Soldier Scarred

by D. K. Holmberg

  Elaine frowned. “Tresten is not here, which means that those of the Conclave must make a choice.”

  “Yes. Your choice is quite revealing.” Endric turned to Pendin. “There is something we need to do while on Salvat.”

  “We?”

  Endric considered his response. What was the right answer? It wasn’t something that Endric felt compelled to do; he felt this was something that was more fitting of the Denraen. His gaze fell on Senda, smiling sadly. It was disappointing that after everything, she wouldn’t be awake or alert enough to see him choosing to serve the Denraen.

  “The Denraen. This is something that the Denraen must do.”

  And if he could convince Elaine to get word to his father, perhaps they could have enough Denraen to counter whatever these others planned.

  27

  The base of the mountain loomed before them. Endric took a long drink from his water skin and wiped his hand across his mouth. There was no bitterness to the water and he wasn’t certain whether that was a good thing or not. It seemed as if the rain that had fallen had diluted the teralin in the pool. That surprised him, as he would have expected that the rain would have washed the ash in the sky down into the pool, concentrating more teralin there.

  “This is a mistake,” Pendin said as they stood near the mountain. Thunder rumbled and the ground shook. Endric was no longer impressed by such tremors, certainly not those that did nothing more than shake the ground like an angry god.

  “We made many mistakes, but this isn’t one of them,” Endric said. “This is something that needs to be done so that we can help others.”

  “And these others, it’s the priests?”

  “They remained in the temple. They continue to serve their gods in the way that they know. They have always served the gods in that way.”

  “What makes you believe that they are in any danger?”

  “Because I was attacked in the temple by them already.” Endric looked at Urik. The other man stared straight ahead with a clenched jaw. “We delayed them, I think. I don’t know how much longer that will be successful.”

  “Why here?” Pendin asked. He looked up the slope of the mountain, his eyes going increasingly wide. “Why is this the place of their temple?”

  “When you see it, you’ll understand.”

  Pendin grinned. “You have found a measure of faith.”

  Endric grunted. Was it faith that he had found or was it the understanding that he needed to remain resolute in how he served? He had a responsibility, one that he was only now growing to fully understand. Maybe it was about more than the Conclave, more than the Denraen, and even more than the Antrilii. He needed to intervene when it was appropriate.

  “I found something,” he said.

  They began climbing. Day turned to night, and they didn’t stop. When they reached a small ledge, they paused, taking a brief respite, each of them drinking and eating what they could. Endric might have slept for a while, but lost track of time. When they got going again, he was only somewhat refreshed. It was enough—it had to be enough.

  They continued climbing. None of them spoke much, and Endric saw no sign of others passing through here. Maybe he’d been mistaken. Maybe there wasn’t going to be an attack on the temple, though he didn’t think that was true. Whatever else the fake Conclave was, they were after something within the temple. He doubted they would abandon it so easily, especially if they thought he was gone.

  “Did you ever hear anything when you traveled with them that would explain why they came here?” Endric asked Urik.

  “They told me that they needed my assistance. They knew who I was, and knew that I had once been a part of the guild. I thought that Tresten had sent word, so I trusted them.”

  “You wanted to trust them,” Pendin said.

  “I wanted to understand what I could,” Urik said. “And I wanted to help Tresten. He believed in me toward the end. That’s not something I expect you to understand, but when everyone had begun to abandon me—including myself—Tresten never did. He continued to find value in me.” Urik fell silent for a few moments as they climbed. After a while, he breathed in a deep sigh. “I would do anything for him.”

  Endric stared at Urik, studying him for a long moment. Could Urik have known about Tresten? Tresten had kept himself secretive with Endric, but maybe that was because he knew about Endric’s beliefs, and he knew that Endric had no interest in serving the gods. Urik was a different matter. Urik wanted to serve the gods, and he had maintained a steadfast devotion to them throughout everything.

  They fell silent again, and it wasn’t until late in the evening that they came across the hidden entrance to the temple. Endric ran his hand along the wall, feeling the faint surge of teralin. Did it matter that he had made this positively charged? If the priests used the neutral teralin, had Endric somehow changed something about them—and what they served?

  “It remains undisturbed,” Urik said. “Which likely means they didn’t come through here.”

  There was something strange about the stone, and it took Endric a moment to realize what it was. The polarity had changed.

  It wasn’t even that it was negatively charged. The teralin was neutral.

  “Something has been through here,” he said. “I don’t entirely know what happened, but I had changed the polarity of the teralin when we came back through, and now it’s—”

  “Negative?” Urik placed his hand on the stone and closed his eyes. After a moment, he shook his head. “This is not negative polarity.”

  “It’s neutral.”

  “And you were certain that you changed the polarity?”

  “As certain as I can be. It’s not as if I have no experience in changing teralin’s polarity.”

  Urik smiled. “Yes. You told me that you had some experience with it while in the Antrilii lands, I believe.”

  “I thought teralin would only be found in Vasha,” Pendin said. “That was why the mines were always so valuable. I wonder what the Magi of old—those who had wanted the mines open—would have thought of place like this, where it is so readily accessible.”

