DADDY ISSUES: A SINGLE DAD ROMANCE

by Morris, Liv

  “Hello, Erin.”

  “Hi, Lucas.” Her voice was weak and timid. I strained to hear her speak.

  “Thanks for calling.” I decided to begin with the truth and how it felt from my end. She needed to know what her actions caused in my life. “I can’t begin to tell you what the last few days have been like for me. I thought I was meeting you for a drink and left the bar with an infant. I didn’t even have a car seat for my driver to take us back to my apartment.”

  I took a deep breath to keep the anger from bubbling up. Reliving those desperate moments brought up the kind of emotions that would lead to me yelling and shutting down this conversation.

  “I knew nothing about babies. They were strange creatures to me. Yet I was forced to care for Esmé without having a clue where to start. My attorney wanted me to call the police and report you, but I didn’t want a scandal. So I waited for the DNA results, which confirmed she’s mine.”

  “Oh, Lucas. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know where to begin. I was in such a panic. Peter had left me and I had no one to watch her. My plane was leaving in hours when he walked out the door.” I heard the tears falling. I wanted to believe she was sorry, but it would take time—not tears—to convince me. “This was my big break, but I never should have done this to you or her.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have. What if I’d walked out of the bar before I found the baby hiding behind a planter? Esmé would’ve been left alone—she could have ended up in a foster home somewhere in New York City,” I said, confronting her with the reality of her actions.

  “You’re right. I am so ashamed of what I did. Can you ever forgive me?” Erin sniffled into the phone. “It was the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

  “You’re the mother of my child. We are linked forever by this beautiful blond cherub. I’m never going to say I’m okay with how you introduced me to my daughter, but yes, Erin, I will forgive you for Esmé’s sake. But things have to be different going forward. I need to know I can trust you with her. Nothing is more important than Esmé’s safety.”

  “I owe you so much and promise nothing like this will ever happen again. I feel so ashamed. You have no idea how much your forgiveness means to me. Your attorney said you wanted to be a part of Esmé's life. She’d be lucky to have you as a father.”

  “I am her father, but I want to be her dad.” My voice cracked as I spoke the last word.

  Erin and I talked for a few more minutes, though I wished it could have been longer. There were so many details I wanted to discuss, but she was on a break and had to head back to the movie set. We promised to work together and find a way forward to support our child. She asked me to send her a photo of Esmé. Proof of life, I supposed. A fair request considering it was me, a man without feelings.

  35

  Maggie

  Chloe and I sat at the dining room table, chatting about Esmé and how much she looked like Chloe when she was the same age. We heard Lucas’s office door open and shut, then the sound of his shoes tapping against the marble floors in the hallway. We stopped talking and glanced at each other, anxiously waiting to see his mood after speaking with Erin.

  I hadn’t heard any yelling or cursing, so I had hope their conversation went okay. As he came closer to us, I noticed his eyes were a tad red, as if he’d been crying. His shoulders weren’t tense either, and an undeniable ease shone from his face. Still, I sat on my hands, waiting for him to speak.

  “Well…” He sighed, pulling out a chair and sitting down at the head of the table, Chloe and I on either side of him. “Erin, formerly known as Coco, and I are going to work together to parent our daughter. There’s a long list of details we have to sort out, but for now, I’m going to keep Esmé while she’s working in Europe.”

  I exhaled the breath I’d been holding, glad they chose to do the best thing for their child. I loved my mother to the moon and back, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to know who my father was and have a relationship with him. It wasn’t a big hole in my life, she’d made sure of that, but it existed, nonetheless.

  “I’m so relieved it went well.” I reached out to him, wrapping my hand around his. “You did the best thing for Esmé.”

  “It’s all because of you. You have to know that.” He raised my hand to his mouth, placing kisses on it. I glanced at Chloe, who sat with her eyes wide. I guessed witnessing this kind of loving behavior from her brother was something new.

  “We’ll have to write a thank you note to my psychology advisor,” I said.

