by Morris, Liv
“Thanks for taking care of her.” He ruffled Esmé’s hair and softly patted her cheeks. Watching his large hands touch her so gently made his rejection hurt even more.
I opened my mouth, moving it up and down like a fish, but no words came out. He’d stolen my breath away, not with a hot kiss, but with the lack of one. I’d been nanny-zoned.
I managed a sad sigh, causing Esmé to scrunch her baby brows at me. Even at her age, she knew what disappointment sounded like.
“I have to get to the office shortly. J.J. will be here in a few minutes.” Lucas stressed the last words as he gave my attire a quick once over, making the meaning clear. I needed to change before I answered the door.
I tilted my head as Lucas turned and walked away from me. I allowed myself to stare hard at his backside. He couldn’t see me, so why not? His ass was the perfect mix of firm and high, made even more apparent in the flimsy pants. I bit down on my lip.
Before he left the nursery, he swung back around toward me, grabbing a hold of the doorjamb above his head. His shirt moved upward, exposing the beginnings of a light brown happy trail disappearing into his drawstring pants. My eyes shot up to his before I was caught in the act of ogling all his sexiness.
“J.J. will be working with me today at the office. You’ll be on your own. I think you’ll be okay without a bodyguard. No one’s bothered you since you arrived here, correct?” His forehead creased in concern.
“I’ve flown under the radar. I don’t fit the billionaire nanny’s profile.” The reason I ditched my favorite holey jeans. I already missed them.
“And I’m glad,” Lucas said. “Before I leave for the day, I want to add an app to your phone so I know where you are at all times.”
“Stalker much?” I held back a smile.
It kind of turned me on knowing he could find me at any given moment, but I also wanted to know his whereabouts too. It would make sense, right?
“I want to make sure you’re safe.” Even from across the room, his eyes took on a darker alpha shade. Desire eyes. I might melt into goo under them.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
Lucas released his hands from the doorjamb, and I thought he was leaving to go get ready for the day, but he stood there quiet, gazing at me. I waited, knowing he had something left to say.
“I want you to know it took everything in me not to kiss you on the lips, Peaches.”
I knew it! I still was frustrated as hell, but at least I wasn’t a nut imagining crazy things.
“Why didn’t you? I wanted you to so bad. And don’t call me Peaches.” Lucas pushed his hands into his pockets, drawing the waistline down for an early morning peepshow. Man, I discovered where the happy trail ended. Another inch and I’d be seeing base camp. Even with all the hotness in my face, he still pissed me off.
“Same reason I didn’t ask for your number when we met. I’m not relationship material. Adding my promise to Barclay, I decided it’s best this way.” A sad expression washed over his face. I wasn’t convinced.
“You know something. I thought about Herb every day after I met you and decided I wanted a guy who was more than a quick hookup. Someone who’d catch me when I’d fall. Did you ever think about me? Wonder if you should have asked me for more?” I baited him, hoping he’d tell me his true reasons, something deeper than he couldn’t or shouldn’t. We were grown adults for heaven’s sake.
“You don’t understand me. For ten years, I’ve had a certain approach with women, and it’s served me well.”
Lucas ran his fingers through his hair. I’d been around him long enough to know he used this move to channel his frustration. I decided to poke the bear.
“Two things. One, you didn’t answer my question, and two, I’m holding a baby from your ‘certain approach.’” His blue eyes bored into mine. The bear was poked.
“Yes. I thought about you. A lot. How could I not?” He glanced away to the side, avoiding eye contact.
This man was afraid to show his true feelings. In my psych major experience, most people who acted like this put up walls to avoid being hurt, making me want to know who or what made him this way. His reaction felt more intense than the one girlfriend from years ago breaking his heart. Something else buried below the surface disturbed him.
“Listen, Lucas, I want to be here to help you and take care of Esmé. The thought of leaving makes my heart hurt as much as not having your kisses. Yes, I have feelings for you. Deep ones. I’m not ashamed to admit it, and you can’t be surprised. So I’m going to need you to do one thing for me.”
