I take in a deep breath. “First, I want to thank you, Ma—”
“No, that’s bullshit!” He takes my hand and pulls it to his chest, like I need to feel what I’m doing. “Why are you acting like I just gave you a raise or something?”
“God, you’re bleeding,” I say, touching one of his hands. My mind flashes back to that time in the bar. I’ve done nothing but turn his life upside down and cause him trouble from day one. “If you won’t let me thank you then I’ll just say…I’m sorry.” I whisper the apology and drop my gaze.
He lifts my chin and brings his face close to mine. “Does it matter to you that you’re breaking my heart…that I love you? Don’t do this. I’m the one who’s sorry. We over-reacted.”
He’s so close I can smell his familiar crisp scent, and I try to commit it to memory. “It’s not just about today. And this is my fault. Not yours. I don’t blame you, either of you, for what happened. I’m the one who’s causing problems.” I shake my head and let out a breath so I don’t cry. “Me. And you can’t fix me, Mason.”
“I don’t want to fix you, because you’re not broken.” His words are soft and painful. And when he delivers a gentle kiss to the side of my mouth, I have to hold my breath so I don’t give in and take more.
“I know you don’t think that, but that doesn’t mean I’m good for you. I’ve come to accept who I am and what my life is.”
Mason pulls me in for a hug, as if he knows we are seconds away from saying goodbye.
“Maybe if it was another time…”
“You’re wrong,” he whispers in my ear before I step away from his embrace and walk to Alex’s car.
Chapter 23
Mason
It’s only been a few weeks since Ari left, but the pain of watching her leave still feels fresh. And, she’s everywhere around my house. She’s in my bed, on my skin, her flowers still shining brightly on the kitchen wall. Though that annoyed me when she did it, now I’m grateful I have that little piece of her.
I toss and turn every night, an obvious omen that this is wrong. And when I think of her not just leaving but leaving with him, fire erupts in my chest. How the hell could she do that? I think that’s the worst of it all. Especially after how he treated her. I have to believe nothing is going on between them, though. That she’d never take him back. The alternative is too difficult to bear. It would mean everything I thought we felt for each other was one-sided.
I hopelessly check my phone, though I’ve not sent her any messages or tried to call. Logan, wisdom provider he’s become, told me to give her space and reminded me of the time Mollie left him. Will Ari come back to me the way Mollie returned to Logan?
I pull on my work boots, jeans, and a stained blue T-shirt—Ari would love this outfit—and drag my ass to the kitchen for coffee. Some mornings I lose track of time, sitting at the bar, mug in hand, staring at the mural she painted. She has incredible skill and promise, and I want to help her see that through to a future for her. I internally berate myself, thinking of the time I grinned like an idiot one morning while looking at her work on my wall, thinking we’d have a funny story to tell about when we had first been together.
Annoying honking finally pulls me from my reflective stupor, and I head out to meet my brothers. All three of them to be exact. Justice is through with summer school and Ryder didn’t want to miss out since we are all doing it. I’m so grateful my brothers are committed to flipping this house until they both have to return to their respective schools. Ryder will continue on the weekends once school starts but Justice is moving back to be closer to his college.
I don’t know if they know how much I need this, but it’s the best distraction I can think of. Thankfully, Dad has been back in the office of Bridges Construction more, so it frees me up. I surprised myself and my brothers that I dove right into the hard labor with no hesitation. It’s been more than a dozen years since my father had me doing construction, when I quickly made it clear it wasn’t my bag. And despite my personal life being in the toilet and my longing to be with Ari, I can’t think of a time I’ve been more satisfied with my professional life.
At the house, Mason and Ryder work on the back end where we—along with a couple of Ray’s guys I hired—tore out a wall last week and started the addition of a bonus room. Justice and I are finishing up some work in the dining room, which gives me a chance to talk to him about his future.
“Be careful up there.” That’s all he needs is another injury.
Justice looks down from the ladder where he’s placing crown molding around a window. “Well if you’re just standing there, then hold the ladder.”
“Did you register for fall classes yet?” Of all my brothers, Justice seems the least driven. You wouldn’t think so as a football player. He’s lived the game his whole life but he’s always been a player and flighty.
“Yeah.”
“And the doc cleared you for practice? Do you know if you’ll play?”
“Geez, man. I just had this conversation with Dad.” Justice looks down over his shoulder, waiting for me to move.
“Oh, good.” I stepped in as a father figure to Logan and my half-brothers so many times over the years that it’s just become habit. Even now that Justice is in college and Dad’s doing great. “But did you talk to coach?”
He climbs down and then passes me to grab a water bottle off the ground. “It’s hotter than shit in this place with no AC.” He lifts his shirt over his head and I notice he’s even leaner and more defined than the last time I saw him without a shirt.
I give him his space and lean against the ladder, wiping my own sweaty forehead with the back of my hand. I know this is a touchy subject, but I also want him to know I’m here if he wants to talk. An injury to an athlete can be a deal breaker. Multiple injuries and you damn well better have a solid back-up plan.
He chugs his water, picks up another, and then faces me. “He hasn’t written me off completely, but I’m not sure I’ll see any more play time as a QB.”
