Liv

by Mikaela Bley

  ‘I’m just having a little trouble breathing,’ she rasped. ‘There’s pain in my chest.’

  ‘Should I call an ambulance?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Is it your heart?’

  Carola started to hyperventilate.

  ‘Help!’ Ellen shouted. ‘Can someone call an ambulance?’

  ELLEN

  2.15 P.M.

  Ellen took water from her glass and splashed Carola’s face. She tried to straighten her up, but that was difficult. ‘Carola, wake up.’ She patted her on the cheek and saw that her pupils were rolling backwards. ‘Does anyone here know first aid?’ she called. Ellen cursed herself for not having taken the courses they offered at work. Carola’s lips were turning blue. ‘She’s not getting any air!’ Ellen screamed.

  ‘The ambulance is on its way,’ one of the waiters said, who realised the acuteness of the situation and helped Ellen to stretch Carola out on the floor. She was pale as a corpse and lifeless, her mouth hanging open. She was breathing, but it was extremely laboured. Ellen sought to remove the knit jumper, and then she saw the bruises on Carola’s chest.

  After a few seconds, a woman came out of the kitchen and pulled Ellen out of the way. In turns, they worked at chest compression and artificial respiration, but Carola showed no signs of life.

  Minute after minute passed. Carola remained unresponsive.

  ‘She has a pulse. I think,’ the woman from the kitchen said.

  Even though it only took a few minutes for the ambulance to reach the scene, it felt like an eternity.

  The emergency medical technicians helped Carola with breathing, gave her oxygen, and tried to talk to her, and then they lifted her up onto a stretcher.

  Carola woke up, and after a few moments of hyperventilation, she started to breathe more calmly, and it was possible to communicate with her. She complained again about chest pains. The EMTs decided to take her in for observation.

  Ellen didn’t really know what she ought to do, but decided to follow them to the hospital.

  Once inside Saint Göran, Carola was given a private room where they monitored her heart rhythm and oxygen saturation in the blood. It was still unclear what had caused the attack, but the doctor Ellen spoke to thought it was stress-related. The worst danger was over, anyway.

  Ellen didn’t really know where she should be, but felt that she couldn’t leave Carola alone. Even though they hardly knew each other, Ellen suddenly knew so much about her. For example, that she weighed seventy-five kilograms. Ellen didn’t think she looked like she weighed that much. It must be muscle, she decided. She also found out which medications Carola took, that she had problems with her stomach, and so on. Ellen had tried not to listen, but it was hard to block out.

  ‘Can you close the curtain? The sunlight’s hurting my eyes,’ Carola said.

  Ellen did as she was asked, and then sat down on a stool beside the bed.

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘I’m not the one you should thank. God, I didn’t do anything.’

  ‘You didn’t have to come here,’ said Carola. ‘I’m probably in no danger.’

  Ellen didn’t know if she should be honest about how serious it had actually appeared to be.

  ‘You have to take care of yourself. If it’s stress, then that’s not something to take lightly. Has anything in particular happened recently?’ Ellen had a hard time believing that it would only be work-related.

  Carola shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Life. It catches up with you.’

  ‘Do you want me to call anyone? Your children?’

  ‘I don’t have any children.’ She fixed her eyes on the ceiling.

  ‘What? But you said that …’

  ‘I was lying. I didn’t think you would have understood my situation if I’d said I was single with no children. Who cares if someone like me thinks the job is stressful?’

  Ellen felt confused and wondered if there was something to what Carola was saying, and if so, how terribly sad that was. ‘What about your parents?’

  Carola turned her head and looked at Ellen. ‘No, that’s not necessary.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ asked Ellen.

  ‘Yes, I don’t want to be trouble for anyone. Thanks anyway.’

  They sat in silence for a while. Carola looked so small and fragile. Ellen didn’t know what to do or say to get her to feel better.

  ‘Do you ever feel lonely?’ Carola asked after a while.

