Liv

by Mikaela Bley

  Liv had seemed completely untroubled, as if the whole thing was just like any other ordinary family dinner. Just a little quarrelling and shouting.

  There was something about Liv that Hanna had immediately disliked. She wasn’t sympathetic or agreeable. Not at all the kind of person she would have thought Stoffe would fall for.

  For the first time, she was experiencing for herself what it must have been like for Alexandra on that day thirteen years ago when Hanna had visited her and Stoffe — or Patrik, as his real name was — together for the first time. It had been like coming home to the perfect couple in the perfect house with the perfect garden. She remembered how she’d felt ashamed for coming in and ruining that family idyll. But at the same time there had been something titillating about it that she couldn’t deny.

  When she’d met Stoffe, which had been his alias on match.com, she’d known that he was married and had children, but she had always thought that he would leave Alexandra for her. When it then turned out they were both pregnant, he couldn’t leave Alexandra, and instead gave them an ultimatum.

  In the beginning, Alexandra had been furious, not just because they were expected to all co-exist, but also because Hanna was expecting her husband’s child. In the middle of it all, Alexandra had had a miscarriage, and Hanna had given birth to Karl. After that, they’d again gotten pregnant at the same time, this time with the girls, and this time it had worked out for Alexandra, too. At the start it had been an effort to say the least, before they’d found their routines and made it work.

  What would it have been like for Liv to come into their family? Would it have been easier when there were already two wives?

  Hanna had always wondered whether things would have been different if she hadn’t been pregnant when she’d been introduced to Alexandra. Now she understood that this was Stoffe’s tactic, as he’d waited to introduce Liv until she had passed week thirteen and there was no going back.

  Alexandra hadn’t said a word that evening.

  Hanna actually couldn’t imagine a better set-up, even if it was a controversial life choice. She just wished they didn’t have to hide. But adding one more — how would that work? What had he been thinking?

  But now Liv was no longer in the picture. Everything had happened so fast. What pained her the most was that Stoffe had had his own agenda, one she hadn’t been part of.

  She wished she could talk to Alexandra about her feelings, but unfortunately, they’d never become the girlfriends she’d read could arise in other polyamorous relationships.

  She didn’t actually like putting a label on their relationship. All it came down to was that she and Alexandra were in love with and lived with the same man.

  Sometimes, she fantasised about having sex with both of them. Not because she was turned on by Alexandra, but because she was curious. She wanted to see how they were with each other, get behind the facade and just give it a try. But she would never be brave enough to propose it.

  When they were all together, Hanna would observe Alexandra and Stoffe carefully. It was as if he was a different person with her. Alexandra was the first wife, and Hanna came in second place. But there were no sparks between Stoffe and Alexandra. What Hanna and Stoffe had was more passionate.

  She enjoyed it when he caressed her while Alexandra was watching, even if she knew it was wrong. It was always plain on Alexandra’s face that she didn’t like it.

  Once, Hanna had asked Stoffe to have sex with her as if she was Alexandra, and he’d gone along with it. The experience had been surprising to say the least. But presumably he’d just used it as an opportunity for some variety; she couldn’t possibly picture that they were so free in bed. Absolutely not. Alexandra didn’t have it in her.

  And then there were other things she wondered about. Sometimes, she would try to ask Stoffe about what it was like for them in Villastaden, but he never wanted to talk about it. She wanted to know what they talked about, what they did. Did they go to the gym together? Did he bring her breakfast in bed? Did they shower together?

  What was Patrik like? She only knew Stoffe.

  He was so different from all the previous boyfriends she’d had. From the very first date, he’d made her feel seen. He listened with interest to every word she said and discussed everything with such passion and imagination. He treated her with respect, and she fell headfirst for his gentlemanly behaviour — something she’d never thought was important to her.

  ‘I see you’ve arrived,’ Eva said, bringing her back to the present. ‘Haven’t you changed for dinner? In our family, we always dress nicely for dinner. Didn’t you do that in your family?’