  “You and your southern manners,” he teased with a laugh. “Where’s Esmé?”

  “I fed her a bottle and she’s taking her morning nap.” Chloe sat up in her seat. “You lucked out with a sleeper. I swear I could vacuum her room and she’d sleep right through it.”

  “I’m glad I have you here today.” Lucas turned to Chloe. “There’s something I need to talk about with you both. First, the good news, at least to me. After I got off the call with Erin, I heard from Sloan, my attorney. Tomorrow will be my official last day at Iron Gate. It’s being announced at close of business today.”

  “Back up. What the hell are you talking about?” Chloe narrowed her eyes, leaning forward in her chair. “Is everything okay? The bastard didn’t fire you, did he?”

  “Honestly, I’m firing myself—walking away from Iron Gate for good. I made a deal our father’s greedy heart couldn’t say no to. I agreed to sell my portion of the company in exchange for him letting me decide how Mom is cared for. Basically giving me guardianship over her day-to-day life.”

  “What the hell do you have on him? He’d never agree to that in a million years. He’d be giving up too much money and control if he released her to you.” Chloe’s eyes grew wide as she moved to the edge of her seat.

  “I’ve kept a secret for him.” Lucas glanced down at the table for a beat. “I’ve hidden it for twenty years. He needed my shares, so I used it as leverage. I finally had him in a place where he’d give me what I wanted so that I wouldn’t expose him. In the end, I won—and so did Mom.”

  Lucas glanced at me, giving me a sad attempt at a smile. His eyes showed the weight of his words.

  “Twenty years ago, Mom had her accident. Does this have something to do with that?” Chloe asked. I stared between them, almost wondering if I should even be here.

  “Yes. It has everything to do with it. Mom wasn’t driving the snowmobile when it crashed, Chloe. I was.” Lucas’s eyes filled with tears, and mine did too.

  Chloe collapsed in her chair, all the air leaving her lungs. “I don’t understand. You and mom fought before the accident. It’s the one thing I remember about that night. You kept begging her to let you drive and she refused.”

  “Once we got on the path, she changed her mind. She let me drive for a little bit. I tried to be a hotshot, but ended up crashing, destroying her life and yours. Dad knew and told me to keep quiet. Pretend Mom nearly killed herself.” Tears began to fall down his face. I glanced over at Chloe. Lucas’s pain and struggle had brought her to tears too.

  “Oh, Lucas, everything makes so much sense now. You changed that day, and I thought it had been because you were sad about what happened to Mom.”

  “Do you hate me, Chloe?”

  “You were what, seventeen? Of course, I don’t hate you. We should have rallied around each other as a family, worked through what happened honestly. Instead, you built a wall around yourself, suffering with guilt and shame alone all these years. I understand the sadness and emptiness I felt from you now.”

  Chloe rose from her seat and wrapped her arms around a sobbing Lucas, his hand still in mine.

  “Maggie.” Lucas gazed at me with cloudy eyes. A strong man brought to his knees. “I wanted you to hear the truth too. No more secrets in my life.”

  Chloe released her arms around Lucas, returning to her seat. “I love you, Lucas. You were always there for me, more like a parent than a brother.”

  “I hated m
yself for what I did to you. You never had our mother at your side guiding you through life. I tried to fill in where I could, but I started college shortly after the accident, leaving you alone with our father. Barclay’s mother tried to help, but it wasn’t the same. I robbed you of having the support our mother gave me. You were so young. I wondered if you’d even remember much about her at all.”

  Chloe wiped her cheeks, taking a few deep breaths. My heart was breaking for them both.

  “I did miss having her, but I am not going to blame you for something you did at seventeen. It was a horrible accident that hurt us all.” Chloe wiped away a tear falling down her cheek. “I have beautiful memories of her. She’d read to me every night, sometimes making the stories up as she’d go. I had more love from her in a short time than some children get in their entire life. Let it go, Lucas. Forgive yourself. She would want you to.”

  “Knowing you don’t hate me for what I did helps, but I don’t know if I can shake the guilt.”

