by Morris, Liv
“Lucas,” Chloe answered. “How are you, big brother?”
“Never better.” I scoffed.
“You’ve been dealt a hard hand with the baby thrust on you. You still want me to come over tonight?”
“Please. My temporary nanny has the night off. I’m not ready to handle the baby alone.” I longed for the order I had in my life. Nothing was left to chance. Nothing made me feel either. I’d hit foreign territory at light speed.
“My last appointment is at five. I should be done by six or six thirty. I can’t wait to meet my niece.”
“She reminds me so much of you when you were born.”
I was ten years older than Chloe. When my mother brought her home from the hospital, I pulled a chair next to her crib and watched her sleep. I didn’t want to leave her side in the early days. She was only seven when the accident happened, changing her life forever too. She still had no idea I was driving the snowmobile.
“I bought a few things for Esmé in Toronto before I flew back. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. Also, I need your thoughts on expanding the nursery, using some of the space from the gym. And I need a bedroom for the permanent nanny.”
“I’ll take a look, but you might want to buy a larger apartment. It’s hell going through that kind of renovation with a small child.”
J.J. walked into the office as instructed, though it took him longer than it should’ve.
“I need to run. See you after the nanny leaves.”
“I’ll spoil her rotten until you get home. And after too.”
I punched the speaker button, ending the call. “Jared, have a seat.”
“Yes, sir.” He carried his trusty iPad in his hands. We were back to business. This I understood.
“I need you to do two things today. First, add a GPS tracking app to Maggie’s phone and connect it to mine. I believe Google has an interface. I need to know where she is with Esmé at all times.” J.J. punched away on his screen. “Next, I need you to start interviewing permanent nannies. Ones familiar with the needs of a child raised in Manhattan.”
“But, sir, what about—”
I cut him off before he could say her name. “I prefer a career nanny, not an au pair or someone between jobs. Also, the more matronly, the better.”
“Sir, Maggie is amazing with the baby,” J.J. rushed out.
“You have today’s assignment. Do it properly so you have a job tomorrow.”
I rose from my chair, pulling my cell from my pocket. “Bring the car to the front of the building,” I told my driver.
“I’ll meet you downtown,” I said to J.J. “I’m going to my attorney’s office alone.”
I exited into the hallway and headed toward the front door. I heard Maggie’s laughter followed my Esmé’s, and I strode by the nursery. A stabbing pain twisted in my gut, but I was the one who held the knife’s handle.
In the car, I made another call. This one in complete privacy.
“Mr. Newsome. It’s Lucas Shaw.”
“Mr. Shaw. It’s been weeks since I’ve heard from you. I thought you might’ve fallen in love, left us for good.” I scoffed at his attempt at humor. Nothing was funny to me right now.
“Send me résumés of who’s available. Please limit them. You know what I like. Compliant. Blondes only.” I wanted the opposite of her.
Minutes later, an email from Newsome arrived in my inbox. I scrolled through his choices. The first was a leggy blonde. NYU undergraduate. Well-versed in current affairs. I skipped over her. I needed a hard fuck, not a date to the U.N.
After viewing all the profiles, I closed the email. None of the women did a thing for me. I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling the beginnings of a headache. I’d revisit the email later when my head was clearer.
When I arrived at Sloan’s swanky office suite, that I helped him pay for, his assistant led me to his office. Sloan was on the phone but motioned for me to sit down. I took a seat on a large black leather chair opposite his desk. It was the kind a man relaxed in with a highball glass of bourbon and a cigar.
“Okay. Tomorrow, three p.m. New York time. Yes, he’ll call her. Yes. I have my client here.” Sloan glanced at me while writing something down.
Sloan ended his call and folded his arms on his desk. He leveled his eyes on me, giving me pause to what would follow.
“Which do you want first—the okay news or the bad news?”
“I’d prefer another choice. But let’s start with okay.”
