by Morris, Liv
“Hurry.” He ended the call, but not before I heard him mutter, “Where’s a damn blanket?”
“Whoa,” I said to Tessa. “He’s in baby S.O.S. mode.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Tessa said, her eyes soft with concern.
“Me too.” I gave her a hug and trudged out the door on a mission to help the baby, not the man. He needed this slap of reality across his chiseled Ivy League jaw.
I flew through the doors of his building, figuratively speaking, and approached the doorman’s station.
“Mr. Shaw’s nanny,” I said, yanking my suitcase behind me, not stopping to get a reply. Up the elevator I went. I hopped off on Lucas’s floor, realizing I didn’t have a key. Great. I didn’t see the typical home in the suburb doorbell either, so I knocked on the hard wood until my knuckles hurt.
The door creaked open, and a man I didn’t know greeted me. He looked familiar, at least his blue eyes did, but the smile on his face was painted on like the Joker’s. Lucas never let a smile reach his eyes, let alone grin from ear to ear. He even had a laugh flickering in his gaze.
Was he in complete freak-out mode? Or had I walked into an upside down universe?
“Lucas, are you okay?” I wanted to place my hand on his forehead and check his temperature.
“She loves ties,” he spit out between laughs. “Come see.”
He grabbed my hand, dragging my suitcase and me across the threshold. I dropped the handle to my luggage and tagged along with him to the makeshift nursery.
“Watch.” Lucas bent over the crib, his tie dangling in front of Esmé. Her hands and feet moved in excitement when the tie came close to her hand, then she wrapped her fingers around it and pulled. She laughed, and Lucas followed. Tears pooled in my eyes as I witnessed the magical connection between father and daughter. I hoped she moved from a bundle of trouble to a child of joy—his joy.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him she learned this trick from J.J., and that we needed to keep an eye on her. She had skills in flirting with men.
I stood next to the crib and wiped my eyes as Lucas played with his daughter. I’d never seen a more beautiful sight in my life. He didn’t let go of my hand, making me a part of the moment. One I’d never forget.
27
Lucas
I’d waited for years to confront my father about my mother. The tension and resentment between us started the night I confessed I took the wife he knew away for good. The disdain in his eyes never faded, it only grew harder with time. The old saying about time healing all wounds didn’t apply to our family.
My father kept me close for one reason; I blocked his path for even greater wealth and power. I had a part of the company he controlled, and he wanted it all.
Today, I gave it to him with my offered arrangement, requiring him to relinquish his stronghold over my mother. If he and the courts agreed, I would be able to get her out of their house where he had imprisoned her for twenty years, and she would never want for anything ever again. I had no doubt he would accept my deal, though I warned my attorney to prepare for my father’s response at the last second of the last hour on Friday.
When I came home to an apartment full of life and activity, not the usual silent solitude, something remarkable happened. A small fissure split open when unconditional love slapped me across the face. The crack appeared when my own baby reintroduced me to something I’d forgotten, happiness and laughter. I didn’t deserve it or her love, especially when I’d shown her nothing but distant coldness and kept her at an arm’s length in my life. I treated her like a business deal I needed to have filed away and tended to by staff.
But I couldn’t escape this foreign feeling residing in my chest. It ached along with the muscles on my face from all the smiling.
“Lucas, get your hot dad bod in here. Esmé needs to eat, and I can’t wait much longer.” A wicked grin swept over my face. Maggie thought I was hot. If she only knew the thoughts I had about her body and what I’d like to do to it.
Her sassy voice carried through the apartment as I stood in my bedroom closet, changing out of my stuffy business attire, even though Esmé seemed quite fond of my tie.
Maggie was appalled I’d never held the baby, but the idea of it was so foreign to me. A million questions had swirled in my head since Coco left the baby with me, but the biggest one was how to handle Esmé herself. She was tiny and helpless, trusting me to take care of her when I had no clue what to do other than hiring a nanny.