  “Vasha isn’t the only place with teralin,” Endric said. “Not only is it in the northern mountains, but I suspect it’s scattered throughout everywhere.” The more than he learned of teralin, the more that he came to believe that there was something unique about it. There had to be, especially with the groeliin and the merahl both using it for their breeding.

  “That is quite interesting,” Urik said. “Even more interesting is the fact that many of the places that devote themselves to the gods are centered on teralin.”

  “What is that?”

  “Only that there is Vasha, where the Magi believe the only source of teralin to exist, and then there is Thealon, the home of the Tower. You mention the northern mountains, and I believe the Antrilii have a very unique devotion to the gods, one that cannot be quite as easily explained.” He arched a brow at Endric, practically inviting him to elaborate. Endric didn’t take the bait. “Even in other places, such as Gomald or Riverbranch, there are known deposits of teralin.”

  “What about the southern nations?”

  “It’s the same in the southern nations, but their focus is different than what you might find in the North. They have always worshipped the gods, but they do so in a different manner.”

  “The Deshmahne?” Pendin asked.

  “Even before the Deshmahne, there have been others who viewed the gods in a different way. The Urmahne are not the only pathway to knowing and understanding the gods. There are many such pathways.”

  Urik looked over to Endric as he said the last, and it seemed as if he struggled not to smile.

  But he wasn’t wrong. Endric had observed it firsthand. The Antrilii weren’t faithless. On the contrary, everything he had learned of them had revealed that they were incredibly devout. They served the gods in their own way, and though it might not be the same as the Urmahne, that didn’t mean that the way the
y chose to serve the gods was wrong. What other ways might there be?

  And even these priests within the Salvat temple deserved a chance to practice as they desired. Their religion harmed no one, and having been within the temple, Endric couldn’t deny that there was a power to it. Maybe this was the right way to reach the gods.

  “That’s why we need to help them,” Endric said.

  “If you are helping on behalf of the Denraen, then we have an obligation to serve them as part of the Urmahne,” Pendin said, watching Endric.

  Endric shook his head. “But we don’t. That’s never been the purpose of the Denraen. We don’t serve the Urmahne, regardless of what most believe. We don’t even serve the Magi, though I suspect they would tell us otherwise.”

  Urik smiled. “They would.”

  “What we do is maintain peace.”

  “And that peace is a requirement of the Urmahne,” Pendin said.

  “Peace is required by all people for them to flourish,” Endric said. “It is not something that should be saved for only those who choose to follow the Urmahne.”

  Pendin looked from Endric to Urik. “And you? You served in the Denraen long enough to have an opinion on this. What do you think the purpose of the Denraen should be?”

  “I doubt that you want my opinion.”

  “I asked, didn’t I?”

  “The Denraen purpose has always been nebulous, almost intentionally so. When I first joined, I felt much the same as you, Pendin. I felt much the same as most people, I suppose. I believed that the Denraen served the Magi, and, failing that, by maintaining peace, we serve the gods in a different way. It was only through much study that I came to realize that there is more to it. The Denraen purpose has never been quite so simple. Perhaps even more so than the Magi, the Denraen are complex. It is not only about the Urmahne, and not only about peace, but about a certain balance.”

  Urik turned away from Pendin and looked at Endric. “That is something your father taught me. In reality, your father has taught me many things over the years, and when I was more naïve, I believed that he was ignorant of the value of those lessons. The more that I have come to know Dendril, however peripherally, the more I see that he has been intentional in all things. Including, perhaps, having you come to Salvat.”

  The comment fit with Endric’s observations. He wondered if Dendril had known what he might encounter here. Could that be why he had allowed Senda to come? Had he expected that they would encounter trouble and need to understand it?

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because you have gained insight at a younger age, insight that took me many years to come to. There is value in that.”

  “What insight?” Pendin asked.

  “The insight about the true purpose of the Denraen.” He regarded Endric for a long moment. “You have accused me of betraying my vows and I have bristled at the suggestion.”

  “You did—” Pendin began, but Endric silenced him by raising his hand.

  “What is your point?”

  “Only this. I told you that I was a husband and father first,” Urik said.

  Endric nodded.

  “Even before that, I was raised within the Urmahne faith.”

  “Many are raised in the Urmahne faith.”

  “I was raised to one day become a priest. War brought me away and showed me a different side of the world, but the part of me that served the Urmahne never left. And so I was a faithful Urmahne servant first, followed by husband and father, and then member of the guild, and finally Denraen. Tell me, in which order do you think I betrayed my vows?”

  Endric stared at him, having a new understanding of Urik, especially if the Denraen didn’t serve the Urmahne quite as Endric had always believed. His father was subtle about revealing that, but it had to be the truth. It had to be that the Denraen served something else, ideals that he had been forced to know.

  “That’s why you were able to betray the Denraen,” Endric said.

  Urik nodded. “Urmahne, then husband and father, then guild, and then Denraen.”