  “Promise me one thing.” Chloe looked directly at Lucas. “You’ll get some help. Talk to a professional. You can’t work through this on your own.”

  “I know you’re right,” Lucas agreed. “I’d thought about it over the years, but the idea of sitting down face-to-face with a stranger and talking about the incident was too much for me to handle.”

  “Working through this is going to be a hard road to walk, but the journey will be worth it. There’s a therapist I have in mind. I’ll email his name and contact info later. Have you thought about what you’re going to do after Iron Gate?” Chloe asked. I’d been wondering the same thing too.

  “Finish a book. Who knows, maybe even get the hell out of this city.” Lucas laughed, but I think he was serious, and I wanted to run away with him too.

  “Might not be a bad idea,” his sister said. “Start over fresh and clear your mind.”

  “I’m thinking of heading to Connecticut this afternoon. Taking Maggie and Esmé to meet Mom.” I tried not to jump up and down in my seat with excitement, especially since we were just bawling our eyes out, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  “I’d love to meet your mother.”

  “She’s going to love you,” Lucas said with a reassuring smile. God, I hoped he was right. I’d die otherwise.

  “I hate to dash out now, especially after everything we discussed, but I have a client waiting for me at the office to discuss the remodel of his ‘bachelor pad’—his words. He sounds like a real winner.” Chloe rose from the table, and we followed her to the door. She kissed Lucas on the cheek, hugging him for a long time in a tight embrace.

  “I love you, Chloe,” Lucas said through unshed tears. “Thank you for forgiving me.”

  “Back at you, brother. It’s time you forgive yourself. You have a beautiful daughter who needs the very best of you. Let me know how Mother is. Tell her I said hello.”

  “Will do.”

  After Lucas closed the door, he slid down the back of it, collapsing onto the floor. He held his head in his hands, trying to shield his emotions. I joined him on the floor, wrapping my arm over his shoulder as it shook. A minute or more went by until he lifted his head, looking at me with red-rimmed eyes. The icy blue of them looked different to me. Their cold, sharp edge had softened.

  Lucas pulled me onto his lap, holding me as if he’d never let me go, and I prayed he wouldn’t. There was no place on earth I’d rather be than in his arms.

  36

  Maggie

  Lucas asked if I wanted to stay overnight in Connecticut at his family’s home, and I jumped at the chance to get out of the city and meet his mother. Hurrying around the apartment, I gathered up everything we’d need for a night away.

  “Don’t forget that crazy alien baby pod for her to sleep in,” he called out to me from his bedroom. I had to smile. Lucas was already thinking like a dad.

  “Already by the front door.”

  I’d tiptoed into Esmé’s room, packing enough clothes for a few days, just in case we stayed longer. Then I grabbed an unopened package of diapers and a full container of wipes, adding a can of formula. I rolled my suitcase and the baby gear to the front door.

  “Do we have everything?” Lucas asked.

  “We have formula, diapers, and wipes. The baby trifecta, so we’re ready.”

  Lucas called down to the doorman, requesting a valet bring his Land Rover to the front door. It sounded like a vehicle the army used for war, something like a tank.

  I walked to the nursery and broke my mother’s rule of never waking a sleeping child. I smoothed my hand over her head, making her stir a bit. “Esmé, sweetheart. It’s time to wake up.”

  Her little eyes blinked open, and her thumb immediately went to her mouth. She stretched her free arm and legs.

  “We’re going to meet your grandmother,” I whispered into the crib as I picked her up. I changed her diaper and clothes, putting on the prettiest pink dress with embroidered roses around the collar. She looked like God had dropped an angel on earth.

  The doorman helped us load everything into Lucas’s behemoth vehicle. At my height, I almost needed a ladder to get in the front seat.

  Lucas was quiet while he drove through the busy streets of Manhattan. Between the call with Erin and telling us about his mother’s accident, he’d been through the wringer today, but I hated silence—especially when it lasted over five minutes.