  ‘Mama, stop,’ said Stoffe.

  ‘What a lovely job you’ve done,’ said Hanna amiably to Alexandra, observing the beautiful table setting. Everything was truly perfect. The silver glistened, and the glasses stood in straight lines. Sometimes, she didn’t understand how Stoffe could live with two such different women. She wondered what Liv had been like. She had, in any event, given them an impression of properness. It was just Hanna who was the sloppy one.

  ‘Shall we sit down?’ Alexandra asked, setting down a carafe of wine on the table.

  ‘It smells wonderful. Do you want us to sit in any particular places?’ Hanna tried.

  ‘No,’ said Alexandra, pointing nonchalantly at the places where she and Patrik would sit, then the rest could seat themselves as they wished.

  Hanna sat down across from Stoffe. Today, she also had the honour of sitting next to her mother-in-law.

  The children also took their seats around the table.

  ‘Where’s Bea?’ Hanna asked, hoping that she wasn’t at home.

  Alexandra shrugged. ‘She knows we’re eating now, so she’ll probably come soon.’

  ‘She’s in her room,’ said Karl in a voice cracking with voice-change falsetto. There was something like desire in his eyes when he mentioned his older sister’s name, something that Hanna wished she didn’t have to see.

  They started to serve up the food. Hanna handed out the quiches and took a few crayfish.

  After a while, Stoffe raised his voice. ‘I want us all to hold a minute of silence, considering what happened, and then I don’t want to talk any more about it. Ever. Is that understood?’

  There was silence around the table. Hanna slipped her hand under the table and caressed his thigh.

  The minute of silence was interrupted by Bea, who stormed into the dining room. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Calm down. Where have you been?’ asked Stoffe.

  Bea didn’t answer and sat down on the vacant chair beside Karl.

  ‘There’s quiche and crayfish if you want some.’ Alexandra stood up and served her older daughter as if she were her servant. Sometimes, it seemed as though Alexandra was afraid of Bea. Hanna understood her, considering how the girl behaved.

  ‘Stop, I’m not hungry.’ Bea shoved Alexandra’s hand away.

  ‘But you have to eat.’

  If Alexandra could just sit down and let it go before it all explodes, thought Hanna. The mood around the table was oppressive enough as it was.

  ‘No, I said. Are you hard of hearing, or what?’

  Hanna shuddered and looked once again over at Alice, who was sitting all curled up on the other side of Bea.

  ‘I’m not going to sit here and pretend that this is normal. It’s disgusting. You’re sleeping with the same man. Don’t you get that people are finding out?! Do you know how bullied we would be? And now there’s something about Liv in every newspaper and all over the internet.’ Hanna could see the way her lips were quivering, and she knew that Bea thought she was just as disgusting as Liv.

  Bea stood up so that her chair fell backwards, and she ran out of the room.

  ‘You have to punish her,’ Eva said distantly, putting a piece of quiche in her mouth.

 
‘How is that, Mama? Do you have some suggestions?’ Stoffe still sounded irritated, but collected.

  ‘You and I can discuss it privately.’

  Alexandra put her knife and fork down on her plate so that it clanged. ‘No, bring it up now. I have the right to be present when you’re talking about my daughter.’

  ‘Whatever it is, I hope it doesn’t involve violence,’ said Hanna.

  The rest of the dinner continued in silence. When the children left the table, Alexandra got up to clear the dishes. Hanna knew she ought to help her, but she felt completely exhausted and slightly nauseated.

  ‘Sit down,’ said Stoffe.

  Alexandra did as he said.

  ‘Today that journalist was here again. In our house.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Calm down, Alexandra.’ He looked at Hanna. ‘She recognised me as your partner.’

  ‘I see. Then it’s all over.’ Alexandra released her arms and let them hang by her sides, as if the battle was lost.

  ‘What does it matter, really? Maybe it’s just as well,’ said Hanna, but in truth she didn’t agree with herself. She knew that if people found out how they lived, it would harm both her children and herself. She ate the last of the quiche, even though she was bursting.

