens of worse situations than being kidnapped. Once Mack was safe, she could easily overpower them, get free, and then take down these idiots who had threatened the man she loved, and this mess would be behind them. What would happen with her and Kaleb then? She wasn’t sure, especially if the kidnappers were men from her past and all her worries, of bringing danger to him and his family, were confirmed. She couldn’t lie and say she didn’t love him, but would love be enough to overcome her past?
Quinn Family Romance Collection Page 24