In bare feet, I padded back to the kitchen for Daddy 101 instructions wearing a soft T-shirt and jeans. Maggie decided the best way for me to learn how to handle a baby was by role-playing with a lifelike doll. I couldn’t wait—cue sarcasm.
“Wanna beer?” The day’s ups and downs had me craving something to drink.
“Um, no.” Maggie’s green eyes blazed, making me stand taller. “Your first lesson is in bottle feeding, not downing a bottle. There’s your baby doll. Use it.”
I followed Maggie’s eyes to what looked like a doll sitting on top of the dining table in a small seat. The thing was so real I did a double-take. It was smaller than Esmé, but not by much.
“What the hell is this? A sweet pink version of Chucky?” I walked closer to get a better view of the blond baby girl. She had light blue eyes framed with lashes and chubby cheeks. A simple pink bodysuit covered her. Even her fingers looked like they would move if I turned away. The thing emanated a realistic quality that was creepy as fuck.
“That’s Madison. I bought her for educational purposes. Actually, you bought her with your credit card.” Esmé sat up in Maggie’s arms, fussing in some sort of protest. Perhaps it was the bottle of milk sitting in full view.
“I hope you kept the receipt. This thing is freaky.”
“Pick it up and grab the blue bottle next to the seat. I need to feed the real baby before she starts screaming.”
I tried to mimic Maggie’s position, but I couldn’t get past the freak factor of this doll. Its skin even felt real against my fingers, and the weight was heavy in my arms. I planned on locking the thing in my safe before I went to bed. I had enough nightmares.
“Cradle your doll like I’m holding Esmé,” Maggie instructed as Esmé nestled in the crook of her elbow, feasting away. I did my best to imitate her with the fake baby.
“Now, take the bottle and put it in the baby’s mouth.” Maggie might have missed her calling as a teacher. She had a bossy side to her that was hard to disobey.
I placed the odd blue nipple between the baby’s lips and the thing began sucking it. “What the fuck?” I jumped out of my chair and dropped the baby on the dining table.
“Great.” Maggie huffed, blowing a strand of hair off her forehead. “You just gave your baby a concussion. Possibly a broken arm. I should call nine-one-one.”
“I didn’t sign up for a possessed creature. How do you turn the thing off?”
Maggie placed her chin on the end of the bottle she was feeding Esmé. She removed her hand from it, and the bottle stayed in place. She had mad baby skills. I was in awe.
“Hand me the doll.” I scooted it across the table. She turned the doll onto its belly, fiddling with something under the clothing.
“Just be glad I didn’t buy the one that blinks at you. Now, get back to it.” I rolled my eyes and grudgingly did as I was told while watching Maggie lovingly feed my baby. She whispered words I couldn’t hear. Tender smiles graced her face. I sat back in complete awe at how love poured out of her. It was genuine and pure.
“Where did you learn that?” I nodded my head toward her and Esmé.
“This?” She shrugged. “I started babysitting when I turned eleven. Young by some standards, but I grew up faster than most. Probably being raised by a single mother and all. Plus, I needed money.”
“It’s not so much your actions, it’s what you put behind them. You’re a natural with her.” A slow smile spread over Maggie’s face and she looked away, as if embarra
ssed by the compliment.
“Thanks. I love kids. I mean, it’s never fun when they’re screaming at the top of their lungs, but babies, and especially this sweet one, are my soft spot.” She glanced down at Esmé, her lips lifting in the most assuring way. The connection between them was beautiful, making me feel like an intruder in their world.
I had to make things right. I owed Maggie an enormous debt. She loved this child, and I acted like a complete asshole.
“I’ve been wrong in not telling you how grateful I am for your help. The past few days have been overwhelming, and Esmé’s thriving in your care. I couldn’t have survived without you.”
“Anything you need, Lucas, I’m here for you.” The last of her words fell soft on my ears. Their message was powerful, comforting my soul.
We stared at each other longer than was appropriate, but neither of us dared to break our gaze. The same pull from the first day I saw her made me inch forward in my chair, my elbow sliding on the smooth table.