  ‘Didn’t you send those emails to TV4?’ Alexandra asked, agitated.

  ‘Yes, from Culturum, so that it wouldn’t be possible to trace them to us. But somehow that journalist found her way here anyway.’

  ‘You did what, you said?’ Hanna stared at her husband. ‘Why didn’t we go to the police immediately and tell them what was going on?’ She could feel the noose being pulled tighter and wished she’d told her part of the truth from the beginning. Now it was too late.

  ‘Well, what is going on? Can you explain it to me? According to the journalist, Bea has been harassing her,’ Stoffe said, sounding irritated.

  ‘What!’ Alexandra covered her mouth.

  ‘That fucking brat.’ Hanna couldn’t hold it in.

  ‘How can you say that about my daughter?’

  ‘I heard at school that the police have started questioning children in connection with the murder of Liv. Soon, they’re going to ask our kids, too.’ Hanna tried to suppress all thoughts of the apology note, the break-in, and Liv’s phone. ‘Did you have sex with Liv the day she was murdered?’ Hanna turned to Stoffe.

  ‘Hanna, that’s not something I want to discuss with you or anyone else around this table.’

  ‘I think it concerns all of us, because they found sperm on her, and they’re assuming that she was raped. The police are swabbing men in Stentuna. Plus, my boss Johan said that he’d seen Liv’s car outside our house. He even has pictures from the surveillance cameras at the school that can confirm that she was in Stentuna the Friday before she was murdered — you know, when she drove us home after the Friday family get-together.’

  ‘Stop now,’ Eva raised her voice. ‘Not another word!’

  Everyone fell silent.

  After dinner, Hanna and Alexandra put the food away without a word to each other.

  Stoffe was sitting down with Eva on one of the couches in the living room.

  As Hanna was carrying the dishes into the kitchen, she tried to hear what they were talking about.

  ‘You have to hold your family together. Why don’t you just take the kids home to Bosängen? They probably need to get away from all this.’

  ‘I have a job that I’m responsible for, I can’t just leave.’

  ‘You have to be able to manage your family. There’s an art to having multiple wives. Maybe you need to be away from them for a while.’ Eva placed her hand on his thigh.

  Hanna couldn’t watch any more and instead went back to Alexandra, who was handwashing the big serving dishes that didn’t fit in the dishwasher.

  ‘That woman is not completely healthy. She scares me. I don’t understand how you can stand having her here. Just think if she takes our children with her — I heard how they were talking.’

  ‘Do we have any choice?’ Alexandra looked dejected. ‘I wouldn’t think that you, who are always so wise and educated, would have any problem with her.’

  ‘She despises us — me in any case. She wants Stoffe, or Patrik, for herself. She’s jealous of us, and now she seems to be seizing her opportunity. I don’t trust her.’ Hanna leant against the kitchen counter and immediately regretted what she’d said. Typical of her to talk so unreservedly about everything. Once Hanna opened herself up to Alexandra, it always seemed like she told her everything, while Alexandra never shared any of her thoughts. ‘Alexandra,’ she whispered. ‘Can’t we talk this over together?’

  At that same moment, Eva walked into the kitchen, and Alexandra didn’t have time to answer. It was as if their mother-in-law didn’t like them talking to each other. As if that weakened her position.

  ‘Would you move, please.’

  Alexandra stepped aside, and Eva went up to the sink and rinsed her hand.

  ‘I got stung by a wasp during dinner, you see.’

  ‘Oh my,’ said Hanna.

  ‘But I didn’t say anything … One shouldn’t trouble others with one’s pain.’

  Hanna stared at her swollen hand.

  Who does things like that?