  “Do you get up to Connecticut often?” I asked in the most nonchalant way—a dead giveaway that I was anything but.

  Lucas looked over at me, smiling. “I guess I got lost in my thoughts.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes. I was going crazy wondering what was spinning around in your head.”

  “I was wondering how to tell you about my mother.” He paused. I waited. “If you saw her on the street, you’d never know anything was different about her. At first glance, she looks totally normal. Have you ever met anyone who’s had a traumatic brain injury?”

  “A kid in high school fell out of a tree and hit his head. He was never the same. His family moved to Atlanta to get him more help.”

  “It’s the same with my mother. She’s stuck somewhere in her childhood. The doctors say it has to do with the part of her brain that was injured. It’s like she’s forgotten everything that happened in her life after middle school.”

  “Lucas, I’m so sorry.” I understood why he carried around such guilt all these years. It would kill me knowing I’d caused something similar with my mother.

  “My mother spends most of her days in her glass sunroom, drawing sketches of the flowers filling the space. She knows my name is Lucas and that I used to live there too, but doesn’t remember me as her son.” His voice broke as he finished his sentence, and so did my heart. I reached across the center console and touched his upper arm, rubbing it gently. He glanced at me with sad eyes, taking my hand in his.

  “She hasn’t met anyone new in years. I think she’ll be okay with it, but I wanted to warn you just in case. She won’t get violent or anything, it just might make her shy.”

  “Does she ever leave the house?” I couldn’t imagine her staying inside for twenty years. It seemed cruel.

  “No. Even her doctors come to the house. I have no idea what he’s paid them for their silence, but they should’ve reported the way he’s treated her years ago. My mother is a prisoner. Sometimes I wonder if my father never wanted her to recover. It’s a horrible thing to even say out loud, but I can’t imagine why he kept her home all these years.”

  “Surely he wouldn’t want that, Lucas. It would take an evil person to be like that.” Lucas huffed at my remark. I couldn’t comprehend being treated like this by someone who was supposed to love me.

  “My mother’s family founded the company and she had the largest share. Now, since he’s her husband, he does. It gives him the majority control. Power and money bring out the worst in humans. But soon, I’m going to do everything in my power to make my mother’s life more than
just the walls of her home.”

  Lucas held my hand, gently rubbing his thumb over my skin. He was comforting me when all I wanted to do was hug him and make everything all right. I didn’t know where to begin, but I wanted to help this man and his family heal. I’d chosen my major in college for this very reason. If I couldn’t help the man I was crazy for, then all I learned was for nothing.

  When we crossed over the New York state line into Connecticut, there was nothing but thick trees for miles, like we were driving through Sherwood Forest. I couldn’t see any homes or buildings.

  “Our exit is coming up,” Lucas said, but I still didn’t see anything behind the trees. I never thought I’d call a highway beautiful, but the view driving down this one was green and lush.

  Lucas eased his tank-sized car off the parkway. After a couple of turns, we were passing by beautiful, gigantic homes.

  “Oh my God. Is this where you grew up?” I glanced from the monster homes to him. “This is beyond rich. This is filthy, dirty money.”

  “I think you nailed it.” He laughed, turning into what looked like a smaller version of the White House, but not by much.

  The yard looked like it had been cut with a pair of scissors. It felt like we were about to walk on to a set of a movie. I couldn’t comprehend this type of wealth. And to think I’d thought his penthouse extravagant.

  Lucas parked his car near the front door. A woman around my mother’s age with gray hair and a smile brimming with joy came bounding out of the house.

  “Lucas, I had no idea you were coming today to see your mother. She’s going to be thrilled.” When I caught the woman’s eye, she gasped. “Well, who do we have here?”

  “Hi, my name is Maggie.” I walked toward the woman, extending my hand, but she gathered me in a big bear hug. She felt soft and comforting, just like my own mother. In the background, I heard Esmé fussing in the car.

  “I’m Charlotte, dear,” she said, peeking over my shoulder. “And what is that I hear? A baby?”