Our chests rose and fell faster than usual as electricity circulated between us. Maggie licked her lips, and I wondered how they tasted. Oh, how I wanted to find out, but we were playing a dangerous game, and I needed to end it.
I blinked and quickly looked away, breaking the spell we’d fallen under. Nothing had changed since I’d met her in the coffee shop. I knew she would be better off without me. She deserved a life of love and happiness. I’d earned a lonely existence to pay for my sins.
After our broken moment, the bottle-feeding lesson continued, though an unspoken tension lingered in the room. I noticed every little move Maggie made, every small flick of her eyes toward me, each turn of her head. Patiently, she taught me to hold the thing—my new nickname for the doll—at a certain angle along with the bottle. I even mimicked Maggie as she burped Esmé.
“Now, it’s your turn to feed Esmé the rest of her bottle,” Maggie announced. My hands began to sweat. I’d had more confidence taking on my father and his lawyers this morning.
Maggie stood up with a pink half-circle pillow with llamas printed on it wrapped around her waist. I hadn’t noticed it while she had been sitting down.
“Can you grab the Boppy?” Maggie asked as the pillow fell from her hips. I assumed that was the Boppy in question, so I stood up and scooped it off the ground.
“Here you go.” I tried to hand it back to her, but she shook her head.
“You’ll need it.” She peered up at me with a smug gotcha face. Dammit. “I promise you’ll thank me. Sit down.” As usual, I followed her orders.
I tried to secure the pillow on my lap, but the Boppy distorted into an odd version of a crescent moon. “I don’t believe these are made for guys my size.”
Maggie bent over while still holding the baby, adjusting the pillow better than my failed attempt. Her fingers gently grazed over my abs, hand stilling when she touched me, but she wasn’t the only one who’d slipped.
I tried not to peek down her T-shirt, but with her hair pulled back into a sexy mess, I had a clear view of paradise. As a certified boob man, if there was such a thing, I was powerless over her bountiful charms. When she glanced up at my face as my gaze drifted into forbidden territory, her eyes narrowed at me. Busted.
“Focus,” she said with a stern tone. “You’re about to hold your child for the first time.”
I’d behaved badly, especially under the circumstances. Also, it was inappropriate for me to sexualize my nanny, even if I had wicked thoughts about her before she walked into my apartment—and still did every five minutes or so. I blamed it on the lack of sex over the last three weeks. But Maggie was right, my child should be my top priority, not me looking down her shirt.
“I’m ready.” I pressed my back rigid straight against the chair, forming my elbow into a triangle. I held my breath as Maggie placed Esmé into my arms.
I wondered if babies could smell fear because it rolled off me as I settled Esmé in my arms. I imagined her looking up at me and immediately crying in terror when she saw the hard lines of my face and my cold blue eyes.
No matter how many deals I made on Wall Street, nothing prepared me for this. Lawyers spit words of hate in my face, and I walked away without a thought. But having my own child reject me would cut like a knife in a long-forgotten place—my heart.
My fears were chased away as the sweet child grinned around her little thumb, sucking it with all her might. In complete relief, my lips turned up so much, my face hurt. Once again, she accepted me. I exhaled the tension in my shoulders and relaxed. When I pulled her closer to my body, she snuggled into every possible cranny until she plastered herself to me.
“Hello, little one.” My little one.
My life as her father flashed before my eyes. Her first day of school. Her first fall off a bicycle as I taught her how to ride it. Her first crush breaking her heart. Unloading her gear for college. Then someday walking her down the aisle to marry the person of her dreams. I wanted to be there for all of them but felt a shadow fall over my visions, whispering my failings and what I truly deserved.
This evil foreboding I wanted to ignore knew me too well. It was a familiar spirit filled with my guilty acts. I heeded it as a warning that my time with her might be short.
I brought her face up to mine and buried my nose near her neck. I took a deep breath, wanting to remember how she smelled. When I kissed her small forehead, she cooed and grabbed my nose. I wiggled it free.