  “What about now?”

  “I still serve the gods, Endric. It’s just that Tresten helped me see that there are other ways to serve them. Tresten help me understand that I was misguided. Without him, I doubt I would have come to know and understand exactly what I needed to do.”

  “And what is that?”

  “Continue to serve the gods, but in a way, that allows some flexibility.”

  They continued climbing, and this time Endric sensed an uncomfortable silence from Pendin. In his own way, Pendin had a similar sort of devotion to the Urmahne as Urik had when Endric first met him. Pendin wasn’t quite as open with it, but he had never been one to deny his beliefs.

  After a while, Endric pulled him to the side and forced Pendin to look over at him, meeting his gaze. There was an uncomfortably distraught look on his face. “It doesn’t mean that you serve the Urmahne any less by being a part of the Denraen.”

  “Doesn’t it? I thought that by serving the Denraen, I would serve the faith. You and Urik are telling me that’s not the case.”

  “What if I have it wrong?”

  Pendin arched a brow. “Do you believe that?”

  Endric sighed. “I do not.”

  “Neither do I. And I believe that your father has sent you on this task so that you could gain that understanding. That tells me that even Dendril believes that there is more than simply serving the Urmahne.”

  “For so long, I felt that I wasn’t quite the right fit for the Denraen. Even when my father promoted me after the Deshmahne attack, there was a part of me that didn’t feel as if I truly fit in. I never felt as if I belonged, and so when I went to the north, searching for understanding of my Antrilii heritage, I did so wanting to know who I was so that I could serve in the way that the Denraen needed. What I saw there told me that there was much more to the world than what I have ever imagined, so when I returned to the Denraen, it was difficult for me to fall back into the mindset of drills and formations and simply being a soldier.”

  “I noticed.”

  “Did you? I wasn’t sure that you noticed anything with how much you had buried yourself in drink.”

  “I noticed that you were different. You’ve been different from the moment you returned after facing the Deshmahne, but this was even more.”

  Endric squeezed his eyes closed, thinking back to everything that he had experienced with the Denraen. That was the reason he had been so willing to take this journey. That was the reason that Senda had been angry with him, thinking that he had no interest in returning to the Denraen, though that was not entirely true. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to return to the Denraen, it was that he didn’t know that he could, not when he thought there was more for him to be doing.

  “When I believed that Tresten had disappeared and that I could find him, I knew that I had to do something,” Endric said. “I didn’t know what it was, but I knew there was more for me to do.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” Pendin asked.

  “Because you’re my friend. Because you deserve to know. Because where we’re going and what we might have to do, I’m going to ask you to fight.”

  “I’m not afraid of fighting.”

  “I know that you’re not, but in the past, you’ve fought on behalf of the Denraen because you thought that it served the Urmahne. This time, when you go to fight, you will do so on behalf of the Denraen, but because it is what needs to happen.”

  Pendin sighed. “I wish it were as easy for me as it is for you.”

  Endric laughed. “It isn’t easy for me. It never has been. Everything that I’ve been through is difficult, but I think that my father intended it to be difficult.”

  “Your father?”

  “I suspect that Dendril has been responsible for training me.”

  “Of course he has. We’ve all seen him training you.”

  “No. This would be a different sort of training. I think my fath
er has sent me from the city on tasks that have been intended to give me a greater insight as to what I need to do to lead the Denraen.”

  He had been thinking that perhaps Senda might be the next general, but the more that he thought about it, that seemed unlikely. Senda had knowledge and a quick mind, but she didn’t have the necessary experience. That was what his father had wanted for him. He had wanted Endric to have that experience so that he could be prepared for what he needed to do. He had needed him to know how to lead, and to understand the role for the Denraen in the world.

  “Dendril is far more calculating than I ever gave him credit for,” Urik said. He glanced at Pendin. “And as calculating as Dendril can be, and as skilled a fighter as he can be, from what I’ve seen of Endric, he could be even greater.”

  Endric gaped at Urik. That was the last thing he’d ever expected to hear from the man who confounded him more than any other.

  “He isn’t there now,” Urik added.

  Pendin laughed. “Good. I wouldn’t want Endric to think too much of himself.”

  Endric stared at the tunnel. He needed to make his way in, and with the three of them, he hoped they would be prepared, but he didn’t know. Could they be prepared? Was it possible that just the three of them would be able to defend the priests of the temple from whatever attack might come?

  Endric sighed. “Come. It’s time for us to see what we can find of this place.”

  He led them inside and moved with more surety than he had the last time he’d been here. When the faint glowing began to appear in the distance, Pendin tapped his arm and Endric nodded, uncertain whether Pendin could even see it. When they reached the slope that led up, Endric hurried a bit and finally paused when he stood in front of the fountain of lava.

  “What is this place?” Pendin whispered.

  “This is the Salvat temple.”

  “How is this possible?”

  “I suspect there is a channel high overhead that drains through this opening,” Endric said.

  Pendin frowned at him. “You don’t need to be quite so practical.”

  “You did ask me how it was possible.”