“Fine. Coco, legally named Erin Russell, was found in London on a movie shoot by my private detective. I pulled some strings with the film’s production head. Did some work for him a few years back. Cheating ex-wife. Standard stuff. If Coco wants to keep her part in the cast, she’ll cooperate with us.” Sloan pushed a paper across the desk toward me. “She agreed to call you tomorrow morning at ten. New York time.”
The things I wanted to say to her. Scream and yell at her. “Sure. Won’t miss this call for the world. Good job.”
“The bad news is Esmé’s birth certificate. You’re not listed on it. Another man is.”
“Shit,” I cursed under my breath. “Her boyfriend.”
“Bingo. A case for legal paternity will start in the California courts on a county level. It could take months to get this sorted, and that’s with greasing as many hands as possible along the way.”
“Find an attorney who understands the state’s laws.” I wanted the one obstacle I could control out of the way. “If there’s any throwback from the boyfriend, give him a nice send-off. Nothing over a hundred grand though.”
“Understood. I’ll keep you updated. Also, let me know how the call goes with Erin. It will likely set the direction for how we proceed from here.”
When I left Sloan’s office, I decided Iron Gate could do without Lucas Shaw today. I had a favorite place to go when I hit rock bottom, and today, I was under the rock.
Once I was outside the building on the sidewalk, I removed my tie and rolled it up, stuffing it in my suit coat pocket. I peeled off my jacket and hooked it on a finger over my shoulder. I found a sidewalk vendor and bought a crappy pair of sunglasses. They’d keep the sun out of my eyes and hide my identity. My next stop was a liquor store. I left holding a discreet pint of whiskey.
I hailed a cab, skipping my driver, and told the cabbie to take me to the Seaport. I had to escape the city and myself the only way I’d ever known how. On the water.
I rented a sailboat and its captain for the day. He didn’t talk much, and that suited me fine. I sipped on my booze and listened to him hum songs like a pirate. When Manhattan’s skyline, in all its majesty came into view, I had no desire to ever go back.
30
Maggie
After Lucas left for work without saying a word to the baby or me, I texted Thomas and confirmed our date for tonight. I asked myself why I agreed to go out to dinner when all I wanted was another man. I didn’t use people or play games of the heart, like trying to make Lucas jealous.
I decided the incident in the kitchen made me reply to Thomas, more than walking out of the apartment without a goodbye. In no uncertain terms, Lucas said he wanted me. I almost threw my hands up in an alleluia too. Then that same dark shadow I’d seen cross his face reappeared, ending what I’d hoped was our beginning.
I needed to move on. Get back in the dating game, especially with a guy like Thomas, who seemed respectful and not just after a quickie. Whatever happened tonight, I would definitely pay for half of dinner and my drinks. I wanted to meet him in person, not lead him on.
If Lucas broke through whatever was holding him back, I’d be there for him in a New York minute, literally. I had to keep that in mind on my date, treat it more like an introduction than a forever. Also, a change of scenery sounded marvelous. I’d never taken care of an infant for this long of a stretch. Those little bundles of joy wiped a person out.
J.J. downloaded a stalker app for Lucas. Sending the info to k
eep track of me anywhere in the world. I had his child in tow, so that was the real reason for wanting to know my whereabouts.
While Esmé was napping, a serviceman from the building brought up several packages I’d been waiting for. I’d ordered them online at a high-end children’s store on Monday because their stock was low on llama gear. Who knew they’d be so popular for a baby’s nursery? But they were my favorite animal.
I unboxed the bedding for the crib. Blankets, sheets, a dust ruffle, prints for the wall with cute word plays for llamas. A whole llama love was the cutest by far. I picked things I’d choose for a nursery if Esmé were my own daughter.
Esmé and I spent most of the afternoon in Central Park. I couldn’t wait to try out the thousand-dollar stroller J.J. decided was a must have. I had to admit, the cute little pink covering and name Bugaboo sold me on it too. Plus, Esmé could face forward and see what was going on around her, instead of having to stare at my face.