  Ellen nodded. ‘Yes.’ She thought about how it had been when she’d been in the hospital just a few days ago. It had felt, then, as if she was the most solitary person in the whole world.

  ‘It’s when something like this happens that you start reflecting on your life and what you have and don’t have. It becomes so starkly black and white that …’ She fell silent.

  ‘You have your colleagues?’ Ellen attempted.

  ‘Yes, but, you know …’

  ‘Yes, I know. Unfortunately.’ Ellen wanted to ask about the bruises, but didn’t feel like it was the right moment. She wondered how the rest of her body looked, but she had her suspicions, considering that Carola was dressing in clothes that covered her whole body despite the heat.

  ‘I don’t want to be a burden for anyone. I’ll be well again soon.’

  ‘Well, let’s see, we’ll go through a few tests now.’ A nurse had come into the room. ‘The doctor is on his way.’

  ‘Do you want me to stay?’ Ellen asked.

  ‘No, I’ll be fine, but thanks.’ She smiled and reached out her hand.

  Ellen squeezed it.

  HANNA

  3.30 P.M.

  They were on their way home from school, but needed to stop at the shops. Karl had bicycled to a friend’s house, or wherever he was going. She’d actually wanted him to come home with her and Alice, but she wasn’t able to control him that way. It was sure to come back to bite her even more.

  Alice looked as tired as she was. Shopping with children was always a challenge, but today it felt like a punishment.

  The last thing she wanted was to run into someone who felt like airing their worries and talking about the murder. Actually, she should have gone to the store in the neighbouring village, but that would have definitely seemed suspect.

  Hanna breathed deeply, taking in the aroma of fresh-baked bread.

  They were just going to shop for some essentials. She hoped that Alice would be cooperative, but realised that that was going to be a challenge when the first thing she did was stop by the gumball machines in the entry.

  ‘Can I have some gum?’

  Hanna took a shopping trolley. If she’d had any coins, she would have been happy to buy her way out of the situation. ‘Please, Alice, don’t start whining now. Can we just try to do this as painlessly as possible?’

  ‘But Mummy, please, just one.’

  ‘Not today. You know which kind of milk we usually get, right?’ She resorted to her usual tricks to facilitate the process. ‘Two regular milk cartons and one buttermilk. Can you get those and tell me how many litres it is?’

  ‘But, please?’

  ‘No, I said!’

  Alice dragged her feet behind her, moaning down the aisle and over towards the dairy products. Hanna sighed heavily. Two minutes of breathing room, but her head was completely empty. What should they have for dinner? She looked around the produce department and tried to think of something nutritious. There was nothing she was in the mood for. Something quick? Fish fingers? Although they’d had those yesterday. It would have to be something ready-made.

  She walked on past the freezer display cases and thought about opening one to get a little cold air, even though it was much cooler inside the store than outside. At the bread shelf, she took down two packets of her favourite flatbread and put them in the trolley. Just as a one-off, s
he thought. After that, a packet of wheat rusks and a packet of cardamom rusks. And a packet of Ballerina biscuits. Two, for that matter. So that there’d be some left for her after the kids had finished the first one.

  ‘Four,’ said Alice, who was back with the milk and the sour milk.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Joking! There are three litres. What are we having for dinner?’

  ‘Sandwiches.’

  ‘But that’s not proper dinner, is it?’

  ‘Yes, of course it is. Lots of children would be delighted to have sandwiches for dinner.’

  ‘I don’t want it.’

  ‘Okay, then it will be noodles.’

  ‘Blegh.’

  ‘Now listen, you be quiet. I’m so tired of all this whining, do you hear me?’

  Alice looked at her in fright, and Hanna felt ashamed. ‘Sorry, Alice. Come on, let’s go and pay.’

  Alice stared down at the floor as someone touched Hanna’s shoulder. She turned around sharply.

  ‘Oh, sorry! Did I scare you?’