“What is it?” Finally, he turned his face to mine, eyes strained, showing his struggle.
“Quit being so dang sexy.” His lips turned up on one side. “And start by pulling up your pants.” Lucas glanced down, realizing for the first time how much his lower half was exposed. He popped his hands to his waistline and tugged upward.
“Same goes for you and your see-through shirts.” My nipples pinched. Silly things liked being noticed. “Great. I’m off to shower. Probably a cold one.”
He left the room, but I had a comment to leave behind him as he fled.
“Talk of you in the shower is off-limits too.” I hoped he was in a rush to leave and didn’t have time to jerk off. It would serve him right.
29
Lucas
I tossed my shirt on my unmade bed, frustration rolling off me. The only woman who’d slept there since Barbie left was Maggie, and I’d parked myself on the terrace those nights. Hell, my back still ached. It would’ve helped if I’d worked out this morning too. A dad bod was heading my way if I didn’t get back on my routine.
Striding into my bathroom, my chest tightened at the thought of Maggie and what we discussed. I watched her rocking Esmé before she noticed I was in the doorway. Conflicted didn’t even touch how I felt about her. No woman had ever riled me up with equal parts of aggravation and desire. This morning, I wanted to kiss her lips, finally taste them. Then a minute later, I imagined giving her ass a swat for having a defiant attitude. Everything in my life revolved around feelings. I kept those pesky things out of my life for a reason. They led to a road of trouble and heartbreak.
Escaping under the rush of hot water, I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind. My thoughts circled around a beautiful woman with haunting green eyes. The kind that moved poets to write sonnets of devotion. My hands longed to touch her skin and draw her into my arms, holding her tightly against my body. I reached for my erection, gripping it tightly, hissing at the relief it brought, but it would only be momentary—a fleeting substitute for her.
I placed my free palm against the shower wall of glass facing Central Park. Hot water streamed over my shoulders, my torso, and finally spun down the drain.
“Think of someone else,” I gritted through my teeth, but Maggie owned me. Maybe fantasizing about her this one time would get this hunger for her out of my system. I had no power to stop, so I surrendered.
I imagined running my fingers through her black, silky hair, pulling it into my hands to expose her neck. I’d kiss a trail from her collarbone to her ear, whispering dirty promises as my teeth nipped at her skin. A mischievous smile spread across Maggie’s fantasy face, showing me her naughty side, one I’d love to explore if our paths had crossed in another time or space.
My fingers produced the needed friction over my hot skin. I edged closer to release, wishing she was with me in the shower, pressed against the glass. I’d hold her up with my hands as her legs wrapped around my waist. With every push of my hand, I pretended the wet warmth was my cock inside her. My moans became her breathless cries, until I gave into the building pressure racing through my body and veins.
I pressed my forehead on the glass, steadying myself as I thrust harder into my palm. All the built-up tension charged through me from head to toe. Every muscle tightened, every nerve caught fire, until I collapsed in spent ecstasy, but my hand served as a sad substitute. The desire to re-enact this hot shower scene with
her instead of my hand made me want her even more. My fucking dick started to come alive again at the thought. I switched off the hot water, letting the cold water rinse off any trace of what I’d just done.
As my skin prickled under the freezing liquid, I laughed at my situation, racking my brain as I went back over the years. When was the last time I took a cold shower? It wasn’t in boarding school. I had girls lined up waiting for my attention, and I’d gladly given it to them. I figured it was middle school. I honestly couldn’t recall. Leave it to a green-eyed goddess to turn a grown-ass man into a desperate thirteen-year-old virgin. The woman held wicked powers over my body and mind. I just had to keep her out of my heart.
I shut off the shower and wrapped a towel around my hips. My skin warmed as I went through my morning routine. I secured my cufflinks at my wrists, then straightened my sleeves and necktie. My suit coat draped over my arm as I left my bedroom to find Maggie before I left for the office. J.J. had arrived to brief me on today’s meeting. I preferred prepping for the day on my own turf. My father hadn’t replied yet, not that I’d expected him to, but I wanted his answer behind me.