“Holder?” It’s not much but at least he’s part of the team.
“Yeah, maybe.”
I don’t know whether to tell him I’m sorry or give him a pep talk. My confidence with life decisions isn’t too high right now. “Do you know what your plans are after you graduate?” He’s changed his major twice already so direction and vision might not be his priority right now.
“Plans? No idea, bro. Turner and I have talked about starting our own business.” He smiles like I’m supposed to think it’s a great idea.
I suppose he’s thinking his father started his own business so why not him. Bridges Construction has been a huge part of our lives. My livelihood and the reason I was able to make this jump. Turn this very house. But I don’t want to say the wrong thing at this point, so I play it safe. “Whatever happens, you’ll be all right.”
“I know. I’m actually not as broken up about the game as I thought.” He chuckles to himself. “Maybe I’ve just had time to get used to it. Or, maybe I’m just growing up.” His big dopey grin makes me laugh.
“I don’t think that’s it.”
“Whatever. But honestly, no shitting you…hanging with Ari really helped me.” He steps closer to me and I can tell by the look on his face, he’s sincere. And it’s not something I need to be concerned about.
“I’m glad. She’s definitely one to make a difference in people’s lives.”
“She’s just been through so much crap but she’s still positive and caring and…”
I stand taller and slip my hands into my pockets. “I’m not gonna need to take you down, am I?”
“Psh! You wish, old man.” He hands me the water. “I swear I never once thought of her like that, although, she’s pretty damn hot…”
“Dude!”
“What I’m trying to say is friendship with guys is different than with girls. I guess I never had a friend that was a girl. That’s why I freaked when I saw that scumbag pawing her.” He sifts his
fingers through his light brown locks. It’s shorter than it was when he was younger but it still drives the girls crazy. “I’m just sorry I started that shit. I’m sorry, man.” He lowers his head and wanders over to the counter we have yet to refinish.
I come up behind him and lay a hand on his shoulder. “I’d have done the exact same thing, so don’t worry about it.”
“But she’s gone and I’m gonna—” He reaches in front of him and inspects a chip in the counter.
“You can say it, little brother. I’m going to miss her too. I already do.”
Justice sighs and turns, putting his back to the counter. His face shows guilt, like when he used to confess the trouble he’d gotten into. Though this time, he’s looking me straight in the eye. “Don’t be mad.”
“What?”
“We’ve texted a few times.”
I can’t stop myself from rolling my eyes, but I also don’t feel angry…more grateful. “What did she say?” I ask, more anxiously than I meant.
“Well, I’ve been thinking of minoring in Spanish and I just wanted her opinion. You know, like could I handle it and what she thought.”
I grin and knock my knuckles against his shoulder. “Well you obviously don’t give a damn about my opinion, but I think it’s a great idea.”
“Thanks, man. And, shit, I was going to ask you too.”
The noise from the electric paint sprayer coming from the back has suddenly stopped, limiting our time left to talk, but I need to know more. “So how is she doing?”
“Honestly, the conversation was short but she’s staying with her friend Kiki and says she’s fine.”
That was a relief to hear. Though, even if a small part of me worried she might be with Alex, something in my heart told me she wouldn’t do that to me. To us. “Did she…ask about me?”
“Yeah, man, of course she did. I told her you were crying your eyes out every night like a little bitch.”
Clomping footsteps come down the hall along with Ryder’s deep voice that still catches me off guard. So crazy the last of us is turning into a man. “Speaking of little bitches, why are we the only ones working?” I glance up and marvel at the growth he’s had lately as well. He’s taller than Logan now and probably the same height as me.
“Just taking a little break,” I say.
Logan walks to the counter and looks over my shoulder. “Hell of a job on that refinish, man,” he says sarcastically.
“All right, we’re on it.” I step back and look around the room for the sander. “Justice, can you check the truck for the turbo?”
“Who’s grabbing lunch today?” he asks, ignoring my request and throwing his shirt back on.
We all look around because I’d be willing to bet everyone is already starving, but no one wants to be the errand boy. We’d all rather sweat it out and do the work, even me. But then I have another thought. “How about Ryder and I go?” I give him a nod. “I want to see if you made any progress on that favor I needed.”
“What favor?” Justice asks, his tone as if I’m conspiring to have him taken out.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not about you.” I point toward the door. “The sander? You can walk us out.”
“Wait a minute,” Logan says, stepping between us. “I’d like to know this secret too. Is it something to do with this house because if so—”
“No! Wow, you’re all like a bunch of freaking gossip girls. It’s none of your damn business but just to untangle your panties, it’s something for Ari.” I’m not planning on saying more no matter how much they push.
“Yeah but why Ryder?” Justice asks, still not getting the damn turbo.
“It’s computer related. Any of you guys able to do more than opening Google?”
“And Ryder’s the man for the job?” Logan asks, eyes wide.
Ryder stands taller and puffs out his chest. “Damn straight I am.”
“Just because you joined the computer club to get in Mandy Hawkins pants.”
“The sander!” Logan and I both happen to yell at the same time. Finally, the adults are on the same page. Then I add, “If anything comes of it, Ari needs to know first. Then I’ll share with you guys.”