  It was a parent from the school, but Hanna couldn’t think of whose dad it was. She usually met the mums. The divisions in parenting were still hopelessly old-fashioned, despite all the bragging about how far Sweden had come on the issue of equality.

  ‘Oh, hi! No problem.’ It felt as if she’d been caught with her fingers in the cookie jar. ‘How are things with you?’

  ‘Good, but we’re a bit shaken by what’s happened.’

  Hanna nodded in agreement. This was just what she’d hoped to avoid. She felt sweaty and fat, and hoped that he couldn’t tell how she was feeling by looking at her. And that he didn’t look down into her shopping trolley, either.

  ‘But you’re daring to venture out?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Hanna stiffened.

  ‘I mean, thinking about the murder and the warnings. If I was a woman, I would hardly dare to go outside.’

  Hanna stood as if frozen and couldn’t speak a word.

  ‘It’s been a long time since I last ran into you. I see your son sometimes when the kids are hanging out in our garage. See you in church later? I think it can be helpful for the kids. I don’t know how things are with Karl, but Max has been very affected by what’s happened.’

  Max’s dad. Did Karl and Max hang out? Max was much older than Karl, and she hadn’t heard Karl mention Max. He was one of the rowdy kids who’d had to change schools so as to get his ‘schoolboy pranks’ under control — as people tended to call them to try to downplay the whole thing. He had joined Bea’s class, and according to Alexandra, the trouble had continued — he was still the cocky one in class who wasn’t very nice to his classmates. The video they’d seen at the teachers’ meeting fluttered past in her mind.

  ‘Karl, too.’ She’d recovered her ability to speak. ‘And Alice. All of us, actually. What’s going on at the church?’

  ‘Well, it’s going to be open extra hours in light of what has happened. The police are apparently going to provide some information, and I think they have quite a bit to explain.’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘You probably heard that they’ve started swabbing all the men in the village?’

  She didn’t understand. ‘For DNA tests?’

  ‘Yes, correct. Apparently, they’ve found DNA from the perpetrator, but I don’t know. You can refuse — who knows what they do with the results? I think it’s a violation, and I don’t know how the police can justify it. Of course, I have nothing to do with it.’

  Suddenly the smell of baking made her nauseated, and she wanted to vomit. ‘What kind of DNA have they found?’

  He leant forward towards her and whispered, ‘I think it’s sperm.’

  Hanna held convulsively onto the trolley with both hands. ‘Okay. Look, sorry, but I’m not feeling too well. I think it’s hard … so close.’

  ‘It will be good to gather together this evening. Everyone is feeling bad.’

  If he only knew. ‘See you there,’ she said, quickly pushing the trolley away.

  ‘Can I have this, Mummy?’ Alice dropped a My Horse magazine in the trolley.

  ‘Hmm …’ She tried not to think about what she’d just heard. Tried to focus on the magazines instead, while they waited their turn to pay. How to Host Your Seafood Party. Is Your Husband Unfaithful?

  ‘Is Daddy coming home today?’ Alice interrupted her thoughts, and Hanna wished she was brave enough to ask her about the note of apology, the phone, and everything.

  She looked at her little girl, who was so wise and considerate. ‘No, sorry,’ she said, stroking her cheek.

  ‘I miss him.’

  ‘I do, too, honey.’

  He probably won’t be able to come home for a long time, she thought and dropped In Shape magazine into the trolley.

  ELLEN

  5.00 P.M.

  ‘Many of the anxious residents in the village have made their way to Stentuna Church, which has now extended its hours because of the murder. A lot of people here have a need to talk things out, meet for coffee, and to find support in each other,’ Minister Inger Skog said to Andreas and Ellen as she showed them around the church.

  After the incident with Carola, Ellen had driven down to Stentuna. Jimmy had approved her taking a photographer with her and going down to depict the fear in the village. Fortunately, Andreas had had time. It felt safe to have him there. They often worked together, and Andreas was a close friend.