I strode down the hallway, the sounds of laughter leading me to the kitchen. I turned the corner and saw Maggie sitting on the counter, legs dangling over the edge. Her yoga pants came just below the knee and matched her black tank top. It was tight in all the right places and dipped in a revealing curve. Dammit. Was there a nanny uniform I could make her wear? My mind drifted to plaid pleated skirts and schoolgirl fantasies.
I considered grabbing J.J. by the elbow—she even had me calling him this nickname in my head—and dragging him out of the apartment. We could talk on the drive downtown. But he was laughing with his head thrown back at something Maggie had said. She peered into my eyes, raising a brow as I walked toward the scene.
“Have a nice shower, Lucas?” Her smile was downright devious. When I glared back at her, she licked her lips. I wanted to go to her, spread her legs wide, push her hips forward, make her feel what she did to me. But she already knew.
“Jared,” I said, ignoring her comment. “Anything scheduled we need to discuss?” His iPad was missing from his hands and the area around him. Two days off with Maggie and his A-game had slipped.
“Your attorney wants to meet you at eight in his office. Other than that, the day is eerily quiet.” He shrugged and turned back to Maggie. If he didn’t have a boyfriend, I’d count him as competition. She wasn’t mine, but the thought of her giving a man what I wanted made my blood boil.
“You okay, Lucas?” Maggie tilted her head, concern in her eyes. “I’ve never seen you look so tense.”
“I’m fine.” I exhaled slowly, attempting to center myself, wash away the lust that kept rising up inside. I glanced around the kitchen. “Where’s the baby?”
“She’s in her crib with her new toy. It’s a carousel that plays music. She lies under it and can touch and grab objects. It lights up too.” J.J. sounded like a commercial spokesman for the product as he answered the question. I truly felt like he’d prefer staying home with Maggie and the baby today. No such luck, buddy.
“Go check up on her, Jared. I need to speak with Maggie.” J.J.’s shoulders fell, and he shuffled off.
Maggie sipped her coffee, looked over the cup’s rim at me, green eyes twinkling. “What’s up, big daddy?”
“Your phone, please,” I growled. Nice wasn’t in the cards for me today, especially when I spun everything she said into a sexual innuendo.
“Are you punishing me?” She jumped off the counter, boobs bouncing as she did. I gripped the edge of the island and lowered my head. “Here you go.” She slid the phone across the granite to me. I reached out and snatched it before it fell off.
“No, but you need a spanking.” The filthy words slipped off my tongue before I caught them. I didn’t dare look up to see her reaction, especially when I heard a slight sigh.
Clicking on the phone, brought up the password screen. I entered the numbers she’d given me at the coffee shop.
“Wow, you remember.”
“How could I forget the year of your high school graduation?” The first thing I saw was a text from a guy named Thomas.
Remember our date today? Haven’t heard back from you.
I had no business opening it, but a green monster rumbled out of me. I read back to Saturday when she canceled her date with him to help me, rescheduling for tonight.
“Wait. Are you reading my personal texts?” She narrowed her eyes at me. I raised my brows and shrugged. Why deny the truth?
“I thought you wanted to add an app to track me. This is an entirely different level of stalking. Give. Me. My. Phone,” she spat out, stretching her hand out to me. I raised the phone over my head, knowing full well she’d need a ladder to reach it.
“How dare you, Lucas.” She jumped up, grabbing my arm and pulling in vain. I could play this game all day. I smugly stared down at the pair of awesome boobs Thomas wouldn’t touch. Ever.
“Who’s Thomas?” I narrowed my eyes, watching the fight leave her body like a deflating balloon.
“A friend,” she whispered.
“Well, this ‘friend’ thinks you have a date with him tonight.”
“Oh my God. I forgot.” She hit her forehead with her palm. “And he’s such a nice guy too.”
“I’m sure he is. Keep going.” Maggie worried her hands, walking back and forth in front of me. I had way too much fun watching her get flustered.