When afternoon nap time rolled around, we headed back to the apartment. The woman who took care of Lucas’s apartment had cleaned up while we were gone. I had yet to meet her and wondered if she truly existed. But all the beds were made. Clothes washed and food restocked. If I ever had enough money, I wanted a housekeeper too. It would be the only cure for my messiness.
While Esmé slept in the nursery, I took my suitcase into Lucas’s room and rummaged through, looking for an outfit for my date. I’d brought two dresses, so my choices were either short and flirty or short and tight. I ended up going with the flirty one. It had a black-and-white pattern with a halter top. The hemline hit mid-thigh and flowed around my legs. With fall approaching, this would be my last time wearing it this year.
I showered in Lucas’s glass mausoleum but used my own products. As much as I loved Lucas’s scent, my date would likely rather I smelled like a woman. I toweled off and styled my hair. Nothing fancy, more curls and flirty to match my outfit. I applied a minimal amount of makeup, deciding to play my eyes up. They were my best feature. After changing into my dress for the night, I slipped on my heels and glanced one last time at myself in the mirror. Something was off. I couldn’t hide the conflict I felt inside about my date. I had a blank look in my eyes as if I was frozen in place. My mouth was so tight-lipped, my cheeks might crack if I tried to smile. Even my shoulders came close to touching my ears.
I tried to relax and chill out before Chloe, Lucas’s sister, arrived at the apartment to take my place and watch Esmé. Lucas asked her to help out so I could make it to my date on time. At least it showed he could be thoughtful about something. But I didn’t know anything about her other than she had wealthy parents and probably lived a Gossip Girl life wearing clothes from shops on Fifth Avenue. Instead of a knock-off Prada like mine, she’d probably have a real one hanging on her arm.
I smoothed down the dress I bought at Target and exhaled. I’d never be a socialite, and I was okay with that fact, but I wanted his sister to like me even if we were from different worlds.
A couple of small panic attacks later, Chloe arrived. When I opened the door, I stood there in shock. She was the female version of Lucas, though closer to my height. High cheekbones set off a pair of familiar light blue eyes. Where Lucas’s lacked warmth, hers danced with life. I loved her immediately.
“Maggie.” Chloe wrapped me in a hug. She smelled wonderful too—grownup and sophisticated. Her perfume was probably something from Chanel. Definitely out of my price range.
She released her arms from around me and pulled back, inspecting me from head to toe. It was hard to stand still as she nodded at me with a Cheshire cat grin. She didn’t appear to be judging me critically, more just taking me in as a person.
She placed a finger under my chin and raised it up. Her hand dropped as she laughed from somewhere down deep within herself. The kind that led a person to tears.
“Please excuse my horrible manners,” she said between giggles in a broken sentence. After a couple more deep breaths and sighs, she had herself under control. I waited for the show to continue. She may have been livelier than me, and that was saying a lot.
“I knew something was up with my brother when he talked about you. He sounded different, highly engaged and offered specific details. Dare I say romantic ones. It was definitely not his norm. But I get it now, after seeing you in person. All the pieces fit together. I think for the first time in, like, forever, my brother has feelings for someone. I want to hear all about you. Wait, am I being too pushy? You may not feel the same about him. Forgive me.”
“It’s all good.” I smiled too bright and looked down at the ground for a split second. “Yeah. He’s okay.”
“Perfect.” Chloe took my hand. “That’s what you are. Now, introduce me to my niece.”
Chloe was the one who was perfect, in my opinion. Everything about his sister glowed, from her blond hair, smiling face, to crystal clear blue eyes. Esmé fell in love with her in an instant too. It just took one smile and a few neck kisses. I left the two of them alone to get acquainted. I didn’t want to intrude on their moment.
I checked out my hair and eye makeup one more time. I’d lined my eyes in dark brown and used a similar color of shadow on my lids to make them appear smoky. I skipped the Golly That’s Red lipstick for a nude shade, letting my eyes be the main attraction.