  Some of these people are probably at church to gossip about what happened, thought Ellen, wishing at the same time that she wasn’t so cynical. After all, no one knew Liv Lind in Stentuna. Not as far as they knew, anyway. Still, it was nice to see how people were coming together around this.

  She thought about Carola. Even though Ellen didn’t know her, it hurt to see her loneliness, which unfortunately was all too reminiscent of the way Ellen herself felt.

  It was only a couple of hours after Ellen and Carola had been talking that she’d been discharged, and apparently she was doing better.

  They had already done a short interview with one of the policemen who was at the church to answer questions from the general public. In the interview, he’d confirmed that the police had started swabbing people in Stentuna, but he didn’t want to say any more than that. Ellen assumed that they would start with the houses closest to the crime scene, anyone with previous convictions, and then work outwards.

  ‘Focus.’ Andreas thumped her on the side.

  She nodded and tried to collect herself. ‘Stentuna Church is staying open until ten o’clock tonight for those who want to talk. Inger, was this your initiative?’ Ellen extended the red mike with the white ‘4’ logo on it to the minister.

  ‘Yes, it was. People here are experiencing insecurity and they need to talk about it. The church is open to everyone.’

  ‘For the week, or as long as the need exists?’ Ellen asked.

  ‘I’m going to be here all evening, and there will also be professional help available later in the week for those who need it.’

  ‘That’ll do fine,’ Andreas whispered. ‘But try not to talk so fast. It sounds like you’re on speed. You can hardly hear what you’re saying.’

  ‘Sorry.’ She was out of it. It was lucky Andreas was so experienced and had patience with her. She tried to collect herself and speak more calmly.

  ‘As an example,’ Inger continued, ‘I’m currently trying to help with advice on how parents should talk to their children about what has happened.’

  The candles were lit in the church, but there were no photos of Liv Lind. There were two dozen people there. Some sat in the pews, and others were holding coffees and talking to each other. Ellen wished she could hear what they were saying and imagined that they were speculating wildly about what had happened. Someone had baked a jam roll, which was bein
g sold for five kronor a slice. The money went straight to the baker, it said on a little sign. Life goes on, and in the end, everyone takes care of their own interests, she thought.

  ‘We’ve noticed that people are dropping in at odd times during the day. Sven, you can make some more coffee, it looks like it’s out,’ Inger said to an older man who was picking up dishes from the coffee table and cutting up more slices of jam roll.

  Ellen and Andreas each took a cup of coffee. Andreas filmed some background images, and then stood in the shade out in the churchyard to do a surveying shot of the villagers.

  Lots of people were streaming towards the church. Some were curious about the TV crew, and a few recognised Ellen; others were just passing by, and some seemed almost afraid of the camera.

  The first person they found who would agree to be interviewed was Ulla Holm, a sixty-year-old taxi driver who had lived in the village since the eighties. They chatted while Andreas adjusted the camera.

  ‘Rolling,’ said Andreas.

  Ellen stretched and felt the sweat running down her back. ‘How do you feel about what happened?’

  ‘I’m really shaky. I haven’t been able to sleep properly, and I absolutely never go out alone in the evening any more. As soon as I get in the car, I lock it, and I’m more on guard when I’m driving, but I always have been, and I drive mainly in Nyköping.’

  ‘You’ve lived here in Stentuna for nearly forty years?’

  ‘Yes. The thought never occurred to us that such a thing could happen here. It feels immensely unsettling.’

  After her came a young couple from Germany who were on a cycling holiday in Södermanland. They were on their way into the church because they thought it looked sweet and were shocked when Ellen told them what had recently happened.

  An elderly couple walked past, but declined to take part. Ellen enquired about people’s observations in connection with the night in question. Some told her that the police had been going door to door in the area. Two sources offered information about a vehicle travelling west at high speed towards Stentuna from the direction of Nyköping. Another person had seen a car almost collide with another car. They all indicated that this had happened just after midnight.