  SATURDAY, 23 AUGUST

  ELLEN

  8.00 A.M.

  Everyone in the editorial office had their eyes on Agatha when she came out of Jimmy’s office and went back to her workstation. The terminations were happening on a conveyor belt, or ‘re-orgs’, as they were also called. Linear TV was losing viewers, and the market was tight. Everyone in the office was probably feeling a sense of relief that it wasn’t them this time, just as most of them were probably afraid they’d be next in line to be called in.

  Ellen sneaked a glance at Jimmy in the glass cage. He looked collected and focused, staring at his screen, and seemed untouched by the mood out on the floor.

  Agatha was sitting at her workstation, avoiding the eyes of the others. She knew that everyone in the newsroom would gather around her and ask the unavoidable questions if she showed the slightest emotion.

  In that second, Ellen’s phone rang. The display said Jimmy. She looked over at his office, where he was still staring at his screen, now with the phone pressed against his ear.

  She answered, and hoped that no one could tell that it was him calling. ‘Hi.’

  ‘Hi. Can you come into my office?’

  ‘Now?’ Was that a good idea? What did he want? And why did his voice sound so cold? Was it her turn now? It just couldn’t be. Jimmy would have warned her beforehand if that was the case, even if their relationship was complicated.

  The path across the floor felt long, and she imagined that the whole office would have now moved their focus from Agatha to her.

  She carefully opened the glass door, straightened up, and went in.

  Jimmy said hello without raising his eyes from the screen. ‘Can you be on News Morning in fifteen minutes to talk about the Stentuna murder?’

  You could at least look at me when you ask, she wanted to say, admittedly relieved that this meant she wasn’t going to lose her job right now. ‘So now you think it’s interesting enough to be on News Morning?’

  Jimmy raised his eyes and leant back in his chair. Put his hands behind his neck and stretched. ‘This thing with the child angle is interesting. What do you think? It’s been almost a week since the murder. What are the police saying? Have you found anything else? I saw that you were in here early.’

  Ellen had already left Örelo by six o’clock so that she could check out all the loose threads, but unfortunately, she hadn’t cleared up any of them. The tabloids had written about the possible child-suspect angle, but it had been mostly speculation. The police still didn’t want to comment. The only thing she knew was tha
t Patrik Bosängen was fifty-one years old, a plastic surgeon at the City Clinic, had been married to Alexandra for the past twenty years, and lived in Östra Villastaden. He had two children, Beatrice, who was fifteen, and Märtha, who was seven. But Ellen couldn’t drop the thought that it was the same man who had been with Hanna and introduced himself as her partner. And what did Bea have to do with all of it? The complaints against Ellen must have come from Patrik. Were he and Hanna having a relationship behind Alexandra’s back? And how did it fit together with Liv? Ellen didn’t understand any of it, but thought of how easy it had been for Jimmy to deceive both her and his girlfriend, Jeanette.

  ‘I’m not keeping up.’ She sat down on the chair opposite. ‘The other day in the editing office, and now …’

  ‘I apologise, I shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t nice to either of us. I don’t know, I just got so shook up, seeing you again …’ He cast a glance towards Editorial, as if they could hear what was being said there, in the cage. ‘Anything else new about the murder?’

  She didn’t have the energy to comment on his change of subject. Ellen shook her head. ‘I got hold of Liv’s sister, Sara. She has agreed to do an interview and release Liv’s name and picture to help move the investigation along. Andreas and I are seeing her this afternoon.’

  ‘What do the police say about that?’

  ‘They’re sceptical, but what can they say? They’re fumbling blindly and not getting anywhere.’ Carola didn’t like it, but Ellen had persisted and managed to convince Sara.

  ‘Good. Isn’t it time we get this on Crime Scene Sweden? It sounds like you need some help. Talk to them.’

  It was almost comical how indifferent Jimmy was acting, and Ellen felt an inner strength come out of nowhere and asked, ‘Did you fire Agatha?’

  ‘No. Why would I have done that?’ He looked out across the room where everyone was sitting and staring into his office. ‘Is that what everyone thinks? Just because she was in here? I asked her to help me with some administrative aspects when there isn’t so much research work.’