A lone drop of water fell on her cheek. When I brushed the wetness from Esmé’s face, I promised to be a father who would earn her love, and with Maggie’s help, I knew that promise was possible.
28
Maggie
The rest of the nursery items arrived yesterday with the exception of a few pieces I had to have monogrammed. I might live in New York City, but I was a southern girl at heart, and we slapped our initials on everything that wasn’t nailed down.
From cute little headbands to baby bath towels and diaper bags, I had her first name embroidered on them. Sadly, I didn’t know her middle or last name, so I couldn’t do the full initials and a big E looked odd. I planned on reordering them once I had more information.
J.J. said Lucas’s attorney had filed for her official birth certificate, hoping it would arrive by the end of the week. An odd thought went through my mind. Who had Coco listed as Esmé’s father? I didn’t know the entire story and neither did J.J., but I wondered if another man was on the official document, or maybe no one was on it.
Wednesday’s early morning sun filled the quiet nursery. I’d opened the curtains to let the light in, helping me wake up. Mornings were so not my jam. I glanced down at the sweet baby I rocked in my arms, so innocent in all the grownup drama surrounding her. My heart filled with sadness that her beginning in life was such a tangled web. I rested my head on the back of the luxury rocker—my one big splurge on Monday—and closed my eyes, saying a silent prayer that all things would work out for Esmé’s good. In the end, she was the one who mattered the most.
“Good morning.” A husky voice scratched the air, jolting me back to the moment. I opened my eyes to see Lucas leaning against the nursery door, arms crossed over his chest. How long had he been standing there staring at me?
“And happy butt crack of dawn to you.”
He threw back his head in a laugh. His T-shirt was stretched tight across his chest, biceps defined but not bulging—just how I liked them. Drawstring pajama pants hung low on his hips, and those damn sexy bare feet of his drove me crazy. Put some socks on already.
His even more pronounced morning scruff and hair tousled in all directions added up to one sexy bastard I might prefer over the suited version.
As I gazed at him in all his morning glory, my heartbeat picked up and a warmth spread low in my belly. It was too early in the day to be this needy for him. I hadn’t even had coffee yet, and still, my nipples pinched under the thin fabric of my camisole, which was also white and likely see-through. Maybe he wouldn’t noti
ce.
He moved closer to me and licked his lips when his eyes fell to my breasts. Thoughts of morning sex with him, perhaps in his billionaire shower, made me squirm. I couldn’t be more cliché if I tried. I was his nanny, and he was a desperate father who needed me. It was only human that he would look for me to comfort him. It was how nannies and single fathers became a tired plotline, or, in his case, headline. But to hell with it, I wanted to be there for him more than I’d ever desired anything or anyone in my life.
Was I foolish enough to think I’d have a Pretty Woman ending to our story if we did hook up? That somehow I’d cross over into his rich world?
My mother didn’t raise a fool. I learned to be street smart before I hit this city. Yet nothing in Manhattan had felt right to me until I fell into Herb’s arms and looked up into his nuclear blue eyes. I wasn’t a big believer in love at first sight, but fate put us together that day, then brought us back again.
Lucas placed his hands on the armrests of the rocker, stilling the gentle movement. Then he leaned toward me, bringing his face closer. For the first time, I saw the tiniest flecks of silver in his eyes.
I gulped while little Esmé drank away, blinking her gaze between Lucas and me like we were in a tennis match. Could even a small child feel the connection between us? It was like she was waiting for something to happen—and so was I.
Kiss me, you fool, my eyes begged.
“You look beautiful this morning,” he whispered.
His words were too much. I shut my eyes, tilting my face toward him just in case he chose to kiss me. My lips tingled with hope.
I held my breath as I felt his blowing against my cheek, but my dream didn’t come true. Instead, he placed a chaste, I-could’ve-been-his-sister kiss on my forehead, ending it with a sting by tapping me on the tip of my nose. He rose tall, towering over me. The moment erased, along with my hopes.
Would a small graze of my lips have killed him? He made it seem like it would have.