“Yeah,” Ryder spouts and ticks his head up before heading to the door. “Now let’s fly. I’m freaking hungry.”
“Me too,” Justice says and leans against the counter with his arms folded.
I stop at the door and glare at him, even though this familiar chaos helps my aching heart stay together while I wait for news from Ari.
“What?” He jumps up. “Oh, shit, the sander.”
“The college student, ladies and gentlemen,” Logan says as the three of us walk outside.
Chapter 24
Ari
I take in a deep, fortifying breath of fresh baby skin and hold it inside with my eyes closed. “Terrible twos, my ass. Kiki, he’s the best little guy in the whole world.” My arms are wrapped tightly around Drew while he eats dry cereal out of a bag.
“Take him to the grocery store with you and then let me know what you think.” Kiki is taking this free moment to clear the floor of toys.
“I’m game. And you know I don’t mind helping out.”
“You’ve helped a lot.” She stops in the middle of the floor and points to a stain with her foot. “What do you suppose that is?”
I laugh and shrug but I know exactly what it is—chocolate from a fudgsicle I gave Drew when Kiki and her baby daddy, Jacob, went out. I don’t know him well, but my presence has allowed them more alone time and they’re getting along well—according to Kiki’s words…and the noises she makes at night.
Kiki approaches us with her arms stretched forward. “Time for a nap, little man.”
He turns his head into the crook of my neck and feigns sleep. I’d be all for a cuddly nap with him. “Guess he’s mine now.”
“No TV later if you don’t take your nap,” she says.
Drew pops up and reaches for her.
“Hey,” I say in a hurt tone, but he just giggles as Kiki carries him away.
I know she won’t come back for a while. Her routine consists of lying with him for a few minutes and then taking his nap time to study. She’s going to school online to get a bachelor’s degree so she can someday be a teacher, which I’m damn proud of her for. Going back to school is something I’ve often thought of but seems so out of reach. Of course, my dream is to paint, but I need to make a living and I need to find a decent job to do that, which means I should probably go back to school as well. I can’t be Drew’s nanny forever, and I certainly can’t keep going from one spare bedroom to the next.
I pull my old cell phone, the one I’d left at Alex’s, from my back pocket. Just as he said, all my things were there in his car. And though it wasn’t much, now I have everything here at Kiki’s. The new phone I got when I left Alex only had a few people on it: Kiki, Mason, Justice. So now it’s sitting in the drawer of my nightstand.
Some of the only images of my mother are on this phone, so it’s a relief and blessing to have it back. I even have an old text message from her. But as much as I miss her, being away from Mason feels like part of me is missing. The half of my heart still beating in my chest aches for him. I thought it would fade but after almost a month of being here, the yearning for this man has not diminished at all. Many nights I lie awake thinking of him, of lying in his bed, in his arms. I wonder if he’s thinking of me. He said he loved me and I hated myself for that. Mason is too good for you and better off without you. That lousy voice in my head hammered away for days, and now I almost never hear it. Maybe I’m selfish, but all I can think about is how I didn’t say it back. I think that’s the worst part of all. If I had known how this feels—the emptiness of words unspoken, the heart straining against itself—I’d have at least said those words back to him before I left him for good.
I think that mistake is why I couldn’t bring myself to answer when Mason called that first week here. And now it seems h
e’s given up on me. I don’t blame him, though. I’m sure it’s a relief for him to be done with this whole ordeal.
I finally pull my butt from the couch and sit down in front of Jacob’s laptop on the desk. I pull open the search engine and stare at the blinking cursor like I’ve done a dozen other times. This time, I tap on the keys and enter his name—David Reyes. I know before I hit enter it’s pointless. The name is too common. I could narrow it down by age, purchase some of those reports that are probably scams anyway.
I stare at the screen as a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t look for my father swirl around my brain. Maybe he doesn’t deserve to know me. A thousand reasons why he hasn’t looked for me. Maybe he has… I flush the toxic air from my lungs and try again. I pull up an old email account I rarely used to see if I can still access it. Then I search something I know there is likely only one result for: Dariahna Escobar, our old neighbor. Dariahna used to watch me when my mama was at work and I’d heard them talking sometimes, so I know she at least knew of my father. I find her email, copy it, and then paste it into a message window.
Mrs. E,
It’s me, Ari Mendez. I know it’s been a long time, but I need your help. I’m trying to locate my father. I don’t have any information to go on other than his name, David Reyes. I know you and my mamá used to talk about him. I heard you call him a selfish coward. No judgment here. But if you have any info that will help me, please let me know. I hope you and your family are doing well.
Ari
As soon as I hit enter, someone knocks at the door. Since I’ve been trained nothing can interrupt naptime or risk waking Drew, I hop up and race quietly to the door. I look through the peephole and it takes me a full thirty seconds to realize who it is. Why on Earth would he be here?
I open the door with a cautious, closed-mouth grin. “Mr. Bridges, what a surprise.”
“Hi, Ari.” He dips his head and mirrors my expression. “I’m sorry I didn’t call first, but can we talk?”
Broken Bridges (Bridges Brothers Book 2) Page 18