“The nanny agreement J.J. had me sign said I get Wednesday nights off, right?” She placed her hands on her hips, steeling her eyes on me.
“You do.” As I said the words, I couldn’t imagine her not being here.
Maggie had become such a part of my life—the baby’s, I meant—or us. Hell, I didn’t know the right pronoun. She’d given us every waking second over the last five days and deserved some time for herself. However, I didn’t want her alone in the arms of another man. Thinking about it made my blood boil.
“Then hand over my phone.” She scrunched her nose and tried to look mean, but it only made her more adorable. She might be feisty, but she wasn’t an angry fighter, probably because she won all the arguments.
“Please, Herb?” She switched gears, piling on the sweet talk.
“This guy, Thomas, doesn’t want to be your friend. I read the texts. His message was unmistakable. Hey, Maggie. I want to sleep with you. Well, that isn’t going to happen.”
“What are you, my father? I don’t have daddy issues. Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off without men.” She crossed her arms over her chest, highlighting cleavage worthy of motor-boating. “What’s the problem with me going out and having a good time? Maybe kissing away some of this sexual tension between us. No one’s touched me since you kept me from falling in the coffee shop. I’m going crazy here, Herb! Give me one good reason I can’t go out with him and I’ll cancel. Otherwise, I’m going to share my DNA with him tonight.”
“Like hell you will,” I growled, placing my hands on either side of her on the counter. I’d trapped her, and I didn’t want to share.
“You saying no won’t stop me.” I towered over her, causing her to lean back over the counter to meet my eyes. A breeze couldn’t blow between us; we were so close.
“Tell me,” she whispered, eyes begging for the truth. Confessing the reason would make everything harder, if that was even possible.
I bent down, dropping my mouth to her ear, finding the soft spot behind it. Her breath hitched. I smiled against her neck and breathed her scent in. She smelled so damn good.
“You see, Peaches, I want to be the one who kisses you. Tastes every inch of your skin. Hear you moan while I ruin you for any other man.”
Maggie fell to her knees, then ran her hands up my legs. She placed her small hand over my erection. Shit. I’d never felt this kind of desperate need for any other woman. I felt myself unraveling under her touch and couldn’t move away.
“Thi
s is what southern girls call whistling dixie.” A seductive laugh left her lips.
She started unbuckling my belt. The clanking of metal jolted me, letting my brain catch up with what we were about to do—in my kitchen—with her on the floor. What was I thinking? J.J. and my daughter were in the room down the hall. I couldn’t be this reckless. I placed my hand over hers to stop before it went any further.
Needing distance to think, I pushed away from the counter. She collapsed into a heap on the floor; shoulders caved inward. She resembled a bird with clipped wings.
I earned the award for the number one fucked-up asshole. I tilted my head toward the ceiling, hoping the scene would disappear, but she was braver than me and spoke first.
“Barclay would’ve gotten over us. It’s you who can’t let go of something, God only knows what, but it’s keeping you from living.” Her voice, pained by my hurt, pierced into me. It physically hurt. She was right too. Barclay wasn’t my stumbling point in the end. It was me, unable to give myself to her…or anyone else, for that matter. My feelings were trapped in a maze of past mistakes, and I didn’t know the way out. I’d never hated myself more.
I held out my hand, helping her rise to her feet. The sadness in her eyes tore me apart. I handed her phone back to her, brushed a shiny strand of hair off her cheek, and left for my office down the hallway.
“Jared. Office. Now,” I called out as I passed by the nursery. The door stood wide open. J.J. could’ve heard or possibly seen our encounter. I paid him to keep his mouth shut, and he better remember that.
I rushed into my office and closed the door behind me. Circling my desk, I fell into my chair, holding my hand against my chest. It hurt and ached to my core. The truth always did. If Maggie knew what I’d done, the cover-up I allowed to happen, the life I ruined, she’d despise me too. I’d never be able to turn off the “if they really knew me” track in my head. I tried once, and I swore never again.
I dialed my sister from my office phone, switching it to speaker. The call rang out in the room.