My stomach fluttered with butterflies, so I poured a glass of wine to calm my nerves. I didn’t remember the last time I was this nervous meeting someone via a dating app. I began to wonder if the meet-up with Thomas wasn’t the issue, especially after what Chloe said. I couldn’t bail on Thomas again, but I felt myself friend-zoning him before I even left the apartment.
I slipped on my tallest stilettos, which meant I would be taking an Uber to the restaurant. Sitting down at the dining room table, I finished the rest of my wine. Chloe carried Esmé out of the nursery and sat down at the table with me.
“I changed her diaper. Has Lucas attempted this yet?” Chloe asked with a saucy smirk.
“He tried to with a lifelike doll I bought. On the seventh attempt, he asked me to get him some duct tape out of the kitchen drawer.” We both laughed, and Chloe rolled her eyes. “Until he does it right on an inanimate object, I’m not allowing him to even try it on Esmé.”
“Good call.” Chloe looked down at Esmé, who was sucking the life out of her thumb.
“I think she’s ready for another bottle.” I got up from the table and prepared some formula. “Do you want to feed her?”
“I would love that.” Chloe took the bottle from me, and Esmé’s little arms began to fly in the air. Once she’d latched onto the nipple, her hands balled in tight near her chest, her barely-there eyebrows scrunched in concentration.
“Pardon me for being nosy, but you’re rather dressed up for a Wednesday night. Do you have special plans?”
I hadn’t sat back down, and Chloe glanced at my heels. They weren’t Louboutins, but they could pass for a designer knockoff. How was I going to tell her I had a date, though?
“Well, I’m meeting someone for dinner.”
“Oh. Like a date?” I nodded, and Chloe shook her head. “Does Lucas know this?”
“We discussed it this morning.”
“That explains his text to me before I arrived. He said he wouldn’t be here until you left for the evening. I don’t think he relished the idea of seeing you walk out the door to meet another man.”
“I’ve kind of given up on him and me.” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, then stupid tears started to form in my eyes.
“Oh, Maggie. I’m sorry if he’s hurt you, but please don’t give up on my brother just yet. He’s never been the same since my mother’s snowmobile accident. He was riding in it with her when it happened. Something died in him that day. He was only seventeen.”
A few drops spilled from my eyes, and I grabbed a clean cloth diaper off the dining room table before my eye makeup was ruined. But I’d finally found out the hurt Lucas was hiding and wanted mo
re details.
“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?” I sniffled, wiping my eyes again.
“My mother veered off the snowmobile path and hit a mound of snow hiding a tree stump. She was thrown into the air from the impact. She suffered a traumatic brain injury. She’s the twelve-year-old version of herself.” Chloe’s eyes reflected my cloudy ones.
“I’m so sorry. Lucas never said a thing.”
“He doesn’t like to talk about it. Never has. I was only seven when it happened. My father treats Lucas like he’s to blame. I’ve been caught in the middle of their mutual hatred ever since.”
“God, Chloe. You were so young. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.”
“Lucas said you were Tessa’s best friend, the one dating Barclay, right?”
“Yes. Since our first day of kindergarten.”
“We lived next door to Barclay’s family. His mother pretty much raised me.”
“Where’s your mother now?”
“She hasn’t left her house in Greenwich in years. Even her doctors make house calls to see her. She spends her day playing with her cats and sketching on an art pad.”
“It’s so horrible and sad. I’m sorry for all of you.”
“It’s been twenty years, and I keep praying something will help Lucas get past it, but nothing has yet. Maybe you can reach him.”
“I’ll try.” I placed my hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed it. “I promise.”
I studied psychology to help understand human beings and why they acted the way they did, and in the process, hopefully, help them become their better selves. I never imagined in a million years the first human who needed my help after graduation would be a brooding billionaire I nannied for. Fate sure had an odd sense of humor.
31
Lucas
I strolled through my apartment door around eight o’clock. My cheeks resembled a lobster’s from the sun and wind, and the pint of bourbon was gone. I didn’t have a care in the world—except the date the woman who’d wiggled herself under my skin had tonight.